Dealing With Unsupportive Friends & Family

I feel that your co-worker is jealous that you are doing something about your weight. I bet the more you lose, the more negative they will get. Or at least will not acknowledge your success. I had a long time friend who told me not to be so happy because the 20 lbs I lost was probably just water. She was not happy with her weight but, wouldn't change her lifestyle and didn't want me to either. Misery loves company.
I need to lose over 100 lbs. It seems like an impossible goal. I look at all the success stories on MFP and it shows me that it can be done.

I'm struggling. Luckily I have what I consider extended family. My "other mom" is also transforming her health through dieting and exercise. We call or text each other every morning (since we don't live in the same city) and do a 30 minute workout together. Exercising sucks, but it sucks a lot less when someone is suffering with you : )

As far as the dieting goes, my coworkers are actually supportive. They offer something once and I say no instantly because if I didn't cook it, I don't know how many calories is in it. I don't actually want to say no of course, but you are so important. I pack my lunch every day so there are no excuses (plus it's saving me tons of money).

Dieting is way harder for me than the exercise part, but some things that have helped are salsa (low calorie flavor), hot sauce (no calorie flavor), and increasing my protein - egg whites, fish, beans, hummus.

You are not the only one going through this, obviously by the many responses, we all are. Hang in there, you can't do a diet... you have to make a permanent lifestyle change. Make one change every week and it'll seem much easier like baby steps : )

Good luck with everything and if you need a supportive buddy, I'm here.

I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear.

Uh, no. You have him to blame for making jerk-*kitten* comments. You're entitled to set personal boundaries with friends, and this looks like a great place for one. Let him know in no uncertain terms that if he can't be supportive, he can keep his opinions to himself.

dont worry about proving them wrong so much as proving yourself right. if proving them wrong is a side effect, so be it.

Until I got to work. My coworker and very good friend who is very obese is a very negative person in my life when it comes to being healthy. I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear. I need to lose weight. I need to be healthy. But having him be so negative makes me want to just give up on the spot because I think to myself that I can't change who I am or how I eat. It's so frustrating

One, that's incredibly rude of your coworker. I'm glad you are able to successfully label him as a negative person. Now the real question is, why should you let a person you've labeled negative dictate how your life will unfold? Is he really able to control your life and your results? Does he really know you, if he's so condescending of you? Should he mean anything to you if all he does is provide negativity in your life?

The answer to all of those questions is no, you shouldn't let him rule your life, because he's clearly an imbecile who only knows how to drag people down to his level. He obviously has some issues he needs to work out about his own life. But none of these are your concern. Your concern is you and your health.

So two, don't give up! If you give up, what does that prove? It only means you'll continue to gain weight, remain unhealthy, and be miserable. It means people like him will feel right in their assessment of you (even though they're not) and they'll continue to belittle you. And unfortunately, I'm assuming you're like me (because I would have reacted the same way) which means you'll feel guilty and continue to self-punish yourself. But you need to stop punishing yourself.

If you fall off the bandwagon, oh well. You can always get back on. But think of all the progress you'll make even if you fall off. Even if it's just a fad, who's to say it won't be a reoccurring one? Maybe you'll fall several times, but that doesn't mean each time you get back up is a failure. In order to make it through this weight loss adventure, you need to love yourself and be compassionate with yourself. The best way to be self-compassionate is to imagine yourself in a third person point of view, and ask yourself what you would say/think/do to comfort this person with similar situations as you. I doubt you'd laugh at them, call them a failure, or demand they give up. The same should be applied to you.

Just remember, even if you do 4 weeks of healthy eating, and a week where you fall off the bandwagon, then repeat the process five times, that's 20 weeks of healthy eating! That's better than 25 weeks of unhealthy eating (which is where you'd be at if you didn't make the switch). Your body will have some benefits from this. And you might even have some mental tools develop along the way that will drive you one step closer to succeeding all the way without falling off again.

Have you guys ever had to deal with an issue like this? I don't want to cut this person out of my life, but I can't stand hearing that I can't make the changes in my life that I need to make in order to be healthy.

Yes. I ignore them. Clearly they don't know what they're talking about OR have their own life conflicts that they're trying to deal with. It's not my problem, it's theirs. I only have control over myself and so I only control myself and let other people be who they are freely. You don't have to cut these people out of your life if you don't want to. But if you want to keep them in your life, you have to learn to agree to disagree and remember that your own self-love and self-image are what matter most.

my dad used to bring my mum chocolate home every time she went on a diet - as a teenager I didn't understand it and his behaviour annoyed me! Now I'm around the same age as my mum was back then, my boyfriend said to me the other day "now you are going to lose all this weight, that will be it, you will get attention!!" What!? He didn't seem to bothered by the fact that I was very slim when we met! He's also commented (negative) that my weight loss has been off my bust, and bought Chinese food for me when I was not hungry! Arrr.
I'm just glad that both mum and I are starting this journey together and supporting each other through it! I cook one night a week and she cooks another. We text each other everyday and she brought me flowers when I lost weight after a very hard first week. I'm loving reading the support messages here and hope that those with their own insecurities (who love to sabotage our good intentions) should deal with them, as we are our own. Good luck to everyone - nothing great is easy x

Not trying to be crappy...but why do you care what this "friend" has to say? Your husband is your champion that stands behind you...I would kick this person to the curb. Don't let him ruin your new life style

AGREED! When you are trying to do good things there will ALWAYS be people who envy your tenacity and ability to change. What others think about you should NEVER guide how you think about you.

Kellyb48, your bf sounds like he is intimidated by your weight loss and wanting to be healthy, that really is unfortunate. But its so cool that you and your mom are doing this together and are motivating each other. Sounds like a success story in the making! Cheers!:drinker:

This really is a reality bites moment for all of us.....always remember-- Just as No one can "make you lose" weight --No one can "keep you from losing weight". It's our mind set...we have to be strong for ourselves and once we have that nobody can get in our way unless we allow them to. Good luck. I know its rough.

its not that my family are not supportive its just that they say they will love me no matter what size i am. that originally was my demotivator and i would think why put in all this effort if the important people in my life dont care how big i am but now they are different after i told them that my doctor says i have to lose weight to prevent ill health they are very supportive my partner comes to the gym with me and my brother reminds me to weigh in every week and buys me healthy food when at his for dinner etc. and tells me that he can see how much weight im losing.
Ultimately thou this time is different because i'm doing this for me and my health and no-one else and thats all the motivation i need.
you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it and are doing it for yourself and the right reasons. Keep going xx

Cry, pray and come here to vent.

I have done this without anyone in real life being supportive. My husband feeds me crazy amounts of bad food choices. My dad says horrible stuff about how ALL MEN view fat women. My good friends are all serious drinkers. I do this like I am on an island by myself.

But I figure I am also not the one who will die of a heart attack or diabetes or liver failure. I have all of these private yay me moments that I don't share with people. I pleases me and makes me sad at the same time to know I am evolving alone. Someday someone really healthy will enter my island. Until then I keep sweating alone. Thank goodness for MFP friends.

Best of luck to you.

I know how you feel. On my birthday, my friends baked me a cake; that morning I'd told one of them I had lost 15lbs, and that same afternoon, after I had a slice of the cake she said to me "You just gained those 15lbs back" and she might've been joking, but it still hurts to see people think you won't succeed. No one cares about your successes, they only want to see you fail.

My advice is just not talking about your weight loss and fitness issues with them, I bet you have other friends that will support you.

i wouldnt say she said that to say you are going to fail. i have had friends say that if i even looked at a fry food while we are out. all my friends are extremely happy and comment when they see me (even though i still see myself at the same size)

Well, there's only one thing to do. Do this for yourself. IF people are unsupportive, do not share anything with them. Make your own goals for your health and follow through. If this is really what you want - NO ONE can knock you off your plan. NO one.

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

Hi,

My family are not the warm fuzzy types but they let me get on with it with only a few snarky comments or digs. Every time i go out food shopping i have to convince my boyfriend that i don't want the bad stuff. His family however tend to get a bit offended if i don't clear my plate or chose not to have cake and if i told them i was on a diet it is all i would hear about and they would criticise my every move so i just don't bother telling them, i see them on a regular basis and it is not worth the hassle.

The community on here seems really friendly and supportive so that is a big positive