being fat limits people? well, being healthy limits me....

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I was watching biggest loser last night and one of the contestants said that he avoids get together with friends and sits on the couch shoving an entire pizza in his face instead, bc is shames him to go out w ppl. well, i have just the opposite problem. I KNOW how to eat and act to be healthy and get fit... the problem is, this totally contradicts w the lifestyle of the young urban single professional that i am.... It goes kinda of like this....
ALTERNATIVE 1 i am waking up at 7 everyday, working out 1.5 hours, watching what I eat, and preeeeettty much avoiding the whole world... this makes my body good, but i just get lonely and generally in a bad mental state....
ORRRR ALTERNATIVE 2 i am going out, partying & being social, meeting tons of people, boozin it up, skipping workouts, and seeing it creep up when my pants don't fit the same anymore..... cue general depression, self hatred and guilt.

how does one balance?
I dont seem to know how.
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Replies

  • lee112780
    lee112780 Posts: 419 Member
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    hehe kinda have to agree with u there! I love not worrying about how many cals Im eating, COUNTING everything, ect. I wonder how much time I spend counting and logging. I do like to work out though.
  • fitbot
    fitbot Posts: 406
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    i do too, i LOVE working out. but its like... either one or the other. so i am constantly yoyoing and not getting any real results.
    :(
  • katschy
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    Sounds like an excuse. If you're a young professional as you claim, surely you know some people who aren't constantly partying and sucking back liquor; make friends who aren't going to tempt you to sabotage your own efforts :)
  • Amandac6772
    Amandac6772 Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I completely understand. I'm not wanting to go to a conference because, frankly, it's just and excuse for professionals in my field to get together and drink, party, etc. I'm afraid it will throw me completely off track but I do need the training that is at the conference.

    Take a baby step...go out for a short evening with friends...instead of beer, try rum and diet coke. Alcohol will dull you inhibitions so maybe just have the diet coke and hang with friends.
  • trud72
    trud72 Posts: 1,912 Member
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    surely if you go out dancing try to kurb the drinking a bit(alot)! and do lots of dancing for the exersice!!
  • championnfl
    championnfl Posts: 324 Member
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    Fit,
    It is all about balance! Make neither area an obession. Who says you can't be with friends,party and have a great time without drinking,over eating etc???:drinker:
    Down the road you will be glad you had a healthy lifestyle and not have medical probems arise because of not taking care of yourself.:heart:
    So pick yourself up and live your life the way you want to,life is all about making correct choices!!!:smile:
  • DeeZaster
    DeeZaster Posts: 18 Member
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    Maybe instead of "boozing it up" so to speak you should be finding people who are interested in the active things you do.. gym buddies.. jogging buddies, etc.
    Someone who'd rather go eat sushi vs. McDonalds..
    Being active shouldn't confine you! It should do the opposite!
    You could always go to a bar and drink diet pop or a redbull and just dance your a** off instead of getting *kitten* faced.. Just because everyone else is drinking shouldn't be reason enough for you to, aswell.
    If you're a follower like that I guess we can't help you much though. Its your call really.
    If others choose to live unhealthy lifestyles, it doesn't mean you should throw everything out the window and just get in where you fit in, otherwise all of us should just give up and pork out with each other- seeing as how "obesity" is apparently an epidemic and everyone "is doing it" lol.
    And if you REALLY wanna go out on a limb, you could technically do both. Not sure if you're in a committed relationship or not, but if not you could do what most people do.. Drink ur face off and go home with a random.. have wild sex and burn off all the booze calories! (that was JUST a JOKE!!- it just holds an ounce of thruth) =P
    You could join yoga classes or anything like that too- its a great way to get out, meet new people, have fun, AND stay fit.

    You're not really doomed, I think you're just being skeptical about your alternatives and thinking on the wrong level of things. ;)
  • Melanie1967
    Melanie1967 Posts: 238 Member
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    Ouc....but so true katschy. You need to determine which is more important, you friends you have now or your health. At 43, with the problems I am having now, wish I would have chosen my health when I was younger instead of the partying eat what you want, drink what you dare crowd! Your choice!!
  • Melanie1967
    Melanie1967 Posts: 238 Member
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    Opppps....OUCH!
  • Iwillxceed
    Iwillxceed Posts: 20 Member
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    I dion't stop going to parties and events, I just eat what I know is good forme and drink my wine, or you can have vodka with diet dr pepper cause it's a low carb drink. I have started picking out restaurants when my (skinny) boyfriend and I go out. So instead of him picking some super high in fat restaurant, I will pick something like Sweet Tomatoes where they have a fabulous salad bar and delicious sweet potatoes, and soups.........so he chooses the fattening stuff and I get the lower fat choices in the salads and soups. As far as haning out with people that want to party their butts off and eat and drink, I think I am becoming an influence on them to party like you wanna live instead of partying like a rock star!
  • mangorabbit
    mangorabbit Posts: 219 Member
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    Perhaps some time management?

    I can understand wanting to go and do 'the fun stuff' that all your cohorts are doing, but perhaps not every night?

    There is something to be said for knowing that you are going to have to drag your (possibly hungover) butt out of bed at 7AM the next day to encourage moderation in both the drinking and the amount of time spent hanging at the bar/club/restaurant/etc. This is not to say you should not go, but if you feel like fitness is ruining your social life, work at finding ways of combining the two, or at least mixing them.

    Do you go straight out after work? No time for a gym visit before going out? Depending on your work and schedule, there is always the option of squeezing in something quick at lunchtime too!

    Find some other people in your area that are interested in some physical activites and hang with them as well as the current crew - mix it up a bit and see if it helps!

    We all make choices based on what we want most - generally (it seems to me) the people of MFP are focused on a healthy lifestyle, but it does not have to be to the exclusion of all else. If you want to go out, and feel that not going is not an option, just set your fitness goals accordingly - it will take more time to shed the weight and build the muscle. It can be done, but you will not see results as quickly or dramatically.
  • LastFighter
    LastFighter Posts: 175 Member
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    How I balance it, instead of avoiding the social gatherings I embrace them as I would of normally. I noticed myself cutting back on certain thing i.e. what I order at a restaurant. I play on a rugby team 4 months of the year and I still drank with the team, if I went over board I would punish myself in the gym. I tracked to the best of my ability and I earned what I did do bad. I would of loved to not have had beers on several occasions but due to social pressure I often gave in (someone buying you a beer). Just work it off.
  • nez574
    nez574 Posts: 10 Member
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    i am the same as this, i work full time, i have to train every day and its no less then 1 and half hours as i love it. but also love going out with friends. with the training i have set time every day, with the going out maybe you could involve your friends in abit of fittest, i.e do a circuit session for them, go for a run with the them, thats what im doing at the minute its great, its helping my training and i know im helping them out aswel. instead of going out drinking with them arrange to do something else with them i.e paint balling, go karting, remember ! you have to have a live outside the GYM
  • fitbot
    fitbot Posts: 406
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    to one of the first posters, it is NOT excuses. I love a healthy lifestyle and love working out. I also love being fit. i am asking for help, bc I want to figure out how to BALANCE both my lifestyles.
    The crap part is, that even my work networking is always alcohol based ( i am in the fashion industry, this = lots of parties, lots of networking, lots of champagne). After 3 months of avoiding or limiting alcohol at company dinners, finally i am not being met with 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO WINE?????????' when I ask for water at dinner. trust me, this would be easy as pie if i was a mom in the burbs.
    I am slowly working thru the issues, and trying to figure out how to balance. In my 20s i could do both without any issues (party till 4 am, then go run 5 km the next morning). My work sched is very flexible as I am a creative, so i get to decide when I work out. As for friends who are into healthy lifestyle, this is tough to do in the city I currently live in. I have health friends in other cities where I live part time. I am fairly new in the town i am living in and it is harder to have those 'low investment' relationships, the ones where you can just watch shows in your tracky pants. most of my current friendships are still in the 'early dating' phases...
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
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    I've been where you are. When I first started running and eating well, my mother and husband at the time gave me a hard time. The pounds started dropping, and they didn't really need to, and no one could understand why I was doing what I was doing.

    That man is no longer my husband (this wasn't the reason really), and I finally had to sit my mother down and tell her that if she couldn't be supportive, than just don't bring up the subject. I'm doing this for me - my self - esteem, my health, my confidence. Not for her. Not to lose weight.

    She now leaves me alone about it.

    And now I'm married to a wonderful, supportive man who encourages my work outs when I'm feeling unmotivated. He also accomodates my healthy eating. He's even changed the way he eats because of me. Well, to an extent, :laugh:. We compromised on 2% milk instead of the whole he used to drink, we mostly eat fish and chicken, and if he wants a steak, he'll make me chicken right beside it without even asking because he knows I won't eat it. My stepdaughter even started doing yoga with me!

    If people really care about you, they'll be supportive. Even my in-laws, who are from the south and don't think much about calories or fat or carbs, accomodate me at family gatherings and don't get offended if I skip the dessert they made. Tell people why you aren't eating those fried cheese sticks. Tell people why you're only having one glass of wine.

    You don't have to drink and eat everything everyone else is to fit in. If you feel like you do, then you're in the wrong crowd. Friends and family should support and encourage, even if they don't share your lifestyle.
  • PlumCrazyGirl
    PlumCrazyGirl Posts: 1,463 Member
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    You've got a tough one here. From reading the posts, folks are just full of advice for you.
    I'm going to be the one who says .... Yup, it's tough.

    I'm not in the same industry as you; however, I have been to several professional events where if you didn't have a drink in your hand you were looked upon "unfavorably."

    Now my employer is very strict w/fitness requirements. Easily loss of job if don't pass the physical fitness requirements.
    So, if you're not always working out in your spare time or eating salad, you're looked upon "unfavorably."

    Hello, some of us have other family & volunteer committments that I can not spend all my free time w/ dumb bells.

    Yes, I'm sure there will be posts reading something like if your job is important you'll make the time to work out.
    Yes, I do.... but the not amount of hours my superiors do (who have no small children at home or wife does not work or has "people" to care for house/yard)
  • turbojanem
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    being young is tough. all i wanted to do when i was in my 20's was hang out in the bars. and i did. by 30 i was in a size 18 for our wedding. not fun.
    thankfully we moved 3 weeks after our wedding and i got out of that group of friends. that is not possible for most people. or maybe it is and we don't realize it's time for a change in our lives. anyways....
    my suggestion to you...make friends at the gym! find those that are like minded. you don't have to give up your friends, but they don't have to be your only friends. suggest a movie with your friends. when they head to the bar, head home after the movie. suggest they join you for dinner at your home (cheaper, healthier and fun too) before they go out.
    i personally found that if all my "friends" wanted to do was go to the bar with me, then they were interested in the alcohol and not my friendship. and that happens.
    so...here are some alternatives: gym with friends, movies, theater, card/game night, dinner party, drive 2 hours to a different city for a healthy dinner...lots of riding time (sober!) and talking time. check for community groups that have similar interest like photography/bike riding/running/hiking/painting/book clubs.
    See if you can find a MFP that is from your area!!!
    i pray that this helps you. you may notice a shift in your friend list...but you need to do what is best for your health and life. there is only one person in my life at 43 that was in my life when i turned 30 that is not related to me...that is my Husband. i'm okay with that. i am healthier and happier than i have ever been.
    hope this helps. prayers to you!
    Jane
  • turbojanem
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    Sounds like an excuse. If you're a young professional as you claim, surely you know some people who aren't constantly partying and sucking back liquor; make friends who aren't going to tempt you to sabotage your own efforts :)
    unfortunately, many of those that are young, professionals too! look to the bottle and clubs for their only source of entertainment. yes, there are responsible, healthy, family oriented young people...but if you aren't in that circle, it can be difficult to find them.
    when i was in my 20's, the bars were all i did. and that's what alot of non-married, older adults do too. even those who have children. it's sad, but our country has basically three areas: those who party, those who chose family and or fitness, or those who hang out with their church friends.
  • pizzy
    pizzy Posts: 47
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    think about it if you live a healthy lifestyle now you will have a healthy life style when you get older. those people who go out partying all the time, where is it going to get them. yeah it doesnt all have to be about work, moderate yourself. when once a month or week go out and have a good time. yeah partying might sound fun but where is it going to get you??? when you go to gyms or work you meet new people who like to workout, those are the people you want to hang out with. and even with your current friends. you dont have to torture yourself over being healthy or a party person. i maybe go out every now and then, i love to hang out with friends and go to a club or bar, but that doesnt mean you have to choose, its all about balancing.
  • pauldbarnhart
    pauldbarnhart Posts: 5,999 Member
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    I spend a lot of my time at professional conferences, and have found that I can actually go out and socialize with the gang without sabotaging myself. The key is to realize that I'm making the right choices, and that "the gang" will stop saying things about your eating/drinking habits once they see you're committed to them. Chances are, you'll end up being a good influence on them. Simply answer their "why nots" with the real reason - because you are choosing a healthier lifestyle. It doesn't mean you can't have fun, joke around, and have fun while steering clear of the "bad stuff".

    Have I mastered this yet? Not quite, but this week, more than one person said "Good for you! It's obviously working - you look much better." Needless to say, that's just more motivation for me.