My baby died, then my husband died, but I'm still strong! Li

groovylaura
groovylaura Posts: 36
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone! I read some posts where people kind of told their story, and I decided that I'm ready to tell mine, too. I feel that most of you can relate with me and my weight challenges, and I can relate with yours. I also know that we all have our own personal life struggles that we have gone through (and/or are going through now). Life can be very hard, but we must stay strong! Life is a mixture of good and bad, and we must be able to truly enjoy the good times and learn from the hard times. I think that's what life is all about... Living, experiencing, learning, and (hopefully) improving... Life is what you make it, so we need to make ours GREAT!!! Try hard to live "in the moment" and not spend so much time and energy regretting the past or worrying about the future... All we truly have is RIGHT NOW--THIS MOMENT!!!

I was never very heavy when I was younger, but I sure learned how to pack on the pounds once I was in my 20's! I went from weighing about 120 to weighing about 190 in my 20's (70-pound weight gain)! Yuck!!! That's pretty bad, and I was still so young!!! I gained about 50 pounds when I was pregnant (twice), but I got that weight back off at one point. Then, I began to gain weight like crazy again. My peak weight was about 220 pounds!!! YIKES:angry:!!! I've been quite heavy for most of my 30's & 40's also, but I don't want to be heavy anymore!!! I'm now 50 years YOUNG, and I really do feel young (in my heart & mind), but my body feels so old!!! I feel so tired, sore, and down much of the time! I want to have the motivation and energy to live the very best life I can!!! I want to be able to reach my goals and not let my weight hold me back any longer! I want to feel and look good for myself and for all the people that I care about!!! I WANT TO BE THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE!!! I know that will take lots of time, work, and effort; but, I AM TRULY READY!!! :)

Anyway, I've been through a lot in my life (like most of us), and I want to share a bit of it with you! I feel a true bond with many of you, and I know that it's very healing to talk (and write) about life's challenges. So, I hope you will read my story and then share yours with me, too. I think this is the best therapy anyone can get, and it's free!!! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH AGAIN FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT:flowerforyou:!!!

I married my high school sweetheart and very best friend (Reid) back in 1983. Then, we lost our baby girl in 1986. I carried her full term, and she died 25 minutes after birth. She had anencephaly, and we had absolutely no idea anything was wrong! It was so very heart-breaking and painful for us both! I don't think we ever truly recovered from losing her! Then, we finally got brave enough to try again, and we had a healthy baby girl in 1989. Reid was the very best Daddy you ever saw!!! He was so thankful for her, and he wanted to be with her every single second!!! The nurses joked that our baby would never know what a bed felt like because Reid was ALWAYS holding her! What a proud and happy Daddy!!! Then, we went on vacation to show off our new baby girl at my family get-together up at my parents' house when she was only 3 months old. We had such a great time with everyone, and Reid still had her in his arms every second that he could:heart:!!!

Then, on our drive back home, the most horrifying thing happened!!! We had a terrible accident!!! Our vehicle rolled 3 times, and Reid was thrown from the vehicle! He was not wearing his seatbelt. Seatbelts truly do save lives!!! He lived for 2 days on machines, but then we had to let him go. Kristen was in her carseat just like she was supposed to be, and I was wearing my seatbelt. We were both injured and hospitalized for 8 days, but we both survived. Thank goodness our baby girl healed completely! I had 2 compression fractures in my back, a broken left ankle, and 2 broken bones in my face. I was beaten and bruised beyond recognition, but I am mostly perfectly fine now. I have depression issues, guilt issues, and many other lingering emotional challenges since Reid's death. I feel that the "old" Laura also died at that time with Reid, and I've had to develop a whole "new" Laura ever since. It's been such a long, hard process, and there have been times I wondered if I would make it:explode:. Will I ever feel truly "normal" and happy again??? I've just been in "survival" mode for much of the time... I think I've been emotionally numb and shut off quite a bit since Reid's death, too. I feel like I'm still in shock at times... How can my brain accept what happened to us??? One minute I'm a very happily married new mommy, and the next minute I'm a completely crushed and devastated soul:brokenheart:! I had a near-death experience after the accident, and I literally "chose" to live for my baby girl, Kristen! I've done my very best, but I want to do better!!! I've felt so drained and exhausted ever since the accident:yawn:, but I think I'm truly ready to finally let go of the pain and move on with my life. I know that's what Reid would want, and I also want to do my best for my daughter. She's now 21. I want to be a good role model for her, and I know I haven't been, so far. I want to be happy, active, fit, and healthy for Reid, for our daughter, and for myself!!! I was always kind of hard on myself, and Reid was quite literally my self-esteem, and he was always telling me to be nice to myself. So, I'm quite sure that's what he would tell me now, also. And, that's what I'm finally going to do--Be nice to myself:heart:!!!

How can one person lose a baby, have another baby, and then lose her husband in just 2 1/2 years??? How could this happen to me, to us??? How could I survive 2 such horrible tragedies so close together, especially at such a young age:huh:??? Well, I truly don't know, but I did!!! And, now I want to get even stronger, healthier, and happier than ever!!! I want to feel peace and joy again!!!

I did remarry (Jerry) almost 5 years after Reid's death, and we have raised his 2 sons and my daughter together. Now, we just have tons of pets that are our kids! Jerry tells me that's how I filled my "empty nest," and I'm sure he's quite correct. They keep us very busy, loved, and well entertained!!! They keep us laughing quite a bit:laugh:!!!

I want to stop spending so much of my time and energy regretting my past and/or worrying about my future, and I want to learn to live in the present moment!!! I want to have energy and motivation to be able to reach all of my goals:drinker:! My very first goal is to lose at least 50 pounds so that I will feel better, look better, have more energy, and be much healthier, as well!!! Then, I will be well on my way to making and reaching many other wonderful goals in my life!!! A doctor once told me after Reid died that I was kind of "limping along" through life, and now I want to run, play, and laugh again through the rest of my life... THANK YOU:flowerforyou:!!! :)
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Replies

  • karissastephens
    karissastephens Posts: 324 Member
    WOW! That is inspiring and you are amazingly strong! I am proud of you. Thank you for telling your story. Really makes me thankful for my loved ones.
  • groovylaura
    groovylaura Posts: 36
    Yes, we must appreciate our loved ones every single second, because we don't know what might happen in the next second!!! I truly hope my story will inspire others to enjoy their life more fully and make sure that everyone they care about knows how they feel:heart:. Life is so precious and fragile, and we must remember to be our very best each day for ourselves and for those we love... PS: Also, please always where your seatbelt. You never know when something might happen... Take care, Laura :)
  • bjerkins
    bjerkins Posts: 107 Member
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you were and continue to be a wonderful role model to all your children. Your strength shines through all that you have endured. Your weight loss journey will only make you stronger. I am so glad that I am one of your many Fitness Pals. I am so glad to know you.
  • poodlepaws
    poodlepaws Posts: 269 Member
    OMG! You're a strong lady to overcome those hardships:)

    I'm glad you're hear with the rest of us and we'll help you get to your goals.
  • Reinee_0304
    Reinee_0304 Posts: 9
    fist i am really sorry for what you have lost that is a lot but hey you are here AND NOW YOU CAN DO THIS SO LETS DO IT :flowerforyou:
  • missjo113
    missjo113 Posts: 52
    Laura, I can't say that i know how you feel... but I can empathize with you. I miscarried 3 times before we had our girl. Then we lost another baby at full term. she lived for just over an hour before she passed. I didn't think we would have anymore but we were blessed with a baby boy only 14 months later. they are now 24 and 21 years old and the joys of our lives. there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of our little angel in Heaven.

    Just know that you have found a terrific place in MFP to receive (and give) support and motivation. Good luck with your goals! One day at a time will help get you through!
  • mykaar74
    mykaar74 Posts: 253
    wow, i'm sorry for your losses, but I'm happy that you have the will to go on again in a healthier way. you're right we have all been through or are going through some things in life, but we have to learn how not to lose ourselves in the process. Through all my obstacles, I have always said that I wanted to be a survivor of my circumstances, and not a victim. I admit, I have allowed my weight to continue to hold me hostage, eventhough spiritually, and mentally I was a survivor. We can do this, you can do this, and that's the wonderful thing about this community, everyone has a story which is inspiring. I wish you all the best on your healtheir life journey.
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
    Laura, you are quite a remarkable woman. Thanks for sharing your background with us. Love and hugs, Barbara
  • 4lafz
    4lafz Posts: 1,078 Member
    You are so very strong. I am happy that your daughter has you (and Jerry and the pets too). I am proud to have you as my MFP!
  • badrianne
    badrianne Posts: 101
    so sorry for your losses. good luck on your journey and remember...the mental is just as important as the physical.
  • janet1111
    janet1111 Posts: 1
    I just joined myfitness pal and read your story. Thank you for having the courage to sit down to detail your personal tragedies and articulate your feelings. It's inspirational...Hope you're doing well on your weight loss...stay strong...and be happy. janet
  • sarahsmom1
    sarahsmom1 Posts: 1,501 Member
    Hi and welcome I do not know how it feels to lose a child and hope I never do but I do how it feels to lose 2 brothers both parents and my husband of 23 years. My son and daughter were very lucky that they have memories of their dad. My daughter was 17 and my son was 21. I gained over a hundred pounds. after the death of my husband and then gained more after the death of my mom. Evidently we can take a lot of sadness but yes we do need to push on for our kids and our loved ones that are here. Hope you do well. If you would like you can friend me
  • Lulu2929
    Lulu2929 Posts: 58
    Laura,
    Thank you for sharing your story. Your first paragraph is so telling of the person you are. You are an amazing, wonderful woman.
  • odatcindy
    odatcindy Posts: 641
    You are right, Laura; life has a way of throwing challenges our way and God guides us through those challenges as long as we look to Him. Writing and talking about these things not only helps you, but others that have had incidents in their lives that make them dig deep to go on. Set your goals and write those down, too. Make a plan to reach those goals. Work that plan each day and you will see the results you are looking for in the near future. Continue to share your strength and your frustrations with others on these boards and be the inspiration you are meant to be.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    Wow
  • Crickks
    Crickks Posts: 94
    Bump..
  • janemartin02
    janemartin02 Posts: 2,653 Member
    Wow!I guess when you think you have problems or live struggles,you find someone who had it worse.
    Sorry for your loses.You were grieving.People grieve at there own pace.I`m glad you are making a move to be healthy.That`s the best gift you can give yourself.You will feel much better and have more energy.It`s one day at a time.
    Take care,jane
    thanks for sharing!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Welcome, nice to have your positive attitude on board. PM me if you want!
  • TRize
    TRize Posts: 5 Member
    Thankyou for sharing your story Laura. Brought tears to my eyes. Sorry for your losses..... Your story proves that we can overcome hardships in our lives. xox
  • Brat3073
    Brat3073 Posts: 160
    You are AMAZING. I have not gone thru half of that, But i have lost alot....My best friend of 20 years passed in 05 from lung cancer. It was pretty hard when he died, He was only 31, that is too young for anyone to leave this earth. In 07 i lost my mother. She truley was my best frined. I took her to the ER for penumonia, and she died the next day, he had a heart attack.....in 02 i miscarried at 4 months. I have a wonderful 15 year old, and terrific husband and the best lil 19 month old boy. Not to mention my 8 year old step daughter....i feel God puts you thru your trials to make you stonger. You surely are a very strong woman....and great inspiration to us all. Welcome to MFP and i hope you will add me as a friend. This is the best place to come for motivation and support....and inspiration. After reading your story, i feel i can make it thru just about anything.
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