has anyone dumped you because of your weight

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  • new_bella
    new_bella Posts: 199 Member
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    I think everyone who is or was overweight has either lost a relationship b/c of the weight or found it harder to get into one b/c certain people were not attracted to an overweight individual. I fall into the later category and have been turned down a lot due to my weight. My father (whom I am close to) sat me down and said son everyone has standards of what they want in a mate. It is no less shallow of the woman to turn you down for being heavy then it is for you to turn down a woman because you do not like her laugh, or she is not naturally funny, or she is too shy, to short, etc., etc. We are all entitled to our feelings. Your job is to take care of yourself, and find a woman that you cherish and who has the qualities that you want in a LTR. So if you got dumped for your weight don't look at it as a bad thing. Look at it as finding out more about the one you were with, and maybe you found out he has a quality you no longer admire. If he is willing to dump you because you put on a few pounds then he was not attracted to the rest of you as a whole, and mostly focused on your appearance. Now you can find someone to focus on "all" of you.

    Your father is a wise man :smile:

    Agreed!
  • Sashoi
    Sashoi Posts: 295 Member
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    Honestly I can say I never been dumped ...... N never had a problem getting a man, I have problems staying interested in them though lol after a few months I'm like get out of my face. If anything most of my male friends hate that I'm losing weight..... They don't want me to lose my *kitten* n tits lol
  • blondie_3
    blondie_3 Posts: 6 Member
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    I'm not 100% sure as he never said that to my face but I think it may have been an issue for him. Unfortunately I let that be an excuse for me to go somewhat out of control for a while and throw a Pitty Party for myself. It also gave my self-esteem and self-confidence a knock. But it's my life, I'm in control and need to hold myself responsible and accountable. And I prefer someone who looks at me from the inside out because heart and soul is important.
  • janicelo1971
    janicelo1971 Posts: 823 Member
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    is the weight really the deal? or are there other issues that the person you were with didn't like? very easy to blame the weight, but they wouldn't of dated you in the first place if that was going to be an issue...unless you were a tiny swimsuit model and gained 20 pounds..come on...there is more to this...just my thoughts:smile:
  • jcmrax5
    jcmrax5 Posts: 133
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    I haven't been dumped due to my weight, no.
    But during a break up I was told that had he known my size before we met face to face, he wouldnt have ever given me the time of day.Not sure how much of that was truth and what was just him trying to hurt me but...
    He wasnt worth it no matter how it played out. Any guy that is that tied up in your weight has some issues of their own.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I am not saying that this person did not dump you because of your weight. I can say that working in an office that is about 80% women over the last 20 years, I have seen many women sabotage relationships because of their own insecurities about their weight. I also work with a woman that began having trouble in her marriage after loosing about 150 lbs, though she is still over 200 lbs now. Her husband is about 5'8" and weights about 125 lbs. he liked her larger. I think some large people remain guarded waiting for the shoe to drop, and blame their weight, although that may not be the case.

    I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, or accuse anyone of anything, I am just trying to bring all angles to light.
  • kordell70
    kordell70 Posts: 49 Member
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    I agree with this statement. I think many times we reflect our own insecurities onto the world and see what we want to see as it is easier at times to blame another's shallowness as the problem than to admit it is our own insecurities which are the cause of the problems. After a while if we make weight an issue than weight will become "the" issue. Hopefully everyone here will reach their goals and feel better about themselves for themselves.
  • getyourmacros
    getyourmacros Posts: 1
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    I've never been dumped for weight, as I've never had a weight problem. But I will say and can attest to this as a man who hits the gym 4 days a week and watches his diet, fit or active guys like fit girls, period. Most guys like a girls who are at least an average build on down. Overweight or fat girls will be the last option, as would it be for a girl choosing a guy as well.

    I would say you would be better to answer this question yourself, as you should know after being with a guy for a long stretch of time what he likes. Ask him about his "exe's", ask him about celebrity crushes, etc. If their all fit, skinny, or of an average build, and you are not, then you are not his type. He may be with you for a whole host of reasons, including your character, personality traits, etc. Also, I’ve seen a lot of overweight woman who had pretty features: eyes, face, breast, etc, and that can be part of the reason as well. But at the end of the day, why choose to be with someone just because you like their eyes and not the rest of them if overweight girls are not your thing and you are not overweight?

    The best way to know this is by what I asked before. Ask him what his exe's looked like and who his celeb crushes are, if none of them are overweight, fat, or chunky, then that is not his type. You can become his type by getting to a healthy weight, and making yourself and him happy, or you can stay the same and find someone who likes overweight girls. Or, you can do what another poster suggested, lose weight with the "I show him now mentality", that works. Women will lose weight for revenge, but they hardly do it for love. That's why when in the relationship with the man they "love" they never lose it (I'm generalizing), But once he breaks up with him, they lose it for revenge. Revenge is a greater drive for them to change then love will ever be.
  • robinsondel
    robinsondel Posts: 47
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    Never been dumped because of it, well never been told that was a reason, but I'm pretty darn sure that's been a factor in a few turn downs. I know for a fact about a couple. Then there was one, that I was kinda dating, but we kept it on the hush because of work( I was management and she was a subordinate), but a few people had seen us out together and then one day while she was out to lunch with a bunch of co-workers, 2 of which were people I had known for 20 years, she was asked if she and I were dating and her response was, ewwww, no way, look how fat he is. She denied it of course, but although she insisted she loved me and I was the greatest guy she'd ever known, she started pushing away and would get scarce in public if we saw someone that knew us, like she was embarrassed. I figured, eff it, I'm friggin awesome, her loss if she don't want a fatty, I just wish she had been more up front. It only hurt because we had been friends for a long time before that and I felt like a friend wouldn't have acted that way.

    I had one woman straight up tell me that she thought I was awesome but she just wasn't attracted to overweight guys. That didn't bother me one bit. I actually appreciated that. You can't help what you're attracted to or not. To me, that's no worse than my preference of not liking really thin chicks. If a woman is under 180-150 I'm usually not attracted.

    A couple weeks ago, I had a friend that I've known for 20+ years that had seen a recent facebook pic of me at the gym message me and tell me, "Damn, you're looking good, if you lost a lot of weight, you'd be one fine mofo" I laughed, thought to myself, well, at least she thinks I'm fat, not fat and ugly. But my best friend, who is a thick chick, that was over 400lbs and is still a bit over 200, got pissed off and went off on her.
  • Missklara
    Missklara Posts: 283 Member
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    I fully believe that I've never had a boyfriend because of my weight. It makes me frustrated because when i do lose the weight and IF guys become interested in me, I'll know its only because I don't look like I do now and not for my personality. Which sucks

    first, not everyone are shallow :)
    second, when you lose weight you'll be much more confident and THAT will attract men ;)

    i know a lot of chubby girls with a lot of selfesteem and guys are all over them
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    I have an ex who was more overweight than I was who would do things like grab my stomach and tell me that "we" needed to "work on that" and try to order me to exercise "as a joke." I figure he was projecting his own body image issues onto me, but it hurt my feelings even so.

    That experience aside, I've mostly had normal weight, conventionally attractive partners who did not comment on my size.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    Yes actually I had a boyfriend that used it as an excuse to cheat on me then dump me. Funny thing is we gained weight together, but he said things like it was ok for a man to gain weight but not a woman. Jokes on him I went from 230 to 130 in a year. Saw him later he had just gotten fatter. I know that it is petty but that made me feel a bit better. Now about 6 years later I am married to an amazing man I adore and yeah we both gained some weight, but we work on it together not put each other down about it.

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