Depression and weight gain

I'm so sorry for your loss. This isn't you sabotaging yourself, this is you reacting in a perfectly human way to a huge loss.

I think when you say you are eating to fill a gap that is exactly right, or at least that is my experience of it. The problem is that it works, at least for a little while. But it doesn't work forever.

I know this is not what anyone wants to hear, but it takes time. A lot of time. I would encourage you to be gentle with yourself, but that doesn't mean sitting down with a carton of Haagen Dazs an a spoon. The most gentle thing you can do for yourself is eat well and rest well and be patient.

If you can afford to talk to a counsellor I would encourage you to do so. At the very least, most cities offer groups for people suffering from loss. They might be able to offer some coping skills.

That feeling of despair can be dangerous, it's good to keep aware of it and on top of it. I hope you do well. You can add me if you like.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I've lost both my parents unexpectedly in the last 6 months. I know that hole that you're talking about but I also know that food isn't going to fill it or make anything better. My go to has been exercise. It's really hard some days to push myself off the couch but I find that getting the blood flowing and getting some adrenaline really helps. This weekend is our Canadian Thanksgiving and it's the first time in 56 years I haven't spent it with my parents. I've been trying to keep busy but by yesterday afternoon it was all starting to crash in so I put on my running shoes and hit the road. It did help a bit.

My other go to is to ask myself if my parents would want me to be sitting here feeling sad and ruining my health. The answer is a resounding NO! They were both very proud of my achievements and my mom bragged to everyone about my being able to do a 5K in 30 minutes, of course not without adding, at my age.

No one can fix your hurt but as they say, life goes on. Try to make the best of it and do what you know would make your brother proud.

Firstly I'm really sorry for your tragic loss. I lost my daughters in 96 + 97. I had that same hollow chest feeling too for years and I filed it with food/drugs/alcohol anything basically that for a brief moment would fill it.. I've been in similar shoes to yours. They were a pretty **** fit.. I know it sounds corny but I knew if I wanted to carry on happily I had to do it for them in their memory.. Just in my head.food won't fill that hole you feel time will. it took me years.. Give yourself chance to exhale from the shock and upset then start again. No one would judge you for dealing with this any way that suits you. xx frances

My prayers are with you. I had never had weight problems until losing my younger sister 4 years ago. I had just started a new job (which turned out to be equally awful after 6 months) and in my first week at a conference in DC she passed leaving 3 children. We weren't close, but somehow this came crashing down on my as I was just getting back on my feet from a bout of severe depression. Didn't help that a neighbor of her's told me "I" had killed her? Still not thinking that woman was all there, but her comment haunted me for months. I just spiraled into drinking and overeating and am now 40lbs. overweight w/high blood pressure (NEVER had that either). I also isolated myself from everyone and everything as I got bigger and bigger. I have nothing new to add that anyone here has said, but it takes time, and for many of us therapy and medication. I am proud to say that I have turned the tide - FINALLY - with a new, wonderful job w/very supportive co-workers (who push me to the gym with them every day) and a husband and son who walked this walk with me. My blood pressure is now normal and I've completed my therapy and begin reducing my BP and depression meds this week. Now read that 1st line of mine again. It's been ALMOST 5 years now. I'm just now realizing how low I had gotten. Friends see me now and comment on how calm and happy I look and sound and I've not lost an ounce yet.

YES - you aren't alone. I was diagnosed with a disease in February (non life threatening, but unexpected and left me totally depressed) and steadily gained 5lbs/month since then, and have just now reversed the trend. You need to nip it in the bud now.

Can you do something to mix up your exercise? I joined a Cross Fit gym, and though I don't go as often as I should, it helped me get excited about getting back to the gym again. I also started running again and the endorphins have really helped. You might consider spending $100 (or whatever amount you can) on new gym clothes. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought myself a couple of new running tops that are comfortable and cute, and that got me excited too. Try to make working out as pleasant as possible, and you'll get back to it. I've found that exercise totally moderates what I eat - ie when I'm running, I think, "wow, this would be so much easier if I weighed less" and that carries through the rest of the day and I do wind up eating less.

Hope this helps. I'm sorry for your loss :-(

I am so sorry for you. I don't think anybody can really understand your personal grief because, yes, it is so personal and there are so many ways to cope with it. You'll do what you can and time will help you. In the meantime, try filling the void with pleasant activities, meetings with dear friends and all sorts of low calories indulgences such as warm soups and splenda sweetened mint tea. My opinion is that if you let go of all control on food, you'll end up even more depressed... Furthermore, physical activities and fresh air will activate the endomorphines in your body and make you feel better... Wish you well...