Kind of a serious topic, stalker at work.....
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very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time. Long shot I know but wanted to give you another possible angle. I agree with the confronting, You need to RECORD it though if at all possible, have a coworker secretly start recording if she come around or at least be ready to if you need to.
Funny...kinda my first thought too. Why call to see if your at work to NOT come by?
That's not the case as I told another poster. I think she might be coming by when she knows I'm there & watching me. I'm in such a public place she could be anywhere & I wouldn't know which is the scariest part.0 -
I know the police can't do anything, but it is good that you have at least contacted them and placed a report. I do think you should continue to contact them as needed. As much as you can try to record and have documentation. Unfortunately the police can't do anything until something bad has already happened, but if you at least have it set up that if something were to happen that you would be able to defend yourself as best as possible, get away, and go to the police with the ability to do something about it (because her identity is known, it's been documented, and it was reported right away). Don't park your car far from the mall. Have someone always walk with you to your car. I would confront her in a public space just to inform her that you know she is stalking you and that the police know as well. Take self defense. Sorry, I really don't know what to do and do not have great advice. These are just some thoughts and potential ideas. That does sound creepy. I mean sometimes teenagers do weird stuff like that, but this is very odd behavior for an adult (it's the phone calls that make it creepy).
I have done this & just like you said they can't do anything except give me advice. I'm documenting everything & I have someone walk me to my car now when I leave & I am always checking that I'm not being followed. It is very strange behavior for a grown person & I just wish I understood what she is trying to accomplish by doing this.0 -
Has she always used cash for her purchases? I was hoping you might be able to get her name by looking at the credit card transactions for one of the days you sold products to her.0
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Ok, so in not ONE of these baseless, quick-to-jump-to-conclusion responses has anyone mentioned that said customer may, in fact, be a closeted homosexual woman, and afraid to approach you with her feelings for you. This is probably more likely than the "get a gun or you'll wind up chopped up in a trash can out behind the store" replies. But, again, the virtue of temperance in forum responses is not commonly found on MFP.0
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That's really messed up. Do they have recordings of this woman on the store's security footage? If she's phoning you and hanging up that is REALLY weird. If you can figure out her name you can get an injunction.
No they don't unfortunately, but I'm going to make sure they get her on camera if/when she comes to the counter again. I'll also try to get her name.0 -
If a co-worker answers and someone asks for you, have them get a name before telling them if you are there or not. Then if they hang up like she has been you have a name. Have you tried *69 to call her back, that may freak her out a little bit too. After a week of info I would call the police again and give them a copy of your information to file with your report. The more information they have the better. What about harassment charges? Your manager can vouch for the harassment part at work.0
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Get your CCL. If you see her outside of work-you make sure EVERYONE in that area hears it. Tell everyone you know to keep an eye out for her-and if she makes you uncomfortable-get a coworker to help her.
I agree & all my coworkers have my back.0 -
You seem to be doing the right things by reporting this and keeping a record of the odd things.
If she comes back for more makeup, have someone else help her. See if she does the same thing to someone else.
If the phone calls continue, it would be good to figure out where they're coming from - phone number and location - if possible.
Hopefully this will stop and you can resume life as normal and not worry about it anymore.
I want to, but I don't know if that's possible since it's a dept. store she is calling & then she has to dial my extension.0 -
Definitely record your next encounter with this lady, either in person or on the phone. She doesn't seem to be bold enough to actually be upfront with her intent. My advise would be NOT to be threatening or combative because you never know what will trigger a person to go off. Maybe next time she comes start grilling her on her personal life and don't let her change the subject or switch the topic to you. Some people really just need attention.
All very good advice, thank you.0 -
I know the police can't do anything, but it is good that you have at least contacted them and placed a report. I do think you should continue to contact them as needed. As much as you can try to record and have documentation. Unfortunately the police can't do anything until something bad has already happened, but if you at least have it set up that if something were to happen that you would be able to defend yourself as best as possible, get away, and go to the police with the ability to do something about it (because her identity is known, it's been documented, and it was reported right away). Don't park your car far from the mall. Have someone always walk with you to your car. I would confront her in a public space just to inform her that you know she is stalking you and that the police know as well. Take self defense. Sorry, I really don't know what to do and do not have great advice. These are just some thoughts and potential ideas. That does sound creepy. I mean sometimes teenagers do weird stuff like that, but this is very odd behavior for an adult (it's the phone calls that make it creepy).
This, this, a thousand times this. Keep detailed records of all hang up calls, times she comes into your place of work, etc. Stay safe and learn how to defend yourself if you can. A public confrontation is good, too--let her know she cannot control your life. A lot of stalkers do these things because they want to dominate and terrify someone else into submission. Her direct eye contact and intrusive questions are major red flags to me because they are the mark of dominating behavior. Don't spend too much time trying to understand her or reason with her, just let her know that you know what she's doing and that you won't be intimidated. If you're allowed to refuse serving her when she arrives at your job then do so. Make all the efforts you can to eject her from your life and bring your records to the police after a few weeks/months of keeping tabs on her. Sometimes stalkers will drop victims spontaneously, but others become violent and dangerous as their games escalate and they feed off the fear of their prey. Please, please, please be safe at all costs. Things that start out innocently like this can snowball into something dangerous more quickly than you can imagine.0 -
If she comes in again, yes- confront her, but also pull out your cell phone and take her picture, follow her out to the parking lot and take a picture of her vehicle and license plate. This way if anything happens later and she goes any further with her crazyness, you will have a way to identify her to the police. They can find out who she is by looking up her license plate. You might feel a little weird and she might get upset at you for doing this, but it is for your own safety and will also probably get her to back off.
Good luck and stay safe!
Side Note:
One morning my friend and I were out running- super early, like 5am and it was pitch black outside. This car started following us around it really creeped us out. He would turn down a street and then come back and find us again and hit his breaks like he was going to get out. He did this a lot. So I called my husband and described the vehicle to him in case something happened to us. My husband got in his car and tracked us down but we didn't know where the guy was. My husband went to the closest gas station to fill up and the guy drove by us again! I called my husband and told him he was driving towards the gas station that my husband was at. My husband saw him pull up and the guy started filling his car with gas and went inside. Husband took a picture of the guys car and license plate and when the guy came back out he looked up the road in the direction of where we were running. My husband stood 10 feet away from him and just stared him down while he finished getting gas. Guy got in his car and hit the freeway and we never saw him again.
A little intimidation can be nice.0 -
If she comes in again, yes- confront her, but also pull out your cell phone and take her picture, follow her out to the parking lot and take a picture of her vehicle and license plate. This way if anything happens later and she goes any further with her crazyness, you will have a way to identify her to the police. They can find out who she is by looking up her license plate. You might feel a little weird and she might get upset at you for doing this, but it is for your own safety and will also probably get her to back off.
Good luck and stay safe!
Side Note:
One morning my friend and I were out running- super early, like 5am and it was pitch black outside. This car started following us around it really creeped us out. He would turn down a street and then come back and find us again and hit his breaks like he was going to get out. He did this a lot. So I called my husband and described the vehicle to him in case something happened to us. My husband got in his car and tracked us down but we didn't know where the guy was. My husband went to the closest gas station to fill up and the guy drove by us again! I called my husband and told him he was driving towards the gas station that my husband was at. My husband saw him pull up and the guy started filling his car with gas and went inside. Husband took a picture of the guys car and license plate and when the guy came back out he looked up the road in the direction of where we were running. My husband stood 10 feet away from him and just stared him down while he finished getting gas. Guy got in his car and hit the freeway and we never saw him again.
A little intimidation can be nice.
Thank you very good advice! And your story how scary that must have been! Good for your Husband putting him in his place & sending him off like the coward he is!0 -
I know the police can't do anything, but it is good that you have at least contacted them and placed a report. I do think you should continue to contact them as needed. As much as you can try to record and have documentation. Unfortunately the police can't do anything until something bad has already happened, but if you at least have it set up that if something were to happen that you would be able to defend yourself as best as possible, get away, and go to the police with the ability to do something about it (because her identity is known, it's been documented, and it was reported right away). Don't park your car far from the mall. Have someone always walk with you to your car. I would confront her in a public space just to inform her that you know she is stalking you and that the police know as well. Take self defense. Sorry, I really don't know what to do and do not have great advice. These are just some thoughts and potential ideas. That does sound creepy. I mean sometimes teenagers do weird stuff like that, but this is very odd behavior for an adult (it's the phone calls that make it creepy).
This, this, a thousand times this. Keep detailed records of all hang up calls, times she comes into your place of work, etc. Stay safe and learn how to defend yourself if you can. A public confrontation is good, too--let her know she cannot control your life. A lot of stalkers do these things because they want to dominate and terrify someone else into submission. Her direct eye contact and intrusive questions are major red flags to me because they are the mark of dominating behavior. Don't spend too much time trying to understand her or reason with her, just let her know that you know what she's doing and that you won't be intimidated. If you're allowed to refuse serving her when she arrives at your job then do so. Make all the efforts you can to eject her from your life and bring your records to the police after a few weeks/months of keeping tabs on her. Sometimes stalkers will drop victims spontaneously, but others become violent and dangerous as their games escalate and they feed off the fear of their prey. Please, please, please be safe at all costs. Things that start out innocently like this can snowball into something dangerous more quickly than you can imagine.
This is great advice thank you so much! I actually looked into stalking signs & the way she acts is right in line with them. She just hasn't shown up at my home or other places I frequent thank goodness. Thank you again, your post means a lot.0 -
If a co-worker answers and someone asks for you, have them get a name before telling them if you are there or not. Then if they hang up like she has been you have a name. Have you tried *69 to call her back, that may freak her out a little bit too. After a week of info I would call the police again and give them a copy of your information to file with your report. The more information they have the better. What about harassment charges? Your manager can vouch for the harassment part at work.
I actually have told my coworkers this exact thing. Don't answer if I am there or not, first ask who is calling. We have no *69 at my counter, I wish we did! If I can get her information & proof of her actions I will press harassment charges with no problem & my whole counter has witnessed it.0 -
Has she always used cash for her purchases? I was hoping you might be able to get her name by looking at the credit card transactions for one of the days you sold products to her.
I don't remember to be honest & the management can't pull those records unless it's a more serious situation & the police are involved.0 -
While it's certainly disconcerting, I'm not sure if I would call her a stalker.
What if she's a lesbian and is trying to work up the courage to ask you out? On the other hand she might want to wear your skin like a dress.
At the moment she hasn't done anything to you physically, or made any sort of threat or demand- correct? All she's "done" is give you sales at your job. You can't even be sure she's the one calling.
If it makes you feel better: Buy a taser, learn how to use it; and buy pepper spray and learn how to use it.
If/when something happens then be concerned. until then try to think positive and not worry.0 -
What if she's a lesbian and is trying to work up the courage to ask you out? On the other hand she might want to wear your skin like a dress.
I always jump to skin dress
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very long shot but are you dating or married, could she possibly be someone involved with your significant other if you have one? Then she might wanna know where you are all the time.
This was my first thought too.
Mine too. Good luck OP! That is very creepy!0 -
If a co-worker answers and someone asks for you, have them get a name before telling them if you are there or not. Then if they hang up like she has been you have a name. Have you tried *69 to call her back, that may freak her out a little bit too. After a week of info I would call the police again and give them a copy of your information to file with your report. The more information they have the better. What about harassment charges? Your manager can vouch for the harassment part at work.
I actually have told my coworkers this exact thing. Don't answer if I am there or not, first ask who is calling. We have no *69 at my counter, I wish we did! If I can get her information & proof of her actions I will press harassment charges with no problem & my whole counter has witnessed it.
I would check with the police and a lawyer to see what all you need for harassment charges in your area. You may already have enough other than no name.0 -
Unfortunately it seems you are doing everything you can and until she takes it a step further or you get the opportunity to get some personal details you are stuck in limbo.
Just keep doing what you are doing and keep safe. Hopefully it will tail off and you will be ;left in peace.0 -
If a co-worker answers and someone asks for you, have them get a name before telling them if you are there or not. Then if they hang up like she has been you have a name. Have you tried *69 to call her back, that may freak her out a little bit too. After a week of info I would call the police again and give them a copy of your information to file with your report. The more information they have the better. What about harassment charges? Your manager can vouch for the harassment part at work.
I actually have told my coworkers this exact thing. Don't answer if I am there or not, first ask who is calling. We have no *69 at my counter, I wish we did! If I can get her information & proof of her actions I will press harassment charges with no problem & my whole counter has witnessed it.
I would check with the police and a lawyer to see what all you need for harassment charges in your area. You may already have enough other than no name.
I will look into that, thank you!0 -
Unfortunately it seems you are doing everything you can and until she takes it a step further or you get the opportunity to get some personal details you are stuck in limbo.
Just keep doing what you are doing and keep safe. Hopefully it will tail off and you will be ;left in peace.
I hope she gets bored & moves on, but I had a hang up call first thing this morning right when I got to work so......0 -
Ok, so in not ONE of these baseless, quick-to-jump-to-conclusion responses has anyone mentioned that said customer may, in fact, be a closeted homosexual woman, and afraid to approach you with her feelings for you. This is probably more likely than the "get a gun or you'll wind up chopped up in a trash can out behind the store" replies. But, again, the virtue of temperance in forum responses is not commonly found on MFP.
I honestly don't feel like that is the case & even if it was I am a married Woman who wouldn't accept this behavior from a Man, so I'm not going to accept it from a Woman either.0 -
wow! super creepy.. does she pay with cash or credit? if credit get her name off the transaction.
this one might just out of the bushes on you for sure..smh! I'll be praying for your safety0 -
Ok, so in not ONE of these baseless, quick-to-jump-to-conclusion responses has anyone mentioned that said customer may, in fact, be a closeted homosexual woman, and afraid to approach you with her feelings for you. This is probably more likely than the "get a gun or you'll wind up chopped up in a trash can out behind the store" replies. But, again, the virtue of temperance in forum responses is not commonly found on MFP.
I honestly don't feel like that is the case & even if it was I am a married Woman who wouldn't accept this behavior from a Man, so I'm not going to accept it from a Woman either.
I didn't think that the woman wanted to chop her up. I did think the woman could be possibly interested in her sexually and was going about it in a creepy way that isn't acceptable behavior for an adult man or a woman. So, I gave her the same advice I would give if it was a man. But, really I didn't think about the woman's motivation or desires because I don't know them.0 -
The next time she comes in, alert the security guards, get her thrown out...could you get one of the guards to "frighten" her?
Good luck with it!0 -
Ok, so in not ONE of these baseless, quick-to-jump-to-conclusion responses has anyone mentioned that said customer may, in fact, be a closeted homosexual woman, and afraid to approach you with her feelings for you. This is probably more likely than the "get a gun or you'll wind up chopped up in a trash can out behind the store" replies. But, again, the virtue of temperance in forum responses is not commonly found on MFP.
I honestly don't feel like that is the case & even if it was I am a married Woman who wouldn't accept this behavior from a Man, so I'm not going to accept it from a Woman either.
I didn't think that the woman wanted to chop her up. I did think the women was possibly interested in her sexually and was going about it in a creepy way that isn't acceptable behavior for an adult man or a woman. So, I gave her the same advice I would give if it was a man.
^^^ this
there's a right way and a wrong way to behave around someone you're sexually interested in, and it doesn't matter whether you're homosexual or heterosexual, male or female. If the person you're attracted to is clearly not interested in you, then you move on and leave them alone. Having someone that you don't know and are not planning on getting to know stalking you like this is extremely creepy, and the fact that they are probably doing it because they're sexually interested in you actually makes it a lot more creepy, rather than "oh, well that's okay then" - because of the risk of sexual violence (which is not something that only men perpetrate).
It's possibly (or even probably) the case that the woman just has some kind of obsessive infatuation with her, is afraid to actually talk to her and doesn't mean any harm, but at the very least she needs counselling to get over whatever issues she has in her life that are making her behave like this (which is not normal behaviour), and if she's seriously interested in a romantic relationship with a woman then she really needs to learn how to go about it without totally creeping out and terrifying the person she's interested in..... for her own good as well as the good of everyone around her. And whatever the cause of her behaviour is she needs a very clear message that it's NOT appropriate.0 -
wow! super creepy.. does she pay with cash or credit? if credit get her name off the transaction.
this one might just out of the bushes on you for sure..smh! I'll be praying for your safety
I never noticed, but if/when she comes in again if she pays with a credit card (most people do) I'll be able to easily get her name, even if I ask someone else to help her.0 -
The next time she comes in, alert the security guards, get her thrown out...could you get one of the guards to "frighten" her?
Good luck with it!
I doubt it. The security at my store is awful. We used to have this really great security team, but over the past year everyone left & there are all new people & they are the worst. We can't even get them on the phone half the time.0 -
Ok, so in not ONE of these baseless, quick-to-jump-to-conclusion responses has anyone mentioned that said customer may, in fact, be a closeted homosexual woman, and afraid to approach you with her feelings for you. This is probably more likely than the "get a gun or you'll wind up chopped up in a trash can out behind the store" replies. But, again, the virtue of temperance in forum responses is not commonly found on MFP.
I honestly don't feel like that is the case & even if it was I am a married Woman who wouldn't accept this behavior from a Man, so I'm not going to accept it from a Woman either.
I didn't think that the woman wanted to chop her up. I did think the women was possibly interested in her sexually and was going about it in a creepy way that isn't acceptable behavior for an adult man or a woman. So, I gave her the same advice I would give if it was a man.
^^^ this
there's a right way and a wrong way to behave around someone you're sexually interested in, and it doesn't matter whether you're homosexual or heterosexual, male or female. If the person you're attracted to is clearly not interested in you, then you move on and leave them alone. Having someone that you don't know and are not planning on getting to know stalking you like this is extremely creepy, and the fact that they are probably doing it because they're sexually interested in you actually makes it a lot more creepy, rather than "oh, well that's okay then" - because of the risk of sexual violence (which is not something that only men perpetrate).
It's possibly (or even probably) the case that the woman just has some kind of obsessive infatuation with her, is afraid to actually talk to her and doesn't mean any harm, but at the very least she needs counselling to get over whatever issues she has in her life that are making her behave like this (which is not normal behaviour), and if she's seriously interested in a romantic relationship with a woman then she really needs to learn how to go about it without totally creeping out and terrifying the person she's interested in..... for her own good as well as the good of everyone around her. And whatever the cause of her behaviour is she needs a very clear message that it's NOT appropriate.
This is one of the best responses because this is exactly how I feel. I certainly wouldn't be offended at all if a Woman liked me & told me so. I would explain that I'm married & not interested & that would be that. But I don't know what the heck this chick wants or what her intentions are towards me. I just know what she is doing isn't normal. The funny thing is there is this foot fetish guy who frequents my store & he comes by every now & then to compliment me on my feet & offer to give me a pedicure, I tell him to get lost & he goes away. As strange as he is, even HE doesn't freak me out like this chick does.0
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