Reasons for losing weight
amberlynyeager
Posts: 48
I know I've said numerous times that I'm on a weight loss journey to be a better, healthier me, and I want to be a good example for my five year old daughter. But to be honest, I have been thinking more and more about it, and think, if I wasn't so heavy, I'd get some attention. I'm lonely as heck, and have been on some unsuccessful dates recently. It's frustrating for me, and I feel that some girls who are good for nothing, but are smaller and look better are getting attention that isn't deserved. Am I the only one feeling this way? I just wish people would actually see me for who and what I am. Not for my outside appearance. Many guys claim to be one of the good ones, but their true colors always end up showing. I'm sick of being alone! I know this isn't entirely weight loss related, but it's driving me insane that I just can't find anyone who's willing to look at my inner beauty and able to accept the fact that I'm a work in progress, and I'm well worth their time. Just ready to finally be happy, and that happiness seems so far fetched and unattainable.
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Replies
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I really want to lose for health reasons - with diabetes, raised blood pressure and cholesterol - also depression.
Unfortunately I'm on steroids and pregabalin, which promote weight gain.
Ann0 -
Hi guys,
I sympathise with you about being lonely. I can imagine how you must feel. I am lucky enough to have a loving husband who has loved me through all of my sizes and three beautiful children who have that unique unconditional love for their seriously stuffed up mum. I wish you well in your quest for love and companionship. However I can't leave it without saying the old cliché of you need to love yourself first. I know it's easy to say, for I do not love myself, but only then will you find someone who truly sees the inner beauty of you.
My reasons for losing weight? I am sick of living like this. I am sick of having to sit down to tie my shoelaces. I am sick of hating the reflection in the mirror. I am sick of not being able to do things with my kids. The moment that spurred me on to start this journey finally was taking my kids to a theme park. they wanted me to go on a ride with them. I protested, but they insisted. Then the most embarrassing thing happened. I was too big to fit. The harness would not go around me, so I had to do the walk of shame. That wasn't the worst part. When my kids got off the ride they actually came and apologized to me for me not fitting on the ride... What the????? How had I sunk this low to have my kids apologize to me for my weight problem?? That was it. The start of this incredible journey. It has only just begun and it will be a long ride, but it will be worth it in the end0 -
Believe me, even skinny girls have their fair share of issues. It's not fair to say their attention isn't deserved or that they're good for nothing. Everyone is deserving of love.....and a lot of the attention they get isn't love (just like the attention you get)....it's physical. I'm sure there are so many skinny girls that are asking the same questions as you.0
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I'm losing weight so my hubby and I can start a family. I currently can't get pregnant and I'm guessing it is due to my weight.0
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Ann
You are just the customer for Dr J Mcdougal MD. Look him up and start to live again. You will never look back
Elsdon0 -
...if I wasn't so heavy, I'd get some attention. I'm lonely as heck, and have been on some unsuccessful dates recently. It's frustrating for me, and I feel that some girls who are good for nothing, but are smaller and look better are getting attention that isn't deserved...
I've been slim my entire life and I get almost zero attention. I can count the number of men who have approached me romantically on one hand. I'm pretty sure this is because I put out a hard vibe. It radiates "I'm not available" and maybe even a little "Get the hell away from me" LOL. :laugh: I'm actually very nice, but just not approachable in that way. I'm married to one of the brave souls who dared...
So maybe you aren't sending out the right signals. Honestly, I think it's mostly just attitude. If you put out the right vibes (confidence and energy) I think you'll get some attention. People are more attracted to people with good self esteem. Maybe you aren't radiating confidence yet. I see girls of ALL types getting men. Most of the women I know are on the heavy side and they all found love. Try not to focus on whether you think other people deserve attention. Just focus on you and when you start truly believing that YOU deserve attention, you'll probably get some. Besides, the guys who are giving "undeserving" girls attention probably aren't the kind of guy you'd want anyway. :flowerforyou:0 -
i am sorry your lonely
its not a very nice feeling. i hope someone special comes along soon and appreciates you for what you are 
i want to lose weight so i can buy nice fitting clothes not ones that hide the fatty belly my daughter is getting married in Jan so id like to look nicer than i am now! 0 -
Thanks to everyone, things have been put into perspective for me. My opinion on certain matters have changed due to this thread. Loving myself is my number one priority now, not trying to get a man, and no more dating for me until I'm completely comfortable within myself. I know alot of my issues are all stemmed from the crazy that's going on upstairs and I have alot to work on, and definitely it will be worked on as of right this second. again, I appreciate all who have given me a different perspective on my attitude towards things. 0
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I know I've said numerous times that I'm on a weight loss journey to be a better, healthier me, and I want to be a good example for my five year old daughter. But to be honest, I have been thinking more and more about it, and think, if I wasn't so heavy, I'd get some attention.
OP, thank you for your honesty! "I'm here only for my health" seems to me like the equivalent of "I wish for world peace". Health is great, world peace would be swell, but personally I'm here because this happened:
*looks in mirror* "Sigh. I look fat."
*weighs self & checks BMI* "Oh. I AM fat, soon to be obese. Well, damn."
So, I'm losing weight to look my bombshell best, though I also enjoy the side-benefits (health, stamina.... AND, world peace.)
*edited, hopefully the GIF will work this time0 -
There are fit single girls who are frustrated, too.
Your happiness is not bound up in another person.0 -
My boyfriend started liking me for who I am because he is truly one of the people who doesn't give a rat's *kitten* about what anyone looks like. He likes people for their personality, whether they're 90 pounds or 400 pounds.
I can honestly say that this helped tons and tons with reaffirming my goal to be healthy, not get skinny or small. I feel pretty sexy and pretty pretty with whatever weight I am, and my confidence is what got me into a 6 year relationship and into my current one. It's what the people I've dated found attractive in me, and something that definitely shines through my looks.
I also don't really believe in dating, personally. When you look for love you usually end up failing in love because you're actively searching for a relationship, when lasting relationships should be about finding someone you have a click with and can interact with as a friend, not as a lover. Dating works for some people, but the best relationships happen by accident in my opinion.
I don't advise for you to hold back on pursuing feelings you have for someone, if it happens it happens and you might as well go with the flow. But an obsession with finding a partner can be equally unhealthy as obsessing with losing weight.0 -
the hard cold truth is that people are visual and they judge. when a woman is thin she will be more attractive to a larger pool of men. there is always the exceptions..but rare. it is a cruel fact of life. initial attraction is superficial and true blind love grows from that..not the other way around.
it isn't you..it is just human nature. if you want to meet the right man for you; improve your odds by attracting as many as you can so you can find the right one. and that means making yourself as attractive as possible and losing the weight.
i admire you for admitting how you feel.0 -
My reasons for losing weight are simple; I'm not going to say that I did it for health because all of us know that it's not the only or even main factor; my health is perfectly fine now, never been better actually but I'm mildly obese.
So here it goes:
-Fit into my old outfits. (I dieted before and lost about 30 kg/66 lbs then I gained them back really fast; I have so many size 6 dresses that need some love).
-Look good and more importantly, feel good/beautiful.
-Go to the beach and wear a bikini (Haven't been to the beach ever since I gained weight).
-Buying new clothes. Let's face it, all cute outfits are only available in small sizes.
-Parasailing (There's a weight limit here).
- Boost my self esteem.
-Not having to avoid people who knew me when I lost weight before.
and I can't think of other reasons at the moment.
I'm sorry about your issue. In my experience, losing weight only attracted jerks :P I appreciate your honesty and best of luck on your journey 0 -
Believe me, even skinny girls have their fair share of issues. It's not fair to say their attention isn't deserved or that they're good for nothing. Everyone is deserving of love.....and a lot of the attention they get isn't love (just like the attention you get)....it's physical. I'm sure there are so many skinny girls that are asking the same questions as you.
TBF she didn't say that, she said "some". Her frustration is that, as she sees it, it's easier for "good for nothing" skinny girls to find love and get attention than it is for bigger girls who have lots to offer but get ignored.
I have to say, it's also true that there are plenty of glorious bigger women who do get attention and love. It seems to me that confidence and self esteem are the issue here. OP you have to love yourself in order to be lovable. That's what makes you attractive, not your figure or shape or size! The shallow men who prefer the shallow skinny girlies will never look at you, but you wouldn't want them to. Flowers don't have to go hunting for bees - they just bloom, they just radiate colour and perfume from deep inside themselves, and the bees find them.0 -
Happiness is an inside job. It is not contingent on relationships with others or what others do. You will attract the right people when you realize this and are finally happy with yourself.0
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I received MORE romantic attention when living in the Washington D.C area at a size 22/24 than at my current 8/10 in Pennsylvania. How about them apples?! Have you tried online dating? Perhaps you need to find a site that reflects your goals and interests when searching for a mate. Best of luck to you!
Lisa0 -
I wish I could sympathize but I been fat all my life and never had a problem getting or keeping a man. N they have been some fine *kitten* men in my life. I really don't think it has anything to do with your weight because there is plenty of skinny girls alone.0
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I just wish people would actually see me for who and what I am. Not for my outside appearance.
You can't fight biology, hun.
Physical attraction is a big, big deal for most men and if you've got rolls that makes it look like you have three sets of breasts under your shirt that's going to be a turn-off for a lot of men. Not all, but a lot.
That's why we are here.0 -
I've never been overweight, have had plenty of relationships - and every single one of them has left me miserable.
The loneliest times of my life have been when I've been in relationships, that's the sad truth.
I've suffered with depression my whole life.
I'm just telling you this because I know many people may think that losing weight is a magic fix for all their life problems - it's not - but if you're morbidly obese and you lose weight you may still have problems but you'll also still have your life.
Good luck on your weightloss journey. :flowerforyou:0 -
most of us have shallow tendencies whether we can admit it or not, and chances are, we probably don't start paying attention to someone without first being physically drawn to them. There is always the version where people who have been hanging out a long time being exposed to each others "inner beauty" will hook up, and have a relationship, but a cold call walk-in-and-be-captivated-by-someone usually doesn't involve any of that inner beauty. it is purely physical. OP I would suggest finding a social group that fits your personal interests and start hanging out with those people. (preferably something co-ed, for obvious reasons) but the other posters are right.....the attention you get from outer beauty will only lead to future posts where you complain about men being a bunch of pigs because they never looked at you while heavy, and now that you are thin you get all this "creepy, pervy" attention from guys only interested in your body.
whether you are light, heavy, or in between, taking pride in yourself is something most people look for. also most people looking for a mate, will focus on aspects that they feel show values similar to their own, or that they wish to have in their life. Ask yourself what parts of your physical appearance show your values, and if you are happy with how they represent you, being a work in progress means that you think you are worth it. taking pride in your self at whatever size you are and showcasing your self respect and confidence is a bigger turn on and mark of attractiveness to most men than actual size.0 -
I totally hear you. I really really do. The hard part is while not all men are obsessed with the outside, we have been trained to think they are. We see it on tv. We hear it from our mothers (some of us) and I don't know about you but sure as heck from the kids at school in a time when you are most sensative about these things and developing your sense of self, and blossoming. Not all men who ARE obsessed with the outside LOL are looking for someone super small. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and there is someone for everyone, but when you have been programmed to believe the opposite... your self esteem hits so low it is hard to realize there are probley nice men looking at you.
Your pic is really pretty. I bet there are nice men who think you are too...and are afraid to approach you.
I have made a lot of male friends. I will tell you some things that some men have honestly told me.
Direct quotes! My coworker- "straight men (we were chatting about dates with our gay friend) do not care if a woman is big or small, black or white, short or tall...they care if she is a woman XD there is just something awesome about everyone of them."
My friend "I need a woman about twice my age, half my height, and 3 times my body weight...oh and a brunette would be really nice"
At 327lbs I had a friend make me promise not to tell her husband she blabbed. He is a body builder who evidentally thinks I am really pretty.
There is someone out there for you. Someone awesome. Someone who will make you happy and feel really loved but the ugly truth is...you have to love yourself first.
The best advice I EVER got is "honey it is 20% what you got and 70% what you make them THINK you got, walk with confidence!"
Don't lose hope 0 -
Sounds like you need a confidence boost. Take time to focus on yourself and become happy with who you are and where you are in your life at the moment. It will come. So much of our self worth is based on our physical appearance and subsequently what others think of us. If you stick your head up and push your shoulders back and walk around like you own the place people will believe it. Maybe inside you are terrified but people will believe it if you put it out there.
I do agree though with your comments about feeling like you have to say you are doing this for health, to set a good example, etc. I find when I do it for those reasons I fall off the wagon. If I have what would probably be considered a shallow goal then I do well. The first time I did it to look good for a highschool reunion which I ended up not attending. This time it is to look good in a skating dress and be light enough for someone to lift me in said skating dress.
You can do this and in the process you will feel better about yourself and the right guy will come along when you are ready.0 -
I need to lose weight in order to be elgible for a kidney transplant. I went to the doctor in August who told me if I show weight loss in three months, I would be taken off the list for a kidney. That really put my butt in gear.
I would also like to be lose weight to be more attractive. I never really thought I was the kind of person who attracted any attention when I was thinner, but now I wish I had been more appreciative of what I had.0 -
I understand where you're coming from. I've been thick and thin and being thin definitely garnered the most attention from everyone. Not just guys. I'm job searching and I recently didn't get a job I really wanted and was entirely qualified for. I met the girl who got the job instead of me, and she was a thinner less experienced copy of me. I mean same height, eye color, hair color, skin tone, even the same style of make up and clothes. She only got the job cause she was thinner than me. (And yes I know this is true, because I have a friend working there that gives me the inside scoop.)
I'm over it now, but Im learning to play the game. I just have to stay fit in order to be employed :P Thankfully my husband loves me even though I'm fat.
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