Retarded...

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2

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  • Jonesie86
    Jonesie86 Posts: 446 Member
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    A) I'm well aware they have double meanings - this is my point. People treat 'retarded' like it has double meaning; one for a person and one for something that is dumb/stupid.
    B) Clearly the more important point of this post was that spic doesn't have a 'k' on the end.
    [/quote]

    Is there a reason you are being defensive? I just pointing out there is no alternate meaning to the word that was edited out -- though I am surprised the correct spelling of the other wasn't edited as well. I assumed it passed because of the misspell.

    I am not arguing it is ok to use "retarded'" to describe somebody who is acting "stupid" but "retard" is a word is being used less and less by the medical community in favor of intellectually or developmentally disabled or I/DD because of its negative social connotation -- whether we like it or not, there IS a certain duality to that word because people generally suck and are rude and thoughtless creatures. The point remains, there is no duality to racial slurs.
    [/quote]

    No, I apologize, I didn't mean to get snarky. And I do agree with you, thank you for your thoughts :))
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    I rather suspect it's the former, not the latter.
    I don't think my friend who commented something about 'baldies' was embarrassed because of the 'slur' - but because it was derogatory towards a characteristic of mine (my hair started receding in my very early 20s, so I've just attacked it with a racer since.)

    Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?
    Would you rather people not express what they are thinking for fear of offending someone, whatever they say?
    To me, the very best way to stop people causing offence is to not take offence yourself.

    Your post could be considered rude in just the same way you are being offended to people that DO have a 'mutation'.
    Personally, I'd have described having an extra chronsome a mutation.

    Everyone's genetics are different and yes, I am ironically amused that you, just like the people you are criticising, seem to be putting others down.
    Also, I believe downs syndrome definitely was/is considered a mental retardation.

    Personally, I accept that people are different and that some will make make fun of characteristics of other groups.
    A very obvious one would be different sexes - I've often heard women say to a man "oh you're such a WOMAN" when getting overly emotional over a minor thing, being weak and the like.
  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
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    I have a friend who has a child with Down's and although she says she would have chosen an easier life for him had she been able, she feels 100% blessed to have the chance to know and love him just as he is. I wish the world wasn't so cruel with respect to people or things they don't understand. A girl I used to know has a daughter with Crouzons sp? (facial deformity) Her hand was deformed also and when she was in Wal-Mart one day she heard an EMPLOYEE say to another employee to "check this out, look at that freak baby" in the aisle across. To see this kid smile would melt your heart, because you realize she's just like any other child with the same needs to me loved and accepted, if that employee had met her for just 10 seconds she would have realized that. It's sad that people can be so cruel.
    Oh. I hope your friend got that Walmart employee fired or at least reported it. It makes me so mad.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
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    People's intentions are more important than their words.

    I agree with this wholeheartedly

    This is potentially wrong. Let's say your workmate makes a mistake, and you say it's ok, you just had a blond moment, or a senior moment. If they are blond or an older person, and they see you making a joke based on sterotyping and take offence, then you are in the wrong. It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to offend them and were just making a light-hearted joke. The effect of the words is more important than their intent.

    The issue of casual racism has been topical in Australia lately. The Australian Race Discrimination commissioner said this the other day:

    “It may be a joke, an off-handed comment, or even who gets included in chats in the work kitchen or water cooler. And it concerns not so much a belief in the superiority of races – an idea that only an extreme fringe would these days endorse – but prejudice born of stereotypes rehearsed about someone's skin colour or ancestral background."

    Dr Soutphommasane said there were still consequences if the acts of racism were unintentional or underpinned by ignorance.

    “That is what is most important in any conversation that we now have about racism: it is as much about impact as it is about intention."

    http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/casual-racism-rife-in-australia-commissioner-20130918-2tzt5.html

    I think the same argument applies to the casual use of the derogatory "retard" or "spaz". The impact of the words matters as much as the intent.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
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    I am glad you posted something because I think a lot of people are naive and just don't know how hurtful they can be.

    Unfortunately, People aren't given sensitivity training and until you have someone close to you that has a child with "special needs" they just do not understand.
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
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    It's amazing to me the shock that comes across peoples face when they use the word retarded in front of me, and then as though a light switch was flipped, realize I have a daughter with Downs. Do they only feel bad because they said it in front of me, or because it's a really ugly word? More than likely it isn't the latter.. Kind of when people aren't sorry they did something, just sorry they got caught. The word doesn't bother me and that is because my daughter isn't retarded - she's developmentally delayed. She has Downs Syndrome, not some mutation. Not a inability to love, think, walk, talk, certainly not a disability of any type and I won't treat her any differently than I do her sister. I actually have had some people tell me, "I'm so sorry" when then learn I have a daughter with Downs, and do you know what my response is? "Why are you sorry? I'm not, she's awesome and you should be jealous I got her and you didn't."

    Sometimes I pity people who possess the inability to think before they speak, other times I'm just so happy to not be one of those people anymore. When someone learns I have a daughter who isn't 'normal', I've been told, "oh that's too bad...I'm so sorry...what a shame...well at least you have a child without Downs too..." but that is the least of what sticks with me. The individuals who tell me how lucky I am, how sweet and amazing she is, that she's just as capable as any other child and how truly blessed I am for having her in my life, those are the comments and thoughts that I hold tightly.

    Gay, *kitten*, queer, ******, spick....sounds pretty disgusting, right? Retard is just as nasty. Please give some thought as to what comes out of your mouth...

    I fully see what you're saying, but I suppose it really does come down to context.

    I would never ever dream of calling a work colleague, stranger or child a retard, but I have called it my friends, in jest, when messing around.. A banter kind of thing.
  • kellyskitties
    kellyskitties Posts: 475 Member
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    Sorry, but this always makes me smile.

    My dad's eldest brother was born with the chord round his neck, so was left with a good set of cognitive problems. He spent most of his life working for a family friend in a garage. He was able to complete small task, like putting protective sheets on car seats and giving a car a quick valet.

    But he got great joy in delivering a single sentence.... "Sorry mate but your timing is retarded"

    The customer was always mightily embarrassed and my uncle highly amused.

    Needless to say we were taught the real meaning of the word at a very early age. It doesn't mean dumb/stupid, it means to cause someTHING to progress slowly - like an accident and a traffic jam - anything that causes a delay. It would have been used to describe a child's emotional and cognitive progress, they would have been retarded by disease, accident or congenital hiccup.

    The idiots chose to misuse it and another good word bit the dust.

    Very true about the origins...

    And when you hear a group of any group of people of any problem beyond normalcy - you hear them make fun of it very lighthearted. I've heard the mentally ill call each other crazy - and laugh and laugh about it. I would be cautious because I don't know who would think it funny and who would be sensitive about it. If I had a friend, I'd probably call them crazy because to be my friend you can't be that sensitive. I'm also not mortified if I get called fat or short. I have OCD and my friend enjoys pointing it out. We just laugh, it's something I'm used to. I had an uncle that was disabled - had a badly useless leg that was too small. He would call himself a "gimp." I didn't know that was wrong. He was comfortable with it. He also was an adult who had come to terms with things. Would I call a stranger that? NO. You don't know the rules. You don't know what would be hurtful.

    I don't use the retarded word, except in regards to things nonmental - growth can be retarded, progress can be retarded, and in it's proper use people can be, but it's been used too hurtfully. It's not the word, it's the cruelty of people.

    But in other worlds, children can be very sensitive about being different. I would protect a child from the stress of it until they were able to face such things.

    Those people at walmart - that's just rude. Don't comment on others - especially on things that are beyond control. Even when you see someone dressed bizarely in walmart - that could easily be mental illness. Not nice.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    I'll stop practicing my French then.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
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    Embarrassingly honest...as a child of the 80's this was a hard word for me to let go. Because I never associated it with developmental disabilities until someone pointed it out to me. I was mortified. But it still took me a while to remove it from my vocabulary. Sometimes people don't know.
    A few more that people don't know about and just use...
    'Dego' as in Dego-tee. I cringe when I hear people say that since its derogatory to Italians.
    And 'gyp'. Inferring that all Gypsies are of course thieves.

    I even once got an email (AT WORK) from someone talking about how one of the suppliers was trying to "joo him down".
    He had no clue that he was saying 'Jew' and what it really meant.

    Sometimes gently educating people is important as well.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    I'll stop practicing my French then.

    Then how will you tell people that they are late?
  • stefjc
    stefjc Posts: 484 Member
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    Oh yes! Gypped... I was ripped off.... that's one that had slipped past my personal thesaurus. I just hadn't put 2 and 2 together.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    actually, "retarded " was acceptable back in the 70s and 80s............I worked in special speach ,occupational and physical therapy for the " crippled" people as they were refered to at that time. I wolked as a volunteen for the Texas Rehabilition for Crippled Children, that eventually went to the name of Easter Seals for the Handicapped.........this was back in the 60s

    Im 58 and "retarded, mongoloid and crippled" were the terms used.........times change, hopefully, people will

    my oldest brother was hurt in a freak baseball accident, and we took care of him, as he was wheeel chair bound for 34 years before he died.......people can be rude, I ve seen people at their worst, the stares, comments, etc

    Its good you let em know, that way they will learn...........good luck
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    Interesting.
  • wideeyedla
    wideeyedla Posts: 138 Member
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    So the interesting thing to me here is that we don't use the word retarded professionally any more. We use cognitively or developmentally disabled. We don't refer to children as slow any more.

    For this generation of children, the word retarded ONLY means someone who is acting stupid. I am in agreement that the word is ugly, and shouldn't be used, but without teaching people the history of the word, they do not understand the pain they inflict.

    When I started teaching, the special education class for those students with an IQ below 70 was actually called "Educably Mentally Retarded." Now that program is called Special Day Class. The students I taught in high school who are now teachers themselves never heard that word used in a professional setting.

    People use the word moron all the time. It isn't as offensive. But the history of the word is exactly the same - just a matter of degree.

    All derogatory terms should be erased from our vocabularies. But it isn't going to happen.
  • lucystacy71
    lucystacy71 Posts: 290 Member
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    I used to teach 5th grade. One thing I tried to teach was that words can hurt and we should be careful as to what we say. I had a particularly hard time with that word, especially when I learned another teacher used it with abandon - in a class with special needs students!
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Some people can't be bothered to keep up with what is PC. It used to be OK to say that word (oh, 50 years ago). I wouldn't automatically assume someone uses it in a mean way. They may just not realize it's hurtful. I've been known to inadvertently us an un PC term and was corrected for it. Luckily it was in the company of friends and not in front of someone who would have been hurt by it. Needless to say I updated my brain databases, and don't use the term in an inappropriate manner anymore.
  • Jonesie86
    Jonesie86 Posts: 446 Member
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    I rather suspect it's the former, not the latter.
    I don't think my friend who commented something about 'baldies' was embarrassed because of the 'slur' - but because it was derogatory towards a characteristic of mine (my hair started receding in my very early 20s, so I've just attacked it with a racer since.)

    Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?
    Would you rather people not express what they are thinking for fear of offending someone, whatever they say?
    To me, the very best way to stop people causing offence is to not take offence yourself.

    Your post could be considered rude in just the same way you are being offended to people that DO have a 'mutation'.
    Personally, I'd have described having an extra chronsome a mutation.

    Everyone's genetics are different and yes, I am ironically amused that you, just like the people you are criticising, seem to be putting others down.
    Also, I believe downs syndrome definitely was/is considered a mental retardation.

    Personally, I accept that people are different and that some will make make fun of characteristics of other groups.
    A very obvious one would be different sexes - I've often heard women say to a man "oh you're such a WOMAN" when getting overly emotional over a minor thing, being weak and the like.

    Okay, I hear and understand your thoughts, so here a few things I'll point out;

    Genetic mutation - "Changes in the nucleotide sequence of the genetic material (i.e. DNA, or RNA, in the case of viruses), which are usually caused by copying errors during replication that further lead to base substitution, insertion, or deletion of one or more base pairs." So yes, by definition, it is a mutation, but more correctly it is nondisjunction; "The failure of homologous chromosomes to segregate or to separate during and after meiosis."

    "...was/is considered a mental retardation." Again, by definition, true. The abnormal genotypic ratio affects the phenotypic ratio, which is why they have certain characteristics. Also, if you look up Downs Syndrome definition, the first thing listed is 'congenital disorder', which if you look up the meaning to that, it says, 'a defect that is present at birth' - which can be physical, or mental.

    "Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?" ~ neither. It's sad to see a lack of compassion, empathy, sympathy, common sense and tact in today's society. If one is going to use the word 'retarded', I would just like to make sure they understand the meaning, or understand what causes the 'defect/mutation/retardation'.

    Also, please check your grammar/spelling. :happy:

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