TDEE -20% & eating disorder - experiences?

Options
lua_
lua_ Posts: 258 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi,

I've been putting off making this post for a while now, but after reading this post http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp I've been inspired to write one myself (Thanks, vpetryshyn!)

I have had an eating disorder since I was 12 and after spending the last few years in a binge eating, purging and starvation cycle I ended up about 30lbs overweight. Not going to go into detail because this isn't what this post is about. Over the past few months I have been successfully losing weight eating 1000 calories on my 'good' days. Netting between 500-100 depending on whether I exercised or not. Please don't tell me how unhealthy this is, I know that. I can't believe I actually used to eat 1000 calories on a 'binge' day...:noway: I have lost 16lbs so far, now I'm only 11lbs overweight. However I am back in that restriction/binge/purge cycle.
I am seeking therapy about my eating disorder, because for the first time in my life I don't want to be too skinny. For those with an eating disorder, you'll understand why the sentence "I don't want to be too skinny" has taken every fibre of my body to write. Voice in my head telling me I need to be too skinny again, losing weight slowly will suck, blah blah blah. Bull****. I want to be fit and healthy, and have a body I'm proud of. I want to treat my body with the respect it deserves, and I want to not be tortured by my own mind 24/7. I have fallen in love with running and this is honestly what has inspired me to take care of my body, because I want to run faster. I want to lift heavy and run long distances and fuel my body to do everything. I don't want to be exhausted all day.

Because of the binges, I have probably averaged about 1500-1700 for the past few weeks, and that's a guess. Less on some days, much more on others. Now for the fun part! I want to do TDEE -20%, which puts my calorie intake between 2221-2563 calories a day when I exercise 4 and 7 days a week respectively. I currently run 4-5 times a week and want to start heavy lifting 3 times a week on the days I'm not running, which is where the '7 days' comes from. I think eating 1777 calories to start with is a good idea, then if I feel like it's too little, I'll up it. I'm absolutely terrified by the idea of choosing to eat this much per day, even though I've eaten this and more on binge days. I know it's not even a huge amount.

So, I seem to have a plan in place. Only, I know my body will take a little while to adjust to actually being consistently fed, and I'm scared I'll gain a lot of weight, so I want to do this gradually. I don't start university for another month, which should give me time to sort this out (I'd like to be eating enough when I go back so I can actually concentrate on studying, instead of wanting to lie down all day after exercise). I've set my calories to 1200 a day at the moment, and next week I'll up it to 1300. Does this seem like a good approach so I don't gain a lot of weight? I'm not going to weigh myself until right before I go back, I'd ideally like to ditch the scale and concentrate on inches.

I'm sure a lot of people here have upped their calories to TDEE-20% after VLCD's and/or ED behaviour, could anyone please share tips/stories with me? :smile:

Thank you for reading this post, and I appreciate any advice.

Replies

  • spirit05
    spirit05 Posts: 204 Member
    Options
    I have had an ED since I was 15, now at 50 I have mostly got a handle on it. It has been hard to accept that eating more food is necessary to lose but I am trusting the process and so far I have not been disappointed.
    About once a month I still catch myself panicking about the amount that I eat and I have to convince myself that eating more is the appropriate thing to do if I want to continue seeing results. In the last 6 months I have lost 55 lb. and over 40 inches so I KNOW that eating more is working.
    I follow IIFYM and TDEE -20%. It absolutely works!
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
    Options
    I cannot help you with the TDEE. Sorry.

    I wanted to comment how strong I think you are in writing and posting this. The fact that you want something different takes a lot of courage. :flowerforyou:

    Good luck to you!!

    Hugs.
  • lua_
    lua_ Posts: 258 Member
    Options
    I have had an ED since I was 15, now at 50 I have mostly got a handle on it. It has been hard to accept that eating more food is necessary to lose but I am trusting the process and so far I have not been disappointed.
    About once a month I still catch myself panicking about the amount that I eat and I have to convince myself that eating more is the appropriate thing to do if I want to continue seeing results. In the last 6 months I have lost 55 lb. and over 40 inches so I KNOW that eating more is working.
    I follow IIFYM and TDEE -20%. It absolutely works!
    [/quote

    Well done on being in control of your ED :smile:
    The most frustrating thing about this situation is that I absolutely know what is the best approach to take. I know the science behind it and I know that this is the way healthy minded people lose weight! I just can't get past the constant thoughts of 'you could be eating less' :embarassed: I know therapy will help with that, but my mind likes to be irrational and pictures images of me gaining all of that weight I lost back, if I don't get back to netting 500-1000 cals a day. *kitten* eating disorders, seriously.
  • lua_
    lua_ Posts: 258 Member
    Options
    I cannot help you with the TDEE. Sorry.

    I wanted to comment how strong I think you are in writing and posting this. The fact that you want something different takes a lot of courage. :flowerforyou:

    Good luck to you!!

    Hugs.

    Thank you so much :flowerforyou: I'm still in the mindset of 'you're too fat for the therapist to take you seriously', so reading such a lovely comment really motivates me. Take care :)
  • MrsFowler1069
    MrsFowler1069 Posts: 657 Member
    Options
    I don't actually know the answer, but I don't know why a gradual increase wouldn't work just fine. That's what I've heard others say in discussing finding their correct levels during maintenance and bulking.

    Really what I wanted to say was congratulations for facing all of this and doing the right things, even more so because they are difficult. I hope you get all the answers you're looking for, but I think you've found the most important ones already.

    Thanks for sharing.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Options
    I think the TDEE-20% is a great idea! You might have fallen of the wagon because 1000 was too low, and left you hungry and more susceptible to bingeing.
  • HWeatherholt
    HWeatherholt Posts: 283 Member
    Options
    I know tdee -20 works for a lot of people.

    I am at 1300 calories to lose 2 a week according to mfp. I'm going to keep it at that until I stall then find my tdee and work my way up to that just so I don't feel like I made a huge jump in calories and am going to gain it all back.

    As far as lifting heavy, have you read New Rules of Lifting for Women. It has some great ideas and workouts that with just a few moves you can work all the muscles in your body. It also has some suggestions for your calorie intake, especially on days you are lifting.

    I got my copy at B&N.

    You can also find some information about the plan and workout in a group here in mfp. (Ill add the link in a few). And if you are into tracking things with apps, there is an app called jefit that is a weight lifting tracking app and you can create your own workouts or download workouts others have created, including the NROLFW.
  • HWeatherholt
    HWeatherholt Posts: 283 Member
    Options

    You can also find some information about the plan and workout in a group here in mfp. (Ill add the link in a few). And if you are into tracking things with apps, there is an app called jefit that is a weight lifting tracking app and you can create your own workouts or download workouts others have created, including the NROLFW.

    Here is the link to the mfp group...http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/2553-new-rules-of-lifting-for-women
  • stephv38
    stephv38 Posts: 203 Member
    Options
    So I have heard that your plan of slowly adding calories, such as 100 daily cals per week (1400 a day one week then 1500 a day the next week) is a good way to go. Also I would really encourage you to make your calories clean foods. Nia Shanks talks alot about this. In fact I linked to an article that she did- and she has many more that are on clean eating but this one specifically talks about her own struggle with disordered eating. I linked to her article in my post here:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088576-this-really-happened-and-a-ps-by-nia-shanks
  • HWeatherholt
    HWeatherholt Posts: 283 Member
    Options
    Also, if you already doing it, it smaller meals throughout tithe day. I have a hard time doing it because of my work schedules but I try to eat smaller meals whenever possible knowing I can eat again later if I get hungry. And I changed my food diary labels to 12a-4a, 4a-8a, 8a-12p, etc, to help with reminding me to do that as well as often times my lunch is at 330 or 4 rather then a more traditional time.
  • lua_
    lua_ Posts: 258 Member
    Options
    Thanks for all the replies
  • hannahpistolas
    hannahpistolas Posts: 290 Member
    Options
    MAJOR kudos for this.

    Just try to take things day by day. It's hard. You're talking about years of severe psychological damage that you're undoing.

    I've been through it, too... If you ever need an ear, I'm here!
  • lua_
    lua_ Posts: 258 Member
    Options
    MAJOR kudos for this.

    Just try to take things day by day. It's hard. You're talking about years of severe psychological damage that you're undoing.

    I've been through it, too... If you ever need an ear, I'm here!

    Thanks lovely :) I'll add you. It's difficult for me to see this as "years of severe psychological damage" because I haven't been underweight in about 5 years, so my mind sees that as being "unsuccessful" in my ED...ugh :explode: I need to keep reminding myself that a starve/binge/purge cycle, doing one or the other for several weeks or months at a time, is not a normal way to live. My recent panicked moments have me planning to restrict "just until I drop another 10-20lbs" before starting to take care of my body, because the prospect of losing 2lbs a week when I could be losing 3-5 makes me incredibly anxious. If it were that simple, just to restrict and never gain anything back, I wouldn't be on MFP in the first place!
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
    Options
    One of the most impressive and moving things I've ever read on here.

    You've been through the mill and now you are heading in the right direction and regaining control of your life.

    Awesome. Well done. :-)

Categories