Dieting, Weight Loss, Starvation Mode . HEAR MY STORY

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RobertaG
RobertaG Posts: 205 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I know this might seem very long and boring, but please hear me out. I'm on the verge of crying as I write this and its because today, I finally ate over 1000 calories. I know to some of you this may not seem like a big thing, but for me it is. Let me start from the beginning. Back in May I weighed 144 (I'm 5'4 and a teen) . I was at a "healthy" weight, but I wanted to lose a few pounds. My goal was 133. After MANY,MANY,MANY failed attempts to stop over eating and stop eating junk, I finally did it. I reached 133 in about two weeks just by cutting out all junk food and monitoring my calories. At first I reduced to 1200 a day, but when I saw how well I was doing, I set my limit to 1000. When I reached 133, I didn't see much of a difference, so I sought out to reach 128. I reached 128 quite quickly by eating under 800 calories and working out. Then the summer came, and I decided I wanted to weigh 115 by the time school started again. I would eat about 700-800 calories and burn about 300-400 at the gym. I didn't feel like I was starving or depriving my body. Every week the weight kept coming off and I when I reached 115, I decided I was going for 112 . When school started, I got so many compliments and it felt great to no longer feel "fat". I decided that I would stop losing weight at 108. I reached it, and I wanted to be 102. When school started, I also no longer had time to go to the gym, so I restricted my calorie intake to 500-600. I had heard about starvation mode and all that, but I didn't take it seriously. I didn't feel like I was starving, because I had tiny meals throughout the day and drank a ton of water. When I reached 100, people started telling me I was getting "too thin", but I didn't care. I rather be thin than FAT, I thought. So, two weeks ago, I weighed myself on the Wii Fit and it said I was underweight at 94 pounds. I actually felt happy at first, but then I looked at myself and all I saw was bones. ALL MY CHESTBONES, BACK BONES, RIBS SHOW! Its not pretty. I'm constantly cold, my hair is falling out, I've missed my period twice, and I hardly ever have any energy. I'm obbsessed with weighing and tracking my food intake. My mom thinks I'm crazy and I can't talk to anyone about this. I know that the first step is to eat at least 1200 calories and I've been increasing my calories a little each day. I'm SOOOO scared of gaining weight. I went from a size 7/8 to fitting loosely in a size 0/1. I don't know whats gonna happen to my body and I'm so confused. Today, I finally ate over 1000 calories and I'm crying because I forced myself to eat them. I wonder if I'm ever gonna stop feeling super cold and if my hair is ever gonna stop falling out. IM SO SCARED. No one can help me, everyone keeps telling me I look sick. I was the girl that couldn't stop eating and now I'm forcing myself to eat. I don't know if I have an eating disorder and back in May I never,ever imagined this could happen to me. In conclusion, I JUST WANNA SAY, BE CAREFUL. DONT GET CARRIED AWAY. DONT DO WHAT I DID. HONOR YOUR BODY, LOVE YOURSELF. BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY. LOSE WEIGHT THE RIGHT WAY.
Bye

Replies

  • Saxophone96
    Saxophone96 Posts: 17
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    Thank you for sharing this!
    I'm a teen too and some days, I don't even want to eat, just lose weight. This story inspires me to lose weight in moderation. Girl, you are beautiful and you don't have to be thin to be beautiful. Remember that!
  • PhotographerOfNature
    PhotographerOfNature Posts: 452 Member
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    Wow! I congratulate you on facing up to what you are doing to your health and your body. Most people only keep thinking that they need to lose the weight and never try to gain anything back. Good job! Slowly gain back to the healthy zone and then concentrate on maintaining. Trust me when I say that it is easier to maintain at your age then in your 40s. Keep up the good work!
  • PhotographerOfNature
    PhotographerOfNature Posts: 452 Member
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    Sorry, my computer is messing up and you would think that you could delete a post but I don't see where I can do that at.
  • PhotographerOfNature
    PhotographerOfNature Posts: 452 Member
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    Wow! I congratulate you on facing up to what you are doing to your health and your body. Most people only keep thinking that they need to lose the weight and never try to gain anything back. Good job! Slowly gain back to the healthy zone and then concentrate on maintaining. Trust me when I say that it is easier to maintain at your age then in your 40s. Keep up the good work!
  • digitalyssa
    digitalyssa Posts: 112 Member
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    Impressive story. I know how you feel, it must be great to have all of that weight come off, but I guess it is sort of like an addiction. I would encourage you to see a dietician so that you can stay healthy long term and to maintain a healthy weight. It is very important that you are healthy because this is the only body you have.

    Stay strong

    xxLyssa
  • RaeN81
    RaeN81 Posts: 534 Member
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    It took a great deal of courage to write what you wrote. I encourage you to share what you wrote with a counselor, so that you can work through these issues and be at peace with your body. You can do this!
  • andreahanlon
    andreahanlon Posts: 263 Member
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    What you have described does sound like an eating disorder, but you definately have the right attitude to get back to health. From the behaviors you've written about, it may be a good idea to make sure someone you trust knows about your struggle and can help you to be accountable to eat enough every day. Having support is so important to ensure you don't fall back into the cycle of overly restricting calories. We're rooting for you. You can do it!
  • KarenECunningham
    KarenECunningham Posts: 419 Member
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    You are so awesome to recognize what is happening with your body and then share it with others. If only one young woman reads your post and gets a wake up call then you have been an inspiration and maybe saved someone's health. It is so easy to get caught up in a weight loss addiction and it is just as serious as overeating. I know how hard it can be to find that balance of weight and health. In my life I have been anorexic and weighed 97 pounds which is too thin for my bone structure and now I have an addiction to food and I am obese but I am working on finding an acceptable balance. I will be here for you anytime so feel free to friend me. What you did by posting was reach out for support and encouragement, Good for you!!:flowerforyou:
  • angisnee
    angisnee Posts: 236 Member
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    Thank you for sharing your story. I'm surprised at how your body didn't "tell" you sooner that you were eating too little. If I try to eat under 1400 calories a day I can tell a huge difference in my energy level and I just feel tired all day.

    I second the idea to share your feelings with a counselor. They should have some good tools to help you.
  • DancingYogini
    DancingYogini Posts: 377
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    Realizing and admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery. And I say recovery, because sound like you unfortunately developed and eating disorder without even realizing it. Anorexia is scary, yet affect so many young girls today, thanks to the media's constant barrage of super thin, photoshopped models. I fight with this myself. You hit a goal weight and then want to go lower, then lower. You will stop feeling so bad and losing your hair as you begin to recover. Maybe think of talking to a therapist or even a licensed dietician. Sounds like you don't want to be where you are, yet you also don't want to be "fat." Your body needs all of the nutrients it can get. You are going through so many changes, I would hate for the rest of your life to be affected by this (osteoporosis, heart issues, fertility issues). Getting help now will save you a lot of grief down the road. Lots of people live their entire lives with an ED. Start slow...eat high energy, high protein foods, lots of good healthy foods, no junk, and you will start to feel better and look better. Allow yourself to go up to 1200 calories, and don't beat yourself up for eating them. That is the bare minimum you need to keep you body from thinking it is starving. Surround yourself with positive affirmations and positive role models (no thinspo-too triggering). Figure out the healthiest weight for your height and make that you next goal weight. And, don't beat yourself up if you have relapses...just pick yourself up and start over!! If you want to add me as a friend, please do, I would love to help you get through this....like I said I do have a lot of experience. :heart:
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
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    I'm sure the last thing in the world you want to do is talk to your mom, but she really should know and would want to help. You can NOT do this alone- look where trying has gotten you :-( This is just as much of a problem in terms of relating to food as over eating.
  • DancingYogini
    DancingYogini Posts: 377
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    Gosh, I was typing so fast I made a ton of grammatical errors :blushing: Sorry about that, but you get the gist of what I was saying, I hope!!
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,023 Member
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    thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are able to get to a healthy weight and maintain. Maybe you should see a counselor. Maybe even a school counselor. I am sure they would be able to help and it would be nice to talk to someone without feeling judged. It is so easy to just want to lose a little more because when you start losing you feel better and start getting alot of attention and compliments but it can easily go to far. You will be in my thoughts and prayers
  • eannes
    eannes Posts: 11
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    Your story is like many others...you are not alone.
    You are so brave to be sharing...it shows that you really want help.
    I don't know where you live, but there is help available.
    Check out the internet for resources in your area.
    Here is one:
    http://helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_treatment.htm

    You can do this! You can look at yourself and feel beautiful again! You deserve to be healthy!
  • Laceyrae
    Laceyrae Posts: 10 Member
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    Its very easy to get carried away with your body image due to all the pictures in magazines and the way that young women as yourself are portrayed, Its easy to get caught up in what you look like and how people respond to you instead of how you feel. It sounds as though you have come to understand that the weight goal that you have set for yourself is unhealthy and that you do need to in fact gain some weight. I commend you on your courage to share your story and i hope that you have a mom or dad, aunt, grandma, or school counselor you could go to for help. I wish that i cold give you a big hug and tell you that you are beautiful! Keep your chin up and remember that in the long run it is about health and not what size you are that makes you healthy. Look up and see what a good weight range is for your height and age and try and stick with that instead of striving to be so thin, you could put your heart and other organs in danger if you get too thin. Beauty is on the inside!!
  • atampa
    atampa Posts: 57 Member
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    Its so brave of you to share that! I am worried for you that as you get older you can cause health issues in your body. I am 30 and it is all catching up to me. I have dieted all my life yo-yoing between sizes. A year ago i had my gall bladder removed and now i have NASH which is a type of liver disease. I want to you think about talking to a professional because you are young and you don't need food to be life struggle. I don't want to see you freak out when you get to a healthy weight!
    Stay in touch and keep us updated.
  • tlvillatorola
    tlvillatorola Posts: 17 Member
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    You are a brave person and I am sure you are beautiful, and you can do it! Write some more, it is sort of a therapy and we all will applause you. Losing weight is nice but you can gain some back to be at a healthy weight, try to eat at least 1200 calories, that is a good calorie count. Did you try talking to your mom about the issue or some counselors at school can help? Do the best you can, it sounds like you possibily developed a eating problem, talk to someone. You look like you are doing a good job on realizing there is a problem. Increase your calorie count, and you may want to check your thyroids. Thyroids will make your hair fall out, and cause you to lose weight. If you need someone to talk to please continue writing to us, we will help as much as possible.
  • breezye13
    breezye13 Posts: 3
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    You are a very brave girl for posting this. Its a good thing you realize it is unhealthy to restrict your calorie intake so low. You are such a beautiful girl and I hope you can continue to eating more and take care of your body.
  • iluvwdw
    iluvwdw Posts: 287 Member
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    I want to say how brave you are for speaking out, and sharing your story. I hope that even one person can benefit from hearing this. You are a very courageous and beautiful person. It is a very fine line between managing a healthy lifestyle and being obsessive about it.

    As someone who has studies eating disorders, I urge you to please go talk to a professional. Is there a dr. you can go to or even the school counsellor.? Healthy eating can also spiral out of control just as easily as unhealthy habits can. They are opposite ends of the same spectrum. The same person can also switch from one to the other. I really urge you to talk to someone who can point you in the right direction of someone qualified to help you with this while you still recognize this as being problematic. The sooner you talk to someone the better you will be equipped to lead a balanced, healthy life to take care of you!

    Kudos to you for posting this so others can learn. Please post back so we can know how you are doing!
  • BattleScars
    BattleScars Posts: 3
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    there are so many things that i want to tell you right now but i think i should start this off by saying how amazing you are and that i am sorry. i am sorry i havent taken the time to notice so much is going on in your life. you have been my best friend since forever and i cant imagine how much pain you must have been going through when you wrote this. i am so proud of you. you really are inspiring in the sense that you were able to accomplish all of your goals and be the person you have always tried to be. it makes me very happy that you are able to admit to these things and i want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, i am here for you. remember that i love you and that you are a strong beautiful and smart person who knows what is right for herself. i love you!

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