BEGGING FOR HELP, PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE HELP ME STOP!!!!

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sugaspice999
sugaspice999 Posts: 164
in Motivation and Support
First off: THANK YOU for even opening this, seriously. Truly grateful

I'm currently completely out of control. I've been this way for the past three days and haven't worked out and have probobably binged on more than 20,000-30,000 calories over my maintenance for the past three days.

I KNOW I have an eating disorder, it's obvious. NO ONE in their right mind would eat this much. I'm stressing out about an exam and applications for grad school and I'm eating anything/everything in sight until no more can fit, then eat more once I can take another bite :( I'm helpless, and I have no idea what to do. I could probably eat another 4-5,000 calories tonight (and so much halloween candy) and I have a class I MUST go to tommorow at 7am. I look really scary right now, really bloated, I can't even recognize myself anymore. My stomach won't fit into my clothes, and I'm wasting time at fast food places or making food to eat.

I was 116 pounds (5'6'') and my goal is just to tone up (lower bodyfat, keep muscle). I lift 5x and week and 5x cardio for 30-40min. I eat relatively healthy, around 1700-1800 calories a day.

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME. Should I go to the gym tommorow morning before class at 2_30am-4_30am? (I usually go at 4:30am) but I feel so sick that I almost cannot move. What should I eat tommorow to not look super bloated/sluggish for the next couple days.

The class is going to be hell tommorow (as well as the next 2/3 days in general) but any tips would reallly help.

*I WILL seek help for the eating disorder, I'm not denying problems. I know I'm feeding my lack of self esteem, stress, and confusion with emotional eating. But what can I do to minimize the harm until I do so?

I feel like I gained ~20 pounds in the past 3 days. I'm not even exaggerating, serious. I listed the foods below that I ate OVER (ON TOP OF) my maintenance (1700/1800) calories. Will I lose muscle if I don't lift for four days?

PLEASE HELP me, I really need it. I don't know what to do, and appreciate any help.

Day 1 10/29/13
-1/4 salted caramel chocolate lindt bar (100g)
-3 slices pumpkin bread, with sunflower seed butter and pumpkin butter
-greek yogurt with protein powder, banana, hemp seeds, dark chocolate, sunflower seed butter
-goat cheese, egg, marinara, pesto Panini
-1 cup cream coffee
-1 cup protein pudding
-2 pieces chocolate
-2 lara alt protein bars
-1 rise protein bar (more than 280 calories)
Day 2 10/30/13
-oatmeal w/ zucchini, sunflower seed butter, greek yogurt, chocolate, maple syrup, chocolate chip peanut butter lara bar
-1 whole strawberries and cream 100 g lindt chocolate bar
-1/2 lindt orange dark chocolate bar (100g)
-1 cup greek yogurt with 1 scoops protein powder, 2 tbsp peanut butter, chocolate, 1 banana, protein bar
-udi’s gluten free chips
-bowl of udi’s granola and post greek yogurt cereal with almond milk
-bowl of cheese vegetable quinoa with two corn tortillas
-robert irvine’s protein bar
-egg, goat cheese, vegetable stirfry with 4 slices of pumpkin protein bread, 2 tbsp pumpkin butter, 2 tbsp sunflower seed butter
-coconut lunabar
Day 3 10/31/13
-1 bean and cheese half pound burrito from del taco, with tons of hot sauce
-1 jacked up rice, bean, cheese burrito from del taco, with tons of hot sauce
-half a strawberry premium milkshake
-1 premium vanilla root beer milkshake
-1 mcdonalds pumpkin pie
-1 ½ mcdonalds egg sausage biscuits with strawberry jam
-strawberries n’ cream white chocolate shake: pomegranate, berries, beets, protein powder, banana, ice, stevia, 2 giant pieces of white chocolate, 0% greek yogurt, grapefruit, 2 tbsps peanut butter, coconut
-slice of bread with apricot preserves and peanut butter
-oatmeal in a jar with cream of wheat, almond milk, sunflower seed butter, coconut , peanut butter, maple syrup, chocolate peanut butter lara bar, 6 snickers bars
-12 snickers bar
-lemon pound cake lara alt bar
-2 fried eggs, goat cheese, pesto paniniwich
-1 whole avocado with udi’s gluten free chips
-3 coconut macaroons
-1 bowl vegetable ramen
-2 cups cream vanilla coffee
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Replies

  • theopenforum
    theopenforum Posts: 280 Member
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    First off: CALM DOWN
    Second off: CALM DOWN
    Third off: Stop stressing you are missing the point, its not the food its the stress that is causing your issue which brings me back to my first and second point. CALM DOWN

    Now: If you can get it in, then yes going to the gym will help but your issue is psychological. That much stress is going to do you in, try to pace yourself and take deep breaths.

    Hope that helps,

    Tof
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    Also, I wanted to mention that I was 116 before the binge. I'm scared to weight myself now, but I'm just feeling really horrible because I was so close to my goal before this binge. My abs were beginniing to show, as well as some definition.

    I feel like now, I'm atleast a month behind. How long do you think it'll take to look "normal" again?
  • SuccessHere
    SuccessHere Posts: 240 Member
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    I am doing the same thing. I feel your pain.
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    Thank you so much for your response! Really really appreciate it. I'm trying to calm down, and also have my books open (need to study) but will try not to keep thinking about it because that way I'll both fail my test/class and also keep binging again.
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
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    Three days of overeating will not radically change your body. Drink lots of water, get some sleep, make an appointment to see a professional.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    eat until u are done and don't be fat-simple enough.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    If you aren't in counseling, have you thought about seeking professional help?
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    Thank you, I'm hoping it will not but I already feel flabbier, love handles are coming out and butt has definitely gotten bigger. Not even going to mention swollen face (but I know this will go away when I stop).

    Successhere, I'm really sorry you're going through this to. Truly the worst feeling ever.
  • serialmahogany
    serialmahogany Posts: 42 Member
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    Just grab a big gallon of water. Study for a little while longer, and drink. Hit the bed early, get a full 6 - 8 hrs, wake up like 5 am, and study/refresh and get all your notes together you can take to class. Eat breakfast. Pass your tests, that comes first. Take your water in ac cup/straw with you. Hit the gym, run to distress then go home and hit the bed! Call your close friends and get them to help you distress...I used to write poems about what I was thinking about, and when it hit the paper, it went away kinda. Good luck...School first!
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    I'd handle this by not eating tomorrow. When I have a day that's way over, I simply will not eat again until I feel truly hungry. Like stomach growling for an hour or 2.
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    I havent :( I used to be bulimic but developed binge eating disorder when I "recovered".
    I gained around 30 pounds from it, but through eating well and exercise for the past 4-5 months was able to go down from 160 to 116.

    Clearly, I'm still not mentally there yet. This was bound to happen eventually and I guess now is the time. But the possibility of grad school and the required class for it is on the line this time.

    I'm trying so hard to study (I'm behind because I missed class today) but can't focus because I'm so full. :(
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    Wow, I dont know what I would do without your help. The tests are next wed/thurs, so I will sleep early but I guess I'll go to the gym on my way back from class if I'm not feeling sick. Or I'll just do cardio at home.

    Thanks again
  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
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    Don't freak out, and don't beat yourself up over it, the damage is already done, but it's not like you're going to gain 20lb's overnight. Don't weigh yourself any time soon, because you will probably retain water, since you probably consumed a lot of sodium. Also, you may want to correct your post in the beginning, you put 20,000 calories consumed, and I'm sure you meant 2,000. Typically, not always, but typically when I overeat, it's because I have been too strict with my calories. It's as if it's my bodies way of saying, I need a break, and if I just go with it, and don't freak out over it, it will usually pass. Remember, it takes 3,500 calories to gain or lose 1lb of fat. Sounds like you've been exercising a lot lately, and you probably needed the calories to refuel. Granted, you may have overdone it, but my guess is your body wanted extra calories for all the demands you've been putting on it. Stressing over this will only make things worse. Get a grip, and take control. You can google ways to cope with emotional eating until you can seek help, if it is truly an issue, and is ongoing. I am a big time emotional eater, and I think I've pretty much got control over that now, atleast for the most part. I tend to exercise when I'm stressed out now, rather than eating. My biggest trigger is boredom, and I'm almost always bored, even with all the chaos in my life. Good luck to you OP. Only you can change your behavior. We can't do it for you, although I sure wish we could. :))) :flowerforyou:
  • lafilledelarue
    lafilledelarue Posts: 66 Member
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    Sending you a private email. Please check it when you can. :-)
  • Donna_Renae
    Donna_Renae Posts: 12 Member
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    The first response you got, was the best advice anyone could give you. Calm down. Do whatever you've known to help you calm down.Take a walk, throw that Halloween candy OUT, take a break from the studying, meditate or pray. You're not only affecting your body physically from the bingeing, you're affecting yourself emotionally as well. In the morning all of those problems will still be there, don't add to them by adding this unnecessary food to your body!
  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
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    Ok, I just saw your day 3. Day 1 and 2 didn't really look that bad, but day 3 was crazy! If you don't get a hold of this soon, you better hurry up and talk to someone. Have you sought help in the past? If so, what helped you then? Maybe you can try the techniques you've used in the past to help for now.
  • Alta2000
    Alta2000 Posts: 655 Member
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    You are 19 yrs old, what graduate school applications are you stressed about?
  • LifeJacketWaterJogger
    LifeJacketWaterJogger Posts: 231
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    GO TO YOU TUBE LISTEN TO SOME RELAXATION MUSIC! MEDIATION MUSIC CALMS THE MIND!
  • sugaspice999
    sugaspice999 Posts: 164
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    You're right, Day 1 wasn't that bad, but everything started getting progressiely worse from then because I actually drove to fast food places to order junk I didn't have at home. I've never done that before because I've always been too slef concscious to eat in front of other people when overweight. Even though I'm at a healthy weight now (though 20pounds over what I was, and people probably thought I'm pregnant because of my huge stomach (or that I was a binge drinker or something) when I was sitting there in mcdonalds eating the food barely able to eat. I can't believe I ate all that food by myself, alone, in front of people. There were two cops sitting in front of me too :(

    I threw out the candy, but its proving to be really difficult for me to not go down and eat it. Or make another cup of cream coffee to "study" (excuse for another macaroon). I keep thinking about it, but think of the comments/advice here, definitely helping.

    I will mention that the not eating for a day after a binge didn't work for me. I wasn't expecting it to either, but I tried it this morning and it led me to where I am now. I've done intermittent fasting before, and it just occured to me that it might also have increased my ability to shovel food in my mouth for a really"full" feeling (but this time it was on junk instead of eggs and vegetables and a treat). This morning I was planning on just drinking vegetable juice (beets and carrots) to detox then I ended up adding peanut butter and all the other junk in my log. such a fail :(
  • pitbulllover
    pitbulllover Posts: 98 Member
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    If you've been losing 10 pounds a month at your size, that's pretty extreme for a small girl. And a little too fast. You have to learn to eat healthy, and in moderation. It's not an all-or-nothing thing, and it sounds like you tried restricting yourself too much until you ran out of willpower and just ate everything in sight (I'm still trying to learn the whole moderation thing myself, it's really hard after a life yo-yo-ing between restriction and excess). But honestly, the guy that said to calm down had the best advice. This was only 3 days, you didn't let it go on that long. And with you being so restrictive for the last 4-5 months until the other day... I'm guessing that all of a sudden putting all those extra calories in your body today will make you sick. So don't stress yourself out, focus on school, and don't even work out tomorrow. Let all those calories go through you (I would bet money that you'll spend a lot of time in the bathroom tomorrow). You'll feel better in a couple days after eating your maintenance calories, lose the bloating, and then weigh yourself and see what the damage was and get back to working out. (Don't weigh yourself now, wait a couple days because you have a few pounds of food just sitting around inside you right now). But also please seek professional help.

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