My baby died, then my husband died, but I'm still strong! Li

Hi everyone! I read some posts where people kind of told their story, and I decided that I'm ready to tell mine, too. I feel that most of you can relate with me and my weight challenges, and I can relate with yours. I also know that we all have our own personal life struggles that we have gone through (and/or are going through now). Life can be very hard, but we must stay strong! Life is a mixture of good and bad, and we must be able to truly enjoy the good times and learn from the hard times. I think that's what life is all about... Living, experiencing, learning, and (hopefully) improving... Life is what you make it, so we need to make ours GREAT!!! Try hard to live "in the moment" and not spend so much time and energy regretting the past or worrying about the future... All we truly have is RIGHT NOW--THIS MOMENT!!!

I was never very heavy when I was younger, but I sure learned how to pack on the pounds once I was in my 20's! I went from weighing about 120 to weighing about 190 in my 20's (70-pound weight gain)! Yuck!!! That's pretty bad, and I was still so young!!! I gained about 50 pounds when I was pregnant (twice), but I got that weight back off at one point. Then, I began to gain weight like crazy again. My peak weight was about 220 pounds!!! YIKES!!! I've been quite heavy for most of my 30's & 40's also, but I don't want to be heavy anymore!!! I'm now 50 years YOUNG, and I really do feel young (in my heart & mind), but my body feels so old!!! I feel so tired, sore, and down much of the time! I want to have the motivation and energy to live the very best life I can!!! I want to be able to reach my goals and not let my weight hold me back any longer! I want to feel and look good for myself and for all the people that I care about!!! I WANT TO BE THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE!!! I know that will take lots of time, work, and effort; but, I AM TRULY READY!!!

Anyway, I've been through a lot in my life (like most of us), and I want to share a bit of it with you! I feel a true bond with many of you, and I know that it's very healing to talk (and write) about life's challenges. So, I hope you will read my story and then share yours with me, too. I think this is the best therapy anyone can get, and it's free!!! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH AGAIN FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT:flowerforyou:!!!

I married my high school sweetheart and very best friend (Reid) back in 1983. Then, we lost our baby girl in 1986. I carried her full term, and she died 25 minutes after birth. She had anencephaly, and we had absolutely no idea anything was wrong! It was so very heart-breaking and painful for us both! I don't think we ever truly recovered from losing her! Then, we finally got brave enough to try again, and we had a healthy baby girl in 1989. Reid was the very best Daddy you ever saw!!! He was so thankful for her, and he wanted to be with her every single second!!! The nurses joked that our baby would never know what a bed felt like because Reid was ALWAYS holding her! What a proud and happy Daddy!!! Then, we went on vacation to show off our new baby girl at my family get-together up at my parents' house when she was only 3 months old. We had such a great time with everyone, and Reid still had her in his arms every second that he could!!!

Then, on our drive back home, the most horrifying thing happened!!! We had a terrible accident!!! Our vehicle rolled 3 times, and Reid was thrown from the vehicle! He was not wearing his seatbelt. Seatbelts truly do save lives!!! He lived for 2 days on machines, but then we had to let him go. Kristen was in her carseat just like she was supposed to be, and I was wearing my seatbelt. We were both injured and hospitalized for 8 days, but we both survived. Thank goodness our baby girl healed completely! I had 2 compression fractures in my back, a broken left ankle, and 2 broken bones in my face. I was beaten and bruised beyond recognition, but I am mostly perfectly fine now. I have depression issues, guilt issues, and many other lingering emotional challenges since Reid's death. I feel that the "old" Laura also died at that time with Reid, and I've had to develop a whole "new" Laura ever since. It's been such a long, hard process, and there have been times I wondered if I would make it:explode:. Will I ever feel truly "normal" and happy again??? I've just been in "survival" mode for much of the time... I think I've been emotionally numb and shut off quite a bit since Reid's death, too. I feel like I'm still in shock at times... How can my brain accept what happened to us??? One minute I'm a very happily married new mommy, and the next minute I'm a completely crushed and devastated soul:brokenheart:! I had a near-death experience after the accident, and I literally "chose" to live for my baby girl, Kristen! I've done my very best, but I want to do better!!! I've felt so drained and exhausted ever since the accident:yawn:, but I think I'm truly ready to finally let go of the pain and move on with my life. I know that's what Reid would want, and I also want to do my best for my daughter. She's now 21. I want to be a good role model for her, and I know I haven't been, so far. I want to be happy, active, fit, and healthy for Reid, for our daughter, and for myself!!! I was always kind of hard on myself, and Reid was quite literally my self-esteem, and he was always telling me to be nice to myself. So, I'm quite sure that's what he would tell me now, also. And, that's what I'm finally going to do--Be nice to myself!!!

How can one person lose a baby, have another baby, and then lose her husband in just 2 1/2 years??? How could this happen to me, to us??? How could I survive 2 such horrible tragedies so close together, especially at such a young age:huh:??? Well, I truly don't know, but I did!!! And, now I want to get even stronger, healthier, and happier than ever!!! I want to feel peace and joy again!!!

I did remarry (Jerry) almost 5 years after Reid's death, and we have raised his 2 sons and my daughter together. Now, we just have tons of pets that are our kids! Jerry tells me that's how I filled my "empty nest," and I'm sure he's quite correct. They keep us very busy, loved, and well entertained!!! They keep us laughing quite a bit:laugh:!!!

I want to stop spending so much of my time and energy regretting my past and/or worrying about my future, and I want to learn to live in the present moment!!! I want to have energy and motivation to be able to reach all of my goals:drinker:! My very first goal is to lose at least 50 pounds so that I will feel better, look better, have more energy, and be much healthier, as well!!! Then, I will be well on my way to making and reaching many other wonderful goals in my life!!! A doctor once told me after Reid died that I was kind of "limping along" through life, and now I want to run, play, and laugh again through the rest of my life... THANK YOU:flowerforyou:!!!