I'm Back....AGAIN!

So after slacking off for a year (again) I am back. A year...A whole year? How did I let this happen, how did so much time pass by with me slacking off?

So here’s a little background. I’m 25 soon to be 26 I’m 5’9” and 210 lbs. Not back up to the heaviest I have ever been but definitely not where I need to be. I’d like to be around 150 or at least somewhere I feel healthy and not like I am dying when my daughter wants to play tag with me. I haven’t seen that weight or felt that good since before becoming pregnant with my now 4 year old. When I was pregnant I was put on bed rest for the last 3 months of my pregnancy and boy that did not help with my lazy ways- if anything it added fuel to it and gave me an excuse! I’ve always used my pregnancy / being a mom as an excuse to not have time to work out or concentrate on eating healthier and I know that that is such a lazy excuse and that I truly have to change my attitude along with my lifestyle. I now want to use that pregnancy and my daughter as a reason to get better instead of an excuse NOT to.

Last year I was using MFP regularly (or at least sticking with it a lot better than I have ever stuck to any weight loss attempt) motivated by being asked to be Maid of Honor in my best friend’s wedding. I hated the way I looked and all the other bridesmaids are skinny and fit ladies, my self-esteem has never been great and had me in turmoil the entire time. I decided that I wanted to lose weight before the wedding so in June I began the journey (I didn’t try too hard I admit) but in 3 months I lost 20 pounds. I had to actually QUIT my diet and exercise because I had lost TOO much weight for my bridesmaid dress (which I had already had to have taken in once). Once I seen the pictures I became depressed again at how obese I look in the pictures. And that's the hard truth I need to get used to and use to motivate me. I am Obese and I need help (new mantra). So there became my downward spiral, again. After the wedding I didn’t go back to exercising.

The holidays came and I ate way too much and binged on everything. New Year’s came and I wanted to make a weight loss resolution but decided I had a much bigger debacle in my way that I had to do for myself and for my family- I decided to quit smoking. During this time we also decided to buy a house which we started the process in February. The house was a BIG deal as it needed a total renovation before we could even move in and we were doing a USDA loan so the process drug on for a very long time. We had 6 weeks to complete an entire renovation. During this time my dear fiancé (DF) and I would come home eat a sandwich and head to the house where I would work until 9-10 with him on weeknights and until 1-2 am on weekends. He lost 20 pounds, I lost NOTHING. Here is the awesome thing though even though I didn’t lose anything I quit smoking on May 9th and didn’t GAIN anything. For anyone who has ever smoked and quit that is a tremendous thing especially for me I have always used food to replace cigarettes before when I tried to quit and I would gain too much weight so I would start smoking again (such a VICIOUS cycle!)

We moved into our new house at the end of May and finally closed on the loan in July (I told you a very long drawn out process). During that time frame the stress I was under did a lot of damage emotionally that I was not aware of until one night it all blew up and smacked me in the face. It’s 3 months since I realized that I need to go on anti-anxiety medication and I feel like a different person. I am still extremely OCD and have a hard time letting go of things I cannot control. I WANT to control my weight, I WANT to be happy with my image- so here is what I would like from the MFP community- I needs friends, friends that will hold me accountable but not damage my already broken self esteem. I also have the following exercise things in my possession: Elliptical, Stationary Bike, Wii Fit, Hand Weights (can’t remember the weights right now but there are 3 sets starting at 2 lbs. and going to 5 I think) Stable Ball, Bean (Bought from an infomercial in 07’ I believe) and several different dvd’s including JMs 30 Day Shred and Bridalicious (SP?) Boot Camp (Ohh yeah DF finally proposed last December 28th after 5 years together I want to look FABULOUS for our wedding in 2015).

I think I am overwhelmed with where to start and to do this right this time- First thing first the Pepsi quits today and being replaced with good old fashioned water and the foods I eat are going to be better. It’s in exercise I get lost--- Above is what I have available to me who can help me set up a routine? Friend me!