Falling in love and language barriers

bennettinfinity · September 2013

Some friends have a relative visiting from out of the country, and I've been spending some time with her; taking her on some of my weekend walks, having lunch, etc.

After lunch one day, she tells me that she loves me. Her English is not so good, but I figure she's doing better than me in the linguistic department, so I write it off to her choosing the wrong word - maybe she just meant to say she likes me.

After a couple of these instances I attempted to correct her, but she was adamant - she loves me.

Now I'm left scratching my head - we haven't had an conversations deeper than 'How are you?' and 'What did you do yesterday?'. She can't know anything about me other than I like to walk and eat lunch, and I really don't know anything about her other than she seems like a really nice person.

So now I feel like a jerk for inadvertently leading her on, because I really don't see me being able to overcome the language barrier.

Could you fall in love with someone that doesn't speak your language?

fishgutzy · September 2013

I went to a wedding with a freind years ago. Her friend was marrying a man who spoke very little English. But he was rich. Money jumped the language barrier.

I suppose it is possible but I am a bit of a skeptic. Or maybe I just watch too much Law & Order. The skeptic in me say "green card hunter." But just maybe this woman have never been treated kindly and didn't know how to react.

BunBun85 · September 2013

I married a man that was very shy to speak English with me when we first met because even though he had learned it in school it's not the native language for the country that he's from and he never had a need to speak it, only write it. (We met playing an online game.) He speaks it everyday with me now, perfectly and sometimes better than me, and I've learned enough Norwegian to comfortably get by in Norway. We've been married for more than 3 years now and we're expecting our first child next year.

So, it's possible.

Maybe she really does like you and those friends that have her as a relative have told her nice things about you.

TavistockToad · September 2013

The skeptic in me say "green card hunter."

i thought that too

DawnieB1977 · September 2013

I think if you meet someone you really like, you make the effort to learn their language, and vice versa. My sister went out to China a few years ago, met a Chinese guy she really liked, and now they're married and she speaks Mandarin amazingly well. I think he's trying to improve his English too. Then again, my sister and I are good at languages - I have a French degree.

Maybe her saying she loves you, she doesn't mean it in quite the same sense as when an English speaker says it. Where is she from?

k2charmed4u · September 2013

I don't see why it couldn't happen but it screams "visa" to me. I've experienced something similar on an online dating site some guy pretending to be from the UK but clearly not from his messages. Just be careful and go with your instincts

debralekicsummers · September 2013

When i met my husband he could barely speak English, we overcame the barrier and have been happily married for almost 17 years. His English has drastically improved. Now i am living in his country and don't speak much of the language but i am managing.

latenitelucy · September 2013

RuleFive · September 2013

bennettinfinity · September 2013

Thanks for the responses, they seem to cover the full spectrum. I think my instincts were tending to the cynical side, not so much for the green card per se, but because I think she'd like to be closer to some of her stateside relatives.

For the record:

- She's from Taiwan
- She seems to have a fairly easy and tranquil life there
- She's semi-retired and able to travel freely between Taiwan and the US for family events (as are other members of her family)
- I considered the language/cultural impact to the true meaning when she says 'love'... I don't know if she means it (emotion-wise), but I'm pretty sure it's the word she intends.

The part I keep getting stuck on is how can someone fall in love with another person without being able to hold a meaningful conversation? From the responses, it seems as though it's possible, but I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept. It doesn't seem to be something that *I'm* capable of -- does this make me a bad person?

szonjakun · September 2013

The part I keep getting stuck on is how can someone fall in love with another person without being able to hold a meaningful conversation? From the responses, it seems as though it's possible, but I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept. It doesn't seem to be something that *I'm* capable of -- does this make me a bad person?

I had a really similar experience 8 years ago. It was a Japanese guy and he told me the first time we talked (via skype!), that he loves me. I thought that it's some kind of joke and didn't care about the fact that he kept telling me the same thing. He couldn't even speak English, only the most basic things so we had a hard time understanding each other.. We kept talking to each other and after two years we had a chance to meet IRL. By the time he learnt English and we could have a normal conversation.
Now he can't speak Englsih anymore, I can speak Japanese fluently and he learnt Hungarian so we use both languages in our daily convos. XD We are a happy couple, but for me it took more than 2 years to get to know him and all.

I don't think that you are a bad person at all. I find the other party to have something strange going on, just like I did in my case...it takes time to get to know someone...

vtmoon · September 2013

Thanks for the responses, they seem to cover the full spectrum. I think my instincts were tending to the cynical side, not so much for the green card per se, but because I think she'd like to be closer to some of her stateside relatives.

For the record:

- She's from Taiwan
- She seems to have a fairly easy and tranquil life there
- She's semi-retired and able to travel freely between Taiwan and the US for family events (as are other members of her family)
- I considered the language/cultural impact to the true meaning when she says 'love'... I don't know if she means it (emotion-wise), but I'm pretty sure it's the word she intends.

The part I keep getting stuck on is how can someone fall in love with another person without being able to hold a meaningful conversation? From the responses, it seems as though it's possible, but I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept. It doesn't seem to be something that *I'm* capable of -- does this make me a bad person?

I don't think you are a bad person at all. The concept is kind of hard for Americans to grasp because we are used to everyone speaking English.

It actually happens a lot in the rest of the world mainly due to the diversity of languages in relatively closer countries.

Love at first sight happens and that doesn't need translation, a smile and you are sold. I attended a wedding a couple of years ago of a friend who met his wife while traveling across Italy, instead of her learning English or him learning Serbian, they both learned Italian together.

My other questions is how old is she? Some women get on a whole new level of wisdom post menopause. So, maybe she found your kindness and good nature very appealing, which made her think I would love to grow old with this guy.

I'm not saying it's a great idea because it can get frustrating, but I'm saying give love a chance.

boehle · September 2013

Thanks for the responses, they seem to cover the full spectrum. I think my instincts were tending to the cynical side, not so much for the green card per se, but because I think she'd like to be closer to some of her stateside relatives.

For the record:

- She's from Taiwan
- She seems to have a fairly easy and tranquil life there
- She's semi-retired and able to travel freely between Taiwan and the US for family events (as are other members of her family)
- I considered the language/cultural impact to the true meaning when she says 'love'... I don't know if she means it (emotion-wise), but I'm pretty sure it's the word she intends.

The part I keep getting stuck on is how can someone fall in love with another person without being able to hold a meaningful conversation? From the responses, it seems as though it's possible, but I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept. It doesn't seem to be something that *I'm* capable of -- does this make me a bad person?

Maybe you are the first person that has shown her that kind of attention and it makes her feel like she is in love.
Good luck either way!

My0WNinspiration · September 2013

She's looking for a green card

YaGigi · September 2013

1. We women fall in love often for no reasons. I fell in live with my first husband having 0 conversations with him, obviously wasn't smart about this. Just because a guy is handsome, successful and respectful.
2. Maybe it's the language barrier. For instance you Americans often say "I hate this" meaning you don't like it or don't care about it. You say it about a person too. In my language "hate" is such a strong word, it's almost never used, only when there's hate like at war or something. Maybe her "I love you" is more like "I like you".
3. Not everyone wants green card

dual citizenship is good but just green card creates lots of unnecessary problems and limitations.

vtmoon · September 2013

She's looking for a green card

He already said she doesn't need one because she has access to the US. And people normally come to the US to work not retire, the US is a crappy place to come and retire, that is why even savvy Americans go retire abroad.

Falling in love and language barriers

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