Discouraged by other people

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slimandfab13
slimandfab13 Posts: 25 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone.

Okay, so at my workplace, I am often teased by my officemates about how fat / big / chunky I am. I'm starting to get tired of all the jokes so I told them that I am going to aim losing my excess weight. When they can see that I am making healthier food choices at lunch, they tell me that I'll never be slim because I have big bones or something. Or they tell me that being slim won't suit me. I know I can do it, and I am also doing this for my own health but I really want to prove them wrong. I'd love to see the look on their faces when they see my new body. Lol.

Have you ever encountered such unsupportive people? Share your experience here.
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Replies

  • Dandman1990
    Dandman1990 Posts: 196 Member
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    I get this all the time. Then whenever I start eating less than normal people keep telling me how "it's no good suddenly becoming anorexic now"... I'm eating about 2200 calories a day I'm hardly in any danger of getting hungry let alone anything else and I think it's really insulting to the people that genuinely are struggling with anorexia.

    I guess it's just something we have to get through & hope to laugh at those same people after they're proven wrong! :happy:
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    Don't talk about your diet. there's something in the human psyche that makes workmates henpeck each other to death over three topics: smoking/quitting smoking; eating/not eating; drinking/not drinking.

    It doesn't even matter which side of this you're on in any of them, it seems to trigger some inbuilt compulsion to comment.

    They'll try lies 'you don't need to lose weight, you're thin!' or compliments 'you look fantastic, you'd look ill if you were thinner'..

    I don't know what it is, but it's automatic and uncontrollable. The only possible way to get through it is to say nothing whatsoever about it, whatsoever. and if anyone does comment look startled, like they just committed an utter social gaffe. Which they have: that of being personal in a workplace.

    :D
  • Panda_Rolls
    Panda_Rolls Posts: 101 Member
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    Wow, I'd say you should omit these people from your life, but seeing as you work with them it doesn't seem like that is possible. I think the only thing left to do is lose the weight and flaunt it.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Have you ever encountered such unsupportive people?

    Ummm that is not "unsupportive people" that is mean and bullying people. this should stop NOW. stop talking about your diet. and the next person who is compelled to "joke" (and it's NOT a joke if one of the two people doesn't find it funny) about your weight/diet/food, tell them very firmly to stop:
    "what? did you just make a comment about my weight?"
    "stop talking about my food"
    "why are you so obsessed with my food?"
    don't joke about it, don't laugh about it, be very serious.
  • notdieting
    notdieting Posts: 116 Member
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    Sort of, but in a different way. My colleagues are now telling me I'm being stupid and taking it 'way too far' because I have lost 3 stone (42lb) and said I want to lose at least the same again. They are quite ascerbic in their response, saying I'm silly and will make myself ill.

    If I lost the other three stone, I would still be a stone heavier than when I got married and a good stone heavier than half the women that are commenting. I realise it is because they have always known me to be big but surely an intelligent person can see that 10 stone (140lb) is not an unreasonable goal for someone of 5'2''

    I also get the 'big boned' comments which makes me mad. When I weighted a healthy 120lb and was a UK size 8 in PETITE, I'm sure I was not big boned and my bones never changed, I just smothered them in copious amounts of fat!!

    I will get great pleasure from proving them wrong, though none of this is for their benefit, and have a strong feeling that when I do get to 140lb, that will not be far enough for my petite frame and I will need to go further.....we will see.

    Don't let them drag you down babe, do it for YOU and sod the rest!
  • slimandfab13
    slimandfab13 Posts: 25 Member
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    Thank you for all the responses.

    Maybe that's my problem, I sometimes laugh along at their jokes even if they hurt just to show them that I can handle their teasing. But sometimes it gets to a point that it's too much, and I just roll my eyes at them. Maybe I'll have to stop talking about my diet and just act on it quietly.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Thank you for all the responses.

    Maybe that's my problem, I sometimes laugh along at their jokes even if they hurt just to show them that I can handle their teasing. But sometimes it gets to a point that it's too much, and I just roll my eyes at them. Maybe I'll have to stop talking about my diet and just act on it quietly.
    hey, we've all btdt. we don't want to appear "sensitive" and we want to be part of the group. i get it.

    My stupid BIL tends to "tease" and "joke" about other people's issues, specifically weight. in the past, not wanting to make waves, I used to ignore it or laugh it off but it does hurt. so i said to him with an icy cold very calm voice "do not ever comment about my food choices again". he Nonpologized ("i was just joking") and i said "it's not a joke, it's not funny, stop commenting on my weight". i had to actually get up and walk away from a conversation once, but for the most part he's stopped commenting to me (he comments to other people). i mean - it's REALLY not ok to tease someone about food choices, weight, etc. I can understand (not like, not accept) that it happens in grade school, but in the grown up world? no.
  • crystalrp
    crystalrp Posts: 113 Member
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    That must be so difficult for you! I must say, that for the most part, the majority of my coworkers have been wonderful. They compliment my weight loss, they ask how much I have lost, they say how it really shows. I can't imagine having to face that hostility every day at work. I agree that you should totally NOT discuss any weight loss or diet plans with these people. I liked a previous posters comment that when they say anything about your body or food ask them why the are so obsessed with YOUR body/food. Do not laugh along with them anymore. I am short as well, and I think your weight goal sounds very reasonable. Do not fall for that "big boned" crap. Just do it! I have found from a few people that the more weight you lose, the snarkier some of the comments will get from the jealous ones. Take that as a sign of success. Best of luck to you!
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Where on EARTH do you work that this sort of treatment is acceptable?!
  • brazillit
    brazillit Posts: 6 Member
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    I always know I am making the right choice when "nay-sayers" pop-up.

    Now that you know who the nay-sayers are, don't bring up your diet efforts to them. And when any one of them comments negatively, just smile and ignore any comments (nothing else). Arguing will just fuel their negativity. Then just focus on yourself and attaining your goal.

    They won't even know how much weight you lost until someone that doesn't see you everyday comments how great you look after loosing some weight. At that point they'll know how bad they would look if they made a negative comment.

    And yes you can do it!
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    Where on EARTH do you work that this sort of treatment is acceptable?!

    It's what she'd get where I work. It's quite common.

    They are actually, in their way, showing they care. they're teasing, to show she is one of the group, that she can handle being teased.

    Some workplaces, to be teased is a sign of success. Right? If you're getting picked on, you're getting noticed. People don't mean anything by it. People don't think you're getting distressed. People don't think... Heh. They're just going for a laugh at the orifice.

    Also: people don't actually like CHANGE. It destabilises them. There's something primeval about it. They don't want to have to renegotiate pecking orders, they don't want to have to learn new ways of relating to people... it's all too much. They want everyone to stay in their boxes and not move.

    :D It's not worth getting upset about. it's like King Canute, trying to stop the tide. It's an overwhelming force of nature so all you can do is protect yourself, by never telling anyone anything you're sensitive about, until it's ancient history and you're no longer sensitive about it.

    You would be stunned at the crap I got for smoking herbal, nicotine free cigarettes when I quit smoking. Not only from the smokers but also from the non-smokers. The non-smokers,. who like giving the smokers ****, gave me 3x more **** for quitting. Buncha derps.

    :D
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Wow. The worst I get at work is people tell me "you're losing too much weight" or they booby trap the workplace with donuts or cupcakes. (Cupcakes are my kryptonite.) I just try to brush it off. But I'd come back with a HELL of a lot of attitude if my co-workers called me fat. Not their business! No one asked them!
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Where on EARTH do you work that this sort of treatment is acceptable?!
    My thought exactly! If I worked with these lowlifes, I wouldn't speak to them at all.
  • kathrine71
    kathrine71 Posts: 5 Member
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    That's a terrible story! I have to say I've not come across this but these people do not sound like nice people!
    Try to ignore them the best you can. You are doing what you do for you and no-one else - and you're right - wait til they see the weight coming off, they will eat their words!
    MFP really helps keep you on track and you can get all the help and encouragement you need from like minded people.
    Good luck with your goals xx
  • rcc1988
    rcc1988 Posts: 125 Member
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    WTH? Your coworkers sound like awful people. If you are willing to be bold, tell them plainly and frankly that you are taking your health quite seriously and that their comments are not welcome. If that doesn't shut them down, I'd go to HR. They should not be commenting on your body at all. Especially in such a way.
  • PinkNinjaLaura
    PinkNinjaLaura Posts: 3,202 Member
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    It's horrible how you get treated, and it's horrible that there are so many other people who are not finding that unusual.

    My co-workers couldn't be more supportive. I really need to start appreciating that more.
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    No need to discuss it with them if you don't like what they say.

    Best 'comeback' is a year down the line when you have lost weight.

    Appreciate that different people are different - some people are happy to criticse others and be criticised themselves.

    Maybe just look at it as 'banter' - typical response would be "at least I can lose weight, you'll always be a ugly/stupid/etc" :) - but of course realise that may escalate the banter.

    In reality, people you see every day WILL be thinking she's too fat/thin/tall/short and the like.
    Because some people vocalise that doesn't really change anything.
  • glin23
    glin23 Posts: 460 Member
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    The way I've come to terms with stuff like this is, there will always be doubters. They'll say whatever for whatever reason. You need to keep it in your head that you're doing this for you and not them.
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    Oh and yes, to answer the last line; I've had people say "you don't need to lose weight", "you're fine as you are" and the like - much prefer someone to say "put down that cake, fatty"!

    (I have naturally 'big bones' - a large chest means that I can have a good bit of flab and still have my belly not stick out below the chest.)
  • NonnyMary
    NonnyMary Posts: 982 Member
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    Well besides being illegal to harrass you, if you wanted to take it to your employer, you could do that.

    Or you could handle it yourself in a couple of ways.

    Make them stop by irritating them - whenever they say a comment you dont like - First, do not answer them. Act like you are deaf. Then when an amount of time passes by, you can either not speak, or then look at them and say "Hmm? did you say something?" and then continue to look back at your work.

    Or, when they say something to you, you repeat it back to them, like if they say "you are eating too much candy!" you say "I'm eating too much candy, you say". and then look back at your work.

    Or when they say something to you, you put up your hand at them and say "Talk to the hand".. thats all you say to these types of comments.. they will know that whenever they say an insult they will get the talk to the hand comment. While you are doing this, your face gives no expression. Then look back at your work.

    Or when they give you a comment, you can answer back with a change the subject comment.

    First you have to not feel like a victim to do this. and you really cannot answer back funny. because then you are agreeing to be involved in that.

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