I'm scared

1. Start seeing a therapist for your "internal issues" and the problems you have with your mom. It will do you wonders. I couldn't even focus on getting physically healthy until I was mentally healthy.

2. If you have that much trouble with dieting, maybe look into seeing a nutritionist.

3. As much as you might worry about your mom's health, ultimately, her life is in her hands. I know that it's hard to stand up to your parents, especially when you're living with them, but you really just need to take a stand. Let her eat whatever she wants to eat, but look at it like this: you're an adult, just like she is, and you can pick what you want to eat. Do your own grocery shopping so that she has no say in it.

I would get a trainer at the gym. They will motivate you to exercise, help you reach your goals safely and healthily and analyze your specific needs. Also, trainers will bug the crap out of you and make you feel guilty for missing appointments. It's annoying, but it motivates me on days I feel like skipping the gym. Lol.

I would ask yourself seriously what you're scared of.

You don't need to be scared of quitting. It will just put you back where you are.

I hope you're not scared of losing weight and becoming more healthy. That is a wonderful goal to aspire to and you've taken the first step in the right direction. Did you know that on average it takes a smoker four tries before they quit? And every time they have the same chance of success. So try. Nothing to be scared of.

It sounds like you might be scared that you won't be able to change something you really want to. So you're not afraid of starting. You're afraid of failing. You can't fail if you keep trying. Every single time you log is a success. Every single day you eat too much and start again the next day is a success.

I have a fish on my ticker in honor of Dora from Finding Nemo. Her motto is 'Just keep swimming!'.

Hey everyone,

I am starting my weight loss journey tomorrow.

The problem is that I currently live with my parents (went back to school) and my mother eats a LOT of wheat, and enjoys cheese, cakes, pizza on occasion. She often buys me chocolate bars and wants me to indulge in the food with her. I always do. The problem is also that she is post heart surgery (4 years) and I worry about her diet but she is stubborn to change and says she knows what she is doing. Therefore we cannot eat healthy together because everytime I try to have a healthy diet, I get sucked into temptation or my mother criticizes me and makes me feel bad. Because of this, I resort to eating because when I am stressed, I EAT! A lot too. My favorite is cheese, carbs... pizza, pasta oh god I could eat forever And I have stopped exercising.

My mother is veryyyy critical and she is not obese like me, just a little overweight. She constantly tells me I am fat and laughs at me and when I confront her, she says it is a joke and she would never want to hurt me.

I am scared to do this. I am looking for support and motivation- stories of others in my boat. I have over 100 pounds to lose and my goal weight is 145. Any help? Advice? I really want to succeed but my mind gets the best of me **(

I shortened your message a bit. In order to be successful you will have to find a way to stay strong in your goals whether your mom is supportive or not. There is no rule that you can't eat the kinds of foods she serves in smaller portions, or choose one or two treats in a meal. Carbs are not inherently evil. There are two strategies that seem to do the most to help people successfully lose weight, portion control and abstaining from trigger foods. Measuring my portions works best for me, otherwise they tend to get bigger and bigger, resulting in no weight loss. I weigh meats and use measuring cups or dishers to measure things like rice, potatoes, and breakfast cereal. If there are certain foods that are too tempting and cause you to lose control, quit eating them. Potato chips falls into that category for me.

1. Let MFP set your calorie goals.
2. Record every bite.
3. Move more, and choose things that are fun for you. Could be dancing, roller skating or walking.
4. Drink more water.

One last thought: Everybody has bad days. Forgive yourself and start fresh the next day.


Good luck!

You can live with someone under the same roof, even your parent(s), and live your own life. Tell her you will be making your own meals from now on, but that she is welcome to share them with you if she wants to. Get yourself to the gym too. Make your own choices as to what you will eat and when.

Next time your mother makes fun of you, tell her to stop. Tell her how it hurts you. If she does it again, walk away.

Next time she buys you a candy bar, or offers you a desert you really don't want, say no and stick to it.

Next time she tries to pull you into her "stuff", walk away without response.

Next time she....welll, you get the picture. You have control over your own choices and actions, she does not.

As for her health, she's in charge of herself. Take care of yourself and the rest will take care of itself.

Is it possible to move out on your own? This would help TREMENDOUSLY! I also agree with most other posters in that you can achieve success even in your current circumstances. Granted it will take a little more time and will be tough but it's still doable. Also I think the counseling will help. One suggestion I would make is to make an appointment with a nutritionist or a doctor for exercise clearance. However, ask your mom if she'd go with you to your appt. Once you get there and she sees your weight and she hears what the dr will tell you, maybe that will be enough for her to see that you are serious and that you need to make changes. Perhaps this is all just a joke to her and she can't understand your sense of urgency to get your health under control. Or maybe include her on some of your counseling sessions. Either way, hopefully you get this addressed with her. I too was a fat kid, I still don't think my parents understand the toll it takes on your emotional/mental health. They grew up thin and got to do all the fun stuff and didn't become overweight until after being married and having kids. But growing up overweight is a whole different experience and maybe she can't relate.

You and mum definitely have codependent issues and although she probably needs therapy, you getting therapy to help you work out how to handle her is probably the next best thing. You can tell she's got issues because buying someone who's 250lb chocolate and wanting to eat it together with them is kinda sick. Maybe you can say 'hey mum, i'm not after that chocolate right now, let's play a game of cards/go for a walk/shoot some pool/some other fun instead!"

She wants to be close to you and she's learned to do it with food. Shocking really, but it happens to people without them realising it. Find alternatives to make her feel close to you and she may be able to let go of the chocolate one.

As to you: you're depressed, I would think. It's really hard to be motivated when you are depressed. Counselling for your fears might help too. And never be embarrassed to go get what you need. You could live for thirty years in this state from not getting help and what a waste of time that would be! (Yeah, speaking from personal experience. I'm 43 doing what I should have done at 23. ) Sort your life out so that it is what you want as young as you can, and have much more of your life left at the end to enjoy.

As to your general motivation, I think that comes with understanding, and accepting, finally, that there's actually no quick fix, no magic bullet, that fake pills don't work, there is no diet fairy up there that can wave a magic wand and make all this go away.

So all you have to do is keep on logging. Don't bother if you don't come in under your goal. let it go. any day under maintenance calories is a good day. Don't flog yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Be a little bit kind to you!

You is your own best friend. Be a good friend. Take your friend in hand and tell her what she needs to hear: that she's probably gorgeous, I know my daughter is and she's about your size (she's walking every night and I'm trying to convince her to log calories) and you probably only need to start losing weight to see how much better you look each day, to keep getting more motivation to keep going.

I caught myself the other day dropping my daily calories down to 700, lying on my daily log sheet. Haha. Stupid. I lost 1.5kg the first week eating what MFP said - so why try to do this any harder? Why make it hard? It's not worth the aggravation.

Softly, gently, and always log what you eat. And don't sweat the bad days. Just don't pay them any attention at all.

I know that it's difficult living with a critical mother - I did it for a very very long time. Even now that I've moved out, the first thing she'll say after seeing me for months is something about my appearance - a remark about my weight, my skin (if I have any acne), anything really, though she herself is overweight, on the verge of being diabetic and doesn't take care of herself.

The thing is, as some point you have to find a way to tune it out. She can say ANYTHING she wants (and will) to you, but in the end YOU are the one that makes the decision on how to handle that. It's difficult battling a behavioral cycle, but you and you alone are the only person who can change it.

You can't change her, but you sure as heck can change the way you react to her.

You have to make a choice - the same choice - a hundred times a day, day after day. Make the choice to get healthy. Make the choice to make yourself HAPPY. Happiness IS a choice. Don't let her pull you down. Choose not to respond to her. Take responsibility for yourself. It's the only thing you are responsible for.

Wow I feel like I just wrote that! Literally everything you said (except for living at home) is me! I'm 26, 5'8 an 266 lbs. I also gave up on WW and many other diets. I'm now trying really hard to take this seriously take get my life back in control! Feel free to friend me if you like! Good luck!

You sound a lot like me (no control and unhappy with myself). My best advice is to not think about the future, only think about today. Just for today, eat less and go to the gym. Then tomorrow, repeat. You'll know that you've done it before and you can do it again. After a while, all those days add up, and you'll be feeling better.

Hugs to you!

I'd suggest keeping the focus on YOU. You don't need to worry about what your mom does -- you are on this journey for you.

Second, when you are starting from ground zero, I think it's important to start small. Make one change a month. For me, I spent the first month just logging what I ate, and eating normally. That made the logging a habit. I set my goal at maintaining my current weight, so at least I wasn't gaining. The next month I set my goal at losing just half a pound a week. The third month I added in exercise. these small changes feel more sustainable to me than trying to change everything at once.

Good luck and please add some friends to your profile -- it helps!

We are not perfect and the best we can do is keep getting back on that pony! Every day is a new opportunity to work toward a GOAL. Each small achievement is a WIN. You will not reach your goal in a day, a week or a month, but you WILL do it if you keep on trying.

Don't give up...make really small changes...start this week and google 300 calorie breakfast...eat that for a week and log your food. Next week google 250 calorie snacks and add that. After about 6 weeks you will have completely "overhauled" your diet and you may be doing it slowly enough that your mom doesn't even notice.

Hang in there!!!

I would ask yourself seriously what you're scared of.

You don't need to be scared of quitting. It will just put you back where you are.

I hope you're not scared of losing weight and becoming more healthy. That is a wonderful goal to aspire to and you've taken the first step in the right direction. Did you know that on average it takes a smoker four tries before they quit? And every time they have the same chance of success. So try. Nothing to be scared of.

It sounds like you might be scared that you won't be able to change something you really want to. So you're not afraid of starting. You're afraid of failing. You can't fail if you keep trying. Every single time you log is a success. Every single day you eat too much and start again the next day is a success.

I have a fish on my ticker in honor of Dora from Finding Nemo. Her motto is 'Just keep swimming!'.

I hope your advice helps OP, and it sure is helping me! I was doing wonderfully, then I fell and damaged my knee to the point that some days I could hardly walk. then I started eating my old way, then I stopped logging. I was almost at the "what's the use?'" point, when I booked two trips- one next month to Malaysia, one in December to the Holy Land. Yesterday I was shopping and tried on a dress and caught a glimpse of my stomach and was really disgusted with myself. I almost want to take a knife and chop it off! I want to get back to my healthy habits, but I think I have some deep fear of being thinner. I'm starting logging again today, and I am going to check to see if our local gym has trainers who can help me. Thank you!

Hey everyone,

I am starting my weight loss journey tomorrow. I have started this journey several times in the past but never stuck to it nor even came close to finishing it. As a kid I have always been overweight. During my teen and early 20s, the lowest I got was 150 and I was around 5'6 then. Now I am 27, 5'8 and 250 pounds. I have never been over the 200 mark and I am severely depressed because of my weight. In the last two years I have tried to motivate myself to lose weight and I'd do fitness and diet programs for some weeks and then just give up. I also have a hypothyroid program which I am on medication for.

The problem is that I currently live with my parents (went back to school) and my mother eats a LOT of wheat, and enjoys cheese, cakes, pizza on occasion. She often buys me chocolate bars and wants me to indulge in the food with her. I always do. The problem is also that she is post heart surgery (4 years) and I worry about her diet but she is stubborn to change and says she knows what she is doing. Therefore we cannot eat healthy together because everytime I try to have a healthy diet, I get sucked into temptation or my mother criticizes me and makes me feel bad. Because of this, I resort to eating because when I am stressed, I EAT! A lot too. My favorite is cheese, carbs... pizza, pasta oh god I could eat forever And I have stopped exercising.

My mother is veryyyy critical and she is not obese like me, just a little overweight. She constantly tells me I am fat and laughs at me and when I confront her, she says it is a joke and she would never want to hurt me. But I don't think she can resist poking fun at me. I give up on all diet attempts because I lack extreme motivation and when I am not motivated, I cannot do anything.

I tend to join things and then quit. I did WW and quit after two weeks. I am currently joined at the gym but I never go!!! So I pay for something I never go to... it's depressing. I have a lot of issues internally, I constantly feel stressed and unable to do things. Even after I feel better about working out and eating good, I fall into this weird rut where things become too monotone (not even too hard) and I give up. I also tend to become obsessed to the point where I am like.... well I didn't work out today so why bother eating right? or "i have to work out 7 days a week to be successful and workouts like p90x!"

I am scared to do this. I am looking for support and motivation- stories of others in my boat. I have over 100 pounds to lose and my goal weight is 145. Any help? Advice? I really want to succeed but my mind gets the best of me **(

WELL....YOU SOUND LIKE A YOUNGER VERSION OF ME... I STARTED MY JOURNEY LAST YEAR AT THE AGE OF 45, AND ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T LIVED WITH MY PARENTS SINCE I WAS ALMOST 22, THE CONSTANT PRESSURE TO EAT IS ALWAYS PREVALENT IN MY FAMILY. ALL OCCASION TO GET TOGETHER REQUIRE FOOD...A MEAL...A SNACK...WHATEVER. IT'S A SOCIAL AND CULTURAL THING THAT HAS LED TO ME BEING OVERWEIGHT MY WHOLE LIFE. THE PRESSURE FROM FAMILY TO ALWAYS EAT AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO GATHER FOR DISCUSSION WAS UNSTOPPABLE. WHILE NEVER OBESE, MY FAMILY HAS ALL STRUGGLED WITH BEING OVERWEIGHT AND NON ACTIVE. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS HATED THAT LIFESTYLE OF FOOD, FOOD, FOOD...SIT SIT SIT. I WANTED TO PLAY SPORTS WHILE I WAS KID, BUT WASN'T ALLOWED TO FOR ECONOMIC AND PROTECTIVE REASONS (GOD FORBID I GET HURT)....WHILE MY PARENTS THOUGHT THEY MEANT WELL, IT JUST DROVE MY DESIRE TO BE A HEALTHY PERSON. WHEN I FINALLY MOVED OUT AND GOT MARRIED, I TOO STRUGGLED WITH THYROID DISEASE. I WAS YOUNG AND TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT, BUT ON TOP OF THAT HAD TO HAVE RADIOACTIVE IODINE TREATMENT FOR MY GRAVE'S DISEASE....THEN HYPOTHYROIDISM SET IN...AND MY STRUGGLE TO FIGURE OUT MY METABOLISM BEGAN. I FOUND MYSELF MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT AND THUS BEGAN THE ROLLER COASTER OF UPS AND DOWNS OVER THE YEARS. NOW....23 YEARS LATER I FINALLY FOUND MY WAY. I NO LONGER FEEL PRESSURED BY MY FAMILY TO EAT WHAT THEY WANT OR THINK I SHOULD. I MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION OVER 1.5 YEARS AGO TO GET MY BUTT IN GEAR AND FINALLY REALIZE MY DREAMS TO BE HEALTHY. I LOST 40LBS (GIVE OR TAKE A COUPLE POUNDS HERE AND THERE FOR FLUID RETENTION) AND EXERCISE EVERY DAY AND USE MFP TO KEEP MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE TO WHAT I EAT. I LOST THE WEIGHT IN 6 MONTHS AND HAVE BEEN ON MAINTENANCE OVER A YEAR....NO WEIGHT HAS BEEN PUT BACK ON.
MY ADVICE TO YOU IS NOT TO WAIT TO MAKE THIS LIFESTYLE CHANGE 20 YEARS FROM NOW. ALL THOSE YEARS YOU HAVE AHEAD OF YOU CAN BE FILLED WITH SELF CONFIDENCE AND SELF ESTEEM, THAT I ALWAYS WANTED AND DIDN'T ACHIEVE UNTIL WELL INTO MY 40'S. I AM FINALLY COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN. AND PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT THE CHARTS SAY YOU SHOULD WEIGH. ACCORDING TO THE CHARTS I SHOULD BE ANOTHER 20LBS LIGHTER, BUT MY DOCTOR SAYS THOSE CHARTS ARE HOGWASH AND UNREALISTIC. I AM FINE WHERE I AM AT, FEEL GOOD AND ALL MY JOINT PAINS ARE GONE, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAVE SELF CONFIDENCE AND SELF ESTEEM THAT MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON THAN I WAS 40LBS AGO.

AS I MENTION, I USE MFP STILL TO THIS DAY, AND IT WAS THE BIGGEST AID TO MY WEIGHT LOSS. I ALSO USE JILLIAN MICHAELS 20 MIN WORKOUT VIDEOS FOR STRENGTH TRAINING...STILL TO THIS DAY, I ROTATE THROUGH HER DVD'S FOR 30 DAY SHRED AND RIPPED IN 30. AFTER I LOST THE WEIGHT I SPLURGED ON MYSELF AND GOT AN ELLIPTICAL AND USE THAT ON THE DAYS I CAN'T WALK.

AS FOR EVERYONE ELSE....I TUNE THEM OUT. THAT WAS MY GIFT TO MYSELF. I HAD TO DO THE HARD WORK OF GETTING THE WEIGHT OFF, BUT HARDER STILL WAS TUNING OUT EVERYONE THAT TRIED TO INADVERTENTLY SABOTAGE MY GOALS. I STAYED STRONG. CAUSE I'M MY BIGGEST ADVOCATE....I AM 'ME STRONG'. I KEPT REMINDING MYSELF OF THAT AND STAYED THE COURSE.

YOU CAN TOO....GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY AND DON'T BE SCARED. TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE HEALTHIEST PART OF YOUR LIFE. EMBRACE IT AND CARRY ON WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH. YOU CAN DO IT...I KNOW YOU CAN CAUSE YOU ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON A JOURNEY LIKE MINE...I DID IT...SO CAN YOU :-)

I am very similar. I joined weight watchers and then not track points! I would loss 10 lbs and then gain it back. I want to loss 50 lbs total. I have lost 18 lbs I tracked everything. I wear a pedometer and count my steps.