How do I treat my boss with respect?

When she's being negative about me and my colleagues(always appearance, never work) I have to bite my lip to stop myself from saying anything derogatory to her.

She seems to be having big issues. Not exactly a textbook case of good leadership..
I dunno what you can do other than "let it in one ear and out the other" like people here say..

Yeah it sounds like a defence mechanism some people do that because they can't bear the thought that everyone thinks they are miserable. Or they don't think they could ever do anything about their weight, inside they feel helpless and out of control so they try to put on the happy show to protect themselves from facing what they are scared of. It's the old if you don't try you'll never fail trick.

If it really bothers you then be assertive with her, ask her nicely not to be negative about your weight loss because you can't risk anyone dragging you down and keeping you from your success.

On the other hand maybe understanding her a little will help you to simply ignore her. I'm sure all your colleagues realize what's going on.

Good luck
Ally

Just tell yourself that she is jealous and smile sweetly. I find that when people are rude to me (I work with the public so they are rude on a daily basis!) the best way to counter their attack is to be as utterly polite as possible. It shows them up for the insecure, unhappy, ignorant person that they are.

A friend of mine does this because she is obviously threatened by me. When I was bigger, she would show me up in front of others by referring to me as 'hefty' or saying how much weight I'd put on. I'm having the last laugh now!

People belittle others to make themselves feel better. From a psychological point of view, she's trying to transfer the negative feelings she has about herself on to you. No matter how bad she makes you feel, keep in mind that she will feel worse!

I know it's easier said than done, but rise above it. She's jealous!

A friend of mine does this because she is obviously threatened by me. When I was bigger, she would show me up in front of others by referring to me as 'hefty' or saying how much weight I'd put on. I'm having the last laugh now!

Crikey that's some 'friend' you have!! Are you sure you used the right word there?

I would say leave well alone...I have found some members of my family to not even mention my weight loss...but that's down to jealousy...I don't let it wind me up...my closest friends and family have congratulated me so often, it makes up for the negative people.

You don't want to risk your job over an issue which has nothing to do with work. She is your boss, and therefore naturally deserves respect. The way she is suggests she has a huge issue with her weight and this is just a coping mechanism. There were times when I told myself that I was happy at nearly 200lbs, but looking back now, I wasn't happy at all.

Plus, when someone says something derogatory to you, the way you can really get their backs up, is by showing that they have not affected you at all...laugh or say "well at least I have an excuse to go on a full on shopping spree now...non of my clothes fit".

This is not weight wars and you should not become involved to as you will belowing yourself to levels of your boss. Enjoy your weight loss and the compliments you get...ignore the negativity :flowerforyou:

I can't really add much to what people have already said...I'm currently 326 lb's and outwardly a "happy fatty" but inside yeah I guess it burns, no matter how much tell myself and others otherwise so I can appreciate where she's coming from but that in no way excuses her from being derogatory.

I'm not sure exactly what kinds of things she says about your appearence, but you could always start 'running' with her comment so that she's not in the position of power with it anymore and it turns it into a bit of a silly joke, so faor example...

She says your diet is going slowly or isn't working... say yeah the cake fairy keeps coming to visit...
She says you look fat...say yeah I ate well over my calorie limit in carrots last night in a mega binge
She says you look too skinny...say yeah but nothing tastes better than skinny feels
She says you're going to waste away on your diet say...I know, I'm gonna be positively annorexic!

Some of those may not be suitable depending on your relationship with this woman, but you get the idea, banter along with it. While she is making comments like these she is in a a position of power over you and she knows it, she is in the judge's seat, but as soon as you make her comment into a joke it looses it's power and she just looks like a desperate ***** trying fruitlessly to pull you down, and she'll know it too. That should get her off your back

i feel more sorry for her than for you - no offence. She is clearly either sick psychologically or jealous She deserves your pity for being so damned unhappy that she would go around making others feel bad. It's a classic form of transference - put the way you feel onto whomever you're dealing with - people even do it with their pets. She probably calls her cat too thin or too fat or too ugly or whatever she's feeling at the time. Also she will likely become sick and even die before you because she's so morbidly obese - obesity is definitely a disease - as we all know. She's got it too no matter how she supposedly feels on the subject. I'm sooo sure you're fed up and feel disrespected by someone you wish to have respect for you. Having a boss put you down for ANY reason makes one feel horrible and since she does this regularly then it's a shame that all of you have to go thru this all the time - be thankful that she only comes in every so often and not everyday - can you imagine having to deal with that everyday - YUCK.

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this but i think it's best to let it slide off your back and be thankful you're not in her shoes. Have a good day tomarrow.

Please be careful with your posts on this website...there are some fantastic people on this site who weight 300 - 600lbs....who are doing an amazing job at becoming healthier. please remember this when posting...although you were trying to help, you could be hindering the journey of someone else.

She hasn't said anything personal since then, and I have now asked if my appraisal could be confined to my work productivity rather than personal comments about my appearance.

It is completely inappropriate for a performance review to include anything other than work performance. Especially in today's business climate, I find it difficult to believe that any company would tolerate comments on personal appearance, particularly on a performance review. If this is truly happening, you should consider discussing it with your HR (Human Resources) department. I can tell you that in the U.S., it could be considered discrimination.

Great job! I know it is so hard to bite your tongue, but kill her with kindness... And just remember that you are doing this for yourself and it doesn't matter what other people think/say

Just a quick update on the situation with my boss.
Funny after all her snide comments about me looking tired,drawn and ill, her assistant rang me on another matter late yesterday evening and said "She told me you look stunning, you've lost tons of weight! How have you done it?" Now WHY couldn't she have said that to my face?:sad:

Shall I email the boss the link to this website?! Hmmm. As long as she doesn't send me a friend request I'll cope I guess:bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Well! So it was jealousy fueling her remarks. There are ways you can help her on the sly - have you though about creating a health and fitness group at your office? You can start an email newsletter with health and fitness tips an send it out to all of your colleagues, including your boss. Do you have access to a Sharepoint site or does your company have an intranet where you and your colleagues can set up fitness tips, recipes, etc. that would be accessible by anyone?

Our company has healthy initiatives that encourage people to get healthy and fit. Recently, they've begun periodic 'challenges' that run for 6 weeks at a time, where you track daily how many minutes you exercise, how many glasses of water you drink, how many servings of fruits and vegetables, pedometer steps and your weight. Folks form teams of 10 or less and then at the end of the week team rankings are posted so you can see how your team stacked up. It's a good start, I think! In conjunction with it, I send out daily emails with health and fitness tips to my team members to help keep them motivated and hopefully, point them in the right direction with regard to their diet and exercise.

Anyway, just a thought for you. It seems like the more you can help folks understand, the more inclined they are to jump on the bandwagon and stay on (which is why I love, love, love MFP!).

Good luck - and congrats on looking so FAB!

No one can make you feel (good or bad) without your permission. You control how you feel and respond to any outside influence.

Smile and be confident about your achivements. No one can take them from you.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Just a quick update on the situation with my boss.
Funny after all her snide comments about me looking tired,drawn and ill, her assistant rang me on another matter late yesterday evening and said "She told me you look stunning, you've lost tons of weight! How have you done it?" Now WHY couldn't she have said that to my face?:sad:

Shall I email the boss the link to this website?! Hmmm. As long as she doesn't send me a friend request I'll cope I guess:bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Your boss is evidently having a difficult time dealing with her own demons, and you just may be the catalyst to spark a change for the better for her. When people are practicing self-destructive behavior, (which is what many of us do when we overeat), they often need to reach that "AHA!" moment before they can start healing. If I were you, I would treat the woman with the respect she deserves as your boss and expect the same in return. Unless her remarks go too far and you are reaching the stage where you cannot take it anymore. Then you need to decide if it's bad enough to address the issue with HR or her superiors.

In the meantime, remember the old saying "Living well is the best revenge." And, if she comes around and asks for advice on getting healthy, that's the time to show who is the better person. You may just save her from herself. But I wouldn't open that door unless she knocks first.

Great advice from everybody here.