Help: How to Avoid a Binge with Parents who Binge?

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hgycta
hgycta Posts: 3,013 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, so I have this issue: I used to binge, a lot. I struggled with weight all throughout my life, leading to me trying out multiple fad diets, and eventually becoming anorexic. I have realized how terrible both of those things are, and am now at a healthy weight, trying to maintain by eating healthy foods, and even unhealthy ones in moderation.
However, recently I have been having TERRIBLE urges to binge! Even worse - my mom is a binge eater as well, she just chooses not to do anything about it because she thinks it's "too late" since she's clinically obese and that healthy eating and exercise would "take too long, and she's just addicted to food and can't help it".
My mom eats food all day long, and a lot of it. That doesn't bother me too much, I've learned to overlook it, although I don't support it at all and I constantly urge her to seek help.
What does bother me, is how EVERY SINGLE DAY I come home and there are MULTIPLE pints of ben and jerry's in the freezer. Every day. My biggest trigger is ice cream. Cookies and brownies I couldn't care less about, but ice cream? Forget it.
I guess what I'm getting at is, if any of you have been in this position, do you have any tips or advice for me?
She's such a bad role model, every night I watch as she eats an entire pint, sometimes two, of ben and jerry's. Oh how I wish I could do that.
Someone please help before I drive myself insane lol.
Rant over, sorry.

Replies

  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    My b/f will eat a whole pint of Haagen Dazs at one time..... but he isn't obese. Talk about frustrating.. lol!

    Anyway, sometimes I will buy the little half cup Haagen Dazs cups.... not nearly as much and a nice treat. I won't deprive myself... it only makes you crave things. I remember when I lived with my mother and she had pastries around all the time. I just had to tell myself that it's HER food... not mine.... and then have some fruit. Not saying it's easy, but you can't change your mother.... only yourself.
  • agdyl
    agdyl Posts: 246 Member
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    That was one of my favorite things to eat too, and I couldn't stop at a few bites, I wanted to eat the whole thing. I've just stopped eating ice cream. My husband won't stop and there is ALWAYS Ben and Jerry's in the freezer at our house. For years I struggled with it and would keep blaming him and eating it because it was there, but I haven't had any ice cream since early January now. I just made the decision that there is no way I can control what's around me. People bring treats into the office, my husband will always be buying ice cream, and I'm just not going to eat it.

    I know everyone says moderation here, but moderation and Ben and Jerrys are not things that go together for me. Once I got myself eating foods that weren't packed with sugar I stopped craving it and don't need it. It's not a big deal and I can watch him eat it and be fine. So it turns out that for me, the easiest thing to do is to not have any. If I really wanted some, I'd get one of those little tiny single serving containers of it and eat that, but I haven't had the urge to do so yet. But it's an option if I feel like I really need some ice cream.

    Otherwise, all I can say is that you have to learn to live with temptations around you. I don't think it's possible to put yourself in a bubble where you're only surrounded with good food options.
  • sobriquet84
    sobriquet84 Posts: 607 Member
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    ultimately it's up to you to take ownership of your own actions. but, if it's really that big of a hardship in your progress, then i would move out. you are 18 after all.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I realize this may not be an option at all and I don't know how old you are or anything else about your situation - but it sounds like moving out might be a good start.
  • jollyjoe321
    jollyjoe321 Posts: 529 Member
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    I have a similar problem, but I usually have a pack of cornettos around, then I can easily limit myself to just the one! =)
  • hgycta
    hgycta Posts: 3,013 Member
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    Thanks everyone, I appreciate your suggestions! I'll definitely search out some mini ben and jerry's cups, I'm sure that'll help!
    Unfortunately moving out isn't really an option for me, I just started attending college so I'll need to save as much money as possible for the time being :x I guess I just needed to rant haha thanks again everyone for putting up with me!
  • jollyjoe321
    jollyjoe321 Posts: 529 Member
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    We don't mind at all! Any time! ;)
  • imaninja2
    imaninja2 Posts: 1
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    Hi hgycta. I really feel for you. I have a problem with binge eating, too. I understand how just having trigger foods right in front of you can start a landslide. I'm on the other side of your situation. I'm the mom with teenage daughters. I have to be careful not to pass on my food and weight obsessions to my girls. As a result, I hid my problem for years. When it was too much, I started to see a therapist (who takes our insurance, so the appointments are only $20). I eventually told my girls about my problem, and that I am seeing someone to help me manage things. It was very freeing to be honest and to model healthy help-seeking behavior. And the point I'm getting to, is that it helped me tell my family that I have a problem, was really struggling, and that I needed their help and understanding in keeping certain foods out of the house for successful "recovery." Just like a family needs to support an alcoholic by keeping alcohol out of the house, the family of a binge eater needs to support the one they love by honoring requests to keep certain foods out of the house. Admit that it will be a sacrifice for your mom, but home needs to be a safe place. I would try to convince your mom that in order for you to stay healthy, you really need her help in keeping the ice cream out of the house. At least if she continues to lean on food, suggest she use another food, but one that can be hidden or kept out of site. It's pretty hard to hide frozen food! If it's too hard for her, ask if she can do it for a week, then another week, and so on. If she follows through, thank her and acknowledge her sacrifice. I hope you have someone to talk to who understands what you are going through.
    Feel free to message me if you want to.
    Be strong!
    imaninja2
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    Hi, so I have this issue: I used to binge, a lot. I struggled with weight all throughout my life, leading to me trying out multiple fad diets, and eventually becoming anorexic. I have realized how terrible both of those things are, and am now at a healthy weight, trying to maintain by eating healthy foods, and even unhealthy ones in moderation.
    However, recently I have been having TERRIBLE urges to binge! Even worse - my mom is a binge eater as well, she just chooses not to do anything about it because she thinks it's "too late" since she's clinically obese and that healthy eating and exercise would "take too long, and she's just addicted to food and can't help it".
    My mom eats food all day long, and a lot of it. That doesn't bother me too much, I've learned to overlook it, although I don't support it at all and I constantly urge her to seek help.
    What does bother me, is how EVERY SINGLE DAY I come home and there are MULTIPLE pints of ben and jerry's in the freezer. Every day. My biggest trigger is ice cream. Cookies and brownies I couldn't care less about, but ice cream? Forget it.
    I guess what I'm getting at is, if any of you have been in this position, do you have any tips or advice for me?
    She's such a bad role model, every night I watch as she eats an entire pint, sometimes two, of ben and jerry's. Oh how I wish I could do that.
    Someone please help before I drive myself insane lol.
    Rant over, sorry.
    If you want to be like your mother you'll follow suit. If not, then you'll understand how to eat just enough. There's really no advice but this since it's YOU who controls you.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Unfortunately moving out isn't really an option for me, I just started attending college so I'll need to save as much money as possible for the time being :x I guess I just needed to rant haha thanks again everyone for putting up with me!

    Studying at school can help keep you out of the way of ice creamy temptation.
  • jadelunar
    jadelunar Posts: 31 Member
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    Have you talked to your mom about how her overeating affects you? Also, ask her to stop buying ice cream and keeping it in the freezer. Ask her if she can go out for ice cream when she wants some.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Have you talked to your mom about how her overeating affects you? Also, ask her to stop buying ice cream and keeping it in the freezer. Ask her if she can go out for ice cream when she wants some.
    My parents would just tell me to mind my own business.
  • Briargrey
    Briargrey Posts: 498 Member
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    I'm probably your mom's age (43), started out at 291 in Feb...it's never too late. But, you can't change her, only she can change herself, so...for you? Well, first and foremost, just DECIDE that you are not going to do it. If you want it - take a small custard dish and measure out one serving and make it fit your calories for the day.

    I keep Haagen-Dazs sorbet and Ben & Jerry's Liz Lemon frozen yogurt in the freezer at most times. I'll just make sure I reserve enough calories for one or two servings (usually 2 on the sorbet, 1 on the frozen yogurt) on nights I want to have something sweet.

    Avoiding binging can be hard, especially with someone in the house who does it. But it really comes down to willpower and planning.
  • loserbaby84
    loserbaby84 Posts: 241 Member
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    I'm in a similar situation with my dad..

    Luckily I have my own place but on the weekends we end up together as he is one of my favourite people in the whole world ;) Unfortunately I probably got some of my nasty eating habits from him as he's an emotional eater just like me .. Emotional eaters eat when they're happy, sad, bored, upset, stressed .. you name it! So, as you can see, it's a tough thing to get a hold of.

    I was able to portion control like mad and I have made myself eat clean 80% of the time... When I'm out with my family I will ask for a half order at a restaurant or "save" most of my calories for my outing with them!

    I realize our situation is a little different but as it's been said .. You can only control YOURSELF. Personally, I love, love, love being in control of my life again and my body. I will never go back to what I was before! EVER!

    You will decide what is best for you and stick to it! Best of luck in your journey :)
  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
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    I love ben and jerrys. My mom is a binge eater too. She eats tortilla chips and the guacamole from costco. When I was younger, she would eat a family size bag of crunchy cheeyos and could drink a 6 pack of pepsi. Her cooking also wasnt very good. Not healthy or very tasty. She used to make hamburgers cheese burgers with about 8oz- a pound of meat. For ONE. Forget the seasonings slather an onion roll with mayo and there you have it. Sooo gross, I cant even tell you. Fast food burgers were luxurious eating compared. My family and I actually moved into her house with her in april. Its a huge house and she is a hoarder. Which is why we moved in ... it was a REALLY bad situation. Anyways Shechas diabetes and still eats like crap. Doesnt exercise, naps from 230-7, then gets up makes her own dinner and snack watches tv and goes to bed at 10-11, sometimes later if she ggets on the computer. Its AWFUL. My mom also goes in our fridge ( in the garage- yes seperate fridges) and eats our ice cream... My best suggestion to you, get those personal ben and jerrys ice creams or even individully wrapped ice cream. If your mom pulls out a ben and jerrys, leave the room, and since you know she keeps it in the freezer, maybe stay out of the freezer if you can. Or fill your time with something other than food, if you are bored- Im sure you already do. Im sorry about your mom. For meit was really hard to accept she just does not want to change. Shes actually told me that " its her life and if she wants to eat what kills her, she will" Its pretty sad, but in the end you have to do whats best for yourself, regardless of your parents.
  • Grenon
    Grenon Posts: 228 Member
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    There was always cookies and treats in my house, which was one of the reasons I got so large because I ate it because it was there. This is the hard part to know it is there but let it stay there, I just got so accustomed to not eating it or using it as a treat on weekends or whatnot. Really if you ask your parents to stop buying it and they wont then you have to fight the urges and it only gets easier.
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
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    oh man.....i don't envy you and your situation. Although it would be a lot easier to live on your own (in terms of controlling what comes into the house food-wise), it sounds like that is not really an option for you right now. You have made great progress mentally (from what you say), so i have no doubt that you will figure out a way to STAY healthy no matter what obstacles are put in front of you......but yikes.....that's a tough one.
    hugs!

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