Eating Disorders and Anxiety

CharleePear
CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
edited February 6 in Health and Weight Loss
Ok, I want to get serious about losing weight, I do have quite a few obstacles and I am making this post to face one of them. I have had eating disorders my whole life, my current one is not overeating but food addiction. The very thought of eating in a certain way and not just going with the flow causes a lot of anxiety in me to the point I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I can't explain why really, I haven't met others like me before. I have read so many forum posts about people losing tonnes of weight just by changing their diet, but I have a feeling I first need to change how I think. I have lost heaps of weight in the past I was over 100kg easily, I can't tell you exactly cos I stopped weighing myself I was too ashamed. I had a husband (now ex), who from the day we started being together would tell me how to eat and exercise, my Mum was the same from when I was really young but I was not fat I was actually really skinny. I am not excusing my behaviour but I have a feeling that's why I can't seem to eat right, I do for like a day maybe two if I am doing well then by day 3 I grab a pastry or a bag of lollies or potato chips or whatever. When I lost a bunch of weight I finally had enough money to buy lots of good food and experimented with cooking. My husband had stopped telling me how to lose weight and I started to just fall into fairly good eating habits. Since then I have split with him, which caused me to start getting a bad body image again, I have had anorexia bulimia in the past, so this is easy to fall back into it, but I have flipped the other way, instead of starving myself I just binge, no purging and get down on myself. Anyone who has had similar experiences and can help me I would appreciate it. I am not making excuses but I don't have much money, food in NZ is really expensive and I have severe health issues that leaves me bedridden a lot, so when giving advice keep that into account. I know it isn't impossible to lose 17kgs, I would like to lose more but I figure being 70kgs would be much better than 87 :) Thanks guys. PS I eat a lot of tuna fish sandwiches atm which is cheap and ok for me. (I know bread isn't awesome but in comparison to the alternatives....)

Replies

  • RinnyLush
    RinnyLush Posts: 389 Member
    Hey girl, I hear yah. =)

    My story is a long and painful one, with a happy ending. I'll give you the cliff's notes:

    I've had issues with food, anxiety and disordered eating since I was 8 years old and made myself purge for the first time. By the time I was 17, it had developed into full-blown bulimia, body dysmorphia, depression, and occasional starvation with over-exercising. I did a lot of major damage to my body, lost friends and boyfriends, and caused my family a lot of grief and worry. Eventually (when I was in University and living far away from home) I was given an ultimatum by my best friend: either I seek help, or she would call my family and ask them to remove me from University and back into their care. To please her, I sought out therapy but only attended reluctantly and without hope or enthusiasm. The disorder worsened (I withdrew from family and social events and continued to torture my body in privacy) so she told my family. I was admitted into an eating disorder program at the local hospital and underwent intense therapy paired with a strict eating schedule with the other patients. I had to relearn everything. I fought it at first, but at some point began to open up. Eventually, I could speak freely about my feelings, my pain, and I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fortunately, most of the physical damage I had done to my body was reversible (with a couple exceptions). I began to gain weight due to the metabolic damage, and I learned to be OK with that. I started doing yoga, dancing in a burlesque troupe, and finding positive ways to relate to my body. Miraculously, my file was closed and I was discharged from the program as being "recovered".

    That was over 3 years ago, and since then I've fallen in love with myself, my body, and this life. I still suffer from anxiety here and there, but it's manageable and will always be a part of who I am. I eat things that make me happy, make me feel powerful, taste good, and allow me to enjoy life on both culinary and nutritious levels. I worry less, celebrate more, and thank the universe everyday for giving me a second chance at being happy and accepting myself. I walk with confidence now, instead of shame.

    I would suggest speaking with someone about your food anxiety and eating disorder behaviour. You'd be surprised how much a change in perspective can help your self-esteem. Just saying things out loud to an objective listener can be enough for you to see things differently. You've got to heal the mental and emotional issues first, take it from me. But it's doable, and there are people who can help. Best of luck - you can do this!

    :heart:
  • Allibaba
    Allibaba Posts: 457 Member
    I have a history of eating disorders as well and for me a lot of negativity growing up contributed to them. I sometimes wish I could just eat like a "normal" person and not have to worry so much about food, but the more I learn the more I see that it is difficult for almost everyone. I try to focus more on healthy foods and getting activity by doing things I enjoy. Focusing on the positive rather than the negative. I also try to eat in moderate amounts throughout the day rather than a starve/binge cycle. It is not always effective, but it is my goal and most times I achieve it and when I don't I try to look at what I did do right and try to keep building my good habits and not think too much about my failings.
  • MartiCat70
    MartiCat70 Posts: 59 Member
    I can totally relate to this! In my 20's, I was border-line anorexic. I got help and in my 30's went the other direction of overeating. It's hard to strike a balance with myself at 43. I binge/starve all the time. I wish I could eat the way everyone else seems to eat. A reasonable amount spread out through the day. It's like I load up on food, feel guilty, then starve myself for a day or two in hopes if making up for the binges.
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