Suffering from eating disorder. Need help.

I know exactly what you mean about striving for perfection. I in in college too, but unfortunately becasuse of my eating disorder I decided it would be best for me to stay home and attend a school near home. It was a hard decision to make because I was involved in cross country and track and my college, and had to tell my teammates and coach I have an eating disorder and I need help. They were all great about it and understood.
But if I didn't come out and say it I would be miserable, keeping secrets, and hating myself for it. I am still struggling with my eating habits, but am realizing why it all started. I think that is a huge part of solving the problem. Knowing why something started could help you stop it. Or it could go away other ways it;s all still pretty confusing to me too.
I wanted so badly to be the perfect role model/ runner for other girls to look up to, but I was doing to much and my body and mind just broke down and said enough. I know where you coming from, but it isn't fun trying to look and act perfect in the end it actually exhausting. So my advice would be to find your passions in life and follow them. I am still trying to do that and remember to stay true to yourself.

I began purging at the age of 15.. I used it as a means for weight loss until age 18 when I started college. I then became addicted to the release it gave me. When i was flushing food down the toilet it felt like I was also flushing away all of my negative thoughts and feelings and stresses. When you purge; it gives you a high... and THAT is what becomes so addictive.. and dangerous. I have been actively working on reducing my purging incidences. You may need to speak with a therapist to fully recover.. I know that since I have begun to see a therapist regularly that I am much more self aware and can control my emotions so that I do not eat impulsively and then make up for it by purging. Best of luck to you!

I am going to seek counseling asap.. however, I graduate in December from Georgia Tech so there is not much point in getting involved with a school counselor. I am still on my parent's insurance, and I am not about to tell this to my parents (my mom is a huge contribution to the problem).

Natalie,
Congrats on being so close to graduation. Two thoughts on why getting involved with a school counselor is a good thing... First, the final months of any degree program are highly stressful with lots of work and a ton of uncertainty about what post-school life will be like. Stress can make eating disorders worse as we try to control the unknown. Second, choosing a counselor is like interviewing someone for a job. You talk to a few people sometimes before you find a fit. Why not try a school counselor and see if you can figure out what kind of counselor is a good fit for you. Oh, and a third reason. Graduations typically are an event celebrated by the family. If your mom is a contributing factor, and she is going to be involved in the celebration, why not line up the support now?

www.milestonesprogram.org

I feel like I have so many things I want to share with you my head might explode!

I have SO SO SO Been there!!!!!! I was bulemic in college (and I feel like I was anorexic in high school). I would binge and purge whenever no one was around. It wasn't with every meal (like you) but when my family would go to bed I would sneak and eat a chunk of food and then feel sick to my stomach - then I would throw it up. I didnt think it was a big deal.... until it started basically running my life. I would think about what I was eating, calories, working out, where the nearest place to puke is, whatever. I wasn't enjoying my life because I was too focused on that.

The truth is, bulemia will NOT really help you loose weight like you may think.

I was in college at the time and I felt like I knew more then the counselors. I went to a few sessions, I didn't like it - I knew what they would ask and what they wanted to hear. So I tried a new counselor. Then one day I was so upset about nothing - just crying and my dad actually made me go to a third counselor. She hit home. I have no idea why - maybe it was time I was willing to listen. She was able to talk to me until I got my appt with a phychologist. So regardless of if you are graduating or not, I 100% recommend going to see a counselor for the time being AND make an appt with a psychologist (it takes months for a new appt).

Trust me - TRUST ME - TRUST ME! You will be so much happier if you do! It will be a hard road, but you will be happier!

One thing that actually helped me was this book called Feeling Good by David D Burns. Look, I know you have no time at all with graduating but maybe your library has it - it focuses on those negative feelings (that you flush away each time). If it helps you - great, if it doesn't - you are no worse off.

Good luck my friend and if you EVER EVER want to talk, write me!!!

Love Lisa