Birthday party at bar, who pays?

Kearsed
Kearsed Posts: 70 Member
in Chit-Chat
I want to have a birthday party for a friend, a surprise party. He has a lot of friends, and I was wondering how to handle paying. It is about 20 dollars a person for food/3 hr open bar and about 12 for just the food.

Should I mention it in the invitation about each person paying 20?
Should I just pay for everything?
If so, I would have to cut the guest list down quite a bit.
I never was in this situation before.

Replies

  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Depending on how old the people you are inviting are. If early twenties then mentioning it on the invite, that will weed out some of the people who will show up to a funeral if it has an open bar. If older than 30 then say donations to help cover the cost (you might end with a profit, if you have decent friends).

    If you are trying to pay for it all, then definitely might have to limit the invites based on your financial situation.

    A last possible option is have wristbands, and let people know they cost a certain amount. That way you can give some for free (the people you don't mind paying for) and then charge the rest. Only downside to this one is needing someone to manage the money/wristbands, unless everyone shows up early and you doing it before the shenanigans start.
  • Kearsed
    Kearsed Posts: 70 Member
    thanks

    It is for my dads 60th birthday. I keep hearing that it can be tacky, and others say it is fine and its not tacky.

    The open bar/food includes wristbands.
  • PeanutButterLuver71
    PeanutButterLuver71 Posts: 220 Member
    If you are inviting people you can't ask them to pay. In my opinion, it would be very TACKY!
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I see absolutely no problem with inviting people and paying for the food, but have a cash bar instead. You can mention that in the invite and should be just fine. Asking them to come and then pay for everything themselves is pretty tacky, but you aren't required to provide them with alcohol.
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
    If you are inviting everyone as "host", then you pay. Otherwise, clearly state in the invite that its $20 a person.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    thanks

    It is for my dads 60th birthday. I keep hearing that it can be tacky, and others say it is fine and its not tacky.

    The open bar/food includes wristbands.

    Oh that changes the dynamic, I thought you are taking about a young crowd. Ya if it is a celebration like that then it is tacky, cause chances are they are bringing a gift or something.
  • Kearsed
    Kearsed Posts: 70 Member
    thanks for the feedback so far
  • YoungIronG
    YoungIronG Posts: 125 Member
    you throw the party,
    you pay for the PERSON WHOSE BIRTHDAY it is ONLY
  • Brallen1969
    Brallen1969 Posts: 91
    you throw the party,
    you pay for the PERSON WHOSE BIRTHDAY it is ONLY

    It is not tacky at all, if it is an older crowd and it is in a public place I would not be offended at all if you sent me an invite with food and an open bar for 20 bucks....Definitely pay for the birthday boy
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Mention the price, and have them pay their own way. Unless you're loaded and everyone knows that's how you roll, it's a little unreasonable and impractical for anyone to expect you to pay for EVERYONE.

    Paying for the birthday guy would be a very nice gesture, though.
  • arghbowl
    arghbowl Posts: 1,179 Member
    Just had this for my future mother in law. You plan, you invite, you pay. For everyone. You can't invite someone to a party and then go "oh heyyy... I need 20 dollars"
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
    With an older crowd of your dad's friends, I'd say you're best off paying for the food, skip the open bar, but ask the venue if they can run a tab for the birthday boy that you will pay.

    Another dynamic though -- if the crowd is a lot of relatives, then asking them to contribute to defray the costs should not be a problem, especially if many of said relatives are older / more flush with cash than you are.
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
    I like the option of the wrist bands. When we did our last party we paid for the food, but asked for $10 to cover the alcohol. We had 3 colors. One for food, one for bar, and one for both. That way the bartenders knew who to serve for free and who to charge by the drink. Then we paid the tab for those that bought the bar band at the end of the night. Just a thought. Not everyone may drink and I certainly don't want to pay for someone else to get sloshed just so I can eat. :drinker:
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    There is no un-tacky way to extend an invoice in the guise of an invitation. I suppose it is possible to make an announcement that you will be celebrating at whatever venue and time, and if they wish you join you then they would be welcome companions. But if this is a catered thing where there's a guest list and you're paying for a set amount (rather than people being able to get their own check at the end), then you pay, because they are invited guests, and guests are not customers.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
    Unless someone offers to split the bill then it's all on you.

    A few months ago my husbands sister and her SO had an 80th b-day dinner for his mom at a swanky restaurant and invited the immediate family to it. She picked up the entire bill and my husband picked up the tip (he offered to go halves with her but she didn't want to).

    I don't think I have ever been invited to a catered party where I was asked to pitch in for the bill.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Check with the bar, they should be able to set up a cover for anyone coming and then they get a wrist band to have access to the open bar and food. That way the invite could say "cover charge of $20 open bar and food included" and no one would be paying you directly. Or you could lower the cover and see about drink and food specials, say a $5 cover and free domestic beer, $2 imports/IPAs and $3 well drinks or something along those lines and a buffet style for the food.

    Remember bars are public places so not everyone in the bar will be with your party and wristbands will help the bartender to know who to server for free or for the specials. You don't want randoms coming in to the party and making you pay.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Just had this for my future mother in law. You plan, you invite, you pay. For everyone. You can't invite someone to a party and then go "oh heyyy... I need 20 dollars"

    The sad thing is that I know people who do this kind of crap. I no longer party with them! :laugh:
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  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I say get Dad a nice card and call it done...kidding I kid!

    Sounds like a very sweet thing you are doing for your Dad
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    For my dad's 80th (and final) b-day party, I paid for the food, which included one non-alcoholic beverage. I had a cash bar for alcohol.
    I am not sure how it would be done at a bar, but it's perfectly fine to have guests pay for their own alcohol. Nothing tacky about that.
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
    Just had this for my future mother in law. You plan, you invite, you pay. For everyone. You can't invite someone to a party and then go "oh heyyy... I need 20 dollars"

    Agreed! Very tacky if you're arranging a party for someone else! When it was my Birthday, I purposely didn't say it was a celebration for my Birthday and just said to a small group of people, 'Let's go out on the town, have a few drinks, some dinner!" It allowed everyone to do/work within their financial limitations and at the end of the night, the rest of them left happy and I thought it was a great 'Birthday gathering'.

    I was invited to my best friend's 30th and the Birthday Girl's husband paid for all of us, including the alcohol. Guests were limited to close friends only, but it was perfect.

    To also add, if you choose to ask people to pay, ask for them to do so 'in lieu of gifts'. Sounds like the only way to get around it without seeming like "Gimme gimme gimme".
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    if you are throwing a birthday party event of course you pay and its definitely tacky to ask for money from guests. if its at a restaurant or if its at home. would you charge people to come to his house if you were having the party there?(assuming you provided food and alcohol)

    its no different.


    if i were you id just have everyone go to a birthday dinner. in that case everyone splits the bill evenly except the birthday boy. then everyone can move to the bar after. that way you arent on the hook for the entire bill.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Its a bit rude to invite someone to a party and ask them to pay to get in (I'm assuming this isn't a frat party...).

    If I was hosting I would cover the cost of food and then opt for a cash bar. That way people can wish your friend a happy birthday without having to pay. You can indicate on the invitation that it will be a cash bar. Or... if you are doing printed invites, you can direct people to a website for more info and let people know on the website it will be a cash bar.

    If you can't afford it in a bar, try and find a reception hall that lets you bring your own caterer. We did this for our wedding and had a hosted bar that cost us $1.50 per person (included the bar, bartender, soft drinks, ice, mixers, cups, etc). We supplied all of the alcohol. The booze came from Costco because they let you return unopened bottles. In the end, there wasn't too much left over and we enjoyed it for months after the wedding.
  • Kearsed
    Kearsed Posts: 70 Member
    The pay for food and have a cash bar option isn't bad. That way I'm not asking for money, you want to drink, go ahead. Its actually going to be at a place where its 30 dollars a person for open everything. I'll get a price for just food.
  • ktno1
    ktno1 Posts: 297 Member
    I don't see anything wrong with putting "Food provided. Drinks at bar prices." on the invite. Have received this many times and don't really object to it. A lot of people will come just to get free booze so you're paying for people who don't really care to be there.

    ETA: For my 21st we bought 5 cases each of red wine, white wine, champagne, and 10 cases of beer and just hired somebody to serve. Turned out way cheaper than paying for a bar tab. Of course you can't do this at a bar-type venue because of liquor licencing rules.
  • kelly_e_montana
    kelly_e_montana Posts: 1,999 Member
    I think some of it depends on where you live. I am a bartender in Montana and it's very common for people to have parties where they pay for the food and maybe a keg of beer through the venue and have a cash bar on the rest. In fact, open bar is almost unheard of. I've only been to a couple of weddings ever that were open bar and no birthday parties at a rented venue that were open bar. I've never worked at one that was open bar myself.

    I think it probably varies by area of the country and how formal people are or are not.

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