Confused and Looking for Advice

badwolf4
badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hello,
My name is Rose and it is taking all of my courage to stop lurking in the shadows and ask for help. So please be nice, and yes I know I need help and I'm trying to get it. Through multiple avenues and this is one. For as long as I can remember I have never had a 'normal eater' around me in my life. My mother is very morbidly obese, and always has been. My father, obese. My sister and I quickly following suit, led by example. My boyfriend (heart surgeries, birth defects and other non-by-choice reasons) is underweight, my best friend is underweight (swim team), and well in high school they just isn't' many good examples.
My back story, read at your own risk.

In 6th grade I was 5'7 and 180lbs. In 8th I was 5'8 185lbs. 10th grade I was 5'9 and 200lbs. Beginning of last summer I was 212lbs. That's when I lost the ability to keep going. Repeatedly in the past I have struggled with under eating and unheatlhy behaivors, even resorting to purging beginning of Sophomore year. I hated it, I hated it all, but I felt like I couldn't stop. Last summer it got so much worse, last summer I lost myself entirely. I went on a 2 week job trail-thingy in the middle of Yosemite. No one there knew what was going on, and all I had to do was eat 2000 calories for three days to go, and I did. Well, they didn't know I'd been exercising after they'd fallen asleep. Anyways, I ate about 1,000 calories total in that whole 2 weeks. It sucked. I've never been more depressed and generally unhappy. When I got back I didn't lie about what I'd done, I wanted help.

I didn't get help. I went to my therapist and told her, my primary care physician, hell even the E.R. doc! They just lectured me, told me what I was doing was bad, and said they didn't understand. I would cry, break down during the appointments. Yes, I know what I'm doing is wrong! I want help! Next, I was sent to the leader of the ED department at Kaiser. She said, and I quote, "So tell me what's been going on", I replied "I've been restricting again", and she said "Well, honey, you have to restrict to lose weight".

Yeah, let's tell the 15 year old who's suffered from an undiagnosed eating disorder since about 3rd grade that she should be restricting. Best. Idea. Ever.

Anyways, "I mean, I've been eating negatives every day for a long time"

She pauses, "That's unhealthy" in a stern, dissapointed way.

I started crying and just got up, walked out, and left.

I haven't had the check-ups or anything since, and I admit, I still need help

Let me clarify: I am eating over 1,000 calories per day, net. I am trying to get better, and I do not condone eating disorders. They suck. My problem is, I try so hard to eat what MFP tells me, but then I never lose as much as it says I will, even if I do exactly what it says.... I don't know what to do, and doctors are the most triggering thing on the planet for me right now. I am seeing 1 therapist weekly, but that's it. Currently, since the beginning of the summer and through yo-yoing dieting I've lost 17lbs.
END.

So, in summary I've lost 17lbs but need help working out a healthy eating and workout plan. Any tips and advice? I'd love workouts particularly! Something I can do at home, or even better in my room. I'd also love simplified explanations of how I should be calculating and montiering everything, it has just gotten too overwhelming. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to share your story (:

Love,
Rose xoxoxoxoxo

Replies

  • amie709
    amie709 Posts: 99
    Here is the first tip I can give you: it's not a race. It's a long marathon. Don't worry about how fast you lose the weight-just make sure that you're doing the rights things to help you lose it. My story is very different than yours.

    I'm an emotional and boredom overeater. I started trying to lose weight and get healthy in April. So far I'm down 83 lbs. My starting weight was 270 lbs. and still gaining.

    You can message me if you want and we can talk about what kind of eating and exercise would work well for you. I have a couple of people who check in with me daily for accountability. We could do the same.
  • farway
    farway Posts: 1,260 Member
    I am in UK, how about logging & opening your food diary?

    No one can advise without seeing what you are eating, we all would like to help
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
    In 7th grade I was 225 and 5' 6.5". Do what MFP says. I am recovering binge eater and former anoxeric. Do what MFP says. Don't worry about how fast you lose. Worrying about how fast you lose is how you started purging. Do what MFP says. Get your mind around eating for nutrition before you worry about weight loss. There are people here who say that metabolic syndrome is rare. They are right, but once upon a time in my teens and until I was 21, I ruined my metabolism via eating disorders. You must give your body time to recover.
    I am 44; I have four kids, including 3 teens. I have PCOS and celiac disease. I weighed 193 in June of this year and told a nutritionist that I am healthier fat than I am with anoxeria. In August, I decided to become my healthiest weight ever of 150. I have lost 23 pounds and have 19 to go. You will not lose that quickly because your metabolism is broken. Give your body time to get used to being treated well and you will begin to lose.
    Feel free to friend me if you want to and good luck getting better.
  • MichelleSmallwood
    MichelleSmallwood Posts: 1
    Hello my dear friend,

    I am so sorry that you are getting such negitive help from Dr"s and such. Can I recomemd OA ( Overeaters Anonoymous) It has saved my life from food issues. Food issues are emotional issues deep withen. You are worth being healthy and enjoying a wonderful and joyful life. God loves you so much and wants the best for you. It is hard in this world to overcome so much pressure from everywhere. I really believe in the program, its for anyone who stuggles, even with bulimia. I encourage you to google it and there are even online meetings.
    Best to you
    Michelle :smile:
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    bump
  • badwolf4
    badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
    I cannot express how much your messages mean to me <3 it's really good to know there are supportive people out there. I tried going to FA once, but so much of it was about weight loss success stories I found it very triggering.

    I am so worried about how fast I lose, I cannot shed the weight fast enough. I know it is sick and wrong and all of that, but it's all I've ever been able to think about, for as long as I can remember. My problem is I've had anorexic thoughts since I was at least in third grade, probably younger. I only started carrying them out a few years ago. My metabolism came sucking worse than anyone will ever believe. All the women on both sides of my family have been overweight, and never really able to lose. My Aunt has always wanted weight loss in a healthy way, and at one point a nutritionist (and several consulting docs) had her eating 300 per day.

    I've been logging for a while now, and will open my log when I figure out how (:
  • AJ_G
    AJ_G Posts: 4,158 Member
    The important thing about losing weight is learning how to eat properly on the way down. Most people who get surgery to lose weight, or go on VLCD(very low calorie diets) never truly learn how to eat properly while they're losing weight, so once they "finish" with their diet, they gain it all back. Your diet is not some temporary thing that you use to lose weight, it is your new way of eating from here on out. The important thing is to set a good calorie goal, and proper macronutrient (fat, protein, carb) goals, and incorporate activity so you can have a sustainable plan that doesn't cut out foods you love. If you put 100% effort into your health, there's nothing you can't do
  • badwolf4
    badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
    The important thing about losing weight is learning how to eat properly on the way down. Most people who get surgery to lose weight, or go on VLCD(very low calorie diets) never truly learn how to eat properly while they're losing weight, so once they "finish" with their diet, they gain it all back. Your diet is not some temporary thing that you use to lose weight, it is your new way of eating from here on out. The important thing is to set a good calorie goal, and proper macronutrient (fat, protein, carb) goals, and incorporate activity so you can have a sustainable plan that doesn't cut out foods you love. If you put 100% effort into your health, there's nothing you can't do

    And this is where I usually hit a wall with my doctors.
    I feel no honest desire to ever really eat more than I am again.
    Last night I made peace with my Halloween candy and am content to let it sit there in my room. It doesn't bother me.
    The cookie I was offered at lunch didn't even need a second thought before I said "No thank you".
    I mean, I really hate eating. I hate eating and I hate food. I always have. I've eaten only 1-2 meals per day, and definitely less than 2000 calories, since 7th grade, because I realized that eating was bad. Now, I know intellectually that eating is good, I should eat, and I need to eat. And I am trying, but like yesterday I never consciously restricticted or took down my calorie intake. Net I had less than 500. That was unusually low, granted, but I'm suffering (emotionally) today tremendously from it. I don't want to crave food like I used to. That's what I'm terrified of. I'm terrified of wanting food again.

    Something I should mention: Freshman year I went on an oligoantigenic diet for a full year. I was supposed to be adding in foods other then just brown rice, but it took me six months to add back in chicken. And that was about my food for a year. I didn't lose any weight. Granted, I didn't consciously exercise either, but I am a rather active person. No sports or anything, but I walk a few miles every day at a fast pace with an incredibly heavy backpack and I constantly move and have nervous bouncy habits like pacing and wiggling.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I cannot express how much your messages mean to me <3 it's really good to know there are supportive people out there. I tried going to FA once, but so much of it was about weight loss success stories I found it very triggering.

    I am so worried about how fast I lose, I cannot shed the weight fast enough. I know it is sick and wrong and all of that, but it's all I've ever been able to think about, for as long as I can remember. My problem is I've had anorexic thoughts since I was at least in third grade, probably younger. I only started carrying them out a few years ago. My metabolism came sucking worse than anyone will ever believe. All the women on both sides of my family have been overweight, and never really able to lose. My Aunt has always wanted weight loss in a healthy way, and at one point a nutritionist (and several consulting docs) had her eating 300 per day.

    I've been logging for a while now, and will open my log when I figure out how (:

    Settings -- Diary Settings -- Click "Public"

    You're most likely not getting the nutrients your body needs if you're eating a very low calorie diet. My ADD is setting in, so I can't remember if you said you saw a dietitian. I thought I had low metabolism, but I had my metabolism tested, and it turns out I actually have a higher than normal metabolism for someone with my stats. I've been overweight most of my life because of habits unknowingly instilled by my mom, but I'm overcoming them one by one. I went through a time where I felt bad for eating something and purged, but I was lucky enough to be able to stop on my own. Let a dietitian set up an eating plan for you, and follow it. If it doesn't work, go back and rework the plan until it does work. Food is not the enemy if you don't make it so. Also, I would keep looking for a therapist you actually like and feel comfortable speaking with, or a group, if you're comfortable in that setting. You don't want to set yourself up for a health risk that you may not be able to come back from.

    http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/why-big-caloric-deficits-and-lots-of-activity-can-hurt-fat-loss.html
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
    For a year. I ate a Snickers bar and a diet Mountain Dew around 9 am and a salad at about 3;pm. I so understand. You can do this. Tomorrow, try to eat an actual breakfast. Concentrate on that one meal until you learn to eat it daily. Somewhere between 300 -400 calories. Then do your usual lunch and dinner. We can work on that once you get breakfast established as a habit. Will you try that for me because
    I knownit worked for me?.
  • badwolf4
    badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
    I'm actually aiming for 6 200 calories meals per day. It's working fairly well, I'm almost never hungry. My mother forces two low calorie waffles and a fried egg white down my throat every morning. So technically, I do eat breakfast. I generally skip snack, and then have a 200-300 calorie lunch. Usually low calorie soup. After-lunch snack is my weak point, and then dinner is 200-300 calories.
  • badwolf4
    badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
    My nutritionist said "Well, you have to restrict to lose weight".
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
    If you can keep doing that, your body will get used to getting fed again and then eventually you will lose the weight; however, it won't be as quickly as you want it to go. Take care of yourself, kiddo. I remember and I know it's hard.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    My nutritionist said "Well, you have to restrict to lose weight".

    You need a moderate deficit. I hope that person gave you a starting point, and not 500 calories NET.

    Also, this is a really good guide for making sure you hit your macros (carbs/fat/protein) and still have room for treats.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/925464-fitting-it-in-giggity
  • badwolf4
    badwolf4 Posts: 49 Member
    My nutritionist said "Well, you have to restrict to lose weight".

    You need a moderate deficit. I hope that person gave you a starting point, and not 500 calories NET.

    Also, this is a really good guide for making sure you hit your macros (carbs/fat/protein) and still have room for treats.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/925464-fitting-it-in-giggity

    I went in there referred because I'd told several of my doctor's I'd needed help, they ran tests and could see I was very close to dying from heart failure. I was having multiple palpitations per day and my blood and urine showed worse symptoms. Walking in there was unbelievably difficult and all she said was that. I left. No, but she suggested 800 calories.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    My nutritionist said "Well, you have to restrict to lose weight".

    You need a moderate deficit. I hope that person gave you a starting point, and not 500 calories NET.

    Also, this is a really good guide for making sure you hit your macros (carbs/fat/protein) and still have room for treats.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/925464-fitting-it-in-giggity

    I went in there referred because I'd told several of my doctor's I'd needed help, they ran tests and could see I was very close to dying from heart failure. I was having multiple palpitations per day and my blood and urine showed worse symptoms. Walking in there was unbelievably difficult and all she said was that. I left. No, but she suggested 800 calories.

    Wow! Were they going to monitor you to make sure you weren't becoming deficient in anything? I can't imagine you having those symptoms and then they just let you walk away. If this is the case, you really need to work with a doctor. This is scary stuff. {{{HUGS}}}
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
    Hello,
    My name is Rose and it is taking all of my courage to stop lurking in the shadows and ask for help. So please be nice, and yes I know I need help and I'm trying to get it. Through multiple avenues and this is one. For as long as I can remember I have never had a 'normal eater' around me in my life. My mother is very morbidly obese, and always has been. My father, obese. My sister and I quickly following suit, led by example. My boyfriend (heart surgeries, birth defects and other non-by-choice reasons) is underweight, my best friend is underweight (swim team), and well in high school they just isn't' many good examples.
    My back story, read at your own risk.

    In 6th grade I was 5'7 and 180lbs. In 8th I was 5'8 185lbs. 10th grade I was 5'9 and 200lbs. Beginning of last summer I was 212lbs. That's when I lost the ability to keep going. Repeatedly in the past I have struggled with under eating and unheatlhy behaivors, even resorting to purging beginning of Sophomore year. I hated it, I hated it all, but I felt like I couldn't stop. Last summer it got so much worse, last summer I lost myself entirely. I went on a 2 week job trail-thingy in the middle of Yosemite. No one there knew what was going on, and all I had to do was eat 2000 calories for three days to go, and I did. Well, they didn't know I'd been exercising after they'd fallen asleep. Anyways, I ate about 1,000 calories total in that whole 2 weeks. It sucked. I've never been more depressed and generally unhappy. When I got back I didn't lie about what I'd done, I wanted help.

    I didn't get help. I went to my therapist and told her, my primary care physician, hell even the E.R. doc! They just lectured me, told me what I was doing was bad, and said they didn't understand. I would cry, break down during the appointments. Yes, I know what I'm doing is wrong! I want help! Next, I was sent to the leader of the ED department at Kaiser. She said, and I quote, "So tell me what's been going on", I replied "I've been restricting again", and she said "Well, honey, you have to restrict to lose weight".

    Yeah, let's tell the 15 year old who's suffered from an undiagnosed eating disorder since about 3rd grade that she should be restricting. Best. Idea. Ever.

    Anyways, "I mean, I've been eating negatives every day for a long time"

    She pauses, "That's unhealthy" in a stern, dissapointed way.

    I started crying and just got up, walked out, and left.

    I haven't had the check-ups or anything since, and I admit, I still need help

    Let me clarify: I am eating over 1,000 calories per day, net. I am trying to get better, and I do not condone eating disorders. They suck. My problem is, I try so hard to eat what MFP tells me, but then I never lose as much as it says I will, even if I do exactly what it says.... I don't know what to do, and doctors are the most triggering thing on the planet for me right now. I am seeing 1 therapist weekly, but that's it. Currently, since the beginning of the summer and through yo-yoing dieting I've lost 17lbs.
    END.

    So, in summary I've lost 17lbs but need help working out a healthy eating and workout plan. Any tips and advice? I'd love workouts particularly! Something I can do at home, or even better in my room. I'd also love simplified explanations of how I should be calculating and montiering everything, it has just gotten too overwhelming. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to share your story (:

    Love,
    Rose xoxoxoxoxo

    Hi Rose,

    It looks like you haven't been modeled a healthy lifestyle and eating, thus you are taking it in the other direction in an extreme way.

    Given what we are fed by the media, it isn't that out of line. I constantly have fad diets pop up on my facebook touting a weight loss of 30 lbs in one month. Yeah right, you'd be pretty ill. Like the previous posters stated, this is not a race and in fact, the slower you take the weight off, the more it'll stick. You need plenty of time to learn new habits. You are in the right place at MFP. Once you start logging every morsel that passes over your tongue, you'll have a good idea of what's going in. Don't restrict any group of foods but just moderate them. Remember; food is nutrition but you do need some fun too.

    I eat a couple hundred cals less during the week so I can have a little fun on the weekends and that works fabulously for me. You do need to treat yourself but I know you probably don't think so due to what you have seen in your family. And I'm doubting they have really really tried to lose weight.

    You will meet lots of good examples of healthy eating people here. I'm hoping someone with more dietary knowledge will chime in here because I know you are looking for strategies on how to calculate and monitor like you said. I've heard people talk about measuring and weighing foods. I do measure my cereal and milk as I've been known to get heavy handed. Also, if you like soups, Amy's has some healthy ones and the caloric value is on the can. Split pea is great and low in cals....just add 6-8 Saltines. It sounds like breakfast is going well for you. Also, do you like eggs? Hardboiled eggs with a little Gray Poupon (sp?) mustard are phenominal. How about two packets of reduced sugar flavored oatmeal?

    I switched from cow's milk to 30 cal unsweetened almond milk last yr.

    You can do this but it takes one change at a time. When I started, I knew I'd fail if I did it all at once so I only concentrated on my diet and NOT exercise. I still don't exercise much but I'm working on it. I'm impressed with the fact that you do and are fervent about it!! :)

    In time, you will become a good example to the people in your household and they may learn from you. Maybe expect some friction along the way though as you are basically jumping ship.

    Message me whenever you want. You WILL be successful! Hang in there!!!

Categories