Advice on how to deal with family..

obbycake
obbycake Posts: 21 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi all,

So.. I'm at this dilemma where I'm very unhappy with my weight and the way that I look. I currently do not live with my family and I visit them once or a twice a week. Every time I go over, they essentially tell me "You need to eat more! Eat more this, eat more that!" and they just can't stop feeding me. They know that I'm trying to change my lifestyle and they know that I'm trying to lose weight. However, they always feel the need to feed me and when I refuse to eat what they want me to eat, they get mad at me or very upset with me.

I was on a really good roll with losing weight and then I skyrocketed back up five pounds, which really has me pretty upset and pretty discouraged.

Do you guys have any similar experiences like this? How do you handle these things?

Replies

  • ssm_1972
    ssm_1972 Posts: 396 Member
    You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It's your life.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    What I have found over the last 16 months, is that this is my decision and I have ALL the control over what I eat. It's a difficult thing dealing with family but if you truly are ready for a change - make it happen. There will always be people who will try to sabotage your efforts - family, friends - no matter how well meaning. You decision to be healthy has to be stronger than their desire to "feed" you.

    Do this for YOU. Explain your plan to them one time and then start changing the subject when they confront you about food. You are in control - no one else.
  • harleygroomer
    harleygroomer Posts: 373 Member
    Unless you are 5 years old, kindly tell your family that THIS IS YOUR NEW LIFESTYLE. You are an adult and you KNOW when you are hungry and when you are not. Don't use them as an excuse. They will understand...
  • HealthyVitamins
    HealthyVitamins Posts: 432 Member
    Unless you are 5 years old, kindly tell your family that THIS IS YOUR NEW LIFESTYLE. You are an adult and you KNOW when you are hungry and when you are not. Don't use them as an excuse. They will understand...

    I agree with this, sometimes you have just got to be blunt.

    or when you go around you could bring a healthy meal for everyone to tuck into - like a veggie lasagne, involve them in your lifestyle change, show them you are not starving yourself and you are eating great food.
  • chezjuan
    chezjuan Posts: 747 Member
    If I know I am going to go somehwere where people are apt to offer me food, I try to make sure I have the calories available to have some of what's offered, and just watch my portions. That helps - it's easier on their feelings if I decline to have seconds with an "I'm full" rather than not eating something at all - at least I can avoid the attempts at guilt: "I've been cooking all day, and you don't want any..."

    But if I don't have the calories, I just don't have it, and explain that I am not hungry. I'm not doing this for them...
  • scruffykaz
    scruffykaz Posts: 317 Member
    I agree with what other people have said but your profile is locked so I can't see how much you weigh or what you eat.

    I know you are unhappy with how you look and I applaud that you are trying to change your lifestyle, especially if you do have weight to lose but all you've said is that you are 'unhappy with the way you look' which is fair enough but you don't give enough information. For all I know, you could have an OD, weigh very little and your family is worried about you...
  • mom2tknmk
    mom2tknmk Posts: 9 Member
    The hardest thing I had to learn was "No thank you." My issue is a work. The lady who sits next to me is such a sweetheart. She has a desk drawer full of different types of snacks that she is always offering them to everyone. At first I felt I had to accept. But now I don't. I just let her know that I appreciate her kindness but I am trying to watch what I eat. The first couple of days it was harder on her than on me.

    What I do is I count calories for 5-6 days then leave Fridays (always) and sometimes Thursdays also where I don't count. Maybe if you pick one day a week for a "cheat" day and use that day to go to your family's home it will help a little.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Hi all,

    So.. I'm at this dilemma where I'm very unhappy with my weight and the way that I look. I currently do not live with my family and I visit them once or a twice a week. Every time I go over, they essentially tell me "You need to eat more! Eat more this, eat more that!" and they just can't stop feeding me. They know that I'm trying to change my lifestyle and they know that I'm trying to lose weight. However, they always feel the need to feed me and when I refuse to eat what they want me to eat, they get mad at me or very upset with me.

    I was on a really good roll with losing weight and then I skyrocketed back up five pounds, which really has me pretty upset and pretty discouraged.

    Do you guys have any similar experiences like this? How do you handle these things?
    I read this somewhere on a different forum "they will either get over it or die angry".

    stop making *their* issues into *your* issues. stop blaming them for your choices.

    make a healthy choice - stop visiting them, or make up to meet at a neutral place (foodless), or... learn to say no. stop explaining, stop justifying your choices, just say "no thank you". or "that looks great but I'm really full right now". or "you know that looks great - can i take some home for later?" etc.
  • fitandskinnygal
    fitandskinnygal Posts: 487
    My family does the same thing. I just flat out told them that I'm counting calories and I can't eat over my limit.
    If they love you and care about your happiness, they should understand and support your eating choices.... not the other way around.
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
    If you know you are going save some calories or a meal to eat with them. That's what I do and then I ask to take some home with me, then they don't know what happens to it. It will usually go in the trash or as a treat for my dogs and sometimes I eat it but I don't hurt anyone's feelings that way.

    It has taken several months but my family is finally accepting my logging everything and eating different than they do.
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    I read this somewhere on a different forum "they will either get over it or die angry".

    stop making *their* issues into *your* issues. stop blaming them for your choices.


    Winner Winner (lowcalbonelessskinlesswithonlysalt/pepperseasoningandsmallsidesalad(itfitsinmymacros)) Chicken DINNER!!!
    :laugh:
  • shannashannabobana
    shannashannabobana Posts: 625 Member
    If I know I am going to go somehwere where people are apt to offer me food, I try to make sure I have the calories available to have some of what's offered, and just watch my portions.
    I think this sounds like a good way to go. If you are only eating there one or two meals a week, it shouldn't be enough to sabotage you that much. Just take what they give you and eat what you want and stop when full. Maybe workout a little more that day if you know it's going to be a heavy meal.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    This happens to me sometimes and my way of dealing with it is to pick 1-3 food items they offer that I actually like and/or are healthy, and that will fit into my daily logging, and when they offer other things I'll be like "I am enjoying this baked potato and I love the dip Aunt Patty made...no thank you"
  • Unknown
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  • NYCNika
    NYCNika Posts: 611 Member
    What is your BMI? If your BMI places you as "underweight" or on the verge of it, than perhaps there might be something what your family is saying and you lack the ability to "see straight" when it comes to your weight and your body.

    If you are not in that category, than no need to worry about other people's perception.

    It makes great counter argument too.

    Something like this:

    -- You are too thin. You should not loose anymore weight.

    -- Oh, I'm not. In fact, I'm 7lb away from being classified as "overweight".

    -- *gasp*. According to whom?

    -- The government and the CDC (you say innocently). My BMI is 23. And normal is 18.5 – 24.9.

    (will make them think about their own BMI and weight).

    I think BMI argument is a great "defence" because it takes the perception element out of it.

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