Why are you doing this??

cursiny
cursiny Posts: 907 Member
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
My motivation for weight loss can be so situational......currently single and hating it. Do you think that losing weight for a potential mate is "healthy"??
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Replies

  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I don't think it's unhealthy...I think if other reasons aren't factored in you're setting yourself to begin gaining weight once you're in a relationship.....sort of like losing weight for an event like a wedding or vacation.....rarely kept off.
  • FrauHaas2013
    FrauHaas2013 Posts: 615 Member
    Well, everybody wants to look good, but it's got to go deeper than that if you really want to "KEEP" it off. What happens if you DO lose weight but still, no "potential mate" appears? Will you go back to being unhealthy?

    Do it for your health; do it to be strong; do it to extend your life; do it to have the outside match the inside....and if a potential mate shows up, then good for him/her...if not, it doesn't matter!
  • dramagirl1
    dramagirl1 Posts: 27
    If that can actually work for you that's great. I've tried to lose weight to find a mate sooo many times and I could never make it stick. I would just give up and think it wasn't worth it or that he should want to be with me anyway.

    This time I feel better about losing the weight and being healthy than I ever have before and I think it's because I found my boyfriend BEFORE I started changing my lifestyle. We have been together for two years and decided together that we wanted to change and be healthier. It's so much easier to have him to do it with and we keep each other motivated.

    So for me, the old saying of "you have to do it for yourself and no one else" was really true. When I was trying to do it to "find someone" it just didn't work.
  • eblakes93
    eblakes93 Posts: 372 Member
    For my health and to honor my body. As an inspiration for my family. So I can look great and buy the clothes that I want to buy. To feel more attractive and confident at finding a partner and being intimate.
  • cursiny
    cursiny Posts: 907 Member
    I know confidence is so important. And my confidence level is pretty low!! So as I lose the weight I anticipate my confidence level will increase. And the increase in confidence will certainly help as I search for a man.
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Once you start feeling better about yourself, you will realize that a Man is more trouble then it is worth, when you have achieved your own happiness alone.
  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    While I do have my "ugly" days, in general I've never found myself to be unattractive. So I'm doing this for my health and anything that's good that comes with it is a big bonus.
  • Thorbjornn
    Thorbjornn Posts: 329 Member
    My motivation?

    Pure vanity and a personality flaw that requires me to be "better" than the average 56 year old guy; I want to be able to strut like an alpha male, turn heads and have people comment on my physique.

    There, I said it. :bigsmile:
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    I want to be a home wrecker.
  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
    For my health...
    ... in other words, for me, for my own long and healthy life. Clothes, confidence, men, etc... Everything else is icing on the cake of life.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I wasn't trying to necessarily lose weight when I started...I started tracking my food for health reasons and to see if I could reverse some really bad blood work and get off my meds (I'm only 39) with diet and exercise...in the mean time, I happend to lose 40 lbs and I am off all of those meds save for one. My focus now is basically being more awesome each and every day...always improving on my fitness and nutrition.

    I hate to say it, but "shallow" motivations don't tend to lend themselves to long term success. It's such a long haul, and you have to realize that there really is no finish line...you're never done. The most successful people I know here and elsewhere do not look to these kinds of things or "special events" for motivation...they just do..they just go and exercise the same way they get up every morning and brush their teeth...they get their nutrition on just as routinely as taking a shower. It's part of their routine and part of their lifestyle. They are focused on the process, not some arbitrary end results...because in the end, there really is no end.
  • jollyjoe321
    jollyjoe321 Posts: 529 Member
    Not unhealthy at all, whether it's the reason or the bonus on the side.
  • SlimmingMeDown
    SlimmingMeDown Posts: 63 Member
    It is totally healthy and normal. Finding a mate is one of the main biological drivers in our existence. If humanity didn't work towards attracting or keeping our mates, the human race would cease to exist.

    Keep it going, girlie!
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member

    I hate to say it, but "shallow" motivations don't tend to lend themselves to long term success.

    True story...
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I think you should be doing it for you, but whatever gets you there.

    Here's the thing (and I know this because I spent most of my 20s in a state of obesity and depression and denial about both of the above): your "potential mate" deserves the best version of you that you can come up with. And through this process, you will find that version. You will realize she'll never be perfect, but you'll keep trying anyway because someone, somewhere is worth the effort. If it's not a romantic partner, YOU are worth that effort. So again, whatever gets you there.

    I started losing weight because I wanted to be healthy. I've been healthy for a while. Now I just want to be freaking hot. And strong. The strong part is really cool, too.
  • fitgaltoo
    fitgaltoo Posts: 19 Member
    the real truth is stop "searching" for a man. Become a woman that a "quality" man would want and he will show up. The more you try to find, search, look for etc. the more you will attract a man who is unhealthy. Unheathy men are attracted to needy women.

    Become what you want to attract. Do you want a man who only does things to get women to like him. Of course not!! That's what you would be doing also if you get thin to "find" a mate. YOu have to rephrase this. How about "As you become thinner you enjoy the attention it brings you"! That's a positve way to put other there what you want. Enjoy the positive attention and positive energy that comes from being happy with your body.

    A great man will show up when you are happy with yourself. Concentrate on being happy with who you are! If you do that you get happy and a man comes along to boot! You have to re-arrange your thinking. Believe it or not it works!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I know confidence is so important. And my confidence level is pretty low!! So as I lose the weight I anticipate my confidence level will increase. And the increase in confidence will certainly help as I search for a man.

    Keep in mind that you may have to work on both aspects...a lot of people make the mistake of tying the two together and think if they lose the weight they automatically gain their confidence. It often doesn't work that way...confidence is largely a mental thing whereas weight is a physical thing obviously.

    I've never really had any shortage of confidence, regardless of my weight. I have more energy now which makes me a bit more aggressive I suppose, but I've always been a pretty confident individual even when I was substantially overweight. Conversely, I know people who are very attractive, fit, and healthy and they have almost no self-esteem or confidence...they don't see themselves as attractive, fit, and healthy.
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
    Not unhealthy at all. Weight loss / body re-composition is about pure vanity. Sure, we want to be healthy, but 9/10 looking better is the main motivator.
  • fitmusiclifeviola
    fitmusiclifeviola Posts: 99
    I was feeling out of control while gaining weight, and feel more empowered while maintaining choices that are healthier. I also enjoy my tennis game improving, and it being easier to run around. I like the mirror more when I like how I look to, although I find weight less to do with this than the feeling of being strong, empowered and controlling what I can control in my life to be ready for what life brings along.
  • Eleonora91
    Eleonora91 Posts: 688 Member
    My motivation for weight loss can be so situational......currently single and hating it. Do you think that losing weight for a potential mate is "healthy"??

    No I don't think it is, but I don't think it's worse than doing this for yourself. If you look at the mirror and feel disgusted or unworthy it's pretty much the same as if you were doing that in order to please someone else. On the bright side I don't really think there are really so many people who do that because of their health only. Losing weight requires a lot of mental strenght (especially if you have to lose more than a couple of kgs) and I don't think it can come from the simple realization that you could feel better than you already do. This might be my opinion only, but I think you can never start a weightloss journey with no motivation at all - whether it is pleasing yourself or someone else.
    Try to be very careful about that because it's a real trick. As soon as you mix emotions with food/weight here comes the problem. I know it's hard to do that for yourself only but you should try to feel proud about yourself everyday, not only if you lose weight.

    It's pretty much the same for me, I've always felt fat and ugly and even if I have someone now I still feel way too fat for him. Plus I've been dealing with disordered eating habits and I know how bad it can turn to be if you mess with your self esteem and food. Good luck for your weight loss, I'm sure it's going to be a success and I hope you're going to find true love very soon either :)
  • fitgaltoo
    fitgaltoo Posts: 19 Member
    Also really great men loooooovvvvveee women who are happy with themselves. That means they don't have to come along and be your happiness as you are already a happy person. Its a lot more fun to be around someone who is already happy in a relationship.
  • Minx675
    Minx675 Posts: 30 Member
    I wasn't trying to necessarily lose weight when I started...I started tracking my food for health reasons and to see if I could reverse some really bad blood work and get off my meds (I'm only 39) with diet and exercise...in the mean time, I happend to lose 40 lbs and I am off all of those meds save for one. My focus now is basically being more awesome each and every day...always improving on my fitness and nutrition.

    I hate to say it, but "shallow" motivations don't tend to lend themselves to long term success. It's such a long haul, and you have to realize that there really is no finish line...you're never done. The most successful people I know here and elsewhere do not look to these kinds of things or "special events" for motivation...they just do..they just go and exercise the same way they get up every morning and brush their teeth...they get their nutrition on just as routinely as taking a shower. It's part of their routine and part of their lifestyle. They are focused on the process, not some arbitrary end results...because in the end, there really is no end.

    ^^^This^^^
  • capnrus789
    capnrus789 Posts: 2,736 Member
    I wanted to get laid. A lot. Wasn't happening when I was fat.

    I lost weight and started getting laid.
  • Miffylou
    Miffylou Posts: 307 Member
    I can only say for myself, but I do this for me.

    Everything after that flows with that. My confidence, my happiness, the way I look and feel. This then flows onto my family, what I do with them and the benefits that they get from us all be healthy. They are now more active and eating a lot better as well and hopefully I am a better role model for them.

    So if your reason is to have a partner and that makes you feel good then I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
  • simplycorey
    simplycorey Posts: 721 Member
    Not unhealthy if you think of it as feeling better about yourself, which leads to confidence, which could lead to a potential boyfriend. Focus on yourself though and don't try to be anything other than you for anyone else. I did that for too long and I am now single again. Thankfully I have a different perspective this time around and I am going to be damn choosy. ;) Good luck to you!
  • mineownself
    mineownself Posts: 12
    It's been my experience that if you are not doing it for the right reasons, you will fail.

    You need to do this for you, not another person, nor to attract another person.

    It's kinda like quitting smoking - if you do it to shut the doctor up, you won't succeed.

    Love yourself enough to want this for you and then you'll open the door for love from someone else :)

    Just MHO

    Good luck
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    I think it's fine, as long as you're also doing it for yourself. It's easier to date when you feel confident and attractive!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    Although, if you find a partner before you reach your goals, don't let it throw off all your motivation!
  • Angierae75
    Angierae75 Posts: 417 Member
    For me it wouldn't be healthy, because why would I want a mate that wouldn't have been interested in me if I were heavier? I don't want someone like that in my life.

    For me, because I enjoy running, and the less I weigh, the easier it will be to run longer/farther/faster.
  • kowajenn
    kowajenn Posts: 274 Member
    Do it for yourself. Be happy and healthy. Happiness is incredibly attractive.

    I do this for me. I had gotten to the point where walking hurt my feet and I had no energy. I looked and felt terrible. I do this for my family. I love them and don't want to die younger than I need to. I don't do it because I want to be attractive to other people. Screw anyone who felt my "before" was inferior.
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