Feeling like too much of a failure to start over.

Today is a new day...it's never too late to start over. Yesterday is the past...pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start fresh! You can do it!

Don't be to hard on your self. Start again putting down what you eat. You posting on this message board is sure the 1st step to trying to get yourself back in track. We are all here to motivate each other.

Ive been here before. I lost 80 + lbs then gradually gained it back, got pregnant and gained just about all of it back. It took until my son was 6 months old to kick my butt in gear to get back to were I was. Emotionally it was hard because I had to start all over again and I knew how hard it was the first time around. Im not saying this road to get it all off again was easy because its not. I lost it then gained 15 back last christmas/new years but back in May I finally lost what I gained over the holidays.

You CAN do it. We want this bad enough we find ways. Its an emotional battle and its something we will battle daily. Just don't give up and push!

I've been in a similar boat...I lost 90 pounds and felt great about myself. I slacked, gained a few pounds back, then back on the wagon, etc. This on and off thing happened and then I got pregnant. I was eating for two right? I went so horribly off the wagon. I gained A LOT of weight...way too much weight while pregnant. I didn't quite get to where I was, but I was still 70 pounds from my lowest weight. I had my child in July of 2012. It took me until January 2013 to realize I needed to do something. I've lost 26 pounds, but feel "stuck" and I'm now recommitting to it. The first time it took me 8 months to lose 90 pounds. My child is 14 months old and I've lost 26. So don't think "Oh, well it took me only 6 months last time to lose X amount of pounds". So what if it takes a year or two years to get back down?

You need to start. Just do it. Prepare your meals ahead of time. Don't buy anything that is junk food. Don't use school or work as an excuse. I've been there and gained alot of weight in college. It takes 10 extra minutes to prepare your food then to eat fast food. There are also healthier options for fast food. I've found that the most difficult time to stick to a diet is the beginning.

If you don't start now, will you regret it a month from now, or a year from now?

I lost 30 pounds last year by eating at a totally reasonable deficit and walking regularly. My daily calorie goal was never below 2,000, so I wasn't hungry often, and I still allowed myself to eat what I wanted on holidays/vacations/etc. That's all basically to say that I lost that weight with little to no misery - it honestly wasn't that hard at all.

Somewhere along the way (around March), life just got busy and I got depressed, so I took a break from calorie counting to focus on my mental health. I was totally positive that over the summer (I'm a full time college student), I would get back on track. Didn't happen. I was sure it would happen when I got back into my school routine in August. Didn't happen. Now I eat out (mostly fast food) for almost every meal - I think I ate one meal at home last week. Part of this is time - I am taking 18 hours of classes and work about 25-30 hours a week. Mostly, though, it's just laziness and a genuine enjoyment of eating out, even though now I feel like absolute crap every time I do it. I can't afford it anymore, financially, emotionally, or physically, but I keep doing it.

To make matters worse, I saw my weight at the doctor's office last week (the first time I've known it since probably May, when I was up about five pounds from my lowest weight) and I'm back where I started, plus five pounds. I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I was so sure that I wouldn't be the person to gain back weight since I lost it the 'right' way. Hah. This has totally tanked any inkling of motivation to get back on track. I feel like it's completely useless. I feel like I'm just going to keep losing and gaining for the rest of my life, and I might as well just forget about the losing if that's the case.

I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I feel like such a failure. I need some serious support here. I desperately want to get back on track but I just can't get over the mental hurdle of feeling like I'm too far gone.

FIst off: you are not alone! Many of us struggle with similair issues. i just got back on the wagon.

Please know: Exercise is the MOST UNDER UTILIZED anti-depressant there is.

Keep yourself moving.

Do not focus on the scale. Focus on moving. Walk run dance whatever.

Much love MissDibs

I can't tell you how many times I was in your exact situation. The difference for me this time and the reason it is working is because I just keep going, even when I have a terrible day (or two or three or four). Every day I wake up and try to do better then the day before. Each meal I try to make a better choice then the one before it.

For example yesterday I ate half a loaf of italian bread with my lasagna (despite telling myself that I would only have two pieces) and boy am I feeling bad about that choice today. In the past I would have given up because I would have seen the higher weight on the scale and would have felt like a failure. Now I know better and that one bad choice will not ruin all the progress I have made. Today I will do better.

Make small changes that you can sustain. I know you want this. You can do this. Friend me if you want some support and encouragement

The thing that I appreciate here is your willingness to step up to the plate, state the facts and look for the support to help you on this journey. I know how hard it can me when it concerns Mental health . I have learned that through eating properly..........and that means logging everything ,exercising, and proper rest its easier. ...I started off slow,and keep in touch with the posting . I have been blessed with a circle of friends here who motivate and encourage and I tell you there may be days I slip a little ,but overall I love myself enough to pick up and move forward. Believe in yourself and think of it as a lifestyle change . I am going to add you as I believe support is very important.

Don't be discouraged. You have already identified the main cause of your weight gain and know from past experience what you need to do to lose the weight. I recommend that you look into the cause of your depression and have a positive mindset. You did it once you can do it again! Feel free to add me~ remember that "Motivation is what gets you started but habit keeps you going." Good luck:flowerforyou:

99% of people fail before they succeed.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I'm not trying to be snarky, but when you really want to lose the weight - you will. There's no magic formula, pill, no amount of support that will make it happen until you are ready.

I completely agree with this. Once we are ready to put in the fight to lose weight, we will, but it's not about how much we think we want it, but how much we really want it. How much are we willing to do to put our thoughts into actions and do something about it rather than just think about it?

You are not a failure, until you quit. No matter how much you have fallen off the track, just wipe yourself off and get back on it.

Have you heard of the 5 stages of change.... knowing more about it will help you decide where you are, and where you want to be.

Precontemplation (Not Ready)-"People are not intending to take action in the foreseeable future, and can be unaware that their behaviour is problematic"

Contemplation (Getting Ready)-"People are beginning to recognize that their behaviour is problematic, and start to look at the pros and cons of their continued actions"

Preparation (Ready)-"People are intending to take action in the immediate future, and may begin taking small steps toward behaviour change"

Action – "People have made specific overt modifications in modifying their problem behaviour or in acquiring new healthy behaviours"

Maintenance – "People have been able to sustain action for a while and are working to prevent relapse"
Termination – "Individuals have zero temptation and they are sure they will not return to their old unhealthy habit as a way of coping"

"When you are sick and tired of starting over, stop quitting".

I saw this quote on another thread, makes sense, doesn't it?

'Losing it right' is one thing, but if you didn't make a permanent lifestyle change then it stands to reason you would gain it back. You're not supposed to 'diet', you're supposed to change your habits for the rest of your life. You did it once, do it again; this time permanently.

I could have written this post. I lost about 15kg last year so I decided to relax a bit over xmas and new year. Just a few naughty things now and then but once I started being naughty I couldn't stop. Holiday season was well and truly over but I kept telling myself it's ok you'll get back to gym very soon. Well very soon turned into 8 months I gained back 13kg.
I finally went back to the gym and I have now lost 7 kg. I hated myself for what I had done. All that hard work for nothing. It was a hard lesson to learn. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I have now realised that there is no quick fix.
I didn't gain this weight over night and I won't be able to lose it over night. It's going to be an ongoing battle for the rest of my life.
But If I don't try I'm just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

Hey, my friend - I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but didn't want to pass this without saying something. I KNOW for a fact that you can do it. You were such an inspiration to me in the spring, with a dedication that I still can't quite seem to equal! It's not like you're starting from scratch, anyway - what was that about a 5K this past weekend, followed by an amusement park? I think I would have died. Give yourself credit for being the strong person you are, sweetie.

So much supportive advice on this thread! it's been helpful to me just reading it!

Yes, many of us have been exactly where you are. I too am an emotional eater. I've lost the same 40 lbs at least 4 times now...but the only way to truly fail, is to give up. As long as you keep trying, you'll get there!

One thing I would suggest is that you focus less on your long term goal and more on short term goals. Fitting into one size smaller, or even having your favourite jeans fit a bit looser! After all, even a 5-10% weight loss will allow you to feel so much better! it will motivate you to keep on going!

Put one foot in front of the other, making as many healthy choices as possible in the run of a day, and be patient with yourself. You'll get there!

Now I eat out (mostly fast food) for almost every meal - I think I ate one meal at home last week. Part of this is time - I am taking 18 hours of classes and work about 25-30 hours a week. Mostly, though, it's just laziness and a genuine enjoyment of eating out, even though now I feel like absolute crap every time I do it. I can't afford it anymore, financially, emotionally, or physically, but I keep doing it.



I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I feel like such a failure. I need some serious support here. I desperately want to get back on track but I just can't get over the mental hurdle of feeling like I'm too far gone.

You need to seriously consider finding a way to automate your day. Find 2-3 breakfast, lunch and dinner ideas (centered on whole foods that are convenient or foods that are healthier than what you have been eating everyday) and eat those in rotation for a few weeks while you get yourself to a place where you are not so overloaded with obligations. Perhaps until the end of this semester and then take less classes next semester. Seriously, no need to rush out of college, b/c the job market sucks! If you already have an offer and are speeding through to get to that point, then continue on with the automated daily food schedule. Also, keep your sodium levels low, low, low - and avoid alcohol, if possible, as these two factors play havoc on two things, your bloat (thus weight each day can bounce like crazy) and appetite, everyone who has ever drank a bit too much knows what I mean here. You will begin to get bored with some items, but it is important to log very closely when making changes to see what kind of impact it will have on your caloric intake for the day. This can also cause cravings, especially if you eat certain foods that were triggers for you in the beginning. For me, I can't eat dairy, but I choose not to eat gluten, except on rare occasions, however will say that m overall chronic pain subsides greatly when I take it out of my diet.

LEARN to love convenient fruits and veggies. I know how it feels, you think people are looking at you thinking to themselves, Oh there's the fat girl eating a banana, (apple, nectarine, etc,etc) when she should she be eating nothing." WRONG! If there are any of those people thinking that, f$#* them and their thoughts, real people think, NOTHING. They are too consumed with their own lives to give a damn what you are eating, so eat what is good for you. Seriously, you are way too young to do this to yourself and way too pretty to let it rob you of that special gift that you were given. I gained weight after returning to school at the age of 28, talk about a hardship - losing weight in your 30s! Don't let this happen to you.

I probably will get "shot" for this, but don't even worry about the exercise yet. If you can, always try to walk to class, work, etc, but don't try doing too much at once as it will only overwhelm you. Also, don't expect it to all change in a month or two, or expect to lose weight quickly, b/c you won't and you shouldn't (no one really wants cottage cheese thighs, do they?)

You can do this, just try to do it so that you are not putting more burden and stress on yourself, it sounds like that is the last thing you need.

Good luck girl - you will get through this (((hugs)))