Getting offended too easily?

Options
cherio256
cherio256 Posts: 219
in Chit-Chat
Ok, serious question. First of all, I know I have low self esteem. I don't know why. When it comes to my husband especially. Maybe it's because he never compliments me or anything, but that's another subject. We got home from church today and I changed into shorts and a shirt and sat in my husbands lap. He said 'much better. I don't find dresses sexy like most men ' . I laughed and said it was a church dress. He said he dosent care for dresses in general, what he thinks is most sexy on women is scrubs. I said, huh. Then it hurt my feelings because I've never wore scrubs as I have no reason to. I told him that hurt my feelings. He said I was making it into something it's not. Ok, maybe I was being overly sensitive, but he said nothing to make me feel better. I feel like I'm constantly craving male attention because he dosent give it to me. Even after all the weight I've lost it still seems to not make me more attractive to him. He says I am, but it's like pulling teeth to get a compliment around here. Maybe I'm just being a cry baby.
«134

Replies

  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    My husband isn't great with compliments either, I just don't think words are his love language. Is he physically affectionate? Helpful around the house? Sorry he hurt your feelings though. I'm not easily offended and if I feel like I look good in a dress, it doesn't matter to me too much if my husband doesn't :-)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
    Options
    Nah, I don't think you're being too sensitive. It probably came at the wrong moment. Maybe you could have a serious talk with him about this, when you're feeling stronger?

    I get it to some extent, though. I am definitely my fiance's type and he gives me loads of compliments on what I wear etc. So I know I'm lucky in that regard. HOWEVER, he thinks one of the sexiest things a woman can wear is a white dress shirt that is slightly see through. The hardest thing for me to find that fits me properly? Button downs. The absolute WORST color on me? White. So it kind of irritated me the other day when we were discussing things we find sexy on the opposite sex and even though he mentioned stuff I wear (skirts, dresses, snug pants) he also brought up the white dress shirt thing. ugh

    For the record (even though I am a straight female) I have a serious PHOBIA of scrubs and think everyone looks horrible in them, no exceptions.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!!!
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    Options
    Some guys just dont give out compliments that much. I tell my wife she looks good but not all the time. We've been married for about 6 years and have a couple kids and we've both worked to maintain a relationship between just us and not just become parents 24/7 which is easy to do.

    I think it depends on the person though. Some people need more reassurance than others. Actually my wife seems to need less reassurance than I do. When I lose weight I ask her so do I look any better or no? She rarely asks me that when she loses weight , she just sort of does it on her own.

    I wouldn't read into it too much honestly. If everything else seems cool in your relationship then I wouldn't sweat it. Guys sometimes say stupid things and dont realize it. I've done that many times myself, just ask my wife haha!
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Options
    It sounds like you were hurt because he said he finds scrubs sexy and you don't wear scrubs? I don't know. Doesn't seem worth getting upset about. If everything in your marriage is ok why sweat it?
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    Options
    This is probably a riveting thread, but can a brother get some cliff notes?
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Options
    This is probably a riveting thread, but can a brother get some cliff notes?

    Lol. I think I gave them.
  • walleyclan1
    walleyclan1 Posts: 2,784 Member
    Options
    I definately see why it would bother you but maybe turn it around and pickup some cheap second hand scrubs, role play and rock his world. He will be thinking only of you when he sees scrubs from then on!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    I definately see why it would bother you but maybe turn it around and pickup some cheap second hand scrubs, role play and rock his world. He will be thinking only of you when he sees scrubs from then on!

    This! That's an awesome break for you, actually. Scrubs are comfy.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
    Options
    Ok, serious question. First of all, I know I have low self esteem. I don't know why. When it comes to my husband especially. Maybe it's because he never compliments me or anything, but that's another subject. We got home from church today and I changed into shorts and a shirt and sat in my husbands lap. He said 'much better. I don't find dresses sexy like most men ' . I laughed and said it was a church dress. He said he dosent care for dresses in general, what he thinks is most sexy on women is scrubs. I said, huh. Then it hurt my feelings because I've never wore scrubs as I have no reason to. I told him that hurt my feelings. He said I was making it into something it's not. Ok, maybe I was being overly sensitive, but he said nothing to make me feel better. I feel like I'm constantly craving male attention because he dosent give it to me. Even after all the weight I've lost it still seems to not make me more attractive to him. He says I am, but it's like pulling teeth to get a compliment around here. Maybe I'm just being a cry baby.

    Its not you, its him. He sounds a lot like my first husband. All I can stress to you is communication, communication. All I can compare this to is my first and second mariages: my first husband was a lot like that. He wasn't a bad guy (great father to my boys and all) but he is a man of few words and I think he took me for granted so we grew apart unfortunately. My current hubbie of nine years now is so opposite of that always wanting to communicate and compliment me. Men are different. They don't put a lot of thought into things or read between the lines like us women do. They mostly see things black and white and want little drama. I am sure he doesn't mean it to be insulting to you. He probably said it without thinking. Don't worry, men get better with age. Just keep the communication line open and be proud of yourself. I am sure he is but doesn't say it the way you want. Great job on the weight lost.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    Options
    maybe his dropping a hint naughty nurse costume time. buy it then tell him he has to earn it
  • amiebolesta
    amiebolesta Posts: 1
    Options
    "I definately see why it would bother you but maybe turn it around and pickup some cheap second hand scrubs, role play and rock his world. He will be thinking only of you when he sees scrubs from then on!"

    Great idea!!
  • strongestgirl10
    strongestgirl10 Posts: 26 Member
    Options
    Did he mean literal nurse scrubs or "shorts and a t-shirt" type of thing. My husband says I look sexiest right after I get home from the gym with my sweaty hair in pony tail and workout clothes (yoga pants and a tank top). I feel the least sexy after the gym. Go figure lol
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Options
    You're making it into something it isn't.

    In fact, go buy some scrubs and surprise him.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
    Options
    In general, you should wear what YOU feel sexy in. I look nice all the time because I want to. It makes ME feel good. I'm not a jeans and sneakers kind of woman (unless that happens to be the most practical choice for whatever I'm doing at the time). My last boyfriend was far more casual than I am, and he really wanted me to wear hoodies and jeans and Nikes everywhere. Because I cared about his comfort level and wanted to make the effort, I tried it his way. And I felt like a 12-year-old. So I didn't do it again. I'm an adult, and I will dress myself according to what I like to wear.

    Now, if I were you, and my husband wanted me to wear certain things at certain times (if you get where I'm going), I'd be all about it. I have a pretty active imagination. But in my day-to-day life, I don't dress for other people.
  • cstoney2013
    cstoney2013 Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    Does he work in a Hospital?
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Options
    You got hurt because he confided in you in an indirect way about a fantasy (basically)?

    Yeah, you are making something out of nothing. Maybe you should think about counseling to help you with your self-esteem issues.
  • Tropicalfirestorm
    Tropicalfirestorm Posts: 61 Member
    Options
    I have this exact same conversation all the time with my boyfriend. Including the "you are making this into something it's not" bit. According to him he doesn't see a reason for a woman to wear make up or do their hair or anything. What, so we should just walk around naked? It makes ME feel good to occasionally put some gloss on. I do it partially to appear sexy to others. And you are going to dismiss that just cause?


    Men are stupid sometimes. They act like because they aren't a woman, they can't possibly understand a woman's world. 1. you don't need to understand something in order to act respectful 2. You could probably understand it if you just stopped and thought for a second.

    edit: Basically what I am saying is he probably didn't mean to offend you, but he is being a bit of an idiot. Let him know it bothered you and why and try to keep calm. Good luck. (then again my longest relationship is my current one, which has only lasted a bit over a year. I'm only 23 though and spent most of my life single...)
  • weightedfootsteps
    weightedfootsteps Posts: 4,349 Member
    Options
    I definately see why it would bother you but maybe turn it around and pickup some cheap second hand scrubs, role play and rock his world. He will be thinking only of you when he sees scrubs from then on!

    This! That's an awesome break for you, actually. Scrubs are comfy.

    Exactly what I was gonna say! Totally awesome idea!!! Time to play nurse girl!!! :wink:
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Options
    Sounds like he was making a joke? Scrubs have as much appeal as a mumu. Then again, ya never know about people's fetishes sometimes.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Options
    I mean..... scrubs seem a lot easier than some other role playing outfits I can think of. my man speak is a little rusty but i think he's just telling you he wants to play doctor. it's fun, try it.

    I would certainly second that you may want to seek some counseling though.

Categories