Parenting advice from strangers

mclgo
mclgo Posts: 147 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello All,
Gonna throw out a scenario, and let's see what you all think.

1. Some wealthy privileged upperclassmen at your daughter's high school committed a crime, and basically got away with it.
2. Those same boys have bullied a friend's daughter, who chose not to press charges.
3. One of the boy's family is throwing a party at their large house and have invited the entire scool. There is even an admission price, so it's basically like a school dance.
4. Your young daughter wants to go. She has nothing to do with the boys in question. Barely even knows who they are.
5. Do you let her go? Is this like saying you're OK with the kid's behavior?
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Replies

  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    My first thought is no, she's not going. How old is she?
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    I'd talk to other parents and see what they think - perhaps you can even unite and ruin the party by getting loads of the kids not to go.
    But peer pressure being what it is I'd let my daughter go if everyone else is, no point making a stand on your own - sadly life is like this anyway .
    But I'd make it clear to her that the behaviour they got away with is not ok by you and explain why.
    Actually I'd be dubious about daughter going for other reasons bet its going to be open slather on the booze and/or drugs. So I hope she's well educated on that front!
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    No, I'm trying to teach my children not to support a$$hats.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,039 Member
    If it was my daughter, I'd go with her and cause ruin.:laugh:

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  • bloominheck
    bloominheck Posts: 869 Member
    No she can't go.
  • gdrmuzak
    gdrmuzak Posts: 103 Member
    Not a chance without the first couple details...let alone with them.
  • heylookitsval
    heylookitsval Posts: 1,141 Member
    She's not going.

    It's one party, she'll live if she misses it.
  • runningvegan
    runningvegan Posts: 65
    I'd let her go. If she's in high school, she's old enough to start making some of her own decisions about what kind of a person she wants to be.

    If you have an issue with how the kids are acting and the related consequences at school, that is something to take up with the principal and school board. Telling your daughter that she can't go to the party won't make one bit of difference to those kids. It could mean a lot to your daughter and it is kind of passive agressively asking her to fight your battles.

    I might check with the parents of the kids to make sure there will be no alcohol and adequate supervision however.
  • mclgo
    mclgo Posts: 147 Member
    Daughter in question is a freshman.
  • mmckee10
    mmckee10 Posts: 405 Member
    No way! I wouldn't want my daughter hanging around with bullies. Especially if the children have bullied others to the point where charges were even considered... I've never had to deal with bullying to the point where the police were involved. (Not around my neck of the woods anyway)
  • LosingExtraKristy
    LosingExtraKristy Posts: 164 Member
    I'd say absolutely not...
  • psych0kitty
    psych0kitty Posts: 313
    Does your daughter know what these boys have done? I'm not a parent, but if I were, I think I'd give my child all the information (and attempt to do so without bias). Then I'd say she can choose whether or not she wants to go based on the facts.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    If it was my daughter, I'd go with her and cause ruin.:laugh:


    Love this guy ^^^^

    Edited to say No, no way, no how.
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
    A big NO to this one.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    None of that background info even matters.

    No, I would not let my child go to a party at someone's house "for the whole school" with an admission price. I can only imagine what is going to happen at that place. Oy.
  • Vivian06703188
    Vivian06703188 Posts: 310 Member
    It might be a way to force the parents to see the behavior of their son's. Let her go with a camera or video recorder. If anything goes wrong sue the pants off the parents. ( Not very nice but it would put a stop to the crap )
  • hsmaldo
    hsmaldo Posts: 115 Member

    1. Some wealthy privileged upperclassmen at your daughter's high school committed a crime, and basically got away with it.
    2. Those same boys have bullied a friend's daughter, who chose not to press charges.
    3. One of the boy's family is throwing a party at their large house and have invited the entire scool. There is even an admission price, so it's basically like a school dance.
    4. Your young daughter wants to go. She has nothing to do with the boys in question. Barely even knows who they are.
    5. Do you let her go? Is this like saying you're OK with the kid's behavior?

    My advice?

    1. They've committed one crime that they've gotten away with, what's to say they won't commit others? (with your daughter this time?)
    2. I would not put my daughter into a position to be bullied
    3. It’s not basically a school dance. The school has no control over this function. The parents of these boys do. And if the boys’ behavior is any indication of their parent’s behavior/morals...that’s scary.
    4. I wouldn’t want her to find out who they are or have anything to do with them because of this party.
    5. I would not let her go. It’s not about condoning the kid’s behavior or not, it’s about protecting your daughter and not putting her in a situation where she may be exposed to more than she needs to be exposed to.
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member
    My first thought is no, she's not going. How old is she?

    Same thought
  • AmerH
    AmerH Posts: 40 Member
    A big "No." Have you talked to your daughter about why you are questioning whether to let her go? Take a stand even if you're in the minority. Based on the facts you've given, why would you want your daughter to enter the home (and influence) of those types of kids? Just questions to think about. Good luck! It's extremely challenging to raise good kids these days (mom of five with three being daughters, two grown, one 12).
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member

    1. Some wealthy privileged upperclassmen at your daughter's high school committed a crime, and basically got away with it.
    2. Those same boys have bullied a friend's daughter, who chose not to press charges.
    3. One of the boy's family is throwing a party at their large house and have invited the entire scool. There is even an admission price, so it's basically like a school dance.
    4. Your young daughter wants to go. She has nothing to do with the boys in question. Barely even knows who they are.
    5. Do you let her go? Is this like saying you're OK with the kid's behavior?
    And this! exactly this
    My advice?

    1. They've committed one crime that they've gotten away with, what's to say they won't commit others? (with your daughter this time?)
    2. I would not put my daughter into a position to be bullied
    3. It’s not basically a school dance. The school has no control over this function. The parents of these boys do. And if the boys’ behavior is any indication of their parent’s behavior/morals...that’s scary.
    4. I wouldn’t want her to find out who they are or have anything to do with them because of this party.
    5. I would not let her go. It’s not about condoning the kid’s behavior or not, it’s about protecting your daughter and not putting her in a situation where she may be exposed to more than she needs to be exposed to.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    admission. lol. of course they are.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
    Opinion would probably change if I knew more background but as stands now, if she wanted to go and her friends are going then yes.
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    It depends. Is she a responsible young lady who will make good choices? Do you have a good enough relationship that she would call you for a ride if things get bad? Even if she is drunk or did something else you would not approve of? Is she going with a group of friends HER age that are unlikely to drink/have sex/do drugs? Otherwise she is more likely to give in to peer pressure by the older people if she is alone. Is there adult supervision that you trust?

    Could you have a party at your house for all of her friends? Even promise to leave for a while? Or let them each have one wine cooler or something? Learn about responsible drinking and fun?

    I never got to do ANYTHING when I was young and it really sucked. It was harder to fit in, I rarely had any fun, and I felt really left out all of the time. That is hard. I knew a couple other people that rebelled really hard because they weren't allowed to do anything. Nothing became everything. They hadn't been taught responsibility, restraint, safety etc. They were already "misbehaving" so why not go truly crazy? On the other hand, no rules and anything goes by parents end up leading to the same thing. It's all a balance.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I would not be letting her go.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    My daughter is a freshman. I have to say, she probably wouldn't want to go, given all the other info … she's far too independent to do what the entire school is doing, just because they're doing it. (edit: not saying she's contrary, just that she doesn't follow the crowd just because)

    But if she did, I would probably tell her it's not a good idea. It sounds like he's setting up for getting away with some sort of crap. Better to not put oneself in a potentially risky situation. How about arranging a small party for her and her friends, where they know what's going to be going on and know (and like) everyone who will be there. :flowerforyou:
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    How much of the criminal activity and the bullying does she know about?
  • Vivian06703188
    Vivian06703188 Posts: 310 Member
    It might be a way to force the parents to see the behavior of their son's. Let her go with a camera or video recorder. If anything goes wrong sue the pants off the parents. ( Not very nice but it would put a stop to the crap )

    I take that back, I didn't know the age. There is a big difference in the kind of bullying. I thought she was younger. It is dangerous to let a young woman go to a party like that, with Roofies and other date rape drugs out there. I guarantee the parents won't be supervising that party.
  • runningvegan
    runningvegan Posts: 65
    The world is full of rich people who get away with all sorts of immoral activities. Taking a stand by not letting your daughter go isn't going to make one bit of difference with that. If you were ever faced with the choice of paying $ to keep your kid out of jail or letting the justice system handle it, what would you do? I'd probably pay. I don't fault the parents for that. (Not knowing any details of the story, of course.)

    With that said, I probably wouldn't let my kid go anyway. There is most likely going to be alcohol or other inappropriate activities involved. The kid's parents won't be able to monitor it all.
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
    Personally, I wouldn't let her go. Parties where an entire school is invited often have many bad endings for many people (arrests, drinking & driving deaths, date rape, etc).
  • JoelleAnn78
    JoelleAnn78 Posts: 1,492 Member
    Freshman? Upperclassman? Hmmm, whole school invited. This sounds like a recipe for disaster. Despite what they may or may not have done in regards to the law, bullying and such -- No, my daughter would not be going. Too young, and too many potential issues.

    ETA: I have a son, and, just so we are clear, no he woud not be going either.

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