Cruel people

Littlestandrews
Littlestandrews Posts: 96 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm so frustrated by my family! Both my parents and one of my sisters have always been obsessed with weight (since I was a young child). Unfortunately, none of them ever learned to change their eating habits so they would crash diet and lose 50-100lbs and then gain it all back over the course of a year or two. I was always thin growing up but gained about 40lbs since I got married 7 years ago (which is a lot for my 5ft tall frame).
I decided in May that I wanted to be healthy so I started exercising, in July I began counting calories. I want this to be a life style change so I realize it will take time. At this point I've lost close to 20lbs but I'm also trying to slowly build muscle.
Well, I live far from family and they haven't seen me since last November. I put a full body pic up on my facebook from the Color run 5k this past weekend. Ya know what I heard? "It doesn't look like you've lost any weight. You don't look any different"
Guh:( Thanks a lot.
«1

Replies

  • GGut
    GGut Posts: 94 Member
    Keep going, they're jealous.
  • Ayane101
    Ayane101 Posts: 56 Member
    People are cruel! My mom laughs in my face about it. I wrote it in my blog. It is absolutely devastating that people are that mean about everything.

    Keep moving forward and find the little things to inspire you! Let the haters hate!
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    That's just mean.

    Sometimes by changing your lifestyle you can make other people uncomfortable. Use it as motivation to keep going :)
  • forevertoday
    forevertoday Posts: 101 Member
    I understand these feels... I just don't tell anyone if I've lost or not (MFP is not included in this)
  • mineownself
    mineownself Posts: 12
    Don't concern yourself with the meanness of others...their battle is with themselves, not you.

    You do what you need to do for you....the rest can get stuffed.
  • GirlWithCookies
    GirlWithCookies Posts: 138 Member
    My dad says similar things to me. I saw him a couple of weeks ago (haven't seen him since May) and the very first thing he said was "You look the same." It means something to us because they're our family, but we have to try to make it mean nothing.
  • lfell6
    lfell6 Posts: 24 Member
    Ignore them hun and keep going the way you are, sounds like you know what you are doing and are doing it right so don't be disheartened, keep eating right and building that muscle up :) remember when the muscle starts gaining it may slow the loss on scale down but ignore it because the more muscle you have the more calories you burn and you will actually be burning more fat than you think! :) then your family will really be jealous because yours is the weight loss that is going to stick! :)

    keep going strong your doing great! :)

    PS try taking measurements as well as weight ;)
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    Don't worry about them, just focus on your goals and keep on pressing hard. It's very easy to criticize others from afar while doing nothing, which is why so many people do it. It's a waste of time to allow those kind of people to bring you down.

    Another thing I think happens when you start losing weight is people start to worry because you are changing. They're used to seeing you at a certain weight/appearance, and when that changes, they start to become concerned. The reality is you are getting healthier and they are just used to seeing you overweight, so they get concerned. Many times that's all it is, nothing more, but sometimes it is also jealously/envy, etc.

    Arnold Schwarzenegger's parents and friends used to poke fun at him about his dream to become a bodybuilder, they said it was stupid, he's wasting his time, he'll never amount to anything, etc. Good thing he didn't listen to them, because he became one of the most popular bodybuilders of all time.

    Don't listen to them, keep on going, you're doing great and making good progress, and I'm sure you feel a lot better about yourself as well, so that's all that matters.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    Funny how they missed the part about you running the 5K, though, huh? You know they know they can't do that, and apparently they needed to find something to criticize you for. Yep.

    My dad will do that and not even mean to be cruel, btw. His job has always, always revolved around spotting problems, lol. So he's the king of finding something wrong with everything :D

    Congrats on the 5K!!!!! And the weight loss! Excellent job :)
  • claudiakendall98
    claudiakendall98 Posts: 242 Member
    People that would say such a thing are just mean.To all that have no support from family add me and I will be your support.You are doing great and have taken steps to get healthier and every pound lost is a celebration for me.We are in this together and we will succeed.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    They're just jealous. Ignore them and listen to people who aren't turd burglars.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    are you doing it for them? or for yourself?

    if the former, then perhaps you should re-evaluate your reasons for doing this. if the latter, then tell them to "take off, eh?!"

    bd95455a4b9297933603ec781014.jpeg
  • Siansonea
    Siansonea Posts: 917 Member
    They're intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. You know what pisses off people like that? Not letting them hurt your feelings.

    Seriously, where people like that are concerned, don't look for or expect validation or approval. Expect them to be complete jerks. That way, you'll never be unpleasantly surprised. Make a game of it. "I wonder what digs I can expect from them this time?" Whenever anyone tries to insult me to make themselves feel better, I just smile, and file that info away, then slowly phase that person or people out of my life. With family, it's not that simple, but you can train them to respect you by NOT giving them what they want when the make remarks like this. What they want is to make you feel bad, so you'll lose focus and gain weight, so they can feel better about their own lack of discipline. You have to be quite diligent with mean-spirited family members, and maybe some spiky barbs tossed in their direction will shut them up. Sounds to me like they live in glass houses, so, hurl those stones.
  • spickard34
    spickard34 Posts: 303 Member
    Jealousy is a mother **cker. That is awful that your family would not say thing. I too have had this happen and it always seems to be those people that can not stick to a weight loss regime. Keep going don't give up. It is a lifestyle change I started 6 years ago at 186 and I am now 142-144 it is possible to change yourself for life. Do what they could not prove them wrong and that will be satisfaction in the end.

    Congrats KEEP GOING!!!!!!
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
    Depending on how much weight you have to lose 20 pounds may or may not be visible to other people. I lost about 50 before anyone outside my immediate family noticed.

    That said, people are like crabs in a bucket. If you're trying to improve yourself and climb out of the bucket, most people will pull you back down to their level instead of trying to lift you up, so cherish the people who support you.
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
    Keep going, they're jealous.

    ^^ This.
  • Leannek74
    Leannek74 Posts: 374 Member
    That's just mean.

    Sometimes by changing your lifestyle you can make other people uncomfortable. Use it as motivation to keep going :)

    Wise words!
  • klschuchardt
    klschuchardt Posts: 10 Member
    Good thing you are doing it for you and not for them. :) It definitely sucks when the people you love don't get it and are mean about it but ultimately you can't change them. Just your reaction to them. Keep up the great work. You look awesome!
  • Errrica91
    Errrica91 Posts: 122 Member
    Truth to be said people can be pretty evil when it comes to someone else losing weight, the worst are the ones who couldn't lose weight propertly themselves AND family... I don't know why is this...probably just the jealousy...:D

    I've lost and gained some weight back over the last years and I've never ever heard a TRUE compliment from my family members...and if they ever said I looked good it was always followed by something negative about my weight...

    Don't let them get you down, OK?:-) Be your own hero:-)
  • sk8momrbs
    sk8momrbs Posts: 21 Member
    That's terrible. But YES, I agree, they're jealous. Do this for YOU and only you, don't worry about them. I know it's sad, they are you're family. But you can't really do anything about it anyway. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!
  • StheK
    StheK Posts: 443 Member
    I say as little as possible to anyone about my weight loss, for this and many other reasons. If they notice, they notice- if not, that's ok too. I'm not doing it for them. Most people don't even know I'm losing weight. Maybe I'm lucky in that I don't need that external motivation.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    There are a lot of people in this world whose lives are so meaningless and empty that in order for them to feel better about themselves, they have to belittle. try to make others feel small. or minimize other people's accomplishments. I think people like that need to be pitied. I feel sorry for them. They are very unhappy. The trick is to not make their approval necessary. I know it's easier said than done. They won't be able to recognize and be happy for your success until they are satisfied with their own lives, and lot of them are not willing to put that kind of effort in. JMHO.
  • FrauHaas2013
    FrauHaas2013 Posts: 615 Member
    There are some people who just can't be happy and celebrate someone else's success - they look for ways to bring them down. Maybe your family members wants you to fail because THEY failed, and they can't bear the thought that you're doing something right that they couldn't do themselves. Ignore them and keep on going!!!!

    "WHEN YOU WANT TO GIVE UP, JUST THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU FAIL...DON'T GIVE THEM THAT PLEASURE."
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
    Fast forward a year... they'll still be mean but YOU will be lean, slim and fit. :bigsmile:
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
    Honestly, people just don't notice until the weight loss is really significant. My family didn't say a word till I got to 30 lbs lost.

    They may not see it. Family has a tendency to be more blunt about things like that, anyway. Unless there's a bunch of history of cruelty that you're not telling us about, it doesn't sound cruel or jealous to me.

    Just do your thing and don't take it personally.
  • bloominheck
    bloominheck Posts: 869 Member
    :flowerforyou:
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
    Honestly, people just don't notice until the weight loss is really significant. My family didn't say a word till I got to 30 lbs lost.

    They may not see it. Family has a tendency to be more blunt about things like that, anyway. Unless there's a bunch of history of cruelty that you're not telling us about, it doesn't sound cruel or jealous to me.

    Just do your thing and don't take it personally.

    x2
  • lachesissss
    lachesissss Posts: 1,298 Member
    There's a lot that goes into people's perception of you. People didn't notice my weightloss until I'd dropped close to 60lbs. Sometimes it's just a matter of making a clear and obvious change. They're not being cruel, just blunt and perhaps you're reading it as insensitive. Just keep doing you. Good Luck.
  • Littlestandrews
    Littlestandrews Posts: 96 Member
    I don't want anyone to misunderstand. I am not doing this for them, I'm doing it for me. They wouldn't even know about my diet if it wasn't for my youngest sister visiting and observing my exercise/diet. At my height, almost any weight loss (especially 20lbs) is noticed. My family will bring it up (publicly) if they perceive that I've gained weight.
    My issue isn't that they don't think I look thinner. My issue is that I didn't ask what they thought, but they made sure to let me know that they saw my fb pic and didn't see any difference. It's not like I asked, "Hey, do I look smaller?" and they were just being 'Honest.' It was a jerk comment for no apparent reason.
  • knot_enough
    knot_enough Posts: 176 Member
    numbers don't lie, my friend.

Categories