She F***ing Hates Me
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hi something similar was happening with me- i started a new job a few months ago at this company. the woman who had my position before me retired and i'd taken over for her- The second i came in i was met with nothing but an attitude from this one particular woman[ i believe she was close to the lady who retired], she made my life a living hell for the first month or so at this company. She would talk down to me, roll her eyes at me, she would try to make me look bad any chance she got. she would scoff at me and talk under her breath as she walked away from my desk after an interections. she even went as far as calling me incompetant. It was awful, this was all going on under everyone's nose. Unfourtunatly i had to interact with her a lot so there was no avoiding her. she USED TO BE responsible for covering my desk on my breaks and i am responisble for distributing work to her. a few times i caught her removing staples then restapling papers that i had prepared for her [she didnt like the way i stapled things], throwing the staples around my desk, another time while she was covering my break she deleted a spreadsheet that i was working on. she even made me cry once.
I too tried to kill this woman with kindness but it was no use. I eventually had to go to my boss and have her get involved becuase it was getting rediculous. We ended up having a meeting and there wasnt much progress. i was actually appalled at my boss's reaction to my co-workers behavior, instead of scolding her she kind of made excuses for her and even asked HER to judge how i was taking to my new position. i was floored after that and did not see much improvement until the situation was taken to someone higher up and then one day everything was fine.
Later i had learned that this woman has a history of behavior problems. She's been talked to several times about her attitude and has been a menice to other newbies in past [ones who no longer work for the company might i add] It's my theory that she was told to shape up or ship out becuase shes been nothing but nice to be since this has all happened. I'm still really disappointed in how my boss handled the situation though. i feel like she was tring to cover for her or something, i dont repect that.
But anyway, do what you need to do. It's true that you are there to work not to make friends, not everyone has to like you but they will repect you. demand that. I hope things get better for you, all she may need is a small confrontation and then she'll make the adjustment on her own.0 -
hi something similar was happening with me- i started a new job a few months ago at this company. the woman who had my position before me retired and i'd taken over for her- The second i came in i was met with nothing but an attitude from this one particular woman[ i believe she was close to the lady who retired], she made my life a living hell for the first month or so at this company. She would talk down to me, roll her eyes at me, she would try to make me look bad any chance she got. she would scoff at me and talk under her breath as she walked away from my desk after an interections. she even went as far as calling me incompetant. It was awful, this was all going on under everyone's nose. Unfourtunatly i had to interact with her a lot so there was no avoiding her. she USED TO BE responsible for covering my desk on my breaks and i am responisble for distributing work to her. a few times i caught her removing staples then restapling papers that i had prepared for her [she didnt like the way i stapled things], throwing the staples around my desk, another time while she was covering my break she deleted a spreadsheet that i was working on. she even made me cry once.
I too tried to kill this woman with kindness but it was no use. I eventually had to go to my boss and have her get involved becuase it was getting rediculous. We ended up having a meeting and there wasnt much progress. i was actually appalled at my boss's reaction to my co-workers behavior, instead of scolding her she kind of made excuses for her and even asked HER to judge how i was taking to my new position. i was floored after that and did not see much improvement until the situation was taken to someone higher up and then one day everything was fine.
Later i had learned that this woman has a history of behavior problems. She's been talked to several times about her attitude and has been a menice to other newbies in past [ones who no longer work for the company might i add] It's my theory that she was told to shape up or ship out becuase shes been nothing but nice to be since this has all happened. I'm still really disappointed in how my boss handled the situation though. i feel like she was tring to cover for her or something, i dont repect that.
But anyway, do what you need to do. It's true that you are there to work not to make friends, not everyone has to like you but they will repect you. demand that. I hope things get better for you, all she may need is a small confrontation and then she'll make the adjustment on her own.
Its been my experience that when a person has a bad attitude its something they had before you got there. I never will understand why people go out of their way to make other lives more difficult.
My best bet is that you have an intelligent boss. Being so, she wouldn't scold the employee in front of you. She also may have had to get permission to do so. Companies are very careful these days on how they handle employees.
BTW. I disagree that this isn't weight loss related. I know when I had a horrible boss I ate way too much.0 -
You know... It's amazing to me that people feel the need to act like that. I don't understand it and I probably never will. I'm sure there are factors in her life that have contributed to this poor attitude but I don't personally think that you are responsible for any of them. The most important thing here is that she's trying to make you miserable. I guess she figures if she makes you miserable enough you might actually go away. It won't solve her problem though because she will ultimately end up with another person that she will do the same thing to.
I understand it being in your nature to try and be friendly but I think you've laid a sufficient amount of groundwork and I now fail to see how it is your problem to force her to like you. Sometimes this doesn't happen... I've been in workplaces where this scenario has arisen time and again and it never gets any easier.
So... the way I deal with it is to lay low. There is no need for you to say hi to her anymore. You could, but that has gotten you nowhere except upset. I mean, SOMETIMES the best way to deal with these people is to refuse to stoop to their level but you have to be incredibly secure in yourself and be able to accept rejection on a constant basis to deal with this. If you're not, it will only upset you further. I used to push the envelope so far that i'd give birthday cards and put on a winning smile. I was so blindly annoying with my pleasantries that it really threw them a curve ball.
If you're not quite there yet just hang back. Don't take any notice of her FB updates, don't IM her, don't listen to her whining and *****ing... in the end someone will just get fed up with her Debbie Downer attitude. I'm sure you're not the only one that has seen it. Be bright and smiling and happy to everyone else. She will dislike you more because she will likely perceive that as you being a kiss *kitten* BUT you're already in a position where you can't win for losing so who cares?
You can get through this honey. It's not impossible. The work environment is all about what we make of it and that includes how we deal with the miseries that we're forced to share cubicles and work spaces with. Be happy, smile and know that you're obviously in a better place than she is!!!!0 -
Stop killing her with kindness and just plain kill her.
I'm kidding of course.
Get a spade and bury her under the staff car park, it's a great cardio workout :laugh:0 -
First off, thank you for all the good advice! Sadly, I have tried alot of the suggestions. I have asked her calmly if I've done something/said something to offend her and she will over the top say no way! She has explained that she's guarded and a little socially akward, but I would just think if someone wanted to include you, you would want to brush up on those social skills.
I really know that just being plain and polite is the best thing, and I'm sadly surprised how many of us deal with this. I guess I'm just taken aback because (not in a conceited way) I think I'm pretty likable :laugh: I've never had someone downright be ugly and rude to me....EVER. Which I guess is a blessing but had to happen sooner or later.
At least I have my MFPeeps :drinker:0 -
This isn't weight loss related at all. I just moved to South Carolina and started a fabulous new job with the company I've been with for four years. The job is much like what I was doing in Texas so I feel pretty confident I'm doing a good job in the three weeks I've been here. I've already gotten praise and attention which is great, but I have one HUGE problem.....
I think that your answer is right there in your opening statement. She's jealous of you!
Think about it, you were transferred from another office within your company, that says alot about how they value you, you also said you have been getting alot of praise and attention! Hello, she views you as a threat to her comfortable little environment.
As others have said I would be polite to her and only talk to her about work related issues and just continue being yourself and doing your job.
Best of luck
Karen0 -
you're eeevilSometimes you have to make work fun.
When she leaves her desk, rearrange some things on it.
Talk quietly to her, so she can't really hear anything you're saying.
Throw your trash in her wastebasket. (this really bugs some people)
Good Luck! btw I really love the title of this thread.
i love it
:devil:0 -
Move back to TEXAS......................where everyone is friendly!!!! (yes, I'm from Texas!)0
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Over the course of the next few weeks, get in early, place a quarter in her phone handset. Do this every other day. She will automatically adjust to the extra weight without realising. Then one morning, come in early, remove all the quarters and watch her smack herself in the head with the phone because it is suddenly lighter!
That'll make you feel loads better!!0 -
You type too loud?! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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I ran into this crap when I got a new job as a produce clerk in a big name store. O.O at first they were all friendly ladeda to me then about after a month when I started getting praises from our new boss and the store director for how clean and full I keep the floor things got NASTY they left me L-carts FULL of trash, ect ect,
I believe you are right when you say it's a jealousy thing.
Sorry you have to deal with it, that sucks 0 -
Personally, I would stop trying to be friends with her, she obviously doesn't want to know, so why continue trying? Treat her with basic respect, do not be rude to her, only communicate with her when you have to during work and unless she initiates the first move, stay away from her. If you don't, she could well find a way to report you for harrassment or bullying (stupid I know, but she may be looking for any excuse).
In my opinion and from what you have said, she is being unfair, but who knows what is going through her mind. It could be anything from jealousy to something you inadvertently said and she took offence to.
If you stop trying, after a few weks, she may eventually begin to come round and try to strike up a friendship with you (whether you would actually want to know by that time is another matter), but until that happens, ignore her.
Whatever happens, do NOT let her ruin your work or your time at work, you have to spend enough time there without it being like torture. Get to know the others where you work instead, maybe that will be enough to get her to come round xxx
Listen to Lotus...she is wise just like her name.
Tho I did have to laugh at the guy who suggested all the deliciously passive aggressive things you can do to annoy her. I once had an older coworker who was a completely combative pain in the butt, and was totally computer illiterate. So when he was away from his desk I'd change his desktop around. Just one little thing like delete a shortcut, and he wouldn't know how to get it back or open the program any other way. Or change a shortcut name to something rude and he couldn't change it back. Teehee :laugh:
But really, I am recommending the high road.....unless she leaves her desk for a long period....:bigsmile:0 -
Some women are so full of anger. She's jealous and threatened by you.
Your best bet is to be professional and act like you dont even recognize her bad behavior. That lets her pull herself together and act right after she realies that you're not going to take her man, her promotion, her bosses love, whatever it is she is afraid of. If you make a big deal out of her bad behavior, then she'll have to keep it up, and you've got an enemy on your hands and one of you will have to go. Which is probably her goal.
You will, of course, remember what kind of person she is an never allow her into your personal world when she stops being aweful. She has shown you who she is. Dont forget!
Dont allow her bad behavior t make you behave badly. Sorry thats happening to you.0 -
That stinks that she is being so nasty. I think she is jealous and or threatened for some reason. I would stop any commnuication with her unless it is totally necessary for the job. No good mornings, no have a good night...nothing. I would also unfriend her in facebook. You don't want her to have any personal information about you. And I wouldn't care if she noticed right away. If she happened to say something about it when she does notice I would politely respond "From the way you treat me here at work I was under the impression that you didn't wish to get to know me or become my friend". Then just leave it at that and go about your business. She sounds toxic and people like that don't change. I would just go to work and be yourself and strike up friendships with other people in the office. Eventually her actions will end up biting her in the *kitten*!
Good luck0 -
Over the course of the next few weeks, get in early, place a quarter in her phone handset. Do this every other day. She will automatically adjust to the extra weight without realising. Then one morning, come in early, remove all the quarters and watch her smack herself in the head with the phone because it is suddenly lighter!
That'll make you feel loads better!!
Genius! I love it! :bigsmile:0 -
I know she is your co-worker and this may be hard to do, but just ignore her. Don't talk to her unless you absolutely need to because of your job. Forget about saying hello or goodbye or even acknowledging that she exists. I usually get along with people well, but every once in a while I will run into the occasional b*tch, who for no reason or explanation, enjoys being cruel. I know a lot of people have said this, but seriously, it is most likely jealousy. She was probably used to being the "queen bee" so to speak, and now she feels threatened by you. In the past, I have done exactly what I mentioned above and completely ignored her. There is no reason for you to be friends with her on Facebook, so I would just go ahead and delete her. It's better not to mix Facebook and work. It's only a recipe for disaster! It's one thing if you are close friends with the people you work with, but clearly, that is not the case! If she confronts you about it, just say you were taking out the trash. Haha, I kid. But seriously, if she does ask you, just tell her you prefer to separate your work like from your personal life, plain and simple. She obviously does not want to be your friends and does not want to make the transition to your new job easier for you.
By going out of your way to be nice with her, it's only giving her more satisfaction in being a b*tch to you, because she knows you care too much about the whole situation. Don't let one person make you feel bad. I know it's hard; it can be that way for me too, because I really do go out of my way to be nice to everyone! I hope things get better for you soon
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No offense, but who cares what she thinks? I had I coworker I didn't like, when she spoke to me, unless it was work related, I literally ignored her.0
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Man I hate working with women....I have finally found a job where it's all men in the office, and they keep to themselves...you aren't there to make BFF's...you're there to do a job to the best of your ability. Your success will show through the dramatic desperate housewives bullsh!t...Just give her the fuzzy eyeball, tell her you tried your best to be civil, but it is time to leave you alone and brush up on her teamwork skills...don't give her an inch...it sounds like you already tried to ask politely, smile and be civil, now just let it go and realize that not everyone can be your friend...i agree, the cell phone thing was a dumb move, just because it gives her amo and because you haven't been there long enough to start bending the rules...competence equals deviance...blow their socks off and then you can use the cell phone when you want...but remember, other people are watching every move you make because you're new, you're beautiful and you're nice...all things women hate. start acting like you don't care...negative attention is better than no attention...and under no circumstances should you talk about her behind her back, she has more friends there than you do...just walk in there, do your job and go home. I had to learn that the hard way0
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