What I Did about My Never-Ending Battle with Binge-Eating
mkinney07
Posts: 66 Member
So here's the thing. I love food. I've always been passionate about it. I love to eat it, I love to cook it, I love to look at it, and watch it on TV. Food is awesome. So I knew when I started controlling what I ate, it was really going to be a challenge for me.
My journey wasn't very difficult at first. The most important key to my weight-loss has been changing things GRADUALLY. I lost weight slowly, but I lost it and never gained during the process. I started by changing the portions of what I was already eating. I didn't change anything else. Then I added light exercise to the mix once I got used to my new eating habits. Just doing those 2 things alone I dropped from 150 lbs. to 130 lbs. in about a year (I'm 5'3"). It seems slow, but it wasn't about the weight loss for me as much as it was the lifestyle change. I needed to do something I knew I could do for the rest of my life. No quick fixes.
Once I got to 127, I started MFP. It was the first time in my life I had ever considered calories in and calories out. With the occasional bad day, I was doing great. Still losing weight gradually and adding more changes to my diet and exercise routine, I made it down to 117.
I always thought that thin people just had crazy self-control. they must never deal with problems like binge-eating. Now that I was thin, I realized, it doesn't matter how big you are, anyone can struggle with binge-eating. Suddenly, my original concept of portion control began to go out the window. It got to a point where I couldn't go a single weekend without at least one day of completely disgusting, uncontrollable, self-loathing binge-eating. I would make up for it during the week with healthy eating and exercise, which just kept me at a plateau. I kept going through the same process, maybe this is too hard for me to keep up, maybe I should just go back to not caring so much about health and fitness, maybe my body wants to weigh more, what if I never get to enjoy yummy food the way I want again?...chomp, chomp, chomp...nom, nom, nom...mindless eating...delayed regret...stomach ache. Eat healthy during the week, rinse, repeat, weekend hits...out of control again. Am I the only one this keeps happening to?
So I finally came to a conclusion. One thing was for sure. No matter how many battles against binge-eating I won, the war would never be over. So was there an alternative to warring with binge-eating??...ding, ding, ding, light-bulb! Maybe instead of battling the inevitable and hating myself every time I failed, maybe I could take control of it instead? Maybe I could negotiate a deal with binge-eating that's on MY terms? I could have all the power and the binge-eating monster could be fulfilled too?
Yup, that's what happened. I began scheduling ahead of time days that I wouldn't count calories. I could eat whatever I felt like and not feel guilty about it. Seeing the calories on my bad days often made me want to eat even worse. I would think "well I was already this bad, why not just get crazy with it?". So I started to plan ahead. What's the next special occasion I have where it's going to be very tempting to eat a lot of good food? I would make note of that date and eat healthy and work hard until then. Now I had something to look forward to, something to keep me going, and something to work hard for. Every time the BE monster would rear its ugly head and say "hey, let's eat everything", I would say "no, not until ___ day".
This has actually worked for me. I still binge eat, that hasn't changed. But now I do it less frequently. It's predictable and planned out. Also, since I don't count calories, I actually eat less as a result. I pay attention to how my body feels and just eat what I feel like rather than emotionally eating way more since I am depressed about binge-eating in the first place.
Listen, I get it. For some people, this method is not for them, and I respect that. Some people can eat perfect, clean, and healthy every day and wonder how others could ever struggle with a problem like this. They may even read this and think this is a horrible idea. But for me, this isn't a temporary thing. I plan to do this for the rest of my life. If I have to eat perfect and never enjoy indulging in delicious food for the rest of my life, I will go crazy. This method is what's going to keep me sane. I hope there is somebody out there who also had a light bulb go on after reading this. This is the way to not just eat to survive, but eat to LIVE. Enjoy
My journey wasn't very difficult at first. The most important key to my weight-loss has been changing things GRADUALLY. I lost weight slowly, but I lost it and never gained during the process. I started by changing the portions of what I was already eating. I didn't change anything else. Then I added light exercise to the mix once I got used to my new eating habits. Just doing those 2 things alone I dropped from 150 lbs. to 130 lbs. in about a year (I'm 5'3"). It seems slow, but it wasn't about the weight loss for me as much as it was the lifestyle change. I needed to do something I knew I could do for the rest of my life. No quick fixes.
Once I got to 127, I started MFP. It was the first time in my life I had ever considered calories in and calories out. With the occasional bad day, I was doing great. Still losing weight gradually and adding more changes to my diet and exercise routine, I made it down to 117.
I always thought that thin people just had crazy self-control. they must never deal with problems like binge-eating. Now that I was thin, I realized, it doesn't matter how big you are, anyone can struggle with binge-eating. Suddenly, my original concept of portion control began to go out the window. It got to a point where I couldn't go a single weekend without at least one day of completely disgusting, uncontrollable, self-loathing binge-eating. I would make up for it during the week with healthy eating and exercise, which just kept me at a plateau. I kept going through the same process, maybe this is too hard for me to keep up, maybe I should just go back to not caring so much about health and fitness, maybe my body wants to weigh more, what if I never get to enjoy yummy food the way I want again?...chomp, chomp, chomp...nom, nom, nom...mindless eating...delayed regret...stomach ache. Eat healthy during the week, rinse, repeat, weekend hits...out of control again. Am I the only one this keeps happening to?
So I finally came to a conclusion. One thing was for sure. No matter how many battles against binge-eating I won, the war would never be over. So was there an alternative to warring with binge-eating??...ding, ding, ding, light-bulb! Maybe instead of battling the inevitable and hating myself every time I failed, maybe I could take control of it instead? Maybe I could negotiate a deal with binge-eating that's on MY terms? I could have all the power and the binge-eating monster could be fulfilled too?
Yup, that's what happened. I began scheduling ahead of time days that I wouldn't count calories. I could eat whatever I felt like and not feel guilty about it. Seeing the calories on my bad days often made me want to eat even worse. I would think "well I was already this bad, why not just get crazy with it?". So I started to plan ahead. What's the next special occasion I have where it's going to be very tempting to eat a lot of good food? I would make note of that date and eat healthy and work hard until then. Now I had something to look forward to, something to keep me going, and something to work hard for. Every time the BE monster would rear its ugly head and say "hey, let's eat everything", I would say "no, not until ___ day".
This has actually worked for me. I still binge eat, that hasn't changed. But now I do it less frequently. It's predictable and planned out. Also, since I don't count calories, I actually eat less as a result. I pay attention to how my body feels and just eat what I feel like rather than emotionally eating way more since I am depressed about binge-eating in the first place.
Listen, I get it. For some people, this method is not for them, and I respect that. Some people can eat perfect, clean, and healthy every day and wonder how others could ever struggle with a problem like this. They may even read this and think this is a horrible idea. But for me, this isn't a temporary thing. I plan to do this for the rest of my life. If I have to eat perfect and never enjoy indulging in delicious food for the rest of my life, I will go crazy. This method is what's going to keep me sane. I hope there is somebody out there who also had a light bulb go on after reading this. This is the way to not just eat to survive, but eat to LIVE. Enjoy
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Replies
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Great Work! Thanks for sharing 0
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YOU ARE ME. this makes me want to cry happy tears. thank u for posting this0
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Sounds like a great plan!! I struggle with the BE monster and emotional eating.0
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Interesting idea. Thanks for sharing 0
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Saving to read later. I have BED but I specifically binge to medicate myself and I don't care if the food is cooked or not, etc. as long as it's not going to make me sick. Not sure it's the same thing but it's in the same ballpark. Will comment more when I have a chance to read more. I have been doing very well last 8 months in maintaining without calorie counting and following intuitive eating (which sounds like what you are doing). The only thing I struggle with still is just getting through those times when I want to binge for a release (for me it's like cutting or getting drunk).0
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Thank you. This helped tremendously!0
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This is totally what I do also! I have a "cheat" day once a month. I control it. I eat whatever I have been craving. I do log it, but it helps me tremendously. The next day I am right back on track. I have been doing it for almost a year. It may slow down the weight loss that week, but I have never gained.0
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Love this post OP, great positive story :-)0
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I'm so happy you have found a way to deal with binging. You have a good strategy.
I can't remember when I started binge eating, about 12 i think, so it has been most of my life. There are movies about anorexia and bulimia but this is not the same thing. It took me years to realize i had a problem but several years ago I did. I too plan my binges and the longer I do this the smaller they have become. I think if I can't tell anyone about it for the shame then it is probably a binge. One or two servings is not a binge but more than that may be.
Tracking helps immensely. I can see that a large binge does a lot of damage nutritionally and a small one much less, but eating one or two servings is often within my calorie budget for the day. Tracking makes me self aware.
Thank you for sharing your strategy with us.0 -
Thanks for sharing! This totally makes sense to me... I am just starting on MFP but struggle with the same issues. Here's to change!0
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Wow.......this is me completely! Great post!0
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YOU ARE ME. this makes me want to cry happy tears. thank u for posting this
100% agree...thank you so much for this!!! Light bulb definitely went off when reading this!:happy:0 -
I can't begin to tell you how much this applies to me! Thanks for the interesting read!0
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I have done the same thing with wanting to have a glass of wine (or two!!). I have a special event coming up or something and plan to have some wine. I don't have any until then and it is ok to drink. I actually really look forward to the event and having a drink. I know not to get smashed and eat everything in site. The logic with binge eating is the same. I want it all the time but... must have a little control and allow myself to have some wine every now and then. Just not every day.0
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My next planned binge day: Thanksgiving! Holidays are a little less scary when given "permission" to not log everything and just enjoy the day. Thanks for this post OP. I think this applies to a lot of people, including me! 0
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I can relate to this so much!!! Thank you for sharing0
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Thanks. You got it right. Look at it some different way so we don't generate more guilt and self-loathing which requires another binge to deal with.
I always log my binges though. Not to feel bad, but to know how to "binge smarter" next time. And to know how many calories I would have to not eat to break even again. Just knowing that it is ok to binge has reduced my need to do it. In 10 months of MFP logging, I've gone from binging a couple of times a week to once a month or so.0 -
This is me with alcohol! Food, I've always just eaten proportions that were too big and wolfed them down (ever since I was born according to my mum), and now I'm learning to eat smaller portions slower so that I can actually savour the food instead of just swallowing. But alcohol is something I've started planning .... thanksgiving will be my next drinking day, and then not again until Christmas. And I probably won't have as much as I used to because I've noticed that now that I'm not used to it as much, I have stomach problems the next day (not hangover, just icky stomach).
Thanks for sharing OP, it's great to hear other people's stories and be inspired by them! 0 -
Great post I have to give it some thought or a try to see if it will help me. Because it is a common. Thanks0
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Awesome post! I've always struggled with my weight because I'm an emotional eater. I would binge to the point that I was numb.
I too have realized this will be a lifetime war and it seems I always lose the battle right before TOM. A week before TOM arrives, I have no self-control. I'll eat whatever I crave and for the first time I don't feel guilty.
I've realized that this is a lifestyle change. I used to eat out all the time especially fast food joints, but now I'm getting used to making my own meals which are healthier, delicious and give me more variety in my diet. Every once in a while I'll eat out if I'm in a rush or if I have dinner plans with a friend.
I'm losing the weight slowly, but surely.0 -
interesting post, thanks for sharing. i really relate to your point of view because i don't think it is something that i can ever stop completely. the times i've tried to have led to more uncontrolled binges. and i don't really even think it is something to be ashamed of, those of us that have this issue are the only ones that can really understand what it's like in my opinion. i do the same thing as you now where i plan a binge once every 3 or 4 weeks, and it's enough to get a fix of my cravings but i don't feel out of control, and it's not enough to affect my weight. i don't even feel guilty on these days since they are planned out. it's actually probably my favorite day of the month, ha.0
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I'm only halfway through my journey and my binge eating seems to be in the past, but in four months time I should get to target (I hope I make it by then!). I must admit that I'm more worried about maintenance than about the weight-loss phase, I will keep this strategy in mind if the urge to binge reappears. Thanks for sharing,0
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Thank you.0
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Thank you. This is just what I needed to read today. Just went up 2.5kg in 2 weeks.0
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So glad to find this post, this is me too. Yesterday was another bad day for me, I have tried time and time again to stop or even reduce but nothing has worked. It may sound awful but I enjoy a good binge despite feeling immensely guilty and disgusted with myself afterwards. I might try your tip and allow myself a pre scheduled binge day too....something has to work as my weight has gone out of control this year.0
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This is a brilliant idea! I've always been the, "well I already messed up today, might as well just eat whatever I want" kind of person. Hopefully this will help!0
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I realize it's been about 2 months since this thread's been active, but I wanted to jump in and tell my story...I, just like you, lost weight initially the right way--I didn't worry about how fast the weight loss was, and I didn't even count calories. I wanted a lifestyle change. I used intuitive eating methods--I realized I felt best eating lots of fish, lots of vegetables, a variety of fruit, with a sprinkling of (what I came to consider) "healthy" fats (avocado, olives, etc.)
As time went on, I found I could not stop craving cookies. One day, I had baked a batch of cookies for a friend's birthday, and an uncontrollable urge came over me and, before I knew it, I had devoured 2 of the cookies. After that, it was hard to prevent myself from giving in to what I was craving, UNTIL I had the brilliant idea to sequester the cravings. I started giving myself 1 day per week (Saturdays) to indulge in whatever I wanted. i continued to workout, eating healthy 6 days a week, and i lost all of the weight I had originally wanted to lose plus more, without even noticing (I did not have a scale). I ultimately went from a size 6-8 to a size 0. I felt no deprivation, and my confidence and physical health (according to my doctor) was great. I maintained this low weight for over 2 and a half years without even thinking about it. I loved Saturdays, but I loved every other day too.
I hit a snag when my binges starting getting bigger, and I would be left feeling uncomfortable a few days afterwards. That was when I decided to quit binge eating, even though my schedule was truly my lifestyle for over 2 years. When I told myself I wouldn't binge again, and instead practice moderation every day of the week (I was very excited about this plan!), I immediately began binge eating more than once a week.
Two days a week turned into three, turned into five, and the weight starting piling on--rapidly. It has been 1 year since I told myself i would stop binge eating, and I have piled on all of the weight plus more (after easily maintaining a size 0 for over 2 years, I can no longer fit into a size 6, and I'm guessing an 8 would be snug). I don't have a scale, but I'm guessing I have gained about 35-40 pounds.
Now, I am at a loss because I need to lose the weight (this weight is much too high for my body and frame, and i am never comfortable), and the only way i have ever successfully lost weight was by incorporating "free" Saturdays. Should I do the sequestered weekly binge days, as this is the only way to control the binge monster? It's comforting to know that others play by this rule too. Is it worth a shot, as it's the only way I have EVER been able to prevent random, unpredictable binges?
Reading your story convinces me to go back to this lifestyle, before I pile on any more weight and become any more depressed (by the way, I have seen a counselor in this past weight-gaining year, to try to prevent the binge eating. I went into it with an open mind, but I didn't find any solace or improvements by talking to the counselor).
Anyways, i don't know if I'm expecting a response, but I wanted you to know this post hit home, and I am looking forward to getting back on track, even if that means including pure indulgence days (which my family and friends certainly disapproved of throughout the two years I was proudly eating whatever I wanted every Saturday).0 -
I was doing pretty good until today...Although I think I have had 4 days where I either choose to eat foods that trigger or plain ole binged in the past 3 months. Prior to getting serious I was out of control, daily/weekly .. was awful
I have been slipping lately, and even though I don't like the food all that much or the way it makes me feel there is definitely a stress factor involved. I oftentimes (and actually until I started typing) forget that I am stressed out about anything - sounds weird, but my body has always been the bearer of that news for me.
Getting in touch with the source of the desire to numb-out and feel artifically "high" due to the sugar response is key for me. So is remembering all the side effects of being bound and gagged by the cravings and binge (like horrible mood swings, self-loathing, fear.. really nothing at all good).
Great thread and glad I am not alone, I believe there is a way through it. The Ogre may try to take us out, but we can be stronger and continue to get stronger, so when it does come we can beat it.0
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