Helping my 12 year old daughter...

Make a diet change for the family. Make healthy foods for family meals and then encourage your daughter to start exercising with some sort of sport. Don't forbid any food. I was a chubby kid and wish that my parents had encouraged healthy choices. If it's something you do for the whole family, it won't single her out.

Give her information about healthy eating and put her in control. Allow her to choose the fruits and veggies that go into her lunch..so she is eating healthy things she likes whilst you choose the treat. Get smaller sized treats too so she is still getting one but less of it. Make healthier treats like dark chocolate covered fruits. Get more active with her. Take a walk support her in sports by going to watch etc.

it must be really distressing to see her so upset.

Find non food treats too. Like painting nails if you will allow it, doing face packs, choosing a film and so on.

Most of all she is still a child and still changing. She may grow into her puppy fat.

I am a mother of 4. I agree you should not single out the chubby kid for nutrition and exercise. All your kids need that - this includes the lunch planning and 20 minutes of exercise in the morning. These are life skills and healthy habits they can all benefit from. The whole family needs that.

Being a parent is so hard.

I was an overweight child and wish my mother had made better food choices for us as a family, but I am grateful she never made a huge deal about me being fat. Looking back now, I have memories of family members trying to gently approach my weight, and ALL those memories are negative. I never once said I didn't like myself... that may have opened the door, but I was happy with me and it felt like they were NOT happy with me.

If your daughter has opened the door, maybe a gentle "You said yesterday you didn't like yourself. What don't you like?" If she mentions that she is unhappy having a belly, or she feels overweight I might try saying, "We can all try to be healthier as a family. Do you want to help me think of some healthy meals or activities?" I would not single her out as the one who needs it. This is SO hurtful to little self esteems that are so fragile. If she doesn't mention her weight or health at all and has other things that she doesn't like about herself........ address those. If you are still concerned that she may be overweight you can try to start changing meals or activities for the whole family. Or, make it a game that she whole family participates in --- submitting meal ideas or exercises for everyone to try and do. Everyone will benefit and no one will feel singled out.

I do not envy your situation. My husband and I were both overweight children and both were bullied terribly. We both neared 400 pounds in our adult lives and, now, as healthy weight adults with a toddler, we talk constantly about how to instill healthy habits and lifestyle in his when he is older.

Best of luck. You are clearly a good, caring, loving mom for trying to approach your daughter in a nonhurtful, judgemental way.

Make it into a family thing, eating a little healthier and making good choices without making it the focus f what your doing. Try getting your daughters to help in food prep, if they like it and make good and healthy snacks.

I have four kids that vary in body shape, weight and size. I agree with the others that it's important NOT to single one out or make them your diet buddy. Encourage all of the kids to eat healthy food and watch portion sizes. In my house we have a kitchen scale and everyone uses it. We're not obsessive about it but I have found it very helpful for all of the family. If they ask how much of something they can have all I have to do is say, "whatever the portion size on the package is" then they weigh it out. I bought it for baking but it's sure become an integral part of our kitchen! They don't devour everything in the house in one day because they have specific portion sizes for anything packaged (peanut butter, tortilla chips, cocoa, etc.) Fresh foods they just eat the whole piece of fruit or whatever. We don't have a lot of junk in the house to begin with so that helps too.

As for exercise, finding things she enjoys doing and again, not singling her out. Even if the other kids are skinny now, later they might not be if they don't learn good habits when they're young. We do lots of family bike rides, hikes, swimming and other active stuff that includes everyone. And I encourage all my kids to be active and get some exercise.

Why on earth should she have to watch what she eats when her sisters don't? Surely you want all the children to learn good nutrition and have a healthy relationship with food.

Wow. Please don't replace affection (snuggling) with weight loss (exercise). Get the whole family healthier, don't single anyone out, and in case you didn't follow me the first time: do NOT remove affection and replace it with weight loss efforts. Jesus.

Some good suggestions here.

Remember, her emotional well-being is paramount here. She's clearly not at a point where her weight constitutes a health risk of any kind, so prioritize her emotional well-being above all. Don't create anxiety about her weight, that will stay with her for the rest of her life, and you don't want that. It's simple, really. Teach her how to make some simple substitutions in the things she eats, and if she drinks any sugary soda beverages, remove them from your house completely, and replace them with beverages that are low in calories and higher in nutrients, like Vitamin Water Zero or something. Teaching her not to drink her calories ought to go a long way toward wiping out the "few extra pounds" she currently has.

It's also important to teach her that there's nothing inherently wrong with having "a few extra pounds". Your self-worth shouldn't be solely tied to your weight/appearance.

Ditto others. Don't single out your one overweight daughter and don't focus on scale weight (or losing it) at 12 years old. Get the whole family in on the game of health and nutrition, have everyone exercise and plan meals, etc.

This. Really. Just try to get everyone to be more "healthy". No "diets", no "weight loss". Have her talk to the counselor at school about the not liking herself comment.

All I can say is, you cannot single her out. If she has to "watch what she eats" and eat in a health-conscious way, her sisters should have to, too. It's not a matter of what her sisters' bodies can handle, but it should be a house rule if you have a child that needs to watch their intake. If you allow your other children to eat junk and force celery sticks on your daughter, it could have catastrophic results on her self esteem.
Make sure she knows you're doing it for her well being, not because you're picking on her, that you think she's ugly, or anything like that.
Make sure your whole family is making good choices and reinforce her with positive language. Like I said, it's very important to make sure that you don't make her feel like "the fat kid" which could result in emotional or mental problems as a teen and young adult.
Good luck, tread lightly, and be as kind as possible.

ETA: Also, remember she's still growing. If she hasn't hit puberty yet, don't worry too much about a little excess pudge, because you never know, she could sprout another 6-8" in the next year.

man, *kitten* that. Bad idea to hone in on her alone. Make it a family affair, everyone eats good foods and everyone gets to play whatever sport they want.

I have a 12 year old daughter who also takes after my body type and is overweight. She's only 4'10" which doesn't help and she's already developed so I don't know that she will get much taller. It's hard because my other two children are stick thin and taller. We just try to preach nutrition and health to all of them and I am making a concerted effort not to buy the junk I was buying before. We are also having all of them pay attention to portion size and balanced diet. We never say anything about her being overweight although she will sometimes bring it up. It is hard to see that she's going to have this battle though.

In my opinion, I would actually see this as a blessing in disguise. I was super skinny from toddler-age through high school. My family would tell me it wouldn't last forever and when I got older my metabolism would slow down and I'd put on weight. I didn't believe them. Weighing 98lbs from 8th grade until after I graduated I seriously thought it was impossible for me to gain weight. After I graduated I started taking birth control and I gained 25 lbs over a very short period of time. Although I attribute it to the pills, my metabolism has slowed down and my previous eating habits plus drinking alcohol when I was of age (and a little before I was of age) also affected my weight. I gained 90% of my weight in my belly. Since your daughter is already seeing the results of her eating habits and is unhappy, I think she could be easy to motivate into a healthier lifestyle. But when you address it, do so in private, and don't make the conversation about weight gain or appearance. Explain to her what eating healthy and being active does for all people of all ages and sizes. Explain to her that as people age things start to slow down and the body changes, and the best way to take care of your body is to eat healthy and exercise - the sooner you start the better. She may enjoy the healthier food and activity. You can also tell her if SHE is concerned about her weight/appearance, this will make that better too. I would also offer to do things with her like look up recipes and make them together, find something active you both can do for fun like go to your local rec center and play tennis or walk the dog(s) if you have dogs. I wish that as a teenager I would have had something other than people just TELLING me I would gain weight to encourage me to eat healthier and be more active - I would definitely go back and change that if I could. In fact, my younger sister was chubby her whole child/teenhood and now she weighs a little less than I do but all her weight is proportioned and she has an hourglass figure. I wouldn't say I am fat, but all my weight is in my belly and I look perpetually pregnant and have to struggle to find/wear clothes that hide it.

As a mom, I'd suggest changing what you buy at the grocery store. If there isn't junk food in the house, she can't eat it. I think she should start keeping a little notebook of everything she eats with the calories next to it. (you could do that part). You could also 'close' the kitchen after 8pm-no food is allowed to be taken from it, only drinks. That helped in my family a lot good luck!