How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

I was okay with everything else......................till this.:laugh:

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

^^^ This is why I don't ever post things like this. The point of the reprint was to be motivational and to encourage people to focus on leading a healthy and happy lifestyle, and to not just focus on weight. As far as I'm concerned, how much my 11 year old daughter weighs is absolutely a taboo topic, and it will continue to be. But that is my choice. To each their own.

But, I am curious who these people are that said sex, violence and drugs are taboo topics. I missed that one.

I was not trying to be negative, I just literally don't think it's good to make a taboo out of anything. It was an interesting read, btw, so keep posting.

I live in a country where violence is edited out of tv-movies because of the children. There are lots of countries where nudity is taboo because of the children. In my home, drugs were a topic that couldn't even be discussed without my parents getting angry. I don't think any of these things are helpful and lead to well rounded, independent adults.

My job as a mother - as I see it - is to prepare my children for the real world and give them the tools to get through life healthy and happy. For girls and women of every age, weight is a big issue, and pretending it's not there is just not helpful.

Are you holding a gun in your profile picture? What are you shooting?
Some of the suggestions are good, my mother always went on about her being fat and she openly hated her body. I picked up a lot of that from her.
Mothers can start by openly loving their own bodies and not being so self critical. Thanks for this post.

Yes, it's a 22 pistol and I was target practicing w/ my husband.

The article just made me smile. I don't necessarily agree w/ all of it (six sticks of butter is a little much), but the gist of it reminds me to be careful of what I may or may not be subconsciously teaching my kiddos.

My daughter is 13. She played baseball in early elementary, until she qualified for the girls basketball team at school. She did that for 3 years and we talked a lot about health and weight in the past couple of years, because I was preparing to have weight loss surgery. I had developed my bad eating habits at around her age, and I wanted to make sure she was aware that what she chooses now can become good or bad habits that will last her whole life. We noticed (SHE noticed) that when it was basketball season, she was slim and that she felt more energetic, but when she wasn't participating, she would gain a little weight and feel less like doing things. She also realized that we would get more fast food during basketball season (time issues, of course), but that it didn't show as much of a detrimental effect as long as she was making an effort to keep physically active.

She is a very healthy weight and no longer plays any of the physical sports. She is currently focusing on air rifle shooting and getting to a point where she can qualify for competitions. This is relatively sedentary, but she also is outside on a regular basis, taking walks, playing with the dogs, etc. She already knows that a healthy weight is related to healthy activity, and she keeps that in mind. And because of my weight history, we talk quite often. The subject is far from taboo in our house!

With all that said, she was with a friend at the store recently and this is her description of what happened: A couple of stick thin girls were behind her and her friend and they commented on the "fat cow" that was in front of them. My daughter made a biting comment back to them, and came home with a very interesting point. She said "I am at the perfect weight for my size, and I am not too fat or too skinny. People who make comments like those girls must feel really bad about their weight, especially if they are picking on someone of MY size rather than someone who is even much bigger than me." I believe her self-confidence (while largely a part of her natural being) was enhanced by our regular conversations about health and weight and food.

Finally, I quoted the above comments because I honestly think that although any woman can be very highly self-confident, given the right tools, the ones who are not fearful of things like shooting (or mountain climbing or other things that can be seen as extreme) are the ones who have the best self-confidence.

I wish my mom had been upfront with me about my weight sooner, maybe then I wouldn't have let myself get the point that I did. I was 190 pounds when I was 14 years old, and I wish someone would have opened my eyes about it since I clearly did not see what I was doing to myself.

I was also about that size. But you know what? Then or even more recently, when anyone commented with concern or dismay about my weight, it did everything BUT encourage me to make positive changes! It made me hate myself, blame myself, and turn inwardly not wanting to socialize as much, stress eating more, etc. I was so defensive about it and that would only deeply hurt and anger me. People giving me any positive feedback, no matter how seemingly insignificant "Wow you are strong" when helping a friend move or "You have beautiful skin!" that stuff made me want to make positive changes because it built me up, and increased my confidence.

Everyone is different, though. But I had to add my .02 about this.

I absolutely love this and wish I had read it before my tween age girls were talking and walking - thank you posting!!

I am real careful not to say anything bad about my looks around my kids (not just my daughter). I don't want them to think they are any less amazing, ever, and since I went through some major self-esteem issues through my teens, which I still struggle with now, I am not going to let that happen to them.

I did my 3 year old daughter's hair yesterday and she wanted to wear a pretty outfit and when I took her to the Y, it was so nice to hear the childwatch workers comment on her pretty dress and hair. I will always keep the focus away from anything negative in regards to looks and I will go out of my way to protect my children from society when it comes to looking or acting or dressing a certain way.

You can't tell me what to do.

I agree with the overall message, just not all of the content.

While I agree with most of what's said in this article, I also agree with those saying that talking about weight should not be taboo, because their peers are going to do it, no matter what you do.

My little sister (much much younger) was always a natural athlete growing up and participated in soccer travel and elite teams year-round since she was 5 years old. She was slightly stockier in build than some girls her age, but had not an ounce of excess fat on her. When she was in 5th grade she easily finished first among all the children in her school's 5th and 6th grade classes in the 600 yard dash. So everyone was surprised when she came home from school, not long after that race, sobbing and extremely upset because all the children had been weighed and when the other girls found out her weight, they had teased her all day about how fat she was because of how much heavier she weighed. Of course at this point she was talked to and had her weight explained to her in the context of how active and healthy she was compared to children who were only able to watch TV and do homework after school rather than spend hours running, jumping, and working their arms. It didn't change the day of teasing though, that if she had been more aware of weight and fitness she would have been better able to handle.

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Disagree with that already. If you have a solid relationship with someone, you can talk with them about anything. If you can't talk with them about anything, then you don't have a solid relationship.

Bottom line: the world *will* judge you based in part on your physical appearance/makeup. There *are* health consequences to poor physical condition. It would be irresponsible of me as a parent to not pass that knowledge along to my children, male or female.

The article doesn't say "if your daughter comes to you with concerns about her body, ignore her". You are reading it a little too literally.

I think part of the major point of this article is that we are trying to make a shift in how the next generation of girls see themselves. To stop caring how the rest of the world judges them and to be okay with who they are. That health is top priority, not that size 2 pair of skinny jeans. Maybe if enough people start to make this change now, we can shift the way women are viewed in the future. Yes, that is an overly optimistic view but I'd rather try than just accept the way things are right now. When my daughter comes home from the 6th grade asking me what a thigh gap is, I just die a little inside. Nothing about this article says to let yourself go and forget your weight. It says let's be healthy, active and strong (inside and out) together and focus on what really matters in life, which is character.

I am a hopeless humanist. :ohwell: