It's not supposed to be this way...

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Hi everyone! I'm new-ish here. I joined over a year ago with a different profile but never fully committed myself. Well now I'm back, and I have the new mindset that community is key. This post may sound whiney or pathetic, but my goal is to be able to look back on this in a year and see how far I've come. So here it goes:

I'm 27, a new mother, work full-time, and go to school part time. I'm currently 224 pounds and wear a size 20/22 pants. Every time I look in the mirror I can't find one thing to like. I have gotten to the point where I get extremely uncomfortable with my husband seeing or touching certain parts of my body. I'm convinced that when someone compliments me that they are just being nice to the fat girl. Actually receiving a compliment makes me highly uncomfortable because I always get that paranoid inkling that they are making fun of me. I hate pictures. I hate shopping. I silently cry in dressing rooms because I just wish I could wear the "pretty girl clothes".

It's not supposed to be this way.

I've done it to myself, now I'm going to fix it.

My goals are:
1) To loose weight and become healthier
2) Gain self confidence
3) Create healthy eating habits
4) Get into an exercise routine that consists of 4-5 workouts per week
5) Log ALL foods...even when I slip up.

I'm going to make my best effort to participate heavily in the forums because I know it will help drive me. Thanks everyone for listening to my spill!
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Replies

  • mom2tknmk
    mom2tknmk Posts: 9 Member
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    Welcome (again!) You sound just like me. Well, except younger. :wink:

    You have made the first step!
  • kateruest
    kateruest Posts: 6 Member
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    Welcome! I just recently started here myself. If you need a friend, feel free to add me.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    Just don't give up WHEN you slip up, because we all do. The important thing is that you keep going. Make small changes so you're not overwhelmed and quit. And also, try to focus on how you are feeling...not just what the scale reads. Good luck!:happy:
  • foodaddict13
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    Thanks everyone!
  • decemberist_xo
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    Hey there! Welcome aboard (again)!
    I'm glad you decided to go for the lifestyle change.
    I was the same as you - had an account here, but was never fully commited. Now I'm back and I'm back for good!
    if you like, you can gladly befriend me (:
  • bernied262
    bernied262 Posts: 882 Member
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    you don't sound whiny at all, you sound just like me, a year ago. You can do this, I know you can because if I can, anyone can.
    If I could go back and give myself some advise a year ago it would be this:

    Don't diet. 'Diet' infers that you cant have stuff, then you just look at diet stuff when you go food shopping. Instead, just make better food choices, lots of veggies and high protein foods (turkey, cottage cheese etc), swap pasta and rice for Quinoa or cous cous etc.

    Measure yourself every week. weigh yourself once a week, same day, same time. Record it. As a woman, your weight and measurements will fluctuate during the month, don't get discouraged.

    Slip ups are allowed, one bad day does not define you!

    Take pictures of yourself every week. Honestly, it was only by looking at pictures that I realised how far I had come.

    Yes it's hard, and yes a few tears will be shed along the way. BUT, you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Invest some time in yourself now, so that you can form good habits, learn to love yourself and enjoy the rest of your life. YOU deserve it.

    You can do this!!!
  • nessayessa
    nessayessa Posts: 8 Member
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    Just don't give up WHEN you slip up, because we all do. The important thing is that you keep going. Make small changes so you're not overwhelmed and quit. And also, try to focus on how you are feeling...not just what the scale reads. Good luck!:happy:

    ^^^^^ This!
    Its a lifestyle change, on the weeks or months that you don't see progress on the scale, or on the measuring tape, look for other reasons to stay positive, like exercising/eating healthier is making your heart healthier, and becoming a habit for life!
  • bethannien
    bethannien Posts: 556 Member
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    You don't sound whiny. You sound like you're ready to make a change. Best of luck to you! The forums have definitely helped me!
  • willial2310
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    I signed up earlier this year and went on a couple times . I came back Monday and have logged every day. We know what we have to do and we can do it !!!
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
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    AWESOME!!!! Just know you can do this!!!! just set it in your brain to log EVERYDAY!!!! Friends will help you go where you want to go.. I have been here a few months and I can see this helps remind me that I don't need that extra burger..or a burger at all.. hope to see you here and logging.. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    Good lass! You go for it.

    here's the things I've learned (quite recently):

    Metabolic rate is the mathematically calculable amount of energy it takes to move blood around your body, etc. It can't be increased or reduced. For as long as you're stuck doing things like breathing, your body is stuck doing things like using calories to do it. So don't get worried about 'lowering your metabolism.' Yes you will. as you get smaller you'll become cheaper to run, but that's ALL that's happening. :p

    The first law of thermodynamics demands that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be converted from one state to another. Eg potential energy stored in a calorie converted to heat energy and kinetic energy as you go for a run. that's it.

    so these people that bang on about strange alterations to make you lose weight and say silly things like 'you're not losing because you're not eating enough' need a bang on the head and told to go visit Africa.

    To me this is just so liberating. All the mumbo jumbo just confused and worried me because I half believed it - so it made dieting too hard. it took a bbc documentary about fat that I watched 2 weeks ago to make me suddenly realise.

    good luck. :)
  • jessizona80
    jessizona80 Posts: 108 Member
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    Just don't give up WHEN you slip up, because we all do. The important thing is that you keep going. Make small changes so you're not overwhelmed and quit. And also, try to focus on how you are feeling...not just what the scale reads. Good luck!:happy:

    ALL this!

    And welcome back! You can do it!!
  • trogalicious
    trogalicious Posts: 4,584 Member
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    Welcome back..

    Here ya go.

    1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
    2. Make sure you eat enough.
    3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
    4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
    5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
    6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
    7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines. This is great for steady state cardio (run/walk/etc)
    8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
    9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
    10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
    11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
    12. don't set time restrictions.
    13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
    14 BE PATIENT.
    15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
    16. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.

    pretty much that.

    ...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:

    the typical MFP users does this:
    1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
    2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
    3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
    4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
    5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
    6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
    7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
    8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
    9. Argument ensues about who is right.

    Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.

    I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.

    Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.

    Find out what you need: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
    Take the tips, links, and info above and make the cart more manageable to stay on.
  • Nooneknows21
    Nooneknows21 Posts: 81 Member
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    You honestly sound just like me. You can do this, so many have proven they can. WE can do this!
    Good luck, friend me if you would like another motivator :)
  • FrauHaas2013
    FrauHaas2013 Posts: 615 Member
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    Well, welcome back!!! We're all in the same boat - let's stick together!!!
  • cmbalint
    cmbalint Posts: 71 Member
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    Congrats for coming back.I did the same thing and you sound a lot like me My weight has been slow in coming off but it is coming off.I love the community lines I get really good info,laugh a some of the bantering and take away a lot of positive motivation.
  • trisH_7183
    trisH_7183 Posts: 1,486 Member
    Options
    Welcome back..

    Here ya go.

    1. don't trust the initial setup that MFP provides. If you put in the wrong/inaccurate information, it'll tell you to eat an amount that may not be applicable.
    2. Make sure you eat enough.
    3. Figure out what works for you and is sustainable/healthy/long term.
    4. avoid fads. don't buy in to any "Hey, try the twinkie and vodka diet"
    5. Don't cut out anything now that you don't plan on literally giving up forever.
    6. GET A FOOD SCALE. Weigh everything. No, seriously.
    7. Get an HRM with a chest strap. You'll at least have a better idea of what you're burning. It'll be more accurate than the generic info in the exercise database.. and even more than the cardio machines. This is great for steady state cardio (run/walk/etc)
    8. Don't go balls out. You'll burn out. I see 300 lb people show up here, instantly start working out and cutting their intake SEVERELY... trying to cut out all of their carbs at once.. whatever. Take it slow. Figure out how much you need to eat FIRST in order to lose.. then incorporate exercise.
    9. Don't cardio yourself to death.
    10. Take the information on the forums with a grain of salt. A lot of people that have been here for a while.. and have been successful, may seem jaded. They give out GREAT advice day after day, only to be met with people that refuse to listen.
    11. Eat real food. Not diet food. Not "low fat, sugar free, now without X." It's easier to get/find/count.
    12. don't set time restrictions.
    13. measure yourself weekly. Don't just weigh. Measure and take pictures.
    14 BE PATIENT.
    15. Avoid forum topics that have "1200" in the title. It's just full of butthurt. Lots of it.
    16. This isn't a game, it's about changing your lifestyle. Do that.

    pretty much that.

    ...and don't fall into the "1200 calorie" vertigo of suck because of:

    the typical MFP users does this:
    1. I wanna lose weight, let's try MFP.
    2. OH! Wow, it tells me I can lose 2 lbs a WEEK? AWESOME!
    3. I just sit at a desk when I'm not working out, I guess I'm sedentary.
    4. MFP tells them 1200 calories, and they don't even eat that.. then they work out on top of it.. creating an even bigger deficit.
    5. Lose a lot, fast, brag about 1200 calorie success.
    6. Come back in a few months trying to figure out why they're dizzy, tired, not losing weight.
    7. Get on the forums, ask why they aren't losing.
    8. Get two responses (I eat 1200 and lose) (I eat 2200 and lose)
    9. Argument ensues about who is right.

    Now. That being said. These threads happen hundreds of times per day. Most times, and I mean really.. seriously.. 95% of the time.. people get the 1200 number because they don't put the right information in when they set up the account. There are a great number of people that are trying to help. I'm one of 'em.

    I'm a hardcore advocate of actually finding out what works for the individual.. by means of other calculators, averages, time, practice, and patience.

    Blanket prescriptions of 1200 calories "because it worked for me" is more harmful to the generic new user than the "figure out what you need to eat." Unfortunately, one is a LOT easier to type.

    Find out what you need: http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
    Take the tips, links, and info above and make the cart more manageable to stay on.

    This !!
  • bunnies26
    bunnies26 Posts: 149 Member
    Options
    I am reading the BECK cognitive behavior system now for dieting. It is helping me think like a thin a person. I feel your pain being a food ad
    dict!
  • AnnaMarieDinVa
    AnnaMarieDinVa Posts: 162 Member
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    You've received some great advice here. I just would like to welcome you back and wish you well!!:smile:
  • carla823
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    This was very helpful information. Thanks!!