How to deal with an Unsupportive spouse?

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    As a male I can't stress this enough "NEVER touch his stuff". I know where every tool, nut,bolt, doodad I own is. I can't remember what I had for breakfast, but I know where every item I own is.

    And if something is missing (especially when I need it) I know either the wife of child was messing with it.

    Moving his stuff then "moving it back" is a bad, bad idea.

    You two need to come up with a solution that works best for both of you. "Ultimatums" are for poor partners. Can you get a shelf for him to put his stuff on? He will probably be reluctant to organize his stuff but after he will be thankful.

    You need to be really clear this is your house too, and unless he wants to pony up $$ for a gym membership you need to use the TOOLS in your home available to you. He has his tools, you have your tools. Both need equal RESPECT.

    There has to be some way he can organize his stuff so that you don't need to touch it. You don't need to be cleaning up after him anyway.

    Husband and wife are equal in the marriage.
    Th eproblem with this is that she offered a reasonable compromise and he outright rejected it.

    However, if the compromise offer occurred while you were both upset, it might be worth approaching more calmly when you've both calmed down.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    Could it be that he was just having a really bad day? You said he was supportive previously. Maybe it was one of those things that was nagging at him each day until he finally blew up.

    How about trying to start a conversation with him when cooler heads are prevailing and see if he will be more willing to compromise at that point.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    [/quote]

    don't rationalize someone being thoughtless by thinking it's 'typical.'
    [/quote]

    I was thinking the same thing. Painting all men as thoughtless? What sort of sexist, ignorant, bigoted, misandrous garbage is that?

    Or is it ok to stereotype some groups and not others?
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    Other than dealing with whatever the real underlying issue is there.... Why not move the stuff out of the way, then move it back when you are done?


    what a novel idea....

    winner winner, chicken dinner.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    you have to be patient, i was on the same boat when i was starting. i suggest don't get too affected by it. my approach was to make myself a laughing thing when i was doing it. never argue as this will only result to pointless discussion. after 2 years, my wife actually supports me and now guiding her to home workout too. but i know every couple are different, hope you can fix this together with your husband.
    all the best
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    There's a lot of missing context here. Project, space limitations, timeframes. What did she move? Why was it there? Why can't it be moved? What's the actual problem people are having? The whole interaction sounds irrational. Most likely deeper issues spilling over into some nonsense in the basement.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    There's a lot of missing context here. Project, space limitations, timeframes. What did she move? Why was it there? Why can't it be moved? What's the actual problem people are having? The whole interaction sounds irrational. Most likely deeper issues spilling over into some nonsense in the basement.

    This
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    God help my husband if he ever told me I "couldn't" do anything.

    Asking nicely and coming to a resolution or a compromise is one thing, telling me what I can't and can do will earn him a one-way ticket to sleeping on the couch.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Could you move his stuff then move it back when you're done?

    What about moving the weights elsewhere?
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I'd move it anyways let him do his little temper tantrum and use it as fuel for your workout
  • gojodster
    gojodster Posts: 38 Member
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    I cant move the weights there really isn't anywhere for them to go. I use a wide range of weights so I cant just take them up the stairs to the living room.

    the stuff isn't just tools, its Lots of crap, storage, books, whatever. (on a side note he is always saying we have way to much stuff, but all that stuff has to be organized my him so its sitting there, granted he does work a lot so I understand he hasn't gotten to it yet)

    The space isn't being fixed into a workout space or yes I would be more patient.

    I'm going to talk to him tonight and see if we can work it out for me to still work out at home or I'm going to start a free trial tomorrow to prove the point that I'm still going to make it work and go from there.

    Thank you for all the help, I needed to get it out. :)
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    Wow he is being pretty damned selfish isn't he? I like your plan hope it works out.
  • ktsimons
    ktsimons Posts: 294 Member
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    God help my husband if he ever told me I "couldn't" do anything.

    Asking nicely and coming to a resolution or a compromise is one thing, telling me what I can't and can do will earn him a one-way ticket to sleeping on the couch.

    Ummm, sleeping on the couch in his new apartment that he doesn't share with ME!

    Seriously, it sounds like he filpped becasue he feels like the OP is pressuring hin to finish a project that he doesn't want to finish or worse, he has hit a wall and can't finish due to lack of skill or knowledge. Slippery slope.

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