Getting Started - Intimidated by Weight Loss
jayjay3251
Posts: 13
Hi everyone! I am new to this site and I joined today because I wanted to have people to talk to and get advice for a problem I have been having. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I havent been under 200lbs since middle school, so I am just used to being the way I am. However, I have never liked it. In the last year or two I have gained 40lbs and I now feel like my weight is getting out of control. I want to stop it now before Im 300, 400lbs, but Im scared. Every night I go to sleep thinking tomorrow is the day, but when tomorrow comes, I look in my fridge and I am intimidated. I can barely eat anything i want, and even if I make it past noon abiding by whatever diet Im on, if I fall off the wagon for even a second, I feel like Ive failed for the day and Ill try again tomorrow. I am afraid of losing weight I think. And I need advice. I am a determined person, but when it comes to this I feel defeated. I am not looking for advice that sounds like this: try starting out small, ect. Although this advice is useful. I think what I really need to get started is to know why I am holding myself back so much. Based on this information, what do you think is mentally holding me back? What aboutttt weight loss seems so scary? What kind of mental exercies can I practice to overcome this fear? Please help if you can.
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Replies
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Hi there - welcome! I don't think you're the only one thinking this way...BUT you've made a good start by coming to this forum. The wealth of knowledge and experience is(mostly) really helpful.
I've been in a similar situation to yourself, and when I had "so much to lose" it seemed like the effort was just going to be too great. However, now I am within 20kgs of my goal, I can tell you it is simply a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, being mindful of what I put in my mouth and realising that yes, I DO have control over what I eat and do with my body.
Making a decision to change your lifestyle in such a positive and healthy way is the best investment you can make for your own wellbeing.
For what it's worth - I didn't necessarily set "weight" related goals, knowing that I would become obsessive about weighing myself. I set "clothing size" goals, and I bought clothes with a goal that I was working to be able to fit into that item of clothing....(it was never too much smaller than what I was already wearing). Don't just look forward to the end result, enjoy the process. Enjoy the experience of gaining control over your body and your newly found ability to delay gratification. Enjoy being able to see new muscles and sinews in your arms and legs as you become fitter through exercise, and take the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and grow a little - I discovered that I really love group exercise...I NEVER would have thought that until I started. It's social, and fun!
I hope some of that is helpful...
Cheers, and good luck! You can add me as a friend if you would like
Leanne0 -
Hi everyone! I am new to this site and I joined today because I wanted to have people to talk to and get advice for a problem I have been having. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I havent been under 200lbs since middle school, so I am just used to being the way I am. However, I have never liked it. In the last year or two I have gained 40lbs and I now feel like my weight is getting out of control. I want to stop it now before Im 300, 400lbs, but Im scared. Every night I go to sleep thinking tomorrow is the day, but when tomorrow comes, I look in my fridge and I am intimidated. I can barely eat anything i want, and even if I make it past noon abiding by whatever diet Im on, if I fall off the wagon for even a second, I feel like Ive failed for the day and Ill try again tomorrow. I am afraid of losing weight I think. And I need advice. I am a determined person, but when it comes to this I feel defeated. I am not looking for advice that sounds like this: try starting out small, ect. Although this advice is useful. I think what I really need to get started is to know why I am holding myself back so much. Based on this information, what do you think is mentally holding me back? What aboutttt weight loss seems so scary? What kind of mental exercies can I practice to overcome this fear? Please help if you can.
Are you afraid of failing? Have you built your identity around being a certain size? How successful in love have you been, and would losing weight change that?
I find it easy to think I am invisible when I'm fat, and sexually unappealing, and therefore on some level 'safe'. I know, from having been slim, that I can handle the pressure of being attractive - but if you have not been attracting much attention in the past, you won't have that to remember.
I think what you really need to realise is that you only have to take this one day at a time. You only have to get better looking one day at a time. You will have every chance to adjust to the new you as you go along, to the point that you seriously need to take 'before' photos because you won't remember what you looked like before and won't realise how far you've come.
I think you need to take baby steps with this, and make only one promise for your first week or so: promise to log. I know you said you didn't want this sort of advice but I think it's important. Don't try to stick to a calorie requirement: just log.
To change we need to know where we are, and why we are there. Only then can we properly take steps to move from there.
Eat whatever. Fall off the wagon? Don't get on the wagon! Just find out what you currently do eat, and start to relax about it. Then you won't have any sense of failure if you eat something fattening. You will just be on a mission of exploration, discovering the new world of calorie counts.
I just found out yesterday that egg whites are only worth 16 cals. Wow. For that calorie count I can chuck extra egg whites into anything I like. I made an omelette for myself and my daughter with 3 eggs and 4 egg whites. A week ago I would never have thought of that. 0 -
It will be a long process during which you'll have good times and bad times. Perhaps you would work best with just starting to log everything that you eat (set yourself at maintenance at the beginning) just to get used to logging and seeing how much you actually eat. Logging is a pain at the beginning, but with time you'll get better at it. Don't eyeball, weigh everything unless it is liquid (measure that) and get used to doing that for every single thing you put in your mouth. Maybe go for a walk as well.
Once you gotten there you could start reducing your intake by a little bit and see how that works for you, and maybe walk a little bit more or go for a swim. I think you have made it such a big deal in your mind that you are shying away for what seems like such a big effort without a guarantee of results. There are plenty of people here that start slow, just as there are plenty that set a 2lbs weight loss goal and work out for 2 hours 5 times a week and then break down sobbing when the weight doesn't just fall off and it becomes very hard to maintain.
You can do it :-)0 -
Hey everyone! I really do appreciate all of the thoughtful responces. I woke up this morning and actually started. I think that if I can get through the day on this diet, maybe I can get through tomorrow too. Having the support does mean a lot to me. I do think I am afraid of failing. However, I have a lot to keep me going. I have had a long term boyfriend who has not mentioned my weight and I would love to see his face if he were to see me 50lbs lighter lol. Overall, I think I will just try and take this one day at a time & hopefully all goes well!
Thanks a lot!!0 -
Maybe try not to look at it as "going on a diet". Millions of people go on diets, lose weight, stop and gain it back. Often, they gain more than they lost in the first place. I know plenty of those people, and they've spent their whole lives either "on a diet" or "off the wagon", over-eating, feeling guilty, and planning their next diet. They are all heavier than when they first went on a diet.
You don't have to give up any foods. Just eat, track your food, and see where you need to make small changes in order to meet your calorie goals. You could even start by setting MFP to maintain weight, and just track your food for a while, then gradually eat a bit less and a bit less, until you have a reasonable calorie deficit (ie. don't try to just eat as little as possible).
I'm sure that one of the main reasons I've been successful with MFP is that I changed my mindset to get out of that dieting cycle. I eat all the foods I like, I just don't eat them all the time. I eat chocolate nearly every day, but I just eat a small amount. Occasionally, I have a large amount, but not very often. I love bread & real butter (especially buttered toast) but I used to eat several slices a day. I used to have a couple of slices while I was making a meal, plus a couple of slices with the meal etc. Just silly, mindless eating. Now, I have a slice, account for it in my calorie goal, and really enjoy it. I have Chinese takeaways, and big roast dinners, and red wine, and chocolate cake, and ice cream, just not all of those things on the same day. Also, it's balanced with lots of fruit and vegetables, nuts, seed, lean meat etc.
You'll hear people say it's a "lifestyle change", and it really is, but the good part is that you get to decide what kind of lifestyle. For some people, it's about eating nothing but leafy green vegetables and grilled skinless chicken. for others, it's about eating McDonalds and KFC, and just fitting it into their calorie goal. For most people, it's somewhere in between. You find what works for you. Only make small gradual changes that you are prepared to live with permanently. Don't give up all your favourite foods, don't go drastically low on calories, don't spend hours doing exercise you don't enjoy. Keep it simple. Eat, track your food, meet your calorie goal, and be a bit more active.
As for the fear of failure stuff, just take it one day at a time. It takes time to change the way you think about all this stuff, but it will happen.0 -
I know where you're coming from. When i started out almost 4 years ago, I was at my heaviest weight at 260 and hadn't been under 200 (or not by much) for nearly half of my 36 years. It was scary facing that ultimate goal, in fact it gave me a little bit of a panic attack to actually recognize that I needed to lose at least 100 pounds in order to get within the "normal" range according to the BMI chart.
For me a big thing that helped was recognizing what failed for me in the past. I'd mostly been on extreme diets where either the calories or food choices (Atkins) were too restrictive and for a foodie like me, that just didn't work. In fact, if you told me I couldn't eat certain things, well that's exactly what I would crave. So this time I decided I would not deprive myself of anything. I've been eating foods I enjoy all along by using portion control and some healthy swaps (more veg, less pasta, leaner meats, etc) and I've stuck with this longer than any diet I've tried in the past.
You really do need to get over the thought of failure. Success is not this nice smooth arc we picture in our minds. There are ups and downs and loop-de-loops (there's a great graphic somewhere that shows this but I can't seem to find it). Another thing I've learned is that you can't let those slip ups being the end of your efforts. Become mindful about your choices. If you make a bad choice, learn from it. Think about "why" you caved and had that extra piece of pizza when you didn't have enough calories and how could you avoid that behavior in the future. Do you eat because you're actually hungry or becuase you're bored? And if you're bored, what can you do to combat that. It can be tough but when you identify some of these habits and behaviors you can start working on correcting them.
Which leads me to my final point - patience. No one really talks about it but a big part of weight loss is patience. The scale doesn't always reflect our hard work as quickly as we think it should but it will in time. YOu have to just keep putting in the work both with improving eating habits and exercise and the scale will eventually show that progress. Plus the scale isn't always the best indicator. Also take body measurements, pay attention to how your clothes are fitting and take progress pictures.
And above all, be kind and patient with yourself. You can do it!0 -
Based on this information, what do you think is mentally holding me back? What aboutttt weight loss seems so scary? What kind of mental exercies can I practice to overcome this fear? Please help if you can.
I understand your struggle. I have been sober for 26 years from drugs and alcohol but food has always been a harder one for me to get a handle on. I love sweets. Diets have never worked more me. This program seems simple enough for me to understand and make work. Time will tell.
The calorie logging was eye opening.
I have put on an extra 100 lbs in 20 years and have to look at it as a step at a time.
I used to try and figure out what was causing me to eat/drink/work/gamble,whatever, too much but all I think I did was pay for my therapists kids collage
I have come to the conclusion that for whatever reason I am the way I am and it doesn't matter why. I just need to put one foot in front of the other and today is a new day.
Some sayings I like,
KISS-Keep it simple stupid
"Act as if" If you don't think you can do something stop thinking about it and just act like you can. Be it a day, hour or 10 minutes at a time.
Live for today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not guaranteed
Good Luck!!0 -
track your foods. stay under or as close to the goal you were given here by mfp and youll do it. to me it is that simple. i also changed what i ate. something clicked in my head and let me know i was worthy of taking care of myself. i am determined to do this. i guess it comes down to how bad you want it. i know many people that say they want to lose weight and even after seeing my success, refuse to do what it takes. so id say start by tracking. and itll happen if you stay determined and want it bad enough. good luck on your journey. you can do it.0
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I was a little intimidated to when I started I actually started last year and only did MFP a few days and was like forget that, but the end of May I started back and I couldn't be prouder of myself!! Let me tell you something that helps me, I know a lot of people are all about the clean eating but I stopped drinking soda (still have on occasionally) and I only drink water, other than that I basically eat whatever I want as long as I have the calories, and to me that makes me not really feel like I am on a diet. Now I don't go and have big macs everyday (had one this weekend and it was AMAZING) I usually get healthy choice meals for lunches at work and those are really yummy but at night when I cook I cook the same stuff I always have and just measure it and eat less of it, a little after you start logging it will be like second nature to you and its easy. Good luck on your journey MFP is awesome and you can add me if you need more friends....I am 5'3" started out at 244lbs and am down to 219lbs since the last of May and want to be 100lbs down by next summer0
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You might want to check out the Gabriel Method. He offers some meditations and mental exercises to help with exactly this problem.0
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Kudos for facing your fears and asking for help!
In the past I've failed at weight loss when I tried to make too many changes at once. So when I started this time, I decided to take it slow. For the first month, I set MFP at "maintain my current weight" and logged what I ate, keeping to within that limit. The second month, I set it to lose half a pound a week, and added some light cardio exercise. The third month I added more cardio and set the calorie goal at losing one pound per week.
Maybe if you take it slow, you won't be so overwhelmed?
Another big help for me was adding friends on MFP. It's really encouraging to get support from others.0 -
Maybe try not to look at it as "going on a diet". Millions of people go on diets, lose weight, stop and gain it back. Often, they gain more than they lost in the first place. I know plenty of those people, and they've spent their whole lives either "on a diet" or "off the wagon", over-eating, feeling guilty, and planning their next diet. They are all heavier than when they first went on a diet.
You don't have to give up any foods. Just eat, track your food, and see where you need to make small changes in order to meet your calorie goals. You could even start by setting MFP to maintain weight, and just track your food for a while, then gradually eat a bit less and a bit less, until you have a reasonable calorie deficit (ie. don't try to just eat as little as possible).
I'm sure that one of the main reasons I've been successful with MFP is that I changed my mindset to get out of that dieting cycle. I eat all the foods I like, I just don't eat them all the time. I eat chocolate nearly every day, but I just eat a small amount. Occasionally, I have a large amount, but not very often. I love bread & real butter (especially buttered toast) but I used to eat several slices a day. I used to have a couple of slices while I was making a meal, plus a couple of slices with the meal etc. Just silly, mindless eating. Now, I have a slice, account for it in my calorie goal, and really enjoy it. I have Chinese takeaways, and big roast dinners, and red wine, and chocolate cake, and ice cream, just not all of those things on the same day. Also, it's balanced with lots of fruit and vegetables, nuts, seed, lean meat etc.
You'll hear people say it's a "lifestyle change", and it really is, but the good part is that you get to decide what kind of lifestyle. For some people, it's about eating nothing but leafy green vegetables and grilled skinless chicken. for others, it's about eating McDonalds and KFC, and just fitting it into their calorie goal. For most people, it's somewhere in between. You find what works for you. Only make small gradual changes that you are prepared to live with permanently. Don't give up all your favourite foods, don't go drastically low on calories, don't spend hours doing exercise you don't enjoy. Keep it simple. Eat, track your food, meet your calorie goal, and be a bit more active.
As for the fear of failure stuff, just take it one day at a time. It takes time to change the way you think about all this stuff, but it will happen.
this was right on! ^ :drinker:0 -
Maybe try not to look at it as "going on a diet". Millions of people go on diets, lose weight, stop and gain it back. Often, they gain more than they lost in the first place. I know plenty of those people, and they've spent their whole lives either "on a diet" or "off the wagon", over-eating, feeling guilty, and planning their next diet. They are all heavier than when they first went on a diet.
You don't have to give up any foods. Just eat, track your food, and see where you need to make small changes in order to meet your calorie goals. You could even start by setting MFP to maintain weight, and just track your food for a while, then gradually eat a bit less and a bit less, until you have a reasonable calorie deficit (ie. don't try to just eat as little as possible).
You should never starve yourself or feel "restricted". There are no bad foods, only unhealthy quantities. Start by tracking what you DO eat, then look for ways to cut back a bit - maybe one less slice of pizza or 4 oz, of chicken breast rather than 4 oz of chicken thigh. Cut your "carb servings" by half a portion or a portion at least one meal per day (somewhere between a half cup to a cup less, depending upon the food). Substitute non-starchy veggies for some of the high fat or high starch items on your plate. Eat "mindfully". Little changes make a big difference over time and are sustainable. Restrictive "diets" are not.0 -
I've been overweight my whole life. I was the chunky kid in school; you know the one...the one nobody wants on their team. I kept my nose in a book most of the time, just so I could be invisible. Now, whenever I start to really lose weight and get close to my goal, I start making bad choices and putting weight back on. I think I finally figured it out...it all goes back to being invisible. Nobody really pays attention to the fat girl, right? I think it's all about fear. If you've been the same size for a really long time and then you lose the weight, who will you be? What will you look like? It's scary to think you won't know the girl in the mirror. But you will, because she will still be *you*. You just have to be patient while you convince her that it's safe to come out and be part of the world. Good luck to you. If you ever need to talk, you can message me.0
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Congratulations on starting your journey .I would like to tell you to visit skinnytaste.com .I love to eat and have found I can eat anything I want by planning my day and cooking foods from this site.It gives you calories for a serving and amounts each serving is.I am now looking at my journey as a fun way to discover new dishes and really enjoying eating without the guilt.I also set small goals and when I reach them I reward myself with something I like to eat or with new clothes ,massage etc,etc.Maybe you have been scared by setting to big of a goal for yourself ,start out slow and never give up.You can do it .If you like add me as a friend .Good Luck on your fun journey.0
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i once failed a class in college.
i still graduated.0 -
I think you're only afraid because you're still fairly young and are in a transitional period. If you are goal oriented then just make the goals smaller and more manageable. The psychology of weight loss is sometimes the hardest part for some. The forums are littered with people trying to lose weight as fast as possible, get discouraged too easily, and create all sorts of little schemes and problems for themselves.
The key is consistency without over worrying yourself. Keep yourself busy and keep yourself accountable and it'll all "work out." (See, what I did there?) I tend to say this a lot on the forums, but if the worst problem in your life is having TOO much food then.. well you're pretty damn lucky.0 -
You have done the most important part ... coming here and getting some support on your journey. Myself .. it took me 5 years to get to the point where I was ready to start my journey. Yes 5 years of sitting on the fence and wishing I would be able to do something about my weight gain.
But for me .. I bought a NutriBullet and decided that I would make myself healthy smoothies instead of drinking the pop I was doing before. It was the start of my being healthy. With some support I have slowly made more and more progress .. and now feel comfortable with my progress.
The BIG THING was just that emotional step. That was the biggest part .. I just had to be emotionally ready to lose weight and have the confidence that I could do this thing.
So once you are emotionally ready and are willing to be honest with yourself, you will then be ready to make some progress.0 -
Look I know this can be overwhelming, but don't make things more complicated than they need to be.
Eat 500 calories less or (20% less) than what you burn. No need for drastic "diets". Go here to figure out what you should be eating http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/
Don't cut any food groups out unless medically necessary.
Weigh and measure your food for best accuracy.
Try to get up and exercise a few times a week, even if it's just a small walk.
Be patient.
:flowerforyou:0 -
any sort of big change is scary. you might not like where you are right now, but it's comfortable and predictable. that, alone, is enough to stop you in your tracks unless you're motivated enough to want to change.
there are two things that i'm currently doing that i believe have helped me along: 1.) i pre-log all my food for the day 2.) i don't restrict anything. if i know i'm going to eat pizza for dinner, i plan on having two pieces and a salad and base the rest of my daily food around that. if i want pie, i'll eat pie...i just make sure it fits within my daily calorie goal.
i tend to think of my daily calories in terms of money. i've got $1700 to spend today, and that XXX food costs $575. is it worth it? or would i rather have X, X, and X for the same cost? it's all about ROI for me. lol
also, i NEVER focus on how much i have to lose. i focus on what i've already lost and making the best choices i can on a daily basis.
good luck! you can do it!0 -
Hey everyone! I really do appreciate all of the thoughtful responces. I woke up this morning and actually started. I think that if I can get through the day on this diet, maybe I can get through tomorrow too. Having the support does mean a lot to me. I do think I am afraid of failing. However, I have a lot to keep me going. I have had a long term boyfriend who has not mentioned my weight and I would love to see his face if he were to see me 50lbs lighter lol. Overall, I think I will just try and take this one day at a time & hopefully all goes well!
Thanks a lot!!
Look after yourself. One day at a time is a good way to do it. And remember there's no such thing as failing. You can't fail at dieting because there's no end date.
There's no day you have to hand this thing in by. There's no examiner. It's just you doing what you want to do for your own reasons. 0 -
One thing someone mentioned on MFP awhile back that resonated with me...don't look at one bad day as "failure" or "what the heck...I should just give up". Think more in terms of a week at a time so if you have a bad day, just get back on track the next day and move on. One day won't make or break you, but the next week or month will if you have one bad day after another. No one is perfect. Good luck to you!0
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