After a Breakup

Broderick50
Broderick50 Posts: 842 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a question why do a lot of people wait till after they have a breakup to decide to get in shape. I'm guilty of this myself, but I wonder why we do it. I know my initial motivation was to shove it in my ex's face and show her what she's missing. But I wonder what if anyone else has any other reasons why .
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Replies

  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    I had started getting in shape. Then didn't get out of bed for a month when he left, and lost a ton of weight. Then started killing workouts as much as possible. I didn't want to be divorced, but if I have to be, and start dating again, I want to do it looking and feeling great.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    I was too busy trying to cover up his issues to focus on myself. I know that's an excuse but I did start going to the gym before we broke up. After the break up, I decided that I needed to keep busy so I started going more. Then I decided that I really wanted to make an effort for my kids. They need a healthy and happy mom, so I joined MFP. It's been progressive for me. Not becuase of the break up, but becuase goals and realities change once you are alone.
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    Excuses are like anal sphincters...everybody's got one and they all stink...
  • toscarthearmada
    toscarthearmada Posts: 382 Member
    For me, Exercise is the best medication for ANYTHING mental going on with me. I think getting healthy is just a great way to cope with things.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Well, after a breakup, you have more time on your hands. I found that going to the gym was pleasurable because it got out of the house and in great company. Spending time outdoors while running was healing for me psychologically and physically.
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
    Because I didn't care about myself before we broke up...I thought I deserved all that he was doing and I was looking how I felt, crappy. Now it's different when we broke up I was relieved and a huge weight was lifted...clearly something that should have been done a while ago, whoops live and learn right?
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
    I think that some folks focus a lot of energy on the person they're in a relationship with. When that person is gone, there is seemingly more time for introspective and self improvement. What we need to do is to not forget about ourselves when we're in a relationship with someone else...that when we take care of ourselves first, we're actually better to those around us.
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
    I made the decision to start getting in shape when things started to go south in my relationship. I figured if I have to get dumped and move on, I better make his friends say "wtf man?! Why did you leave her?". That relationship ended up lasting another 6 months, but by the time *kitten* hit the fan, I was hot and ready to mingle. Of course, I'm now in another relationship and the new boy toy just loves all of my hard earned health and awesomeness.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Excuses are like anal sphincters...everybody's got one and they all stink...

    Yep...and mine stunk as well. Not being able to leave a person alone for more than 5 minutes out of fear they will drink themselves into a stupor is a pretty bad excuse. That's why I left and didn't look back. I think people hold on to excuses until they are ready to really improve themselves. It's hard to look at yourself and openly admit that it's no one's fault you are where you are physically, It's hard to admit that you didn't have enough respect for yourself. It's kind of freeing once you do though :smile:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Because I didn't care about myself before we broke up...I thought I deserved all that he was doing and I was looking how I felt, crappy. Now it's different when we broke up I was relieved and a huge weight was lifted...clearly something that should have been done a while ago, whoops live and learn right?

    Totally OT, but I adore your Profile Pic *LOL*
  • bacitracin
    bacitracin Posts: 921 Member
    Exercise got my feels out and gave me endorphins. It wasn't about getting in shape, it was about biochemistry.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I think there are two reasons. On one hand, if you've been in the relationship for a long time, then it has likely been a while since you were in a position to put 100% of your focus on you. I think that gives you some clarity about things, about what you want for yourself.

    But in most cases, I think it's the same reason people wait until a month before their wedding or class reunion to decide to hit the gym or go on a diet. They prioritize what other people think of them above what they think of themselves.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    The rage is excellent fuel for motivation!
  • d4ley1
    d4ley1 Posts: 73
    you getr in shape because you need to find a new partner I know its shallow but you want to be more attractive to the opposite sex look on that gut wrenching loss of appetite as a turbo start!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I have a question why do a lot of people wait till after they have a breakup to decide to get in shape. I'm guilty of this myself, but I wonder why we do it. I know my initial motivation was to shove it in my ex's face and show her what she's missing. But I wonder what if anyone else has any other reasons why .
    I have never done that. I did lose a whole lot of weight (and I wasn't that big to start) after a breakup once, but that was because I was so incredibly, horrible depressed that I couldn't eat.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    I think it's to feel better about yourself....gain more confidence....which in turn will make you more attractive to the next person....basically like "upping your game" \m/
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    I was so broken and sad that I didn't eat well for months. My weight was really really low....like friends were yelling at me to eat. I didn't lose weight to impress him or make him want to come home. I just literally couldn't eat.

    Now, remarried and extremely happy....I found I had let job stress push me to a non pregnant weight I'd never seen before. So, I took charge almost 3 years ago. Lost about 30 lbs (fluctuates), took up running, and feel much better both physically and emotionally. My husband loves me no matter what size I am, but he likes the happier version of me. :-)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    For some people stress & depression kills appetite.

    For others, it is like the dawn of a new era. Whether to "up your game" as another person said, or just to live a bit differently.

    While I would never blame my less-than-stellar eating habits on my ex husband, it was just easier to eat like him than to cook separate healthy meals for myself. When we divorced, my habits improved a lot...and then even more so when I met my now-husband who taught me a lot about healthy eating!
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Same reason you update your resume when you quit/fired from a job. You need to showcase yourself for the new potential partners. As far as people who do it to spite their Exs that I don't understand because that means they didn't move on mentally.

    Like others said the fact that you have a lot extra time without the ex might be a reason.

    Some people go to the gym to meet new partners.
  • SemperAnticus1643
    SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member
    I started going after the breakup because I could. I didn't have to check in and see if it was ok or if he had other plans. I didn't have to go home to spend "quality time" watching tv with him. And I didn't have to worry about getting the interruptions while running or lifting of answering the phone or texting back. When we were together he would get so worried about me getting "consumed" with working out that I would somehow forget about my other responsibilities.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    I think a lot of pps have been close. This, of course, is just my own darned opinion.


    While in relationships, we tend to become content. We have someone. When those relationships end, we need to attract new mates. We want to look better (aka: be more attractive) so that we can get noticed.


    There may be other subtle/little things involved, but I feel the above is probably the biggest reason(s) why.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    I have a habit of trying to compensate for something that my mate can't when I'm in relationships. In my last relationship, my boyfriend didn't have a job (and really wasn't looking) so I paid for everything, drove us everywhere, etc. I decided that when that ended, I was going to do something for ME. So I did!
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    When you are going out to market yourself to new prospective partners, you want to put your best foot forward.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    I have a question why do a lot of people wait till after they have a breakup to decide to get in shape. I'm guilty of this myself, but I wonder why we do it. I know my initial motivation was to shove it in my ex's face and show her what she's missing. But I wonder what if anyone else has any other reasons why .

    Change bro, a life in upheaval is easier to change in todo than a life that has settled.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Excuses are like anal sphincters...everybody's got one and they all stink...

    ^ This feels judgy to me.

    Sometimes people need a catalyst to change their lives.

    Breakups are horrible and there are a lot of roads a person can go down when they are sad and lonely. I turned to fitness (among many other major life changes) because I knew I had to do something major to beat the funk the last time around. At first it was probably about wanting develop a side of myself that my ex had never seen, or would ever see. There was probably some rage there, too. But after that wore off, the fact that I was looking good and feeling good made it a sustainable life change.

    Now, having been through all that, no excuses moving forward.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Excuses are like anal sphincters...everybody's got one and they all stink...

    ^ This feels judgy to me.

    Yup. I went through hell during my breakup. We were together for more than 20 years, married for 19. I was totally blindsided. It was the worst. I'm still dealing with it, in a lot of ways. Friends choose sides, the kids get hurt, being lonely sucks.

    Going forward I want to make myself a better person than I was before. But despite that, I still have bad days.
  • PrettyPearl88
    PrettyPearl88 Posts: 368 Member
    I have a question why do a lot of people wait till after they have a breakup to decide to get in shape. I'm guilty of this myself, but I wonder why we do it. I know my initial motivation was to shove it in my ex's face and show her what she's missing. But I wonder what if anyone else has any other reasons why .

    Every relationship I've ever had has changed me a lot; I'm never the same person coming out as I was going in. Although I'm always extra motivated to work out more and lose more weight after a break up partially to "shove it in my ex's face," for me, there's more to it than that. I feel like I've changed so much on the inside after every break up, and I always feel an intense desire to find a way to change how I look on the outside to reflect those new changes in me. And getting more in shape is often part of that. So is a new haircut, new clothes, etc. :laugh:
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
    Most of the time its just a simple as you now have more time on your hands. All the time spent together is now void. Why not replace some of that time with gym time.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i get the "revenge" angle with trying to show someone what they are missing out on... but you're saying you are making changes to yourself in order to show them how awesome you are... except that basically admits that you were not the best you when you were with that person, and if they stayed with you, you would not try to get healthier and continue not being the best person. So they were right to get out.

    Becoming an awesome person inside and out AFTER a relationship kind of validates the decision to end it, if you think about it.
  • simsburyjet
    simsburyjet Posts: 999 Member
    I think up until the breakup you are so involved in the other persons life. Now its your life and you want to take
    hold of it.. I am married for 22 years but its what I observed at the gym.

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