"You Don't Look that Big" | Booo :(~

SymphonyTea
SymphonyTea Posts: 62
in Health and Weight Loss
It drives me a little bonkers when people try to spoon feed me BS like “you don’t look that big”. To be at a reasonable weight, I need to shed 100 pounds and when I hear rubbish like that I just want to give the prune face :sick: . I’d really prefer honesty, I don’t mean call me a fat bit** or anything horrible like that but just, plan old, “yeah, you need to lose weight” honesty. Granted, I’m above average height & fairly proportionate, my weight is evenly spread from head to toe but, right now, I’m a big girl that’s working my way back to being a fit & healthy lady & I could do without the “you don’t look that big” kind of phony comments. Guess that’s why I find some solace in communicating with my MFP Peeps as we’re working towards similar goals.

This is a rant but I’m curious to know how others, actively, on the weight lose wagon feel when folks are BSin’ about their weight status?
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Replies

  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    As a thin person it makes me feel awkward to comment on bigger people's weight. I guess it depends on what they're saying to me. If they're kind of putting themselves down I might say something like that to be nice, but then add what has worked for me so that I'm acknowledging that their concerns are real. I mean the person already knows they're overweight, they don't need me telling then or even confirming it to them. If they're talking generally about losing weight then I won't bother to say that they dont look big, i'll just discuss the weight loss aspect.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
    Lol I love rants.

    I too am on the thin side but the older I get, the more honest I get with people. If they ask, I have to tell the truth. I've pointed a few people toward MFP.
  • Siansonea
    Siansonea Posts: 917 Member
    I don't BS people like that, but I also don't really focus on numbers when I talk to people about their weight loss goals. And I only give advice if I'm asked, I don't volunteer to diagnose people's weight issues.
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
    Well I only get you don't look that big when people hear my real weight. 290lbs! because when I told my mother I was going to loose 100+lbs she thought I was crazy. I was all MUM I am 330lbs ( at the point) she was all O_O BS! you are not that big.. So I stepped on the scale and showed her. I thought she was going to die...because honestly I don't look my weight. Even my doctor was like that can't be right and re weighed me to make sure on her terms I was 330lbs at that point.
  • gigglesinthesun
    gigglesinthesun Posts: 860 Member
    my doctors said to me that my BMI was overweight and she was right, I had gained 13lbs over winter. So I changed my diet and added some more exercise, but the amount of people that said that I didn't need to lose weight was staggering and I looked fine, because it's not like I carried it particularly well or anything.

    Another annoying thing was people telling me that the BMI is really not accurate and I was fine, whereas in reality I was/am an unfit 35 year old women and the BMI was spot on actually. There is no secret muscle mass hiding anywhere :-)
  • xX_PhoenixRising_Xx
    xX_PhoenixRising_Xx Posts: 623 Member
    I don't comment on other people, although I'll give them advice or point them in this direction if they ask. It's happened, but only because I've lost over 100lbs already I think. I've had people at various points of my journey tell me I didn't need to lose weight, or ask where I was planning to lose it from, which is ridiculous because even now I still have 60lbs to lose. And that is just to get to the top end of my healthy weight range! I get that I may not 'look' my weight (my doctor weighed me twice too, because he didn't believe I was as heavy as the scales said at the start of the year) but I certainly don't look like I have nothing to lose.

    Do what I do, take it as a compliment and just keep working towards a healthier you. :)
  • BetterKimmer
    BetterKimmer Posts: 178 Member
    Oh yeah! I am 5'10 and very proportioned, but maybe thighs and butt are bigger somewhat, but I carry it well. I gained 70 pound over the last 10 years and have been told all along I look just fine, except by my husband. :( So back in January, after my youngest graduated from high school, I began transforming my eating habits and hit it harder at the gym, even getting a personal trainer. Now, over 50lbs lighter, everyone now says how fantastic I look. But while I have been on this journey many have said to stop or even now as I want to lose about 20-30 more, people want to know why I want to lose more. I DO have that or more to lose to get in top shape. Encourage me, don't pacify me.

    Keep it up, Girl. You know where you want to get to. Focus on that and don't listen to them.
  • commodus192
    commodus192 Posts: 18
    I certainly appreciate a good rant, as well as honesty; however, I'm of the ilk to err on the side of caution and couth - and tell someone they look great, since most people overweight already know deep down what the deal is. If they then hint that they have an awareness towards wanting to lose weight, then....I think steering them to MFP or what not is then appropriate. I actually wrote a blog that I was hopeful my 'heavier' (but equally lovely) friends would see and posted it on my facebook - which seemed to be taken favorably.
  • ploppersdf1
    ploppersdf1 Posts: 89 Member
    I hate it when people tell me I'm not fat. It's like, are you blind? You telling me I'm not fat isn't going to magically make me 120 pounds. I know I'm fat, you know I'm fat. Lets not beat around the bush here..
  • sunsetzen
    sunsetzen Posts: 268 Member
    Saying someone doesnt look their weight is different than saying someone isnt fat.

    I'm guessing that was in answer to being told your weight, so if you dont want to hear 'phony' compliments (are you even sure they are?), dont tell people how much you weigh.
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    When people who are bigger than I am talk about wanting to lose weight, I sidestep saying, "yeah, you're fat" and talk about my own diet and exercise stuff. This seems to work for not falsely flattering someone and also not offending them.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
    I remember saying to my ex-husband... 'Darling, I'm lookin old!'. He said: 'You don't look THAT old'. I took that as confirmation that I was, indeed, no longer bathing in the fountain of youth - dewy of eye and rosy of cheek.

    I guess compared to the 29-year-old nurse he was porking I did look quite old. Although she did have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. He was 53 at the time! *blech* Am I sharing too much?
  • gigglesinthesun
    gigglesinthesun Posts: 860 Member
    I remember saying to my ex-husband... 'Darling, I'm lookin old!'. He said: 'You don't look THAT old'. I took that as confirmation that I was, indeed, no longer bathing in the fountain of youth - dewy of eye and rosy of cheek.

    I guess compared to the 29-year-old nurse he was porking I did look quite old. Although she did have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. He was 53 at the time! *blech* Am I sharing too much?

    No, sharing is encouraged :-)
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    I don't know why folks do that, unless they hear the actual number. The number can be surprising!

    I've had doctors and lab techs do double-takes, especially when I'm closer to goal (like 150). The number is bigger than I look for sure then. I really am big boned, lol :D I carry a lot of muscle unless I'm very inactive.

    But folks shouldn't say it as if it's some compliment if they don't mean it. That's just insincere, imho. I always hate that.
  • pluckabee
    pluckabee Posts: 346 Member
    When people say that they aren't trying to bull**** you.

    Most people equate 'big' and 'fat' to mean ugly and unattractive. Fact is, these are loaded words and are no longer simple descriptors of how someone looks.

    So when someone tells you that you 'Don't look that big' What they are really trying to say is that you don't look ugly or unattractive.
  • peachcats
    peachcats Posts: 99
    Crab mentality.
  • SymphonyTea
    SymphonyTea Posts: 62
    :smile: Gigglesinthes
    :smile: BetterKimmer
    :smile: Ploppersdf1
    :smile: Hildy_J (not sharing too much :wink: )
    :smile: CafeAulait7

    YOU FOLKS ROCK! All though I didn't go into much detail w/ my post, you got it :wink: and I appreciate the positive feedback TY
  • SymphonyTea
    SymphonyTea Posts: 62
    ... & for the, inevitable, unavoidable, negative nay-sayers think of it like this:

    You feel awful, your stomach is turning, your head is spinning, you're running a fever yet you feel cold and someone says to you - "You don't look sick." You're lying if you say that doesn't tick you off...
  • upscalelifedownscalebutt
    upscalelifedownscalebutt Posts: 90 Member
    Although she did have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

    Nope, any story involving a woman that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp should really be shared =)

    OP, you are 100% right to be annoyed that people are lying to you.
  • toscarthearmada
    toscarthearmada Posts: 382 Member
    Well I only get you don't look that big when people hear my real weight. 290lbs! because when I told my mother I was going to loose 100+lbs she thought I was crazy. I was all MUM I am 330lbs ( at the point) she was all O_O BS! you are not that big.. So I stepped on the scale and showed her. I thought she was going to die...because honestly I don't look my weight. Even my doctor was like that can't be right and re weighed me to make sure on her terms I was 330lbs at that point.

    My mother was the same way! I don't think people say these things to be mean, I think they don't fully recognize what 100 pounds of fat looks like on someone. When I tell people I lost 101 pounds they tell me not to lose anymore, not because I look like the Crypt Keeper, but because it's hard for them to comprehend what 101 pounds looks like! AND, what that looks like on someone.

    I'm just happy someone notices my hard work. Frankly, I will decide when I'm done losing weight and no one will stop me.
  • 3shirts
    3shirts Posts: 294 Member
    pluckabee nailed it, I think.
    People that say "you don't look that big" are just trying to be polite and reassuring. They aren't BS-ing you. They probably think you don't look as overweight as you, perhaps, are. Personally, I would NEVER say to someone that they are fat unless they flat out ask me because some people are very sensitive and I don't want to hurt their feelings.
    Maybe you consider people calling you overweight to be good motivation but I would suggest you are in the minority there. As such, people play it safe and say something positive.

    If someone just said to me that I was fat...
    3tu1p3.jpg
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    Should those of us who did not get singled out for praise assume that our answers were wrong? OP, if you don't like negativity, why perpetuate it?
  • SymphonyTea
    SymphonyTea Posts: 62
    Should those of us who did not get singled out for praise assume that our answers were wrong? OP, if you don't like negativity, why perpetuate it?


    All righty then, guess you told me... LOL
  • misslynds
    misslynds Posts: 2
    When people say that they aren't trying to bull**** you.

    Most people equate 'big' and 'fat' to mean ugly and unattractive. Fact is, these are loaded words and are no longer simple descriptors of how someone looks.

    So when someone tells you that you 'Don't look that big' What they are really trying to say is that you don't look ugly or unattractive.

    Agreed!

    I tend to just ignore comments like that unless i've expressly asked for an opinion....and i'd only ask the opinion of someone that would a. tell the truth and b. understand that when i ask if i look fat, i want them to say whether i look bigger than i normally do, without any connotation of attractive/not attractive.

    I think the above person is entirely correct, society/the media etc has conditioned people to automatically associate fat with ugly and some people are just so confused when they're confronted with someone who is in fact not ugly or skinny.
  • climbing_trees
    climbing_trees Posts: 726 Member
    I agree. My friend this weekend told me that I need to stop losing weight. What? I just barely left the "overweight" BMI category... I'm going nice and slow and healthy, and there's nothing to be concerned about with my progress or my goals.

    I know she's just worried about me, her sister is currently struggling with anorexia, but she did tell me this as she was watching me wolf down a giant fruit salad and a bowl of oatmeal... haha

    Some people are silly, I try not to let it get to me. I'm doing this for myself :)
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    If you are tall and carry yourself well then it's more than possible these people really dont believe you are as heavy as the scale says. In a way, it's a compliment because I imagine that means you have learned to carry your head high and walk in a manner that doesnt say heavy woman, but says tall woman. If that makes sense.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I sort of understand. When I have commented that I want to get below 200 lb (being at 218 currently) people always say, "I've never thought you weighed 200 LB!!!!" and argue with me. I once weighed 300 lb. Don't BS me, people. But they do tell me right now that I look like I'd already be under 200 and it's like they just don't get it. Why do I want to lose weight? There are tons of plus size women in my area and I don't mind being among them but I enjoy wearing 16-18 instead of 22-24. I don't know why that's so hard to get their heads around (especially when most of them are size 10 or 12 and shorter than I am).
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    If you are tall and carry yourself well then it's more than possible these people really dont believe you are as heavy as the scale says. In a way, it's a compliment because I imagine that means you have learned to carry your head high and walk in a manner that doesnt say heavy woman, but says tall woman. If that makes sense.

    This is my current goal! hehe One of my biggest NSV's was catching sight of my fiancé and I in the glass doors of a department store and thinking we looked like a matched pair of tall, sturdy people instead of thinking, "hot guy, chubby me".
  • 89nunu
    89nunu Posts: 1,082 Member
    The thing I'm getting a lot now that I'm at goal weight (and something like skinny for the first time in my life) is, 'don't lose anymore weight you're getting too skinny,' or 'you should eat more, it's unhealthy.'

    I want to reply that I eat 2400 calories a day and that I'm about to start gaining weight but I usually say 'don't worry I'm done losing'

    I'm definitely not too skinny now! I'm healthy and happy (although I could do with a little less bf%)

    I think it always depends on who the people are that are commenting, just random people you don't see often and you don't care about might be annoying but doesn't bother me to much. If it's people that I thought were my friends it's really terrible! And if it's family (my dad is very good with the unhealthy thing) it annoys me like f***! Cause they know how I did it and that I live a lot healthier now and they also no my bulking plans!
  • somerisagirlsname
    somerisagirlsname Posts: 467 Member
    It may be honesty. I am 100 lbs overweight, but I look a whole lot less heavy than I really am. Nobody would guess my weight because it collects in a way that makes me look not as heavy. Could be the same for you.

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