Not getting support anymore

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  • coastalstorm25
    coastalstorm25 Posts: 48
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    I am so sorry to here that! I know how it feels and can relate. My husband was once like that and would actually try to start a fight because I would carve out time for myself to workout...at home no less. He would say that I don't need to workout and why was I? But i explained to him that I feel great and better about myself when I workout. After awhile he got the message. I don't talk to my friends and relatives about losing weight, I rephrase it as a healthy lifestyle of getting stronger. I look at my parents and see that the way they live is not the way that I want to live ...and that keeps me going on.
    My biggest peeve is when I say that I am not drinking...and all hell breaks loose...it's annoying....
    STAY STRONG.....you know what you are doing is right for you and only you. :)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I have luckily not had this issue, but I hear a lot of similar stories.

    I've seen people my height and weight who look amazing, but *I* feel fat. I understand what you were saying. People also get defensive when someone with fewer than 10 pounds to lose wants to lose weight. Don't we all wish we started with fewer than 10 pounds to lose???

    Everyone has their own body issues, no matter what they look like. I wish more people would realize this.
  • Suedre
    Suedre Posts: 435 Member
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    meh. I just ignore it. Yeah, they tell me to eat a sandwich and that I'm going to get sick if I don't eat more. All I hear is blah blah blah. I feel great. I'm under the care of a physician who says I'm perfectly healthy. I'm happy when I look in the mirror and I know I'll still be happy when I look in the mirror 15 pounds from now. I try to understand that they aren't trying to hurt me, they are just communicating their fears the best way they know how. I don't push back, it's not worth it. The problem is theirs, not mine.

    I will tell you though.... I don't understand why I can so easily be chastised for being 'too thin' or 'sickly' (which I am not), but if I dared call someone 'heavy' or 'unhealthy' there would be a much different response.
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
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    wow, i'm sorry your family is not more supportive. i haven't encountered this with my family, but workmates yes. when people see you doing something they cannot or will not do, they don't know how to say anything encouraging, but just the opposite. it's sad really.

    this place is great for support. we all have the same goal.

    totally off topic but...i am wearing that same sportsbra right now LOL i know...i am dumb :P
  • IndyHannah
    IndyHannah Posts: 59 Member
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    Thanks everyone for your support. It has really helped me more than you can imagine. I do do this for myself and usually I keep it to myself. But when I'm asked about it and then berated it's just so unfair. If you don't want to hear about how fantastic I am and how I'm doing then don't ask!

    Thank you all again.
    :flowerforyou:
  • GrayJohn
    GrayJohn Posts: 74
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    I too get this - my parents aren't supportive at all. They are plain jealous that I've lost my weight as they've not got the will power or motivation to do it. I told them I was planning on running a half marathon 2 hours drive away and they said "that's a long way to travel to do that" - not, well done or got for it etc.. just negativity. I'm used to it now but it still sucks. A guy at work went onto "Lighter Life" for 3 months where you don't eat and just drink water and shakes for meals and lost 50 lbs and was commenting that I had only lost 20lbs going to the gym so he was like rubbing my face in it.
    I said great, well done you! Now I've lost 130lbs and he's put all the weight back on. Who's laughing now?! Not that I say that to him because I know how hard it is being large.

    Being humble is far more attractive in a person than someone who boasts about weight loss.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    John -- Way to go! and Go for it! (on the half marathon)

    I'm very impressed.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    JohnGray, lol.......love it, Awesome post if Ive ever read one.

    I dropped the word " family " about 10 years ago, look up "dysfunctional " in the dictionary, and youll see my family treee

    I have 2 brothers hun, just like your size 12 sister and mom, and I put them outta my mind, pronto........

    Thats one of the biggest reasons why I think I put on weight......dealing with those 2 psychopaths............

    Just write em off love, be nice to em when you see em, but rememebr, you have great "support" family here. Besides, it sounds lkike Size 12 sister is getting jealous and little sister is looking hot and thin.........Let em baske in their resentment. You look awesome , so dont go back to where you were..........its a dark place. Good luck, were all rooting for you...........Lloyd

    (p.s.) Your size 12 sister and mom remind me of Cinderellas family...........get my drift :) ?
  • IndyHannah
    IndyHannah Posts: 59 Member
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    JohnGray that sucks! If I was preparing to run a half marathon I'd expect more than that!!

    Good luck for it, it sounds fantastic. And seriously congratulations on your weight loss that's amazing! Really well done :-)

    Lloyd I see what you mean. They don't have me scrubbing floors though thankfully!
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    My mom is the same way! It's like if I'm smaller than her then she just can't handle it. She even accuses me of sabotaging my husband's diet so I will be smaller than everyone. Hell I weighed more than all of them a few years ago and it's ridiculous.

    You look amazing, don't listen to them. :)
  • jmcniel
    jmcniel Posts: 65
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    Keep at it. If you know that you are doing your best, that is all that you can hope for.
  • jmcniel
    jmcniel Posts: 65
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    My mom is the same way! It's like if I'm smaller than her then she just can't handle it. She even accuses me of sabotaging my husband's diet so I will be smaller than everyone. Hell I weighed more than all of them a few years ago and it's ridiculous.

    You look amazing, don't listen to them. :)


    Yeah, well if your mom would drop the 1/2 gallon of blue bell and 1 pound bacon sandwiches, she might get results.
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
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    I feel for everyone going through this, as I too am getting back handed compliments when family admitted they noticed (I lost 30 pouds) So now when anyone mentions it I emphasise how this has improved my health. "Thanks, I am doing this so that I feel less back pain." or "I've been focusing on eating healthy and I've noticed my energy and moods have improved so much." Focus on anything other then the fact that we are feeling sexy in our new skin. That's for our partner to notice.
  • bsexton3
    bsexton3 Posts: 472 Member
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    Told my wife what your sister said. Her reply was, that's another incentive. She can't borrow your clothes. Let her know if she gets down a size, she can borrow it.

    A few years a go, we took a once in a lifetime trip before my daughter's senior year in high school. Everyone complained that they couldn't afford a trip, how could we. We simply asked, "How many times do you eat out each week?" When we told them we hadn't eaten out for two years and cut back on Christmas presents, etc. to save for the trip. They could do it if it was a priority.

    The same is true with diet, weight and lifestyle. I choose to spend a week's vacation cycling across Washington state. Most think it is crazy. I think it is crazy to simply lay on the beach or sit in a chair at a casino. We all make choices. When it comes to eating and weight, these are the choices I am making for me. I am not making them for you.
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,611 Member
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    When my friend lost 100 lbs, she met a lot of resistance from family especially. I hope I was as supportive of her as she was of me when I quit smoking each time! I am finding lots of support and help on MFP! Use this site as your support and keep up the great work!
  • cutmd
    cutmd Posts: 1,168 Member
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    I understand. I am the only one in the family really into fitness now. I was initially applauded at becoming toned and smaller, but now I'm more likely to hear "you aren't trying to lose more weight are you?", and have had an overweight clerk at work pull me aside and tell me to eat. I think it's not always jealousy. Change can be scary and weird in those you love. I remember a coworker of mine lost a lot of weight and went from obese to a normal size, but for the first few months he looked like he had gotten sick to me because I was used to his heavier weight. I try to think about that now when people fret I am going to disappear. :laugh:

    For the record, the OP is only a US size 6 and her "size 12 sister" is an 8. So likely neither of them are overweight. You do have to be sooo careful when putting someone's size or weight into the same sentence with fat :flowerforyou:
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    I always hated the false smiles and the "Oh don't you look good!" You could almost see the mental eye roll they were doing. I have a mirror, I know I am fat, don't patronize me. Last time I tried to lose a lot of weight I did manage to lose 25 pounds and get to 250....I got the wide eyed looks and the "You are a stick! " " Don't need to lose more"... Riiiight. I know people thought they were being encouraging, thought they were being helpful, but all it did was piss me off. I would just smile and nod. I herniated 2 discs in my back and gave up the diet. I gained it all back plus a little more over the following 2 years.

    This time the only person that knows I have changed my lifestyle is my boyfriend. I didn't tell my family, or his. I didn't tell my friends either. I saw everyone between May and June, I figure I will see everyone again around Christmas. By then I should be down about 50 pounds. I am thinking that by then I should have it well in control and be able to just continue to smile and nod when the comments start. I just seem to do better without them. None of them have had to lose more than 10 pounds (and OMG you would think they had performed a miracle!).

    I like the kind of support I get on MFP, I know you guys mean it. You have been there, are there, and know how diffucult it can be. We know how to laugh at pants falling around the ankles, the droopy drawers, the near obsesive measuring and the need for the internet connection! We celebrate the small things that make a difference, the first time you actually jog, the first time you make it thru Shred, the discovery of a low cal/low fat treat. You GET IT. They don't.

    I am sorry your family isn't supportive anymore, but you still have US! We understand and we got your back! Keep up the great work!

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