The sabotaging partner

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  • ErinMLB
    ErinMLB Posts: 100 Member
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    I don't want to sound mean, or unsympathetic to your situation. But ultimately it's you who decides what to eat, and ultimately it's you who needs to get the will power, or strength or whatever it is to make the changes necessary. It seems like frequently someone makes a change and they are really excited about these changes which is great, but they don't understand that just because you've decided to make a change that your partner hasn't made that decision as well. It's great if they have, but if they haven't you've got to decide to either a.continue on your own, and be your own cheerleader. or b.stop. Maybe eventually he'll join you, but maybe he won't, and you've got to deal with that..

    There are plenty of people on here who will support you, and help with questions you have. etc .

    You've said your husband guilt you into eating? could you provide examples, I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around that statement? Also make sure you eat in moderation, I eat ice cream or chocolate every other day, because I frankly love it and don't feel like I could do this for the long haul depriving myself of food. But I make sure that it fits in my macros so that I can have balance.

    Try to stop focusing on your partner sabotaging you, and focus instead on your goals, and how YOU will reach them.
  • bannedword
    bannedword Posts: 299 Member
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    There is not a single restaurant in the world at which it would be impossible to make healthy choices. NOT ONE. I go out with my husband and my child almost every weekend night. And I am perfectly capable of making choices that are consistent with my weight loss goals.

    And there is not a meal cooked at home that is not satisfying to all members of my family.

    This is not rocket surgery. It's food.
  • abeare
    abeare Posts: 510 Member
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    Although blaming someone else never helps, I do know where you`re coming from. My husband and I have a great relationship except when it involves food. Doing groceries can feel like a battlefield (white or wholegrain bread, 2% or almond milk, etc…) and the inevitable whine I hear after he learns there`s kale or any other supperfood in his dinner is enough to make someone just want to give up and let him order a pizza (he still whines if he`s eating it alone and I’m eating a salad). But the truth is I’ve been here before, and I stuck to my guns and slowly the battles weren’t as hard and eventually he was choosing the healthier options without a fight. Then I went and got pregnant and we both took advantage and I`m back to fighting about food, but now with a kid in the mix!
    So just keep working on it, it will get easier!
  • Mborroto25
    Mborroto25 Posts: 79 Member
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    Hi.
    I completely understand what your saying. I tell my husband that he's sabotaging me all the time. I use to cave when he would pick up McDonald's for breakfast or what not, but i have learned to resistant the temptation. It's definitely not easy. It's also annoying when he's chowing down on a disgustingly delicious fast food burger and I'm eating broccoli and chicken salad.

    Here's what I do to help me get through the cravings that my husband brings upon me:
    1. I nonchalantly inform him about some facts or a study that I found on an "awareness" website about the food he is eating. For example, If he brings home McDonalds I'll say; "Ohh that looks so good even though I know it's not even real chicken. Actually today I was reading an article about a study that was done on the stuff they call "chicken" at McDonalds. They call it pink slime. Ohh wait, I'll pull up the video for you." Then I literally pull up the video. Ha ha, point for me. I'm evil I know.

    2. If he offers me any kind of junk food I'll say, " No thanks, I have overcome the processed food addiction. You know they literally add additives in that to keep your body craving that junk? It's such a conspiracy. Sad how so many oblivious people are still hooked on it...poor fools. Well on the plus side, the insurance companies are making a fortune off of all the health issuers that this type or artificial food brings." (I don't know if anything i'm telling him is actually true..I just fake it. ;)

    So you get the point. lol In reality I really want to jump across the table like a wild animal and eat whatever he is eating. This is just the way I release my annoyance of the situation without caving. Long story short: I make him feel bad about whatever he 's eating because I want it and can't have it without feeling guilty. So, counter attacking him in a passive aggressive way makes up for not eating what he's eating.

    sick I know....but it works
    I love this girl! I play those games all the time too. Sometimes I resort to calling him gross, though..lol
  • thingal12
    thingal12 Posts: 302 Member
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    And thank you very much to the posters that understand where I am coming from. It is more than just him bringing it in front of me. It is the guilt trio I get for not eating it. The statements that we are "growing apart" if I try to not eat if I am full. I know he does not mean to but it is a switch. Once I have one chip I want the bag. It is like an addict they can;t just have one. You have to have an understanding of addiction to know where I am coming from!

    I can relate. One thing that you can do the next time he says statements like you're "growing apart" is, "well perhaps we can do something more active than eat? like go for a walk after dinner or first thing in the morning before the kids wake up."
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    There is not a single restaurant in the world at which it would be impossible to make healthy choices. NOT ONE. I go out with my husband and my child almost every weekend night. And I am perfectly capable of making choices that are consistent with my weight loss goals.

    And there is not a meal cooked at home that is not satisfying to all members of my family.

    This is not rocket surgery. It's food.

    This. This is why I said that a "no eating out for 30 days challenge" is silly.

    ETA: How about a challenge where you MUST go out to eat for 30 days and make healthy choices? Now that would be a challenge!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    Have you tried talking to him about why it's important to you to make these changes? How could he argue with a wife who wants to get healthier so that she'll be around for him and your kids for more years? And not only that you'll be around but you'll have energy and mobility and self confidence (which can come in real handy in the bedroom, wink, nudge) so your quality of life also will be better. Let him know you're really serious about this and really want his support. He doesn't have to change with you but it would help you if he could understand and support your desire and efforts to change.

    And for the rest of it, you're just going to have to grow a stronger backbone. When you say no, mean it. When he pushes and tries to guilt trip you - ask why he thinks you not eating something threatens your relationship (growing apart)? Seriously, I would want an explanation for a statement like that.

    My Hubs has been pretty supportive with my weigh loss (especially the exercise end of it) but when it comes to healthier food choices, he's not always receptive to change. So we've had some pretty good conversations about why it's important to eat certain things and limit other things. Notice I didn't say avoid other things. It's all about balance. You can still have movie popcorn and Chinese, just keep making those healthier choices like you did at the buffet and keep your portions low. And don't forget you can exercise to compensate for those excess calories. :)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    For example, If he brings home McDonalds I'll say; "Ohh that looks so good even though I know it's not even real chicken. Actually today I was reading an article about a study that was done on the stuff they call "chicken" at McDonalds. They call it pink slime. Ohh wait, I'll pull up the video for you." Then I literally pull up the video. Ha ha, point for me. I'm evil I know.


    wow- passive aggressive much
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    The issue here is not one of food or discipline, it's about respect.

    Either he respects you enough to assist you in your diet choices, or he doesn't. And while you are ultimately the only person responsible for what goes into your body, a man who bullies you, mocks you, guilts you, or throws stones in your path is not someone who I'd want to stay around.

    Discipline isn't the issue. It's decision-making—making the choice, in the moment, every moment, to either put it in your face or not.

    Agreed!! I know it's probably hard, but if he doesn't respect your decision making and goals then there is a bigger problem at hand. I didn't read all the posts, but have you tried to get him to do it with you? And he could be severely insecure that you'll get the body you want and then leave him...

    Ultimately it's your choice to eat the food, but there could be underlying reasons why he is making it so much harder than it needs to be.
  • Mborroto25
    Mborroto25 Posts: 79 Member
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    There is not a single restaurant in the world at which it would be impossible to make healthy choices. NOT ONE. I go out with my husband and my child almost every weekend night. And I am perfectly capable of making choices that are consistent with my weight loss goals.

    And there is not a meal cooked at home that is not satisfying to all members of my family.

    This is not rocket surgery. It's food.

    lol rocket surgery?!
  • tottie06
    tottie06 Posts: 259 Member
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    I think it was more along the lines of him just eating the way he likes. My hubby loves to cook, and I mean to the point where he will kick me out of the kitchen. And he loves to have me try everything. He also picks me up things that he knows I like, or at least things I always use to eat or drink regularly before joining this site and counting calories ect. I used to get frustrated when he would continually fill the pantry/fridge with certain things, but now I get that giving makes him happy. And what I am doing now is new to him. After a bit, he saw how serious I was about refining my diet and being more consistent with exercise. He does not get offended anymore when I don't eat everything he cooks, and, is even changing what he is cooking (like cutting out the majority of refined carbs, fried foods ect). And now he has even started exercising himself! Try not to get aggravated at him! Even if he "pushes" things on you. And stick to what you want to do for yourself. As for binging and the like, no worries!! Most of us are not perfect. lol Forgive yourself and move forward.
  • longshadows17
    longshadows17 Posts: 32 Member
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    There is not a single restaurant in the world at which it would be impossible to make healthy choices. NOT ONE. I go out with my husband and my child almost every weekend night. And I am perfectly capable of making choices that are consistent with my weight loss goals.

    And there is not a meal cooked at home that is not satisfying to all members of my family.

    This is not rocket surgery. It's food.

    lol rocket surgery?!


    My favorite line from Mystery, Alaska!


    I think you guys need to find something you enjoy together instead of eating. Even better if it is a type of exercise. Don't let food consume or ruin your lives.
  • abeare
    abeare Posts: 510 Member
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    There is not a single restaurant in the world at which it would be impossible to make healthy choices. NOT ONE. I go out with my husband and my child almost every weekend night. And I am perfectly capable of making choices that are consistent with my weight loss goals.

    And there is not a meal cooked at home that is not satisfying to all members of my family.

    This is not rocket surgery. It's food.

    lol rocket surgery?!
    LMAO!!!!!!!!
  • KristinNicole82
    KristinNicole82 Posts: 164 Member
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    I found it very difficult when I was dating men that were not into fitness/eating healthy too. They did not sabotage me but were not supportive. It was my choice to eat healthy I could not force them to change their eating habit because I couldnt say no to food or make healthy choices. I just had to make good decisions and learn to say no or eat in moderation. Temptation is everywhere.
  • 87monkey
    87monkey Posts: 83 Member
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    It is a struggle of will power. Although I am still new to this lifestyle change I am already learning moderation is so important. My bf eats a lot (active guy ;) ) and seems to be able to eat anything! Instead of being frustrated that I can't eat like him I use psychology on myself. When we go to the movies I nibble on the popcorn slowly and allow him to munch on most of it. or when we eat out for dinner when I feel myself getting full I offer him to try my food, and I also openly say how full I am, makes me feel more accountable if I try to overindulge. And I take advantage of take out boxes. So far he isn't gaining weight ( haha) and I am losing :). You have to get your mind right first.

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