Retraining my way of thinking proves difficult sometimes

I have the exact same problem. I am all or nothing. I eat really good or I eat really bad. If you ever figure out how to stop it, let me know!!

First of all, what the heck are you doing with brownies and ice cream in your house? I would eat those if they were in the house. They are delicious, and tempting and if your only options are "perfect" and "awful" for your eating habits, then I would always, always go for "awful". And have.

Along the way, I had a trainer introduce me to 80/20. 80% of the time, make the perfect choices. 20% of the time, make the so-called "wrong" ones. If you do nothing but deprive yourself, you'll go crazy and overdo it. I actually used to shoot for 90/10, and that worked, too.

Why not schedule a time a week for a "treat". . .whatever food item that might be. I still do this. So, if I really want a chocolate bar (or cake, or fries, or chips, or whatever) I say to myself. . ."I'll have it Tuesday" (my current treat day). Usually, by the time Tuesday rolls around, I don't want it anymore. But, if I do. . .I eat it. I work really well with schedules, so I've scheduled in time for naughty food.

Here's another shocking revelation: (at least it was for me) Perfect does not exist on this earth.

I don't know if any of that helps, because this "never good enough" is still a mental struggle for me. . .but I'm trying to retrain my brain otherwise.:flowerforyou:

well when you figure it out let me know. :laugh: Seriously if that's crazy, lock me up because I'm the same way.... here's one for ya - our receptionist keeps a bowl of miniature candy bars on the front desk. So yesterday I had one. Well sheesh, since I had one, my whole day is shot so what's another? I ate like seven! ok maybe not seven... put probably frighteningly close. I haven't tracked my calories for a week, I haven't worked out at all because I'm getting over a horrible sinus infection, and I'm about to say "ah f*** it I'll just be fat". And this is while watching my own mother drop 25 pounds w/ MFP. I have a terrific example right in front of me, and still can't get my act together. So yeah.... I'm with ya.... :frown:

i know EXACTLY how you feel. i go through the same thing all the time. ill have a week of great dieting and then one cookie and i crack. i feel like i failed so whats the point and for three days i just sulk and eat everything. i wish i could tell you there is some miracle way to stop this and to make this mind set go away. but as far as i know there isnt. im still struggling with it myself. im just trying to take it day by day. if you slip up in your dieting just accept it and dont get down on yourself. we all do it....a lot lol. i try to remind myself that one slip up (like 5 extra french fries ) isnt that big of a deal but letting it get to me is and that if i binge im just going to feel a million times worse about everything. just keep your head up and things will start to get easier. retraining your mind is one of the hardest things to do. just try to stay focused. you can do this!!

If your picture is recent, I think you look great just how you are and whatever you've been doing is working pretty well.

I think most of us struggle with this whole process or we wouldn't be on this site. You sound pretty much like most people I know. It can be so hard to be patient with the process and just keep working on it and learning to change bad habits we've learned over a lifetime.

My advice is to be patient with yourself. Don't expect to be perfect and just keep plugging away at it. Before you came on this site you probably had many more bad eating days, so celebrate the days you can talk yourself into eating healthier instead of beating yourself up about messing up.

When you get off track, start over. Just keep doing that over and over however many times it takes. Also know that lots of people on this site say it's better to binge a little once in a while to keep your body guessing. Maybe even allow yourself one binge a week that you aren't allowed to feel guilty about.

Keep trying and good luck!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

You overcome it by figuring out what it really triggering the emotional need to binge....

5 fries is not a sin kiddo....a tub of fries....well....then you may have reason to be concerned.
I used to think that if I "cheated" at little everything went down the toilet.

So, here's my new mentality.... "There are no "cheat" foods." I can eat whatever I want, but I must accept the responsibility for each choice and log it, whether I like the results or not. Then I don't feel like I am depriving myself of my favorite foods but I am aware that they all count. (Trust me....after my eye surgery I had nachos......accounted for them.....yeah..won't be eating those for a while).

There are roots to why people binge....boredom, stress, low self-esteem, etc.
Find the root....

AMEN to that!

I was recently reading something that was talking about the negative vocabulary we allow ourselves when "dieting". "Cheat days", "bad foods"... all of those terms play into the idea that food is sneaky, wrong, naughty... And like V said, 80-20 is something a lot of people recommend (and I agree that 90-10 is a much better plan for people trying to reduce their body fat!). Life is fluid. Life is dynamic. Food IS social, food IS pleasurable, food IS comforting. It's a matter of realizing, as CB said, that you must allow yourself that enjoyment while maintaining your accountability to what's going in your body.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about chocolate and our children. Our daughters are both over 3.5 yrs. I have an organic dark chocolate bar in the cupboard sometimes and when we have it around, it now lasts about a month. We don't have a square every day and when we do it's only 1 tiny square. It's organic, it's the best kind of chocolate to eat, and I want to teach her that we can offer ourselves these pleasurable little indulgences, experience it, let it melt, taste it, and have enjoyed it.... without creating the "well, THAT was good so I'd better have MORE!" mindset. It's a very North American way of thinking about food. Europe offers an array of decadence when it comes to foods but culturally there is a whole different approach. Enjoy it! Delight your senses with your meals! But they're small and people know how to be present with their food.

If your self-talk makes you feel deprived ("how could I have eaten FIVE french fries?!") you're setting your own scene for needing comfort. Someone has criticized you and told you you'd been bad. Someone hurt your feelings and you want to feel better about that. Regardless of the fact that "someone" is you, you're hurt.

I know when I was emotionally eating there was always that little voice somewhere inside feeling guilty and bad about the food I was putting into my mouth. Now, when I occasionally have a treat, I sit down, I look at it and taste it and really try to be present. I feel calm and I enjoy the moment. If I'm reaching for something and can sense that anxiety somewhere in my mind I know I'm looking to food for something other and I try to dig deeper and accept the challenge of my feelings.

Sorry to ramble for a second long post but the previous posts inspired a little more out of me

There is an old saying "Perfection is the enemy of progress" . I've found that we should work for progress, perfection is God's business

Personally I think you need to give yourself permission to binge but you also need to commit to logging everything.

I found if I don't log the extras then I feel like I'm getting away with it. But if I log it then at least I am being held accountable. Now it seems that the temptation is mostly overshadowed by the fact that I have to log it ... that doesn't stop the occasional binge, but it does help to nip it in the bud so I don't feel like I have completely ruined my day.

Of course everybody is different. I hope this helps.

Oh, one other thing --- since our target calories are calculated to help you lose weight don't forget there is a little buffer. You can go over your target without backtracking ... you are really just slowing your progress.

very nicely put

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should come with a warning: "caution: opinionated!"

I try to look at it as one meal at at time instead of one day at a time. If i had fries at dinner like you did then i look at it and accept that for that MEAL i wasn't making the best choice. But i still have the rest of the day that i was "good". So instead of blowing a whole day of hard work i only blew one meal. not a biggie.

On monday my first official day i mindlessly ate 2 1/2 cookies at work without even realizing what i was doing...when i was halfway through the third cookie it dawned on me and i threw the rest of the cookie out. At that point i could have said "oh well the day is shot i might as well have the muffin that is on the table, or pizza for dinner" but instead i just saw it as a slip and i got myself back on track immediately.

Relaspse is a part of recovery. If Alcoholics and Drug Addicts can understand this why can't we??? I have a problem with food. and i accept that. I don't expect perfection from myself because that is too much pressure, because when i slip, and i will, i'll just feel guilty and disapointed in myself. The way we think determines our feelings which determine our behavior.

Good luck and try not to beat yourself up too hard. Pick yourself up and move forward leaving your "relapse" of old behaviors behind you.

Way to go.. Also I find entering bad choices in.. help with not chooseing them again... also thanks for the post.. it helped me too... :drinker: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Thats why we like you

Aww thanks hon :flowerforyou:


Bamboo, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things. Good for you for leaning on this great community rather than letting your bad mood fester!! :flowerforyou: