Non-first timers -- what happened?

This is hard for me, because in alot of ways I'm a first-timer, but I've been a member since 2008.

September 11, 2008 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. At the end of my pregnancy I was 204 lbs. After having her, I dropped down to 186. Pre-pregnancy I was somewhere between 165-173, I really don't remember, lol. So, after getting my 6 week post-partum checkup, I decided it was time to work my way back down to pre-pregnancy. So I signed up on MFP November 2008. I was given 1200 calories as my daily goal. Of course, I didn't really know what I was doing, nor did I factor in that I was breast-feeding. But it didn't really matter anyway, because I didn't really have much of a chance after signing up to actually USE MFP. Shortly after I began.. probably within 2 weeks about, I got a really bad ear infection which landed me with Bell's Palsy (half my face was paralyzed). My daughter was probably 8-9 weeks old at that point. I had to get CAT scans done. I had to visit an ENT every other day for like 6 weeks. It took me 3-4 months to recover fully. All while being a first-time mom. I had to be put on medication for it, and although I was on medication that was safe for breast-feeding, my supply completely tanked. I was eating Peanut butter oatmeal cookies ALL DAY, just trying to get my supply up. I was taking 12 pills of Fenugreek. I was severely depressed because I felt like a failure as a mother for not being able to breastfeed my baby. Finally, at 6 months old, I switched her to formula, because I was barely producing half an ounce. I have to say, it was an extremely low point for me. I think I cried everyday for a week. Now, I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself. But I felt like a failure. The peanut butter cookies didn't help with my weight either, lol. After that, I shelved losing weight. I knew I needed to lose weight, but at that point in my life, I just wasn't ready. The past 5 years have been culminating and building up to where I am. My daughter just started Pre-K this month, and I decided enough was enough. I NEED to lose weight. I promised myself over 15 years ago, when I was in high school, I would never allow myself to go over 200 lbs. I'm only 5'2, so it really shows on me even more. Well, I weighed in and I was 211. Obviously, I wasn't happy about that. So, after having our yearly memorial party for my deceased father-in-law, I vowed the Monday following (when everyone goes back to their own homes & states) I was doing something about it. I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to do it. So June 10th I started, and I haven't stopped. I'm approaching 110 days sometime this week. And you know what? I'm so glad I decided to change things. I feel so much better about myself. I'm losing weight at a healthy & steady pace. And my hubby said when I get down to 155 lbs, we can try for baby #2. I've been wanting another since my daughter was like a year and a half old, lol. So it's a long time coming. I know that even once we're at the TTC point, I'll continue with the logging and being active. Once we've actually conceived (whenever that is), I'll go into maintenance mode and then pick right back up where I was afterwards. I know what I need to do to succeed now, so there's just no stopping me.

That's not to say there won't be bumps. I know there will. But in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing. I can take it now.

Pregnancy, and then caring for a baby with significant health issues, exclusively pumping (which takes 2x as long as either bfing or formula feeding) and then 5 months later my mom passing away unexpectedly. Lots of stuff got shoved to the wayside, including healthy habits.

I stopped logging, and then I got nervous so I stopped weighing because I was afraid of seeing how much I gained. Then I went back to eating how I had before I started trying. I let other things take my primary focus away from my health and wellness. So now I have done more research, have more life experience, know that I have to keep doing this to lose weight and the keep it off.

I lost 50kg over two years but focused too much on the 'how's' of losing and not enough on the "why" I had been so big to begin with. I may have been able to maintain or lessen the gain but I also had knee surgery that took me from doing 2 hours exercise everyday to unable to do anything. So I gained back 20kg in about 6 months and maintained that weight for a long time but during that period finally got to the bottom of my overeating/binging and started to refocus on my health.

Then life got in the way, I had three pregnancies, and two slipped discs in my back that left me unable to use my leg properly, chronic back pain and a whole truck load of emotional and relationship battles over 5 years that left me turning to food and regaining another 20kg. I knew in my head what I needed to do to get healthy but I've been physically limited and mentally resistant to going back to calorie counting and the dedication it takes to stay on track until recently when things have clicked.

Now it's just the physical limitations that are in the way but they're also my motivation to get healthy and improve my mobility and I know my head needs to get back into that 100% motivated zone but that will only come with seeing the numbers drop! which they are slowly but surely.

I believe that majority of people regain because they don't do the emotional work to figure out why they overeat and that those issues remain in the subconscious and resurface pretty quickly when stress happens in life. There's a lot of mental blocks that people need to overcome and a lot of it for me came down to accepting myself warts and all and recognising my self worth regardless of what I weigh, because my weight doesn't define who I am.

I'm a second-timer. The first time was while my husband was deployed. I lost 30 pounds, and when he got back in June (2011) we ate all kinds of foods he had been missing, did all kinds of fun things. I tried for a little while (maybe 2 months) to keep logging, but I slowly stopped. First I stopped logging on the weekends. Then it was that I stopped working out as much. Then I stopped working out altogether because "I am just tired of trying so hard". Then it was that I just decided I could maintain for a little while and then start again when I "found some motivation". Before I knew it, I was only 6 pounds away from my highest weight.

Then I saw a picture of myself someone tagged me in on facebook. Was I really that fat again? So in November 2012, I started again and it has been SO MUCH DIFFERENT this time. It isn't a diet, I only do exercises that I love, I establish fitness goals separate from weight loss, I eat foods I love, I'm active with my family, I log every.single.thing, and I ENJOY it. It isn't a "job" this time...it's something I want to do, that I LOVE doing. This time, I follow IIFYM and don't try to eat as little as possible and burn as much as possible. Something just clicked this time and I learned SO MUCH from other MFPers on the forums (thank you, thank you, a million times over). It has been a true learning experience, and I have grown to love the ride.

I started dieting when I was 8 and ever dince then it's been a way of dealing with emotions and depression. It's how I isolate myself and feel safe. Part of me is scared to or doesn't want to reach my target because I wont be able to use this coping mechanism. So when I felt I didn't need it anymore, I'd "stop caring" and let it creep back on. I can't count how many times I've lost weight. I'd like to think I don't need all that anymore and haven't dieted as much in recent years... but then I took up a drinking habit which made me fat. Not positive what I'm gonna do about that except hopefully drink less and log it. I'm also going to weigh regularly instead of avoiding it.

I didn't get far when I started in January (I think 10 or 15 pounds?), but I stopped exercising and logging when the **** hit the fan in my marriage -- I only had so much energy to devote to keeping sane. I realize now that I probably would have coped better if I had kept logging and started exercising, as those have been keys to maintaining mental health now that I live alone, but at the time I was overwhelmed by a lot of feelings.

Luckily, I didn't really gain or lose when I wasn't logging, but I kick myself for all the wasted time (from February until August).

First time, lost 4 stone, I was 11 years old. People hassled me for being "too thin" (5 foot 5 and my lowest,at 14, I then was 127lbs, perfect weight! I wish I'd never listened to those fools), so I put on a stone by the time I was 16. Yo yo'd for awhile, tried stupid fads, by the time I was 18 I'd gained another 16lbs, tried to lose it but couldn't, by this time I'd started drinking, so things were about to get tough. Went back to my original weight gradually. Lost it all again when I was 23, kept it off for 3 years. My job ended 14 months ago, between having less money for food and none for gym membership, coupled with not having my active job, I gained that tricky 10lbs back and working on that now.

Some people struggle with weight.

Simple as.

I was not a first timer. I joined Mfp in 2011 after having my daughter. I barely lasted a month. I was breastfeeding, my hormones weren't back to normal, by body hurt when I exercised. I used these all as excuses to not stick to it. I did lose my pregnancy weight, but then gained back several pounds.

When I came back this year, I was fed up with myself. I was disgusted by the fact that I had let myself get so out of shape. I had to get control now. I want my daughter to see me healthy and strong, and know that she can be too.

I lost 50 pounds (215 to 165) in 5 months. People close to me said, "You're too skinny!" And... I listened. I stopped tracking what I ate, and went back to my old, comfortable habits.

I've lost 30 pounds so far this time. I've had people start to say "skinny" again. I blatantly (and over-dramatically) plug my ears with my fingers and say "la la la la, I'm not listening!."

If you're going to listen... listen to your body.