My Ultimate Weight Loss Reward

I've started/stopped/revised this so many times and it's gotten nowhere so I think I'll just type until I run out of things to type. I'm kinda new to MFP but not new to struggling with my weight. I've always been heavy and I've always had an excuse for being heavy. I blamed everything from my mother to genetics to unrealistic expectations from the world to college stress to graduate school stress. A few years ago I was given another place to put blame: PCOS. The way I understand it, the answer to which came first (PCOS vs obesity) is different depending on you who ask. That's neither here nor there really. I am obesed and I have PCOS. Those are facts that I have to face. Despite everything, I have a job I love and am recently married to the most wonderful man in my life. After 30 years, my life is where I want to to be EXCEPT I want children so badly I dream of it nightly. I went to my doctor 2 months after I got married and what I was told floored me. Being Google literate, I knew that with PCOS I would have trouble conceiving. I figured the doctor would prescribed some medication to make me ovulate and I would have a higher chance of having multiples (a bonus, really). Instead, my doctor told me that she did not recommend that I have a child. The risk of miscarriage, complications, and potential developmental delays any child I carried to term would be devastatingly high. As someone who works with children with delays, it was the worse news I could hear. My doctor told me I had to lose weight and being 30, I had to lose it quickly. It was recommended that I consider bariatric surgery. I knew I had hit a new low (or a new high weight wise). She recommended that I lose 65 pounds. My jaw dropped. I hadn't been 185 pounds since freshman year in college. I was devastated. Anyone looking into my car as I was parked on the roof of the parking garage could've easily mistaken my intentions. I did the research and found that even if I did the surgery, it would be 2 years before it was safe enough to attempt pregnancy. The facts were simple. I'm 30. I'm 250 lbs. I want a baby. I need to lose weight. So on July 10, 2013 I renewed my weight loss journey. I have done fairly well. Some weeks are better than others but the overall trend is downwards. I've read many times that you should reward yourself after so many pounds lost. I do this halfheartedly. Every 10 pounds I give myself something new but I know that my ultimate reward would be a chance at bringing a healthy child into this world.

As of today, I am 40 pounds from my goal. I hope to give myself wonderful birthday present in February. It will be tough but I hope to be able to do it. I don't know what to expect from posting this. I know it's in black and white and it will forever be floating in cyberspace. Maybe that's the accountability I need to help me reach my ultimate weight loss reward.