How to deal with an Unsupportive spouse?

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gojodster
gojodster Posts: 38 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok I'm supper frustrated so I apologize if this sounds like a major vent fest but I really need some help and perspective.

I have been workout out with my Husbands weight set in the basement and its been going good except that he has been finishing, rearranging etc down there basically its always a mess and I always have to move stuff to be able to have a little space to work. well last night we got in an argument about it because I apparently move his stuff and he couldn't find it for awhile and got pissed and told me that I couldn't Move ANYTHING! so I asked if he could make sure that little area was clear then so I could still work out and he said no if its in the way I guess u cant work out cause I don't want you moving anything. so I'm stuck! He thinks Gyms are a waist of money cause he has weights and a treadmill so there is no reason to pay for it but he also isn't willing to accommodate a little so I can work out at home. I feel like its sabotage like he doesn't really want me to because I have been obsessed with it but I'm just really motivated to loose the weight and get healthy. I have 75lbs to loose so its not like I don't need to. and he was really pushing me to do it (in a good supportive way) until it inconveniences him then who cares.

what can I say or do to solve this one, I don't want to stop working out and I really like lifting.

I love my Spouse so Please don't give me advice to leave just help to make it work for both of us.

Thanks :)
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Replies

  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
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    Throw his stuff out of the way.

    Seriously, I'm usually pretty non-demonstrative of my anger. I got angry one time, threw a little zipper pull (the little tab thing you grab to pull up a zipper) at the wall when I thought I was alone in a room, and turned around to a wide-eyed, open-mouthed husband. He was bewildered, and whatever it was that I was angry about was resolved pronto.

    I'm not advocating actually throwing stuff. I'm saying, maybe stand your ground in a very firm way.
  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
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    He thinks Gyms are a waist of money cause he has weights and a treadmill so there is no reason to pay for it but he also isn't willing to accommodate a little so I can work out at home.
    It is either deliberate sabotage or typical male thoughtlessness. Don't dwell on it. As I see it, you have two choices that fit within the lines you've drawn here. (1) Quietly and determinedly continue to move stuff out of the way so you can do your workouts at home, or (2) Quietly and determinedly go find a gym, plunk down the money, and do your workouts at the gym. The key is to channel your inner strength into doing what you need to do for yourself, in a quiet and determined way. He will cave once he sees you are totally locked into your target and won't back down.
    [I'm assuming you also contribute to the household either monetarily (with an outside-the-home job) or with labor (cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, errand-running, etc.) so you get to make some decisions about how the household money is spent.]
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    That's a tough spot. You want your space to work out and he wants his space to get his project done so you both have valid points and it's hard to say one is more important than the other. So what's the option for compromise?

    He already said he can't put the stuff somewhere else...is that true or did he just say that in frustration? Could you help him come up with an alternative? Could you help him with the project so it's done sooner or clean up other areas down there so there's more room? Not trying to put this on you...just figuring there's got to be a better way and if you volunteer to help he might be more open to suggestions.

    Have you talked to him about how important it is for you to be consistent with your exercise? Tell him this and ask him if he could help you come up with other ideas if it's really not possible for you to have that space while he finishes up the renovations.
  • Lives2Travel
    Lives2Travel Posts: 682 Member
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    Perhaps it'd help to sit down with him and have a conversation when emotions aren't running high. Tell him how important losing weight is to you and tell him that you certainly didn't mean to make his work in the basement harder. Then ask him where the treadmill and weights could be placed in order for them to be most out of his way and yet accessible to you. In other words, try and engage him in solving the problem. Men love that. They're always attempting to fix our problems so he should be thrilled this is one you actually want his help with.

    If he refuses to budge, then I'd get out the duct tape, layout a reasonable amount of space in a corner of the basement, drag the treadmill and weights into the area and dare him to cross the line. I mean, really, it is your basement too.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    Sounds like he's doing a project downstairs? Does it have an end in sight? If he'll be done in a week, maybe just stay out of the basement for a bit. Keep eating right and do bodyweight exercises in a different room, and there won't be much if any impact on weight loss or strength.

    The "you can't move anything" stance is a bit worrisome, if this isn't a very temporary situation.
  • AlyssasDiet
    AlyssasDiet Posts: 120
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    He probably feels like that was "his space" and he's feeling territorial now. If sitting down and talking with him doesn't work, I would say get a gym membership anyways. If you can't use his equipment obviously it's not a waste of money to go the the gym. I think the biggest problem I see is you're giving him too much control. Your husband isn't supposed to be able to tell you what you are and are not allowed to do. So if you have your own money, go ahead and get a gym membership and enjoy all the benefits that come with it. :smile:
  • TArnold2012
    TArnold2012 Posts: 929 Member
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    First off he should respect you as well as his choice for a mate but that is a horse of a different color. I would suggest you take a picture and be sure everything is back to its original spot after your workout.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I understand where your both coming from. Sometimes I move things around and my husband can't find where it is because it's not where it was. So in a way I see it from his side, but at the same time, he bought this equipment to be used, did he not? How are you supposed to use the equipment if you're not allowed to touch it? So there needs to be some sort of compromise. Either you both move the equipment to a better spot that satisfies the both of you OR you get an affordable gym membership somewhere, OR you start jogging outside. There has to be a middle ground.
  • lewandt
    lewandt Posts: 566
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    If that is considered "his" space, move it to a place that is considered "your" space. Eventually it will end up back in the basement because it probably makes the most sense there. But at least he will see that it is important to you and you are not going to give up.
  • ktsimons
    ktsimons Posts: 294 Member
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    If he refuses to budge, then I'd get out the duct tape, layout a reasonable amount of space in a corner of the basement, drag the treadmill and weights into the area and dare him to cross the line. I mean, really, it is your basement too.

    I was going to say the same thing...Ya'll need to mark your territory!! My husband is a bit of a fit thrower, too, so i understand where you are coming from...he is still a spoiled brat in some respects, God bless his mother's soul. But he calms down quickly and then tries to compromise...give it a day or so and go back at it. Who knows, he may QUIETLY start keeping the space more neatly all by himself!
  • Cherie0622
    Cherie0622 Posts: 87 Member
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    Ask him to help you find a solution as husbands and wives are supposed to do. If you keep moving stuff, he'll get mad. Tell him that you NEED a compromise or you will have to re-work the budget to fit in a gym membership.... Then you'll have to compromise about where to cut costs. Either way, talk to him when you're both in a good mood.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Offer to help him finish the project so both of you have a better place to workout. Ask him where to put things to help him get organized and get the project done more quickly. Lugging around tools or wood or holding buckets of nails is a great workout also.
  • ThinLizzie0802
    ThinLizzie0802 Posts: 863 Member
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    My first reaction was to file for divorce and seek full custody of the weights and treadmill. But you want a serious answer. So... slip him some e on a daily basis. You'll get even more love from him and after awhile, his short-term memory will be crap and you can blame him for moving the stuff in the basement.

    This.
    I tried it.
    It works.
    Although the e gets a bit pricey and I couldn't get him to stop carpet swimming.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Promise him you are going to put things back in their place after your workouts. And then do so.

    OR

    Negotiate a new temporary place for the weight set until he is finished up with his goings on down there.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    Promise him you are going to put things back in their place after your workouts. And then do so.

    OR

    Negotiate a new temporary place for the weight set until he is finished up with his goings on down there.

    These are good ideas!
  • skinnybearlyndsay
    skinnybearlyndsay Posts: 798 Member
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    Promise him you are going to put things back in their place after your workouts. And then do so.

    OR

    Negotiate a new temporary place for the weight set until he is finished up with his goings on down there.

    ^This. Unfortunately, either way, you're going to have to confront him on it. It don't think he's being unsupportive...I just think he's being territorial.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Do you live in a community property state? Did you buy the house together? If so, you have a 50% ownership stake in whatever it is that he's *****ing about you moving, so how about you put on your tough girl panties and tell him to stop moving YOUR stuff.
  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
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    Personally, I would just move it anyway, and tell him that if he didn't like me moving his crap, then to keep it out of the way. I would also ask him what the he## his problem is!
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Other than dealing with whatever the real underlying issue is there.... Why not move the stuff out of the way, then move it back when you are done?

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