Struggling with doing it for ME

Hey Bridgie,
1st! I Hope you had a Happy Birthday, after all it was YOUR SPECIAL DAY!!!!
Please don't call yourself fat, that is degrading yourself, just say you're out of shape and want to Get fit!
Now doesn't that sound better? I guess A lot of people are more critical of themselves than they have to be!
Any gal can give herself a makeover anytime she wants, and it's all the rage, soooo Trendy! So how do you get motivated?
I am a former fitness instructor, Body builder, and casino cocktail server. I am now 60 years old and I still strength train! The hardest thing is to stand up and then move! Once you do that the motivation comes. For me I put music videos on, get up and dance a little, feel good, and I'm ready to get out the door and walk! On the flip side of the coin it I get up, get on the computer or turn on the TV , I'm not going anywhere! I also am on medications because of a robbery and my metabolism is out of whack! The weight I gained from that I lost, but then my boyfriend had a stroke, and he had to stop smoking and to support him, we went on the buddy system.

That was last year a few days before Thanksgiving, and the turkey we never got! LOL I didn't change my eating habits at all but I did gain 10 lbs which I am working on getting off! I take a walk everyday, and I strength train with dumbbells still. you can find fitness in almost everything you do! ex.... when you're on the phone pace from room to room, don't sit. during commercials get up and stretch and do a few lunges, even legs spread and lunging from side to side! I watch TV and with my bells, I do bicep curls, or wall sit, and wall push ups easy peasy, and you're still doing something! The main thing is to get your body in motion, that's why I love walking. You can start with 10 minutes, then 15 min and keep adding to it, you'd be surprised how quickly you work up to a mile! This will sound strange, but after my walk, I go to the kids playground and I swing for a while! I'm stretching my legs after my walk when I do this! You also have to believe in yourself, and have other people to support you, which you can get right here! I great group of people always encouraging each other, celebrating a success not matter how big or small, and supporting someone when they fall and helping them get back up! We also defend each other. The one thing I want to caution you on, only because old habits are hard to break, is your talking about starting then stopping! No yo yoing, it's very bad for you and puts too much of a strain on your body because it doesn't know what to expect next! It sounds to me as if you just need a daily routine set in place, and to also change your attitude about yourself! A little self esteem coaching can go a long way, and most men are mum
on the subject, so you don't get support from them! You have to build you self confidence, and here other members will pat you on the back for every little bit of progress you make. You'll make lots of friends, some will weigh more than you and some will weigh less, but everyone is here for the same reason! So welcome aboard, and I hope to hear from you soon. If I can offer you any assistance in anyway...just ask! :flowerforyou: Best wishes for a successful new you!

I also wonder whether the issues are actually with him. Maybe he's been feeling down, maybe he's having problems or stress. It doesn't mean he should be nasty to you, but I just wanted to float the option that maybe his bad mood had nothing to do with you. Maybe he's got problems with his manhood and was scared that you'd find out, especially now that you have started to take better care of yourself and might leave him for a better partner.

Obviously it could also be that he's a miserable sod who doesn't deserve you, but there are other options. Hang in there :-)

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad bday! I struggle with "doing it for me" and staying motivated too, so I can't help you much there. But for your other concern, about your husband not finding you attractive so soon after you married, I don’t think it has anything to do with your weight because, as you said, you didn’t gain much and he was happy before. I think you should take the focus off of you and put it on him. Stop trying to make him think you are attractive, and instead, let him know you think HE is attractive. Yes, men are attracted to women because of physical traits, but men also respond well to women who make them feel good about themselves. So instead of hoping for compliments from him, give HIM a complement. Tell him the shirt he is wearing complements the color of his eyes or something like that. Men are expected to give women complements, but no one ever tells them they look good! Or bring up something he does in your relationship that is considered "manly" and praise him for it--maybe he's a good provider, or he's handy around the house. Be subtle about it...you could say something like "one of the girls at work has to call in a contractor to help her with X and it’s going to cost her a lot of money, it's too bad her husband isn't handy like you honey". Then drop it—don’t lay it on too thick. Say something like this once a day or at least once every other day, and I think his attitude to you will improve. Many years ago I was a single gal living with a married couple. The woman was well over 350 lbs and her (relatively fit, thin) husband just worshiped her. I saw this old little book on her bookshelf called “Light His Fire” and thought that I could probably learn a thing or two from the book because clearly, it was working for her! The book was all about making men feel good, so they want to make you feel good too. I had been dating this great guy for a few years, but he didn’t want to commit to an exclusive relationship. The tips in the book worked really well—we’ve been married seven years now and I still remember and use them! (Another good tip from the book—always, ALWAYS be thrilled and appreciative when your husband buys you something, even if you don’t like it. And then wear it/use it, whatever. When you complain, you make him feel like a failure and are just training him to stop buying things for you!!) You can’t change your husband or his behavior, but you can change how you act towards him and THAT might get you the response you want from him. Good luck!