How to deal with naysayers w.r.t your weight loss?

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fangmouse
fangmouse Posts: 119
in Motivation and Support
I've been dealing with a lot of mean comments by my family members (Mom included) with regards to my weight loss efforts. I've been exercising regularly (almost daily) For 30 minutes to 2 hours and I eat a lot of veggies and fruits and lean meats and whole grains and in proper portions, but my family members kept saying things like, "well, what you're doing... It doesn't seem to be working. You look the same" - I've only embarked on my journey for about 2 months or so. Or, they will say things like, do you think you're doing it wrong? Or perhaps you should stop eating dinner or stop eating fruit or avoid eating after exercise (I only have dinner after exercise, that's it. No shake or snack or anything). I know they are probably saying all these out of concern but I'm really annoyed by it. How should I deal with this? It makes me feel really upset when they say such things =(

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  • kiwitechgirl
    kiwitechgirl Posts: 145 Member
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    When they offer "solutions", just smile, nod and say "thanks for your input, I'll have a think about incorporating it." Then completely ignore it and do what's right for you. It took close on six weeks befor my partner noticed a difference in me, and that was only with clothes off, so your family probably won't notice for longer than that. Just keep on keeping on!
  • GirlWithCookies
    GirlWithCookies Posts: 138 Member
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    "You look the same." My dad said that exact same thing to me. Back in late September I hadn't seen him in 4 months and that's the first thing he said when he saw me. My mom, on the other hand, keeps hoping that a doctor will find "the reason" I'm heavy and be able to give me a magic pill. I just started medication for high insulin and hypothyroidism, and she's hoping it will fix me/my weight. So, I'm basically sick of giving THEM "false hope" (nevermind me, the person with the problem *rolls eyes*) so I don't even talk about it with them anymore.
  • lngrunert
    lngrunert Posts: 204 Member
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    You could try being direct and honest with them. When they say things like that, you can respond by saying "It's extremely hurtful and unhelpful when you say that to me. If you don't have something supportive or encouraging to say, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your thoughts to yourself."
  • 1a1a
    1a1a Posts: 761 Member
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    Weight loss isn't a race. What you are doing sounds like the right (and way more importantly, Sustainable) thing to do to me. Call them out on their rudeness and 'concern trolling' at your own discretion.
  • littlegem65
    littlegem65 Posts: 108 Member
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    My heart aches for you. What the he**? Your family should be encouraging you…not saying things that will defeat your resolve. Get on here and add me and a few others who will support your efforts. Usually weight loss is not noticed at first…It is a slow process, but it is the little day by day changes that we make that start to make the scale move and our bodies adjust. You are doing the right things….Look for others for support. You family is not supportive right now…Ignore their comments.

    Little Gem
  • airdiva1
    airdiva1 Posts: 198 Member
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    I understand because I also deal with the same. I would love to hear, proud of you for making an effort. Instead, I get the feeling that wanting me to fail is what they are looking for.
    But I just do it for me and know in the end, my health is going to be better because of it. So, I keep on walking six days a week, eating alot of veggies and fruit and drink water. I feel better on the inside, but haven't lost any weight yet (been doing this for two months also). But it took me years to place the weight on, can't expect it to come off in days.
  • flumi_f
    flumi_f Posts: 1,888 Member
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    You could try being direct and honest with them. When they say things like that, you can respond by saying "It's extremely hurtful and unhelpful when you say that to me. If you don't have something supportive or encouraging to say, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your thoughts to yourself."

    ^^This

    I have a good friend, that kept telling me my weight loss would stall at some point. I ignored her comments for a while and at one point, told her, I know this better than her (she has never had weight problems) and I don't need her negativity on this subject. It is important for me to stay positive and embrace each loss, big or small and that I would reach my goal in my own time.

    A week later she changed her attitude and is very happy for me and now also very supportive.

    Maybe being strong and standing up to your family, will help them to see, you are really changing, inside and out!
  • writemusic4him
    writemusic4him Posts: 312 Member
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    It sounds like you see your folks regularly. I only see mine once or twice a year. I know that it takes at least 6-8 weeks for people to really start seeing a difference so it may solve itself soon enough as they will probably start noticing a difference in the near future.

    I know that it always takes a loooonnnnggg time for my coworkers to start noticing my weightloss. They are people who see me everyday. Usually no one says anything to me for at least 3 months.

    But since I only see my folks once to twice a year, they are usually blown away.

    So I wouldn't worry too much right now, because I think it will work itself out shortly. :)
  • rebeccaaa_elizabeth
    rebeccaaa_elizabeth Posts: 56 Member
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    Maybe I'm just more of a blunt person than most people... But, this isn't okay. If you are honestly trying to improve your life for the better by getting healthy & losing weight, you should not accept these types of negative comments. I can't imagine how hurtful this is to someone who is working their butt off to diet & exercise. Whether or not they see the results yet or you "look the same" to them shouldn't be an issue. I'm sure you feel a lot better and that says a lot in itself. Next time this happens you should (nicely, I suppose) tell them that while you appreciate their honest comments, that you aren't doing this for anyone but yourself and if they can't find anything supportive to say to you, perhaps they should just keep these things to themselves.

    Keep up the good work :)
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
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    Do Not Talk to people about it. You will be inviting upsetting comments. Just do it ! Talk is cheap but when you actually become slim everything will be different !!
  • illuvatree
    illuvatree Posts: 185 Member
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    If they care about you, they should encourage you and your weight loss efforts! Try to ignore them and get encouragement wherever you can, including here :)
  • ndwildbill
    ndwildbill Posts: 74 Member
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    I have learned...over many years of trying this diet and that weight loss product, etc., that it is best to not say anything, and let the results speak for themselves. Of course, then you will have the naysayers that will tell you you've lost too much, or you will never be able to keep it off. If I were to let other people discourage me, I could start feeling that way right now...I've lost 35 pounds (7 before MFP), and nobody has said a word about it...even though I have gone down over a full pant size. I feel good about what I am doing, and the results, and that is what really matters, and keeps me motivated.
  • Routerninja
    Routerninja Posts: 201
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    Everyone is a weight loss expert. My soon to be Father in Law went on a tirade to my fiancee about how her using ketchup is what is sabotaging her weight loss and I will casually ask her how much she has lost while still enjoying her ketchup and that usually shuts him up.

    I listen to 2 people. My doctor, and my trainer. Everyone else can go get stuffed.
  • farmgirlrrt
    farmgirlrrt Posts: 168 Member
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    It has been my experience that if someone wants you to stay unhealthy then they will sabotage your efforts by finding your weakness. These people don't feel good about themselves so they focus on other people's problems rather than dealing with their own.. Keep strong and keep at what your doing.
  • 2spamagnet
    2spamagnet Posts: 60 Member
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    Previous posts - great.

    Sounds like they have a lot of sh** of their own - don't let them make it yours. Either confront them (as others have mentioned) and shame them to STFU, or if you don't like that approach then don't talk to them about your weight loss goals and do it on your own. Good folks here will be there to encourage you.

    If you are not losing weight after 2 months (not sure if you are - you did not mention in your post), then you are eating at maintenance still (calories in = calories out). So, cut back a bit more. Re-adjust your "goals" to drop your calories by 0.5 lb/week. If after 2-4 weeks you are not seeing some progress downward in weight, readjust and cut some more.

    A lot of the numbers are estimates, and it's easy to over/underestimate. The scale will tell the truth. Weigh under similar conditions all the time, and don't worry about daily variances up or down. Try to look at your progress chart week to week to see if you have a downward trend.

    Hang in there! You're doing great. Never give in!
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
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    Take all negative comments and energy as incentive to stick with your plan and prove them wrong in the long run. People like that may never admit it, but they will be envious of your success, since it takes the kind of dedication and will power that they don't have. Some people are so convinced that anyone on a diet will surely fail, that they actually may feel like they're trying to stop you before you fail miserably as they know they definitely would.

    Ignore it as best as you can, and maybe some day they'll be asking you for pointers on how they can lose a few pounds.
  • fangmouse
    fangmouse Posts: 119
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    I never talk about my weight loss or what I'm doing, but because I live with my parents and see them everyday, they often see me preparing my own food and exercising and they tend to comment on all that.
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    Everyone is a weight loss expert. My soon to be Father in Law went on a tirade to my fiancee about how her using ketchup is what is sabotaging her weight loss and I will casually ask her how much she has lost while still enjoying her ketchup and that usually shuts him up.

    I listen to 2 people. My doctor, and my trainer. Everyone else can go get stuffed.

    Isn't it amazing how the people that are supposed to be the most supportive can be the most snarky...My in laws tell me all the time that they are proud and it isn't about just the weight, but being healthy. My parents on the other hand...keep bringing cookies to my house....
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Everyone is a weight loss expert. My soon to be Father in Law went on a tirade to my fiancee about how her using ketchup is what is sabotaging her weight loss and I will casually ask her how much she has lost while still enjoying her ketchup and that usually shuts him up.

    I listen to 2 people. My doctor, and my trainer. Everyone else can go get stuffed.

    Isn't it amazing how the people that are supposed to be the most supportive can be the most snarky...My in laws tell me all the time that they are proud and it isn't about just the weight, but being healthy. My parents on the other hand...keep bringing cookies to my house....

    This is so true! Everyone is an expert!! When I first started my journey here, a co-worker at the time (who was as I overweight as I was) told me that if I wanted to lose weight, I had to eat chicken and salad and nothing else. WTF? Also, I just started a new job and my co-workers don't know that I've lost over 60 pounds and was much heavier, or that I try my best to lead a healthy lifestyle. The admin assistant saw me eating some dark chocolate the other day and told me that I'd get "fat" from eating "that stuff." I smiled and told her I have a weakness for chocolate (because I do!) and carried on enjoying the chocolate. C'est la vie.

    OP: I don't have any suggestions for you re: your family. I think that's terrible and my heart goes out to you. When I first started, I didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Eventually, they began to notice. My dad started asking me what I was doing and now asks me for advice on what he should order in restaurants (since that's when we tend to eat together). My step-mom thinks the weight just "fell off" without much hard work, but I know that's because she struggles with her own weight issues. I am lucky though that they have all been very supportive. Just keep doing what you're doing...

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