Lack of support from friends and family

Wiltord1982
Wiltord1982 Posts: 312 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone!

Before going into the details about my current situation, let me give you background information. Back in August, I realized that my fitness condition was declining and that I had gained some weight over the previous few months/years. That was due to lack of exercising, alcohol and bad eating habits. I had always been a sportive guy.

So when I decided to lose weight and get back into shape, I weighted somewhere around 178 lb (height: 5'8). So yes, I was a little overweight, but not by that much. I'd say it didn't show for people who see me in clothes, but I could tell I was a little overweight.

So since then, I have lost close to 15 lbs, and my current weight is currently 164.4. To get there, I jogged as often as possible (3-4 times per week), I played soccer as often as possible (twice per week) and I do some muscular training at my job's gym during lunchtime in order to maintain my muscular mass while losing pounds.

Needless to say, I started to monitor what I eat, but not to the point I became obsessed. So yeah, I changed my eating habits and started to bring healthy lunch to work (usually a sandwich with a salad, an apple, an orange and a fat-free yogurt). The change has been drastic and almost overnight, but I'm adapting pretty well to that and I'm staying motivated on my journey.

My ultimate goal is to lost as many pounds as possible until my birthday (or maybe the Holidays), and then to start doing more serious muscular training and adapt my nutrition to build mass. I'm not quite there yet because I'm aware I still have some fat to lose before muscles can show.

So, since August, I've been told by friends and family that I am obsessed. Am I? It's obvious that everyone knows about my fat loss plan because they saw the changed in what I eat and because I tell them what I'm doing with my body. Basically, whenever I am proud of reaching a milestone (e.g. going below 170, entering the "healthy" BMI zone) and tell about it - because yeah, I'm proud of myself :) - people say I'm obsessed and don't need to lost weight and everything, instead of just being either neutral of supportive.

I have received that comment in various situation: when I talk about my weight loss, when I write it on Facebook, when I talk about my jogging sessions, when I eat healthy lunches, when I refuse a second spaghetti plate, when I eat bread without butter, when I buy a new battery for my scale...

I just think it's hard to stay motivated when everyone around you comments negatively about it :( My motivation remains good, but I'm lucky I have MFP and its motivating people! In fact, the only people who are supportive of that are my soccer teammates, who are pretty much all in great shape and not overweight. They listen when I talk about it and even grab a tip or two for working out.

I'm thinking maybe it's because my friends and family aren't really the athletic kind, and more of less half of them are overweight.

Could it be jealousy? Or am I really obsessed? Maybe it's because they're used to see me eating more than my actual needs?

What's your opinion on that? What's your personal experience?

Last thing, they don't know I log my food in here. I don't tell because I don't want more negative comments, and perhaps to avoid being interned in a psychiatric institution... Oh, and you can add me as friend, but that's off-topic :P
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Replies

  • Pixilox
    Pixilox Posts: 51 Member
    If I had listened to everyone's opinion I would have never lost over 140 lbs :). It's hard to do, but ignore the naysayers and negative comments. You're doing great in reaching your goal and you have us here at MFP to cheer you on :).
  • sassyrayofsunshine
    sassyrayofsunshine Posts: 499 Member
    Babe, don't wry about what people say. It's hard for them to realize you're making a change when they don't want to. It's easier for them to dismiss your progress/success bc they don't feel you need it. They should be celebrating with you like they would celebrate anything else you accomplish. Plus, they can't have you outshining them - so many people are threatened by success others achieve (even though they shouldn't be) :P Keep up what you're doing if it makes you happy. :) Hope things get better with it. :flowerforyou:
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    For me, the best solution to negative comments has been not to talk about weight loss or exercise. Even my therapist was critical of my daily exercise, and I brought it up in the context of coping with anxiety, not in the context of losing weight. My doctor is fully supportive, and that's reason enough for me to ignore anyone who thinks I have an unhealthy obsession. If someone else brings it up, or has something negative to say, just say that your doctor suggested that you start an exercise program or lose a few pounds.

    Families can be the worst when it comes to wanting you to stay the way you are. It's not only that they might be jealous. I think they feel threatened by change, even positive change.
  • Wiltord1982
    Wiltord1982 Posts: 312 Member
    It does make me happy :) I had grown tired of eating bad... But I just find my motivation from other source, but it sucks when you don't get it home :\

    And... yeah, I actually talked about it with my doctor. I had an appointment with her in September and I told her about my recent weight lost (I had lost 5 lbs then) and she said it was a good idea to improve my fitness level because you can never be too fit.

    So yeah, well, I stay motivated anyways :P I was just wondering if other people faced similar negative comments about their weight loss :D Thanks for answering! :D
  • marcon125
    marcon125 Posts: 259 Member
    I completely can relate with your situation. When I started this in late April, I was a little overweight but nothing drastic. In fact, I was still in the "normal" range for my height. SW: 143.5 lbs at 5' 6" in height. I just wanted to lose the fat and get healthier and fitter.

    To put this in context, I come from a family where obesity is practically the norm. 3 of my cousins have had gastric bypass surgery and another 2 are considering it. I have always been the "skinny cousin" and I used to get snide remarks as a kid. When I got older and was trying to get pregnant, I was told by many of them I needed to gain weight to get pregnant. (I was 150 at the time!)

    So, suffice it to say, I don't even mention ANYTHING to them about my fitness journey because I will get the eye roll and the "you're too obsessed" comment.

    I don't think its a jealousy thing, at least not a great deal of it. My take on it is that their frame of reference is soooo skewed. They don't remotely know what normal is anymore. For example, when my son was born, he weighed 7lbs 10 oz. My family thought he was such a skinny baby and kept pushing me to feed him more. It took another one of my family members who is a surgeon to tell everyone to lay off, that he was quite normal at his weight.

    I am glad to have you as a friend. You understand that even though neither of us were extremely overweight, we could see that we were becoming unhealthy and still needed to make changes. I look forward to seeing you continue your journey. :)
  • Wrxsti23
    Wrxsti23 Posts: 62
    Honestly if someone told me that I was obsessed, I would take that as a compliment. I'd rather be "obsessed" with trying to be healthy and losing weight and getting fit and having more energy than to be obsessed with going to buffets, partying and drinking all night, having hangovers and sleeping in all day. I also take it as anyone in my family not supporting me is just purely jealous. Not everyone has the willpower or drive to actually stick to something. Hang around people that will support you and understand what you are going through. My parents know I am trying to lose weight yet still invite me over for unhealthy dinners. So I will just bring my own food and enjoy their company. I refuse to let anyone get to me and I just use it as fuel for more motivation. I like being obsessed with my new lifestyle. I've tried so many times and failed and I believe it's because I just took it too lightly.

    So be proud of your obsession, I am.

    ALSO:

    Obsession-someone or something that a person thinks about constantly or frequently

    an activity that someone is very interested in or spends a lot of time doing
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    If anyone told me about buying a battery for their scale as a legitimate topic of conversation (outside of a place like MFP, where that IS the topic) I would roll my eyes SO HARD.

    It sounds like bragging and that's what annoys most people. I've lost plenty of weight this year but I shake my head at people updating their every move on social media. There's a time and place, man.

    Don't get me wrong, there are people who are actually jealous and I've experienced that too, but they are the exception not the rule. Everyone else is probably just sick of hearing about it.
  • 58Rock
    58Rock Posts: 176 Member
    I get you. Last week I was accused of being obsessed simply becasue I log my intake everyday on MFP. I am in the same position as you. I am 5'9" and about 167lbs. I need to lose about 10 lbs of fat. So I use MFP for what it is, a tool to help me keep track of what I am eating in order to get where I want to be. Obsessed? No, just determined to stay healthy.
  • bethanytowell
    bethanytowell Posts: 256 Member
    Obsessed is a term that the lazy use to describe the dedicated. Period. Be obsessed with your health. Be obsessed with fitness. Be obsessed with life. Disregard negativity, it doesnt help you and it only feeds the gossip mill.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    I am amazed at how relatives will say forward things they would not say to friends.
    But seriously, if your mother or father say something to you, let them know you hear what they say and will consider it! Be respectful to them.
    But other people need to stop. Besides, if you listen to them talk long enough, you will probably find what they are "obsessed about." So you will know they have no room to talk.
    I doubt you are going to throw in the towel for the sake of irritating relatives?
  • Binkie1955
    Binkie1955 Posts: 329 Member
    you're a little OC. which reminds me of a joke.

    Sam and Mary got married. they were very happy together. but after a few months, something was bugging Mary. She sat Sam down one night and said 'Honey, I love you, but I want us to be happy together, and I'm afraid that you're just a wee bit obsessive compulsive. I'd like you to see someone about that. ok?"

    Sam loved Mary very much and didn't want to do anything to make her unhappy. 'A Little Obsessive Compulsive! Gosh Honey, I had no idea, I'll get right on it.

    So Sam went to see a psychologist, Fred. Fred gave Sam a full day's worth of tests. At the end of the day, Fred sat Sam down and said this. "Well, Sam, we have the results of all your tests back and I'm afraid Mary is right. you do show up as having a tendency to be Obsessive Compulsive. But with just a little work together, I'm sure we can cure you of it."

    'Cure me of it?', said Sam. 'Doctor, I don't want to be cured of it, I'm trying to get good at it!!"

    Good luck.
  • viglet
    viglet Posts: 299 Member
    I find that everyone has their own interests in life and yours just happens to be health and fitness.

    As someone who is constantly talking about fitness and health myself, I find that I probably get a bit annoying to other people who aren't into the same thing. It is like that with anything.

    For example, if my husband wouldn't stfu about cars all day, posting about cars on facebook and talking about cars everytime we hang out, it would probably annoy me because it isn't my thing.

    I would say just make sure you know audience. If your family isn't into fitness and health, just tone it down a bit with them. Find friends in your life that support your interests and share it with them.
  • mel4bee
    mel4bee Posts: 225 Member
    Je vais te réponde en français ;)

    Je peux m'identifier à ta situation. Dans mon cas, je crois que c'est de l'incompréhension. Les gens qui me critiques ou qui font des commentaires ne pratiquent pas de l'exercice ou ne se forcent pas pour manger sainement et ne l'ont jamais fait. Ca ne fait pas partis de leur priorité dans la vie et c'est correct. À un point j'ai décidé d'expliquer comment je me sens pas rapport aux commentaires et j'ai réalisé que mes (parents) font ces commentaires car ils veulent mon bien et ne veulent pas que je m'épuisent ou que je me nuis.

    Je leur ai expliqué que c'était une passion et que je m'assurais de faire le tout avec prudence et en écoutant mon corps.

    Maintenant, j'ai l'impression qu'ils me supportent plus mais ils m'ont aussi fait réalisé que j'avais besoin de repos une fois de temps en temps et que ma relation avec la nourriture se devait d'être saine, c'est le cas maintenant.
  • VeroJuly
    VeroJuly Posts: 101 Member
    You are not obsessed at all... you are dedicated and are on a healthy lifestyle, nothing wrong with that. My family still thinks that I am crazy and stupid for logging my food and exercising and they are ALL overweight. Just don't listen to them and do what makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself.
    If you need more support, add me as a friend :) I love my MFP friends! Always supportive and we are all on a lifestyle change together♥
  • scward1991
    scward1991 Posts: 67 Member
    I had the same problem, I am 5ft 6 and 9 and a half stone, people always have an opinion on others, but rarely apply that opinion to themselves. People tell me I don't need to lose weight - which is great in their opinion, and if I was trying to lose a lot it would be a problem, but monitoring yourself and looking after yourself is a good thing - not letting things spiral out of control.

    As long as you know your own limits - there is no problem! Keep it up!
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
    My take on it is that their frame of reference is soooo skewed. They don't remotely know what normal is anymore

    I think this person has nailed it on the head as to why people are not being as supportive as they could be. People don't know what is healthy any more; a large percentage of the population are overweight and don't do enough excercise, so that is what looks "normal" in the "most common" sense of the word. They also don't see being a little overweight as a problem. Many people only see being overweight as a problem when it is causing other health issues - losing weight is cosmetic unless your weight is killing you!

    It sounds like you're doing more excercise than most people, but not an unhealthy level, and you're eating healthier than most people. Your goal sounds like it's more "to be healthy and fit" than purely to lose weight for the sake of it, and that's a good thing. The only way to get fit and gain and maintain a healthy weight is to monitor your diet and do excercise, which most people don't do.

    That said, studies have shown that it is perfectly healthy to have 10-20% of your daily calories as "discretional", i.e. cake and chocolate and generally unhealthy foods.

    Something I have found useful is saying "my BMI is in the overweight range" rather than "I am overweight". It's a more scientific precise definition that people cannot disagree with. I had a friend who, trying to be nice, said I didn't need to lose weight. I told him my BMI, and he said it surprised him, but fair enough if I want to lose weight :smile:
  • jennibear8504
    jennibear8504 Posts: 46
    Its a mixed bag. I have some people in my life that are very negative, and some that are super positive.... I just choose to "TRY" not to let the bad bother me... I also try not to talk about it to people who arent trying for similar lifestyles.
  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
    I've pretty much been in the same boat. I've had co-workers and family members, all of whom were unhealthy and quite overweight, telling me that I don't need to lose anymore, I need to quit losing, or I'll be "too skinny." "Men don't want to cuddle up to bones." I know that I still have a belly, and some unwanted fat in other areas as well. I know that as I lose more weight, it will eventually, and hopefully come off of those areas. They think I want to be a bulky, muscular, manly chick, just because I lift weights. They don't realize what I'm trying to do either, because they don't understand it. I don't want to look manly, but I lift weights, because I know that muscle burns fat, and will help fill in the loose skin I have from all of my weight loss, and will just plain look hawwwttt! Lol. If I ever did feel like I looked too "manly" then I could always cut down on the weights. In the meantime, I'm happy with all of the calories I can eat to lose weight and fuel my muscles. ;) Just keep doing what you're doing, and send me a picture when you look like David Beckham. :flowerforyou: :wink: :happy:
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
    We all fall into that trap. People even ask which leads us to believe they are interested in what we are doing and how we are accomplishing our goals. In alot of cases they ask just so they can "punch holes" in our program. I find it much easier to not even discuss it ever because of all the negative nellie's out there. If someone says something about my weight loss I just confirm that I am eating healthier these days and leave it at that. Good luck :)
  • kowajenn
    kowajenn Posts: 274 Member
    Maybe you are talking so much about it that your friends and family are sick of it being the topic of conversation. Do your thing without reporting on it all of the time.
  • Courtney011691
    Courtney011691 Posts: 55
    I actually get this a lot from family members. A recent example, my mom who is the same height as me but probably 20 lbs less told me I can't lose anymore weight or I'll look sick. Um, I'm still 50 lbs more than what I want!

    Family reunions are the worst. There are some people in my extended family that I really don't care for. One particular person is roughly 300 lbs. During my freshman year of college I gained 20 lbs (up to 185). When I seen her at reunion that summer she would not stop making fun of me for gaining weight. Worst part - when she was my age she was a stick.

    I don't tell anyone I log on here either. I already get people telling me I'm obsessed as well. That would add fuel to the fire. What I've noticed though is some of those people calling me obsessed are starting to ask advice. They don't like it when I tell them counting calories.

    Ultimately, I live by "You didn't tell me what to eat or when to exercise when I was fat, you don't get to tell me now that I'm getting healthy."
  • naterar
    naterar Posts: 48 Member
    "Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated" Don't give power to the haters and people who try to label you. And yes unfortunately they will be your family sometimes. Just keep going and doing what is right for you. Remember at the end of every day you have to be able to live with you.
  • Courtney011691
    Courtney011691 Posts: 55

    Something I have found useful is saying "my BMI is in the overweight range" rather than "I am overweight". It's a more scientific precise definition that people cannot disagree with. I had a friend who, trying to be nice, said I didn't need to lose weight. I told him my BMI, and he said it surprised him, but fair enough if I want to lose weight :smile:

    I try saying that too but then people start telling my how inaccurate BMI is and how our family has never fit on that scale. Um, maybe because we're all overweight?
  • KokowithaK
    KokowithaK Posts: 88 Member
    Obsessed is a term that the lazy use to describe the dedicated. Period. Be obsessed with your health. Be obsessed with fitness. Be obsessed with life. Disregard negativity, it doesnt help you and it only feeds the gossip mill.

    "Obsessed is a term that the lazy use to describe the dedicated" - this is PERFECT!
  • Squamation
    Squamation Posts: 522 Member

    I'm thinking maybe it's because my friends and family aren't really the athletic kind, and more of less half of them are overweight.

    Could it be jealousy? Or am I really obsessed? Maybe it's because they're used to see me eating more than my actual needs?

    What's your opinion on that? What's your personal experience?

    From how you've presented it you're not obsessed. Change is hard to deal with- and you changing yourself for the better forces them to change how they see you.

    I would also think that they might be jealous- not of how you look, but jealous that exercise/being healthy is taking you away from them.

    It sounds like you've added quite a bit of exercise to your life- which is wonderful, but be thoughtful about if this has effected your interactions with your family and friends. If your spending more time getting in shape then by default your spending less time doing other things.

    -Personal experience: I was looking at some crackers and checking the nutritional label but decided against it. When my mother asked why I put them back I told her that the Carbs were too high per serving and would be difficult to fit my MACROs.

    She went into this rant about how I didn't need to watch what I eat because I'm not fat.

    I told her it wasn't about losing weight- it was about being healthy.

    When we reached the cash register I was about to pick up some chocolate but didn't as I'm not supposed to have any for medical reasons. My mother loudly sighed, rolled her eyes, and told the clerk helping us that "She thinks she's fat".

    I was so shocked and embarrassed. I did/do not think I'm fat. I am a healthy weight and BMI. My goal is to gain more muscle mass. I told both my mother and the clerk that I did not think I was fat- that I'm not supposed to have chocolate and that out of all people, my Mother, should know that.

    -Since the above incident my mom has taken an interest in her own health and now is learning about TDEE/MACROs and all of that. She is supportive of me wanting to be healthy and seems to understand that it's not because "she thinks shes fat"
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
    I know that I am obsesive about my weight loss, eating habits, exercise, etc. I have to continually remind myself to find something else to talk about. And maybe that's the issue for your family. Maybe you are talking about this subject exclusively? Fact is we all get itred of listening to the same thing all the time. You are doing a great thing for yourself and you are succeeding. But find another topic to bring up, something else interesting you are doing or proud of. That might really be all it is.
  • Wiltord1982
    Wiltord1982 Posts: 312 Member
    Hi everyone, thanks for all those comments - negative or positive. Some really motivated me, while some make be reflect.

    Some of you are right - I may talk about it a little too much. I'm the voluble kind. Whenever something happens to me or in my life, I talk about it to everyone around me. I may have overdone it. Some people may be sick of hearing about it, while some may simply be jealous because they lack motivation to actually do something about their own health.

    Next time, I'll just wait for people to ask me about it... They're all aware about my journey in the end :D

    And some have mentioned I may put people second... I don't. I usually go jogging when my girlfriend and kids are asleep (around 10-10.30 PM) because getting fitter and healthier is my own decision and they shouldn't suffer from it.

    The sentence to remember is: Obsessed is a term that the lazy use to describe the dedicated. Thanks bethanytowell!
  • tinamariecleg
    tinamariecleg Posts: 99 Member
    There is nothing worse than having people in your life not believe in what you are doing. Everyone needs support!
  • jaysull21
    jaysull21 Posts: 58
    Sounds to me like you've found something that you are passionate about and makes you happy and you want to share that with other people. Also, if you can't share things like that with your friends and family, who can you share them with? And as far as being obsessed, unless you are skipping out on your responsibilities (which sounds like you are NOT), then no, you are not. Reading that you jog at 10PM to not interfere with your family schedule says so for sure!

    I can relate: I have picked up the running bug this summer, and I posted a bunch of stuff on my FB wall about me finishing my first half marathon just recently and then after I posted a pic with the status of "Last one, I swear" , my wife's relative (who's only a few years older than me) replied with (I'm paraphrasing here) "Don't apologize for talking about your accomplishment, you should be proud. I wish I had that determination." That made me feel real good, because I felt like people didn't want to hear any more. My wife herself has said she tunes me out a little. But with me, if I get a 'hobby' going, I dive right in, and I don't talk about much else. Man you should have heard me pontificate on online poker when I did that ....... Haha!

    But , I think you're right about one thing , some people may not want to hear it because they don't have the motivation but would like to do the same.

    Either way, just know that there are places like MFP where you can 'talk shop' and get support. Even if you can't in your physical world ... I'm looking to get past 170 lbs & out of "overweight" BMI myself. :)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    one factor that does NOT determine your level of fitness or rate of improvement is the number of people who have your back.

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