So depressed :(
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I have been trying so hard to get healthier and look better . Everyone who sees me keeps giving me a pat on the back and saying how good I look, well everyone but the person that means most in my life . He comments things like `` I don`t know why everyone is saying you lost so much, I don`t see much of a difference`` WTF is wrong with my husband, is he trying to tell me something?\ He makes me feel like SH** and am crying my balls out. Then when he gets the silent treatment he asks `` Whats wrong with me?``Am I supposed to smile at all his remarks and pretend they are some sort of compliment or do I GO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED ? I just feel like crawling under a rock and die right now maybe then he can show me he cares.
I vote "Go get your head examined"0 -
Sit down and have a calm conversation with him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says those things to you. Maybe he is threatened by you losing the weight? Give it a little time, and if the calm conversation doesn't do the trick then smack him upside the back of his head.0
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My boyfriend doesn't see that I've lost 9/10 pounds. However, I can see it in my face and in my clothing. Men don't notice things much, at least not your average man. I'm sorry he makes you feel bad. Don't listen to him. Encourage yourself, you don't need his opinion.0
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Don't let him define who you are. You are doing this for you, because you are the most important person. Does he not want you to lose weight? Does he have low self esteem? He also sees you everyday so he doesn't notice as much. Don't let him make you fall off the wagon, because that would just be an excuse. Good luck!0
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don't feel bad... My husband says the same things to me.. but he also tells me that I can't wear shirts that I have cuz they din't fit when they really do but they rise up when I'm holding my kids or bent over to pick something up... don't stress over something he says.. I sure don't when my husband says something smart @$$y.. you have lost 46lbs be happy for your self... don't stop now keep your head up.. BTW congrats on the weight lose
If that is the answer, why even be married? I don't get how why one of you ladies would take that from the man that is supposed to love you more than anyone else...barring any kids.
I say DO WORRY about it by promptly kicking him straight in the nads.
Agreed! You shouldn't have to put up with him telling you crappy things.........ignore it? :huh: That was not good advice!
Congrats on the weight loss!!0 -
Maybe he should get his eyes tested?
How can he not see 46 lbs are gone? (That's about the same as six or seven "normal sized" birth babies...)0 -
i got the same treatment when I lost 85 lbs from my husband... still calling me a nasty fat *kitten* and everything. He needs a good baseball bat to the nads and then you need to leave his *kitten*... I waited till I got so depressed and ended up gaining all the wait back before I left. He is a stupid *kitten* that don't deserve you!:explode:0
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Don't be sad!!!
The reality is that while we may want to look better for our significant other the change is scary for them, your husband may have some fear of you out growing him in a sense and his comments are his way of trying the find a way to balance his own feelings.
I started my process because my ex started going to the gym and I noticed the change in him -- but I never said anything (not sure why, but I noticed and so did others) during this time he stopped going and I continued, 60 lbs lost and well at some point he became my ex :ohwell:
Keep your chin up! realize how much healthier you are and that you did this for yourself and hopefully in time your husband will adjust and realize that you are not going anywhere. We do not always get the support that we think we should from those we think should give it.0 -
Okay - 2 glasses of wine and I am feeling better
Thank you all for the support !!0 -
... You cannot get your self-esteem from others.
Agreed.
You are losing weight for your own well-being. Keep focused on the Prize.0 -
come on over for some wine, I will cheer ya up.0
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My question to you would be, who are you doing this for? Are you doing this for you or to get his attention? I know his words are hurtful, but don't let them set you back. Keep up the great work and don't get discouraged. Always remember you are worth it and you can do this!0
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I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.
Hells yeah! Follow it up with a solid nut punch.
I'm a guy, here's why he is being a jerk....he is JEALOUS of your success. You just keep doing what you're doing and put your betrothed on MUTE for awhile...he'll snap out of it eventually.
This is where I have a problem I dont understand why her SPOUSE would be jealous of her success! He's supposed to be ride or die! When one succeed the other succeed when one fails the other fails. Even if he was jealous of her success he is a DOUCHE to even come out of his mouth to say something that would purposely hurt her feelings.0 -
Is your husband overweight himself If so, he could be both jealous and insecure that you are losing weight, and not him. Whatever the cause, I do think it is a good idea for you to let him know how much the negative comments affect you. He may not realize it, yeah I know its hard to beleive, but some people are just that way.
Anyway, you know how much you have lost and how hard you had to work to do it, so keep it up. We all have friends or acquaintances that like to spike our happiness. You just can't let them get you down.
Best of luck,0 -
Dont let him ruin your parade....... you just keep going....0
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First off you have done an awesome job to have lost 46 lbs so far.Your husband might not know how much he is hurting you. You need to let him know how you feel and he sounds like a bully to me. I would suggest you and him talking with someone. He might be afraid that you will start getting attention from others and that is why he is being hurtful. Open communication is key and good luck :flowerforyou:0
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don't feel bad... My husband says the same things to me.. but he also tells me that I can't wear shirts that I have cuz they din't fit when they really do but they rise up when I'm holding my kids or bent over to pick something up... don't stress over something he says.. I sure don't when my husband says something smart @$$y.. you have lost 46lbs be happy for your self... don't stop now keep your head up.. BTW congrats on the weight lose
If that is the answer, why even be married? I don't get how why one of you ladies would take that from the man that is supposed to love you more than anyone else...barring any kids.
I say DO WORRY about it by promptly kicking him straight in the nads.
I've been with my husband a total of 8 years with to kids... if I would listen to half the **** he says to me thats smart assy then we wouldn't be together... I have learn from men who have hurt me in the past to not take **** but when it comes to a fight in my home its better to just keep my mouth shut cuz I don't need my kids hearing me fight with their dad.. I know it sounds stupid but it is the way it is.. plus I'm not losing weight for him I'm doing it for me..0 -
Okay - 2 glasses of wine and I am feeling better
Thank you all for the support !!
:drinker: :drinker:0 -
Sometimes men (and even women) will practice sabotage on a spouse who is losing weight, especially if that person has issues with weight as well. There may be insecurity that once you lose the weight, you will not love him and leave him for someone else.
He should be supportive of you. Find out why he isn't.
I agree with Tim. Try asking him why he isn't supportive, and why he is making these negative comments. He may be insecure with himself. Of course, that is no reason to talk to you the way he does. But, it may help in order to find some sort of resolution to this problem. I do apologize for how you are being treated. Congrats on your weight loss. It is a big accomplishment, and we are all very proud of you.0 -
I am sorry you have to go through this and anyone else who is currently going through this. I agree with all the previous posters who say to sit him down and explain how negative and piercing his words are, set some boundaries. and if he still decides to be like that, I would suggest a marriage counselor (not being sarcastic, truly sincere) to work with you and figure out what his real issue is. I'm sure it could be a mix of all the things suggested. But your husband is supposed to be your partner in life, not your number one critic.
Your weight loss is AMAZING and a million CONGRATS TO YOU!!!! :drinker:0 -
I'm sorry he's making you feel like crap, but try actually telling him what's wrong with you when he asks. The silent treatment never accomplishes anything. It's just passive aggressive behavior. Maybe he really has no idea that he's hurting you.
You have done an amazing thing and you should feel fabulous whether he is supportive or not.0 -
I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.
What she said!!!! Only thing I can think of to say is maybe he's insecure with your success.... Hubbys/Guys/ can be weird and say off the wall insensitive stuff when feeling insecure themselves.. not making excuses for him just my observation0 -
I'm sorry that your husband is doing this to you. You must tell him how you feel. He probably doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. If you tell him that you need encouragement instead of criticism, he may understand. However, if he does not drop him. He's a scum bag.0
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My husband also says he does not see a difference because he sees me everyday. He does however, acknowledge and congradulates me on my progress and how hard am I working to get healthy. I do not think there is a problem if he honestly does not see it but it is complete b.s. to knock what others can see and have acknowledged. I would not ignore him and tell him how much of an *kitten* he sounds like.
Congrats on all the work you have done and your loss!0 -
OK, this is one of my first posts...but after reading your story I had to respond. I know we are only hearing one half of the story, but it's certainly an awful half.
A lot of people have already commented on the obvious...but I just wanted to say from a husband of more than 26 years...I am very proud of you and. I am sure you look beautiful!
Hang in there, our positive thoughts are with you!
Add me as a friend if your looking for positive support.
Good luck,
Jonathan0 -
Lean on us!!! Let this community be a positive force for good to help you stay accountable and on par with your goals. There are going to be many more obstacles along the way. Others have trouble watching someone else stay determined and achieve success. As you start to lose, you'll notice that some people will be excited for you, but a lot of people will start to make cutting remarks like "are you sick?" Just come here on those days and we will be a supportive fluffy blanket of love!!!!! 0
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It's one thing not to notice. Some people are really oblivious. The fact that he was rude enough to say that he doesn't know what people are fussing about, well that says a lot about him. I'm really sorry he hurt your feelings.
You are doing great and everyone here is proud of you. We know how hard it is to lose 1 pound let alone over 40! Keep going and be happy whether he is supportive or not.0 -
Fill a sack with 46lbs and make the miserable git walk around with it on his back all day. Preferably whilst doing the housework whilst you put your feet up. I'm sure when he takes it off he will realise just how fantastic you feel and how much work went into getting rid of it.0
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Essentially as unbelievable as this may sound, he may not know how he is hurting your feelings. He isn't associating his comments with your silent treatment which is probably why this is ineffective right now. As much as we think our sig. others have the same perspective as us, its not always true. Explain to him what will be more helpful for you....describe what "healthy" support looks like to you so that next time a clear picture is drawn as to what's ok to say and what's not. You're not giving him a script but you have to let him know how and why he is hurting you. Its a conversation you two need to have because if not this could impede your progress because he is one of the most important people in your life therefore important to your success .........
Good luck!!!!!0 -
I don't know what is wrong with someone who would say such things. You have to believe in yourself and tell him to knock off the hurtful comments.0
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