Can't stop binging. In desperate need of motivation.
marymickaela
Posts: 190 Member
Sorry this is so long, but I just needed to get this out of my system.
I told my group I was coming back, but haven't since I can't stop this binge eating. I feel so disgusted with myself I want to vomit. Guess that works for some people, but I hate throwing up so don't know how they do it. I've been reading the message boards hoping to draw some inspiration there. I got on the scale this morning and weighed 177lb, a year ago I weighed around 152lbs. I can barely get into my size 14's and refuse to buy anything bigger. I think this weight gain has affected my ability to exercise or just no motivation. What is everyone doing to motivate themselves?
I do really well most of the day until around 3pm, then it's a free for all. I self-talk. Yesterday I was at SAM's club picking up some healthy food and did buy some fruit. I kept circleing the bakery dept. eyeing the apple turnovers, saying to myself, "I really wanted their cheery turnovers". We're going out for a family dinner in less then 2 hours. I must have picked up those turnovers 3 different times, put them in the card, took them out, back in until finally went to the checkout. All thru the checkout I wanted to say "I changed my mind and don't want those", but she had already rung them up so "oh well". I get into the car and immediately started chowing down. OMG! They were so good, all that sugar. I ate one, then another and was still hungry so had a third. Of course by the time dinner rolled around I could barely eat. Brought home half my bacon club sandwichz, but ate that around 8pm. Got up around 1:30am (couldn't sleep). Had a decaf chocalate and another turnover. There are two left for my husband thou I had to hide the evidence. Put them on a plate and thru away the box.
So today's another day. Maybe by writing this it will help. Maybe seeing that 177lbs on the scale will help. I'm at my wits end and really scared. I know all the things I should be doing, just letting my implusivesness get in the way. I had bet my husband back in August that if I lost 20lbs by the end of September he would buy me a new smartphone. Instead I gained 20+ lbs. I didn't want that smartphone after all I guess. Not funny. Please help. Can anyone relate?
PS: This is my new profile pic 25lbs lighter. I try and draw on the inspiration of how good I felt the day that pic was taken, but that's not working either.
I told my group I was coming back, but haven't since I can't stop this binge eating. I feel so disgusted with myself I want to vomit. Guess that works for some people, but I hate throwing up so don't know how they do it. I've been reading the message boards hoping to draw some inspiration there. I got on the scale this morning and weighed 177lb, a year ago I weighed around 152lbs. I can barely get into my size 14's and refuse to buy anything bigger. I think this weight gain has affected my ability to exercise or just no motivation. What is everyone doing to motivate themselves?
I do really well most of the day until around 3pm, then it's a free for all. I self-talk. Yesterday I was at SAM's club picking up some healthy food and did buy some fruit. I kept circleing the bakery dept. eyeing the apple turnovers, saying to myself, "I really wanted their cheery turnovers". We're going out for a family dinner in less then 2 hours. I must have picked up those turnovers 3 different times, put them in the card, took them out, back in until finally went to the checkout. All thru the checkout I wanted to say "I changed my mind and don't want those", but she had already rung them up so "oh well". I get into the car and immediately started chowing down. OMG! They were so good, all that sugar. I ate one, then another and was still hungry so had a third. Of course by the time dinner rolled around I could barely eat. Brought home half my bacon club sandwichz, but ate that around 8pm. Got up around 1:30am (couldn't sleep). Had a decaf chocalate and another turnover. There are two left for my husband thou I had to hide the evidence. Put them on a plate and thru away the box.
So today's another day. Maybe by writing this it will help. Maybe seeing that 177lbs on the scale will help. I'm at my wits end and really scared. I know all the things I should be doing, just letting my implusivesness get in the way. I had bet my husband back in August that if I lost 20lbs by the end of September he would buy me a new smartphone. Instead I gained 20+ lbs. I didn't want that smartphone after all I guess. Not funny. Please help. Can anyone relate?
PS: This is my new profile pic 25lbs lighter. I try and draw on the inspiration of how good I felt the day that pic was taken, but that's not working either.
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Replies
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Yes, I can relate. I too have hidden the evidence of a box (or many boxes) of turnovers both cherry and apple. I too have had an issue with the afternoon binge. I don't know what it is about that time of day. Boredom maybe or just the drop in energy we all seem to experience at that particular hour. I can't tell you why I've been successful in the last 5 months and why this time has been different, but I can give you a couple things that have helped me:
No snacking. Not in the AM and certainly not in the PM. Many will tell you differently, but for me, a 100 calorie snack leads to another and to another until I'm eating everything in the cabinets, alternating salty and sweet of course. I do have a cup of coffee around 3 pm every day. It kills my appetite and holds me over until dinner.
Pre-Logging in MFP. I log my food plan for the next day the night before. I find that if I have a plan, I will execute it. If I don't, I end up standing in front of the fridge when I'm hungry and then I tend to make poorer choices.
Short term Goals. If I look at the HUGE number of pounds I need to lose, it's overwhelming. I set short term goals and when I reach the next one, I set another. And I make sure I treat myself when I reach a milestone. Not with food, but with something I've wanted to buy or a place I've wanted to go or even by just telling a close friend that I did it.
It gets easier. The first month of my "diet" was hell. Yes, I lost weight and that was nice, but I felt like I was white knuckling it every damn day. Now, after almost 5 months, I'm in control, I've figured out what works for me via trial and error and I feel better every day.
I feel for you and I've been there. You can do this. Reach out for the support you need whether within your family or circle of friends or on MFP. People want to help if they can.0 -
Thank you so much for your words of motivation. It really inspired me. I do think logging my food plan in ahead of time will be a big help. Also, getting back into a form of exercise. When I lost my 25lbs last year, which I've now regained I was exercising a lot. Wearing my HRM while exercising and using my Fitbit. I still have a lot of sessions left with my trainer, who I think has given up on me, but it's me that's needs not to give up on me.
I read somebody's blog or post and they said that in the beginning, don't think about it, just do it and eventually it will become a habit. It's been that way with my house. I'm trying to become more organized, esp. with all my crafts. The clutter builds, dishes in the sink, dust, etc. I developed a schedule and method that workss for me several weeks ago and it's now becoming a habit. I feel so much better about my house and myself. I need to apply the same strategy to weight loss and getting healthy.
Again thanks and congrats on the 59lbs lost.0 -
I too suffer from binging . this problem started only two months back and has caused me a great decline in my figure. It was pretty good but I'm on the road to flabs now. Really feel your pain. Let's take it one day at a time. Celebrate small victories like that. We can do it sister!0
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It's not easy. But admitting there's a problem is always the first step right? So here you are and now you just have to start walking in the right direction, one step at a time. Honestly I keep doing the "measure out an exact serving" tactic. Looking at the 3/4 a cup of snack mix for x carbs or that can of soda and reminding myself exactly how much "better" food like pasta or something else I like is helping me. It's tough but I know I'm doing the right thing for myself.
With candy, especially since it's just after Halloween... I froze it. That way it takes a bit for one to defrost out on my desk while I'm working. By then I might be over that urge. And if not, it's a SMALL piece that I Make myself log with the reminder that a teeny 3 bite snack size bar just cost a bunch of my carbs for the day!
I let myself have a cheat day every week. Today we did Taco Bell. My sodium is a bit up there so tomorrow I'll be making sure to keep that in line but even with the taco cheating I kept an eye on where it was going. I could have eaten a whole quesadilla or all soft shell tacos or a bean burrito but since I'm watching carbs especially.... I subbed in some corn, took out sauces where I could and did half portions.0 -
Have you looked at what the trigger was for the binge? Sometimes I find that I swallow a ton of words that would otherwise be spoken with the food...LOL.
Seriously, some of my worst binges were because I really wanted to say things to someone that were going to start a doozy of an argument or were going to be painful for one of us and instead of speaking - I ate.
It might be worth looking at what's been going on in your life lately to see if you can identify the trigger for the binge and address that rather than mentally beat yourself up for not being motivated or having willpower or whatever.0 -
I just came into the forums because I was thinking to write the same thing and ask for help too! I definitely know that I binge because of stress and feeling overwhelmed. I also know I'm really good at keeping control of things but after 3pm I get the worst case of desire to binge the most, even on days I don't feel stressed, I'm not sure what the answer is just yet but I do feel better the more people I'm able to talk to and help to keep me focused. Power in numbers as they say, maybe we can just help give each other reminders
feel free to add me! 0 -
Everyone has posted really good advice. The only thing I would add is this:
After reading your profile, you talked about your daughter's wedding and what you did to get ready. THAT WAS YOUR "WHY"!!! I really believe that if you find your "why" you will have success!! It will keep you motivated and committed to change!! Post it everywhere!!
Good Luck, and I know you can do this!! Stay strong!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I had a problem with binging and gained fifty .lbs after I stopped smoking. Six months ago I joined 2 food phone bridge call groups. One is called CEA How and the other is called Greysheet they are 12 step groups. The really emphasized the weighing and measuring of the food for the honesty and the commitment of your food plan to someone to make you accountable. You can call in like a conference call and just listen to the ups and downs of food addiction. It really helped me stop the binging cycle it helped with the emotional side of eating. I don't eat my feelings for the last couple of months. Maybe this would help you it really helped me.0
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I feel for you. I have the same problem with sugary food. My biggest problem is my office, which is loaded with sweets and junk food. I go through bad patches and then seem to have it under control for a while.
What helps me:
Plan all my meals. Never skip or delay meals and get hungry. Pack snacks to take with me. Always have the basics at home in the fridge so I can put together a meal in 5 minutes.
I never bring that kind of food home because I can't control myself around it.
The compulsion to grab sweets seems to be psychological. Apparently, I need a treat in my life and also need some variety to my snacks and treats. Fruit works for me most of the time as an alternative, but sometimes it isn't enough. For those times, I buy a chocolate meal shake and drink that with almond milk. The chocolate mostly satisfies my desire for sweets plus it's combined with a meal.
When I need inspiration, I watch this amazing true story. It always lifts my spirits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
When I go through a rough patch like the one you describe, it also means I need to strengthen my positive outlook about food and health and work on inspiring myself more. Exercise that I like (for me, walking and hiking) is a good way to stop eating and do something positive. You might search the forums and join a challenge group or sign up for a class where you live. Do something you enjoy related to health.0 -
I had a problem with binging and gained fifty .lbs after I stopped smoking. Six months ago I joined 2 food phone bridge call groups. One is called CEA How and the other is called Greysheet they are 12 step groups. The really emphasized the weighing and measuring of the food for the honesty and the commitment of your food plan to someone to make you accountable. You can call in like a conference call and just listen to the ups and downs of food addiction. It really helped me stop the binging cycle it helped with the emotional side of eating. I don't eat my feelings for the last couple of months. Maybe this would help you it really helped me.
This is really helpful. Thanks for posting it.0 -
I am a late afternoon binger or drinker. I am 8 days with no alcohol and feel great. I have been known to open he bottle of wine and pour it down the sink. All that $$ down the drain but it is cheaper than new clothes!!! I am very black and wihite and if I start, I keep eating. I eat from boredom. I do all my daily activities and around 3 or 4 pm, I am done and finally sit down. I start to think about food and this is bad. I have started to drink tea and go sit in bedroom with laptop reading these posts just to keep out of area that I normally associate with food.
I want to have the freedom of NOT thinking about food all the time. I have been binge free for about 3 weeks. I have smashed food into the disposal instead of into my mouth.
What works for me is to weigh every morning - very controversial as you have to be able to accept a 1-3 lb increase even it you are following your exercise and food plan. I log food and exercise then read some of these posts to start the day out right.
You can do it.0 -
I also cannot have sweet things in the house. No cookies, no cakes (I do make homemade things now and again - making banana bread this morning), no candy, no chocolate. I just can't control myself around it. I don't even go into the bakery aisle at the store.
I plan out my meals. I aim for 300-400 calories 4x a day. I used to binge horribly when I got home from work (at least 400 calories in deli, cheese, and snacks when I walked in the door, followed by an 800 calorie+ dinner, and occasionally a bowl of cereal before bed). I'm still struggling to even out my meals (check my diary, you can see that my dinner calories are almost always more than any other meal), but it's getting better.
Log your cheats. Every single turnover, lol. Usually once I look them up and see how many calories it is I make a better choice.
Feel free to add me, I am always looking for actively logging friends0 -
Oh Mary, can I relate! I don't necessarily binge but I do eat what I know I should not (its almost as if I feel helpless to resist), then the guilt after! I have not posted or tracked for about one year now and I too have gained about 10 pounds since last year. Up to 168# from 152. Of course I'm short so this weight is just too much for my fame. Start exercising and then work seems to get in the way and I just fizz out!! I will read the other replies and posts to see if I too can gain some motivation. Good luck in your journey- I know it's not an easy one! I wish you well and hope we can both find our mojo soon to lick this issue!0
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Mary I feel your pain. Ive gained as well. As a matter of fact, I have issues with self sabotage. I know what I have to do to lose the weight I just do silly things to jack it up! We can do it!0
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Thanks for all your words of support. Since posting this I have found a new resolve and motivation. I don't know if it's posting this, reading other posts, or something clicking inside me, but the last 2 days I feel like something is different. I found out Friday was the last day with my trainer and I think I was relying on him to keep me fit when in fact I wasn't really doing the work in between sessions, which I was skipping. Now that I have to be accountable to just me is helping. I realize that this is going to have to be a lifestyle change and each day I can stay on track will help with my resolve.
The 2 apple turnovers I didn't eat I gave to my husband and he only ate one. The other sat there for about 2 days before I threw it out, not even tempted to eat it.
One day at a time and again thanks for the support. It means more then you know.
I just want to add that I have a sleep disorder and my doctor switched me to a new medication, which is helping me get some real restorative sleep. That may be helping.0 -
I can relate. I lost 100lbs in 2006-2007, and maintained my weight for a while since then. Well, it went up with the two other babies I've had since then, but I always got back down to that maintenance weight again. Until about 6 months ago. I stopped caring. I've been binging. I've gained back 20lbs. I am scared, because I know so many people who lose weight gain it all back. I don't want that to be me. I'm on the boards tonight to keep myself busy, and read encouragement from others in hopes of breaking my binge cycle.0
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I can totally relate to you. I have been a binge eater for many, many years.
Eating food in my car, hiding evidence of a binge, bring too stuffed to eat a normal meal with my family, eating an entire bag of cookies. Gaining weight, not being able to fit into my clothes but not wanting to buy the next size bigger.
I can relate to all of this.
One thng that really helped me was getting on an anti anxiety/ anti depressant. You might want to consider that.
Good luck. I wish you all the best. You are not alone.0 -
Hey there, I totally understand where you're coming from. I joined today specifically to get in control of my binging issues as this website helped me YEARS ago to become 6 years bulimic free. I would love to help you and also ask you to help me in this process! Feel free to add me!0
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Have you looked at what the trigger was for the binge? Sometimes I find that I swallow a ton of words that would otherwise be spoken with the food...LOL.
Seriously, some of my worst binges were because I really wanted to say things to someone that were going to start a doozy of an argument or were going to be painful for one of us and instead of speaking - I ate.
It might be worth looking at what's been going on in your life lately to see if you can identify the trigger for the binge and address that rather than mentally beat yourself up for not being motivated or having willpower or whatever.
PERFECTLY SAID!!
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