So confused

Your best friend right now is logging. Log your food before you eat it or make a plan, enter it and see if it's going to work. A lot of us have been doing this for a long time and have mini calorie calculators in our heads. Eggs are a great food, about 70 calories each, lots of nutrition, good source of protein and will keep you feeling full longer. Full fat dairy, including cheese, you just have to watch your portions. Weigh and measure before you eat it. Nuts are great, 10 or 15 almonds, not a whole bag full are a great snack food. Lean meats, weigh out 3 oz before cooking and that's a portion. Supplement all your meals with lots of veggies. Fill your plate with veggies. Have fruit for desserts and snacks.

Mostly though, plan ahead. You seem to be making your food choices then checking later whether it was a good idea. You can look up just about anything in the food database and if you enter it and want to delete it and make a better choice just click the red circle and it's gone again.

I am surprised you say to cut out the nuts because what I keep hearing says that almonds are good for you. And the same with the cheese...is there a cheese with lower calories? I thought that was pretty good too. Thank you for the advice and help...I really am grateful for all the help I can get but this is what is so confusing...one says one thing and another says another so it really does make your head spin. I really want to do this...I am not a quitter but I have watched my mother (and now my sister) fight their weight all her life yo-yo dieting and I refuse to do that. I know it takes some getting used to but how to do you fight through the different opinions and know what's right? Thank you for listening and giving any help you can to this struggling human being.

Nuts are high in calorie...that is all. they are nutritious, definitely. Also, it is easy to eat more nuts than anticipated. I had to give up nuts, because when i though i was just going to eat 100 calories...i ended up eating more like 700 calories. i believe they sell nuts in 100 calorie packets, so if portion control is an issue for you--that might help. I also had to ditch my peanut butter. Again, a healthy, high protein food...but caloric. I replaced it with a peanut butter substitute with 1/4 the calories.

oops...i pretty much repeated what the poster said above me.

I highly recommend making a goal of just one pound a week. It requires more patience, but rapid weight loss will lead to sassy excess skin for certain.

This is why I never wanted to start on a diet program before this...so many different points of view and ways to lose weight. I put in my information and MFP calculated 1200 calories per day. I have gone over everyday this week since starting to log my food. So I am reading threads and come across the TDEE at IIFYM--by their calculations I should have 1811 calories per day. But when I change that MFP estimates I will only lose less than one pound per week and that's with working out 3 days a week for an hour. I am already ready to give up. I am approx. 70 lbs overweight and granted I am only 3 days into this whole thing but I am ready to give up. Can someone please shed some light on this whole diet thing for me.

I see the words, "I am ready to give up" more than once. I hope it isn't true because you'd be giving up on yourself. There is a lot to learn in order to make a permanent lifestyle change, and that is what you'll need to do for long term success. There is also more than one "right" answer, and more than one "right" way to do things. You will need to be patient with yourself and find what is right for you. This takes bone deep commitment to becoming healthy and willingness to let things happen slowly. It takes some self-forgiveness because everybody messes up now and then.

People here are generous with their time and personal expertise. They share things that have helped them become successful, and you get to pick and choose the strategies that are right for you. It is a long term learning process, and a lifelong change in eating habits if you hope to lose the weight and keep it off.

Here is my best advice:

There are two strategies that seem to do the most to help people successfully lose weight, portion control and abstaining from trigger foods. A combination of those two, plus moving more and drinking more water will do the job well. When DH and I started we bought a food scale and dishers. We were already choosing healthy foods, but we were eating too much. The food scale and dishers keep us honest about how much we are eating. We bought the food scale from Amazon for a modest price. We found the dishers at a restaurant supply business. Dishers look like ice cream scoops and come in different sizes. We bought 1/4 cup, 1/3 cup, and 1/2 cup dishers for our use. We still use them frequently or our portion sizes tend to sneak up.

If you are a family woman you'll need to eat what the family eats. Making two separate meals is not realistic for the long haul. Bottom line, plan nutritious meals for your family and eat what they eat. Measure your portions so that you have a moderate calorie deficit and you will lose weight. There is no harm, and a lot of good, in gradually substituting healthier foods into the family diet. It will help everyone in the family, including yourself. This will happen naturally as you learn more about health and nutrition, try new things, and find what helps you feel good.

Snacking at work and at home is a problem for many people. If you are a snacker, substitute healthy snacks for chips and sweets, and plan the calories into your total for the day.

I let MFP set my calorie goals for me, and as I've lost weight the calories they allow have gradually gotten smaller. I have not felt like I was starving or suffering at any time. In the MFP system, I can earn more food or special treats by exercising more. I find that very motivating, and it helps me avoid getting discouraged and resentful. I've never been tempted to try the TYDEE approach because it seems more complicated to me. Many people here use it, and it works, too.

Exercise is wonderful. I exercise and DH doesn't. He has health problems that get in his way. We've both lost enough weight that people comment and compliment each of us, although I've lost more because I can exercise. Choose exercises that you can do and enjoy, that will fit into your available time and budget. Cardio exercises will do the most to help with weight loss, but there is a place for weight training, too. It helps with your overall appearance and fitness. You want to end up fit, not "skinny fat.”

Good luck.

I know this has been stated over and over again, but I thought I'd just reiterate - You have to learn what works for you. It is a long process (which noone likes to hear), you have to have patience and a will to succeed.

Set yourself small goals, rather than huge goals which seem so far away. Move more, get outside, find something that you enjoy doing to keep yourself active.

Do your research on healthy, nutritious food. Enjoy treats, but in moderation - I tend to have a treat meal/dessert/drink on a saturday.

Weigh everything and log it on MFP before you eat it. If you can, plan the next days meals in advance - I find this helps keep me on track.

Accept that this is not going to happen quickly.

The very fact that you have decided to live a healthier lifestyle is amazing - so please please don't give up. Believe in yourself, know that it is acheivable, but it will take hard work and dedication. Keep going!