I hate myself! .....

capriqueen
capriqueen Posts: 976 Member
in Motivation and Support
and I would just like some kind words please. I don't know where I'm leading myself but I've just lost all motivation to eat at a deficit or work out. I used to be the "No means No" girl who can resist temptation, but now I just want to copious amounts of food once night falls. I feel fat and when I look into the mirror, I am disgusted at what I see and don't feel like continuing anymore. The worst part is that I'm moving out in Jan and I want to lose 10-15 pounds by then. I'll need to buy some clothes for that time and it seems impossible that I'll reach there.
What do I do?

Replies

  • Fit_Lean_Priya
    Fit_Lean_Priya Posts: 164 Member
    please don't do that, you have 2 and 1/2 months till January and you can do a lot till then, first of all start eating low GI food and exercise everyday, you will start seeing difference very soon, remember nothing is impossible
  • marilynx
    marilynx Posts: 128 Member
    Ok first of all, you are a very beautiful woman. There is no need to hate yourself. I know sometimes we get so caught up I. The process of losing weight and it feels like time is moving so slowly, but it's important for us to not get impatient with ourselves. I know it's hard; it's extremely hard. Why don't you take the time to reflect on what the REAL problem is? You say you had some serious willpower. For all that willpower to fade away means that there's something heavy on your mind. If you can tackle that then I'm sure you'll be ok in the long run.

    Last thought, you have quite awhile before January. I'm sure you can lose 25 pounds by then.
  • melodys_attic
    melodys_attic Posts: 114 Member
    It is time for you to FLY (finally love yourself). I would recommend baby steps. Begin by finding positive things you like about yourself. Dress your current body as beautifully as you can. Take care of it. Bath it. Put on some lotion. Tell it you love every bit of it. Then start feeding it like you would feed someone you love. That doesn't mean no treats! It means give it the best healthy stuff you can and give it a treat or two each day if that keeps you from feeling deprived. Feed your body some salads. Give it lots of water. Brush your hair. Smile in the mirror. Get off the scale and feel how the clothes fit... they may start feeling looser if you get a bit of exercise and eat some healthy stuff. The scale is not the only measure! This is about feeling GOOD. You can do this!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Oh, to be 22 with 18 lbs to lose. First, stop being so mean to yourself. Would you say that stuff to your best friend? You can't hate yourself just because you like to eat. There are worse things. Dig deep, and find a really, really good reason for wanting to lose the weight and get fit...probably something more than wanting to fit smaller clothes. That's a fine goal, but it won't be enough to see you through the tough times. You can do it. You can accomplish a lot by January.
  • sinistras
    sinistras Posts: 244 Member
    Get yourself a copy of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Read it!
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
    You had the motivation, and something changed. Having it, and suddenly losing it leads me to believe something else in your life changed. Identify that. Also, if you are able to eat well until night fall leaves a small window of a problem. You say you don't like what you are seeing in the mirror, try this. In the evening when you are home and you are going to eat something bad, eat it in front of a mirror. If you are not liking what you are seeing when it is just you, you will like that even less. Just a suggestion.
  • Cherp18
    Cherp18 Posts: 224 Member
    Hi,

    First of all, your pics look quite slim so don't panic! If you once had willpower, you still have willpower. Never give up! You are still that strong "no means no" girl. Maybe you're just taking a little break. Did you have a cheat day? Don't beat yourself up.

    There is tons of time until January. Don't be hard on yourself, take things one day (or one hour) at a time.

    Losing weight & getting healthy is a lifelong achievement. You can do it!

    Hang in there! :flowerforyou:
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    It is time for you to FLY (finally love yourself). I would recommend baby steps. Begin by finding positive things you like about yourself. Dress your current body as beautifully as you can. Take care of it. Bath it. Put on some lotion. Tell it you love every bit of it. Then start feeding it like you would feed someone you love. That doesn't mean no treats! It means give it the best healthy stuff you can and give it a treat or two each day if that keeps you from feeling deprived. Feed your body some salads. Give it lots of water. Brush your hair. Smile in the mirror. Get off the scale and feel how the clothes fit... they may start feeling looser if you get a bit of exercise and eat some healthy stuff. The scale is not the only measure! This is about feeling GOOD. You can do this!
    This is beautiful...thank you so much for writing it out...

    OP... I understand the feeling, I'm so sorry you're feeling discouraged. I'm a bit there myself, what I know to be true is exercise, whether it's a walk, straighten up the house, ..whatever comes to mind as movement.. it really will change your thinking.. exercise releases endorphins ...

    Sometimes we have to push through to reach the other side... Right now I'm telling you this and I'm working to take my own advice.

    What the poster shared that I pasted... it's a great place to start... hugs to you both!!:heart:
  • ChancyW
    ChancyW Posts: 437 Member
    Focus on the things that you DO love about yourself! Every time negative thoughts creep in, change your mindset and focus on the things you love about yourself or things you have accomplished or even just things that you love. Mindset makes such a huge difference!
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 976 Member
    Hi everyone, thanks heaps for your support! :):) I really needed that. Everyone of you made such great points that I'm really starting to feel I can do this!
    I think the one and only thing I still feel I like about myself is my curves. Although I'm a pear shape with a "We Love Big Butts" lifelong membership, the other parts (well-defined waist) are kinda positive. I quit the gym on September 19 after I realised the workout was getting way too easy and not worth my money. Since then I've thought of a workout, stuck to it, then eat too much at night, and then starve myself the next day. Phew! Believe it or not, I have NOT had a sit-down lunch or dinner in a month. And I have not had breakfast since, forever. I just want to quit these habits and get back to good ones. I do have some stress in the background, and I admit I'm thinking way too much about it, but I just badly want my old body back!

    Thanks everyone for listening to me. You've made my day. I was ready to throw in the towel today but you've made me take a conscious decision to turn things around! Love you all! :)
  • SuperCrsa
    SuperCrsa Posts: 790 Member
    Posted this yesterday, it was such an inspiring piece for me..
    Maybe have a read

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1118270-an-ode-to-thick-thighs-and-squishy-stomachs

    Good luck! Keep at it :)
  • Snow3y
    Snow3y Posts: 1,412 Member
    Nothing anyone else can do, you're reliable for your own actions at the end of the day

    If you're unhappy with your image, do something to change it
  • FedoraNinja
    FedoraNinja Posts: 45
    I'm glad you're feeling better. :smile:

    Everyone here is totally right: you deserve to love yourself. And you'll find that, just like dieting or exercise, it's a skill you get better at over time. It's OK to start with baby steps. It's super corny, but when I was at my low point, I actually made a game out of it.

    The goal of the game is this: to always do at least 1 thing a day that makes you proud. It can be anything- helping an elderly neighbor, kicking *kitten* at work, or sticking to your food plan. It doesn't have to be planned in advance: be spontaneous, do good things for other people when the opportunity presents itself.

    Every night, before you go to bed, reflect on what you did that makes you proud. Take the time to REALLY feel good about it. Then try to think about what 1 thing you might do tomorrow.

    It's corny, but it really does help. :flowerforyou:
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Hi everyone, thanks heaps for your support! :):) I really needed that. Everyone of you made such great points that I'm really starting to feel I can do this!
    I think the one and only thing I still feel I like about myself is my curves. Although I'm a pear shape with a "We Love Big Butts" lifelong membership, the other parts (well-defined waist) are kinda positive. I quit the gym on September 19 after I realised the workout was getting way too easy and not worth my money. Since then I've thought of a workout, stuck to it, then eat too much at night, and then starve myself the next day. Phew! Believe it or not, I have NOT had a sit-down lunch or dinner in a month. And I have not had breakfast since, forever. I just want to quit these habits and get back to good ones. I do have some stress in the background, and I admit I'm thinking way too much about it, but I just badly want my old body back!

    Thanks everyone for listening to me. You've made my day. I was ready to throw in the towel today but you've made me take a conscious decision to turn things around! Love you all! :)

    I think quitting the gym was a bad idea. Why could you not just change your workout to make it harder? I have been going to the gym for almost 2 years. When I get in a rut, and things aren't challenging anymore, I fix them. I just got done with a (free) 6 week class with a trainer. He is kicking my butt. He has me doing 5 strength days a week, and incorporating *some* cardio. Other gym members have commented that he trains me as though I were a man!

    As for eating...you really need to eat on a regular basis. try this...for a week, eat 3 meals a day, even if you are not hungry. Eat like it is your JOB ( it sorta is...it is your job to fuel your body properly).
  • GnosisGnosis
    GnosisGnosis Posts: 148
    Coming through to let you know you are beautiful. Don't ever forget that. It's strange to me that such a beautiful woman can hate herself, but I am seeing it more and more. It's a tough road, but you must remember that love is the most compelling force in the universe. The universe loves you. Now all you have to do is accept this universal love instead of turning away from it. Love yourself. It moves mountains, and it's easier than you think. Namaste.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    and I would just like some kind words please. I don't know where I'm leading myself but I've just lost all motivation to eat at a deficit or work out. I used to be the "No means No" girl who can resist temptation, but now I just want to copious amounts of food once night falls. I feel fat and when I look into the mirror, I am disgusted at what I see and don't feel like continuing anymore. The worst part is that I'm moving out in Jan and I want to lose 10-15 pounds by then. I'll need to buy some clothes for that time and it seems impossible that I'll reach there.
    What do I do?

    I know the feeling. I have 50# to lose to hit a healthy weight. I feel fine until I look in the mirror...then I realize I look like Jabba the Hutt ( from star wars). If you are disgusted by what you see, vow to get rid of it and never see it again.

    The picture on the left was 18 months ago. I had lost about 10 pounds so far. When my friend posted this picture of her daughter's birthday party, I wanted to cry and vomit. The picture on the right was about a month ago ( mid september). I am wearing the same shirt. I have only lost about 25 more pounds. However, my body has changed in so many ways!

    10067067346_a131833b47.jpg
    Untitled by crochetmom2010, on Flickr

    ETA: not sure why the picture won't show, so here is another link http://flic.kr/p/gkAmoE
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Don't ever hate yourself! Part of this process is learning to get past that and to give yourself a break. You will always have "yuck" days....even when you are at your goal weight.

    You need to treat your body and yourself with respect. And just keep on, keepin on. Try to have healthy foods around for the munchie days. And eat to nourish your body as much as you can. Part of you wanting the bad stuff and eating is you're down in the dumps....try to beat that with exercise and music and anything else you need to keep food as an afterthought. Remember you control food. It does not control you!

    And honestly, getting rid of certain foods from your diet will help to eliminate the cravings for them. It does work. But don't give up and don't feel bad. Just keep going and work to beat the blues!

    -Tam
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
    Ok, if you used to have willpower but don't now, do you think you might be depressed (about something other than your weight)? It can be a real willpower sapper, and makes you crave comfort food in the evenings. Stress also does this - there are only so many things a person can worry about at one time and moving out is really quite stressful!!!

    You could logging calories, do and log some exercise (which is great for stress and depression), and maybe go see the doctor to see if they can help lift your mood.
  • weaving2fast
    weaving2fast Posts: 64 Member
    There is nothing wrong with you. Calm down and be strong.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 976 Member
    Ok, if you used to have willpower but don't now, do you think you might be depressed (about something other than your weight)? It can be a real willpower sapper, and makes you crave comfort food in the evenings. Stress also does this - there are only so many things a person can worry about at one time and moving out is really quite stressful!!!

    You could logging calories, do and log some exercise (which is great for stress and depression), and maybe go see the doctor to see if they can help lift your mood.

    Yes, I am depressed about things other than my weight, mostly education and career related. I have real low self-esteem so it sometimes hinders the way I handle things. Although I'm patient about curveballs and try dusting myself off and getting up, I'm just very sceptical and negative about good things happening to me. So right now, although I really want to lose weight, I'm moping about with circumstances weighing on my shoulders and caving in. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, though.

    @sarahbraun: I quit the gym because the only thing I could get out of it was a 30 minute circuit that alternated between endurance and cardio, neither very challenging for someone who has climbed a little up the fitness ladder.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Coming through to let you know you are beautiful. Don't ever forget that. It's strange to me that such a beautiful woman can hate herself, but I am seeing it more and more. It's a tough road, but you must remember that love is the most compelling force in the universe. The universe loves you. Now all you have to do is accept this universal love instead of turning away from it. Love yourself. It moves mountains, and it's easier than you think. Namaste.

    What a lovely guy.

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