feeling sorry for a friend

Tell her to stop with the excuses. She doesn't have to eat the junk her husband brings home.

Well she could also not tell her husband that she is trying to lose weight and just does it on her own? Then he wouldn't buy the junk food!
And she should set up a MFP account. Maybe eating a cookie here and there isn't bad

Seems like they need marriage counseling....a good husband should only encourage his wife to be healthy. That being said, perhaps if she just resists the junk or cuts back she will start to lose weight and her actions will speak for themselves. I can't imagine any husband not wanting his wife to look her best and be healthy. Perhaps she can get him involved in doing activities together and they could get healthy together, not necessarily cutting out all the junk food he apparently wants.

It's definitely an excuse.. He's not force feeding the cookies to her, it's her own fault if she can't stay away from them.

And maybe she can be a bit more discreet about her dieting efforts. If I had to guess, I'd bet she tells him every little bit about how she's bummed about not losing fast enough or hates her body or whatever. I never really talk like that but every once in a while I slip and make a negative comment about my former blobular shape and it really upsets him. When someone cares about you, they don't want to hear you putting yourself down - they love you just the way you are! She needs to keep that kind of talk in the girlfriend zone - things she only discusses with you and other close friends.

And/or she tries to completely revamp their foods and he hates that too because he's not interested in eating "diet food". There's ways around that too. 1) everything in moderation, there are no bad foods. 2) portion control. You can still make the same foods, just make sure they fit in your calorie/macro goals. 3) make subtle changes and don't report them. When I started tweaking our recipes to make them healthier, he'd turn his nose up about things like whole wheat pasta or turkey sausage, etc. So I made sure he didn't see the labels anymore and asked him what he thought about the food after he ate it and THEN I'd tell him so he'd learn healthy didn't always mean it tasted like cardboard. He'll still try to make comments now and then but all I have to do is remind him that's they way we've been eating the healthier alternative for months and he's never complained so obviously healthy foods are tasty too.

tell her not mention it to her husband and just do it. Tell her to get a little self control because he can buy those foods, but he's not holding a gun to her head and making her eat. Tell her to find her inner voice and stand up for herself instead of making excuses and blaming others. Tell her to start taking responsibility for her life, her actions, and her trajectory.

Self control and communication is key, just because her hubby brings the junk into the house doesnt mean she HAS to eat it, like others are saying she should get a MFP account so she can log and be accountable for what she eats, and all you can do at this point is be a supportive friend and workout with her, now if she doesnt want to work out with you and makes excuses then at that point she isnt ready to lose weight.

I personally think that she should join MFP, she can count her calories, help her see exactly what she is eating. The support here is Amazing! You can share your experience with her from joining. I LOVE Food! I have a very hard time saying no to cookies, but am learning I can have one cookie in moderation. The eating journal is the way of life. :-) I am changing my lifestyle for my health, she can too! :-)

A lot of us have been stuck at the start post for a variety of reasons, but really it does come down to the point of not being ready to do it for ourselves.

She tells her husband she's going to do it, he buys stuff, she eats it. It does sound as if it's an excuse on her part, even if it isn't conscious.

I think she needs to not tell her husband and start making small changes in her eating and movement. All too often we get so caught up in the all or nothing mindset that we forget we can make huge differences by making small changes. Maybe that's what you need to remind her about.

I think it's nice you're concerned about your friend.

::sigh:: I guess I should have ever posted this. i was hoping to not get smacked w/ the no excuses hatred responses. i was hoping to find some other suggestions instead of that being the only thing to say to her.

Since when is common sense hatred? Is her husband tying her down and forcing the cookies into her mouth? No? Then it's an excuse. It sounds like her husband may be used to hearing her talk about dieting and then not proceeding, so he's not taking it seriously. She NEEDS to show him she is serious and that can be done, even with junk in the house. It's called either not eating the cookies OR only having one or two and then eating healthy and exercising.

Don't accuse others of being hateful because they are being blunt and are living in the real world.

::sigh:: I guess I should have ever posted this. i was hoping to not get smacked w/ the no excuses hatred responses. i was hoping to find some other suggestions instead of that being the only thing to say to her.

Since when is common sense hatred? Is her husband tying her down and forcing the cookies into her mouth? No? Then it's an excuse. It sounds like her husband may be used to hearing her talk about dieting and then not proceeding, so he's not taking it seriously. She NEEDS to show him she is serious and that can be done, even with junk in the house. It's called either not eating the cookies OR only having one or two and then eating healthy and exercising.

Don't accuse others of being hateful because they are being blunt and are living in the real world.

Totally agree with this.

::sigh:: I guess I should have ever posted this. i was hoping to not get smacked w/ the no excuses hatred responses. i was hoping to find some other suggestions instead of that being the only thing to say to her.

Sometimes a spade is a spade. Just because you want it to be something else doesn't mean it's not a spade anymore.

You can wish in one hand and poop in the other, guess which one will fill up faster.

Since when is common sense hatred? Is her husband tying her down and forcing the cookies into her mouth? No? Then it's an excuse. It sounds like her husband may be used to hearing her talk about dieting and then not proceeding, so he's not taking it seriously. She NEEDS to show him she is serious and that can be done, even with junk in the house. It's called either not eating the cookies OR only having one or two and then eating healthy and exercising.

Don't accuse others of being hateful because they are being blunt and are living in the real world.

I agree. If he's sabotaging her, she needs to buck up and deal with it or get rid of the sabotager. It's going to be alot easier to ignore the cookies in my opinion.

And why does she think she can't have cookies at all, believing you have to cut out types of foods is just a recipe for disaster.

It's not your business nor your problem.

This is between her and the husband. If she's incapable of asking him to not buy her junk food, then clearly she has more issues than just food. If he goes out and buys junk, she can say "no" and throw it away/let him eat it, whatever. Unless he physically forces her to eat it, then she does so of her own will.

Not entirely sure what you expect a forum full of strangers to do about your friends husband, to be honest.

My son is 6'5" and 160 pounds. My husband is 6'2" and 170 pounds. Suffice to say, there's plenty of high calorie junky food in my house because I've got 2 guys who have a hard time keeping weight on.

My weight problem is mine to own and mine to solve. There's always goodies to be found, everywhere you turn. When your friend is ready to be serious, she'll do it. Until then, tell her about MFP and ask her to let you know when she starts her new life plan. Then back off.

Eat the cookies.